vatheon | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Izaya and whoever wants to interact
Where: Plaza. Probably near the elevator.
When: Evening about.
Style: Action. Because.
Status: Open

[It's not that unusual to see Izaya looking happy. It's just unusual to see him lugging so much shit with him. Okay, it's not a lot, but by his standard- it's too much.

There's a telescope slung around his shoulder, a blanket under the other arm, and then a basket filled with who knows what, probably heads of dullahans or something, in his spare hand.

He's peering up at the bubble as he makes his way towards the elevator.

When. Oh no. A book that had been crammed into the top of the basket topples out. The tragedy.

But look.

Izaya keeps walking. Wow, his attention must be elsewhere pretty intense. And what is that book anyway? It looks weird. Are those instructions on human sacrifice------!!!

Actually it's just a fairy tale. But who can read kanji anyway? Aw look at the fairies-]

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Un, yeah. They're like brothers I never had. Especially Laharl. He's got such a crush on me. It's pretty funny!

[He even laughs. It's good-natured, actually. He has no real cruel intentions towards the little demon. If anything, he's protective.]

But nn. They're good boys.

[Izaya perks up considerably then, sliding over a bit onto his stomach so that he could look down at Shizuo. He looks excited at that idea.]

Seriously? I had no idea that neanderthals knew how to cook. Then again, they invented fire so....

[He's teasing but that idea really sounds good.

But then Izaya's smile fades and he stares at Shizuo for a long moment.

He said good bye to Zelda. For good. He sits up a little bit, a hand going next to Shizuo's head for support.]

What do you mean? [No. He knows what he means.] Why? Why did you do that?

[He doesn't sound mad. He doesn't sound guilty. He's just- acknowledging, his face carefully blank. He wanted to gauge the situation first before reacting.]

[It really is nice that Izaya has company like that, but...it's just strange, to Shizuo. For a lot of reasons. It makes him miss his former roommates. And Izaya being surrounded by people he seems to care for - calling them brothers - it just seemed so...Shizuo doesn't know what adjective to assign to it. He had just imagined Izaya as being more isolated - even though he knew that his roommates cared for him.

He's just getting hung up on little things that don't matter, and he knows it, but he thought that he and Izaya shared that sense of isolation.

It's stupid, really. Shizuo immediately discounts the idea. It isn't like Izaya needs to be lonely to want him. And he had moved out of Zelda's place by choice.]

It's good that you have them, then.

[And that's all he'll say about it.

He doesn't take the insult seriously, even smiles at it. He'll come up with something good to cook and surprise Izaya, he decides.]

What do you mean, why?

[That - irritates Shizuo. A lot. What kind of question is that? Isn't it glaringly obvious? He glares. What a stupid question.]

What do you think?

[Shizuo sits up entirely. He wants a break from looking at stars, and instead takes out his pack of cigarettes.]

I had to make a choice.

[Obviously. Izaya had put him in that position.]

[Really, the ironic thing was that they did share the sense of isolation. It was exactly why Izaya had roommates. It was why he had had Namie back in Shinjuku. And he hated Namie but at least it was something to keep him from eating at himself.

There were things that Izaya did to make sure he didn't reign complete and total terror over his own mental scope.

It just wasn't something he liked to share with other people. That vulnerability.]

I guess. It keeps me in check when I need to be kept in check.

[He doesn't say much more.

Of course, the light mood is gone and Izaya feels a minor sense of dread pull at his stomach. He keeps an impassive face, though the corner of his mouth twitches in faint annoyance.]

It was just a question. Relax-

[He removes himself entirely from Shizuo and sits on his calves, watching him with hard eyes. Tch.]

Tch. Says who?

[He pushes himself up onto his feet and looks down at Shizuo.]

I didn't ask you to completely cut off ties from her. I realize that you're very close with her. I just didn't feel like being last place in your life. Like I always am-was. I didn't want you to be alone completely. It's not like I wanted to rip your relationship apart with her. If I had, I would have made her hate you. Don't need to get pissy at me.

[He huffs because this was dumb. He shakes his head and scoops up his telescope. He walks a few steps away from the blanket and begins to unfold the device, setting it up in the wet sand, ignoring the water over his feet for the most part. Even if it was a little cold.

Izaya had put him in the position to make him choose whether Zelda or he was more important. He hadn't put him in the position to choose whether or not he would even talk to Zelda at all ever again. That's bull. He's just going to glare into his telescope.]

[Shizuo lights his cigarette and takes a long, hard drag from it. It's already halfway to the filter. He doesn't stand up after Izaya, and instead chooses to look up at him from where he sits on the blanket.]

I didn't do it because you asked or told me to. I did it because you put me in a place where I had to.

[He's pretty damn frustrated right now, but he focuses on dragging at his cigarette rather than getting up and making it into a big ordeal. They need to deal with this at some point, might as well be now.]

You wanted to hurt her. You did hurt her. You might hurt her again if you get upset again. I'm not as stupid as you make me sound. I know you're not a wholly good person. I knew it when I told you that I accept you. It comes with accepting all of you.

[He flicks the ash off his cigarette a little harder than he intends.]

And if loving you means that bad things might happen, then fine, Izaya. I still choose you. I'd just rather her stay out of it.

[It is a pretty big sacrifice and he'd appreciate it if Izaya were a little bit more grateful. Zelda had been family to him.]

[A hand closes tightly around his telescope and he resists the violent urge to whip it right at Shizuo's head.]

Yes. And I'm sure that's why you decided I was suddenly your most important person too, right, because I put you in a position to make that choice.

[Maybe that's a harsh accusation but he's a little irritated.

No, scratch that, he was a little furious.]

You still don't trust me.

[A scoff and he turns around, staring down at Shizuo. He puts his arms over his chest.]

I wanted to hurt her long before you came around. But yeah. You constantly putting her ahead of me and our relationship made me want to hurt her more. Despite all of your promises of me having your heart, you never really took my heart. No. You just put it up on your shelf to look at but not to hold.

But I made you decide. Because I didn't feel like being short-handed for you anymore. If I hadn't, we'd still be in an awkward waltz and you'd still go straight to Zelda before you'd ever come to me.

Tch. Thanks, Shizu-chan.

[He sneers a little at the blond.]

I planned on keeping her out of it. I already hurt her once. The least I can do for you is not hurt her again. I already feel bad that I made you choose me. I didn't put you in that position to completely severe ties with her. Whether you believe that or not- whatever. I'm not going to constantly and try to win you over or prove myself to you.

[He turns his back to Shizuo again and stares out over the ocean, fiddling with the wheels on the telescope.]

And don't say you love me.

[It isn't that he doesn't trust Izaya - not exactly. Izaya had been the only who prattled about no promises, and who had Sola jump off a building in the name of their relationship. Shizuo doesn't understand how Izaya doesn't seem to get that this is a natural conclusion. To Shizuo, it was a display of acceptance rather than lack of trust or love.]

You say I don't trust you but it's not like you trust me either. You couldn't give me a little big of time and trust that I would take your heart. You can't trust that I made this decision because I do accept you. That I wanted to trust you. You're just as bad.

[Shizuo discards his cigarette and finally pushes himself to his feet - though he doesn't have anything to fumble with, so he just stands, putting a hand in his pocket.]

You can't be mad at me over something you did, Izaya. It's not my fault you couldn't be patient and let me decide on my own. But you know what - that doesn't even matter because I want to put you first. I wouldn't have decided to never see her again unless I wanted to. Whether you believe that or not.

[That last comment hurts. A lot. Shizuo turns away, and doesn't turn back even as he talks again.]

You're a real bastard, you know that? After all of this -

[He cuts himself off, then looks back at Izaya.]

No. Fuck you. I'm not listening to you. I love you. I love you even though you don't trust me, and even though you're trying to reject it.

[Well. Izaya doesn't have much to say. He clicks around a knob on the telescope and stares at the ocean and at this weird world that had somehow made their relationship possible.

And yet he's still trying to fester in it and reject. But no. No, no he's not.]

You said to tell you whenever I was upset about something. Instead of acting on it. So I'm telling you. It's not that I don't trust you necessarily and it's not that I'm mad at you. And you can't blame me for being kind of hurt that you- hn. Never mind. You don't understand why that hurt.

[He turns around to face Shizuo and takes a few steps towards him, face perfectly blank.]

No. That's not what I meant.

[He stops just an inch or so from Shizuo and tilts his head at him.]

Don't tell me you love me when you're speaking angrily at me. I'm not trying to reject you or anything. I'm trying to understand things. I'm trying to tell you how I...feel.

[God. He did not want to say that. But.]

That I feel bad for doing what I did. This is me trying to apologize. I'm mad at myself more than I am you. Granted, I don't care that I hurt Zelda. I care that I hurt you. And I care that I did force you to make the decision that I'm your most important. But you're not the only one who is uncontrollable. Nngh.

[And his shoulders slouch, his mouth turned into a frown.]

I'm sorry. For...hn....doing that to you.

Oh.

[That...isn't what Shizuo expects to hear. He hadn't read the situation as Izaya trying to express himself - trying to talk to him. He watches Izaya approach and stop right in front of him, listening.

Shizuo adjusts his shades and looks off to the side, at the water.]

I know that I hurt you. I understand that. I know that what I messed everything up.

[Izaya isn't the only one who needs to apologize. Shizuo understands that trying to fight with him for Zelda's sake had been a choice with severe consequences. It isn't all Izaya's fault.

He looks back at Izaya. Shizuo knows that he isn't the only one who struggles with what he is. He and Izaya are similar in that regard, and that helps them connect and relate to each other.]

I'm glad. That you're telling me. And I'm sorry, too, for not seeing it sooner. I guess in a way...I needed that.

[That sucks, but it's true. What Izaya did made Shizuo realize more than he wants to admit. That's sort of screwed up, and probably why he still feels really guilty about it all. Sola had been a sacrifice for their relationship.

Shizuo closes the few inches of distance that remain between them, and puts his hands on Izaya's shoulders. Then he pulls Izaya to him, hugging him. His voice is low - quiet.]

I forgive you.

[And he does.

It's not a perfect forgiveness, because Shizuo can't just turn off the guilt and burden of what happened, but it's genuine - he's not going to hold it over Izaya's head. He isn't going to stand there and pretend that Izaya was the only one at fault. Shizuo said he loved and accepted him, and he meant it. This is just something else they had to work through, however severe of a situation it may have been.

He pulls back and puts his forehead against Izaya's, and just looks at him.]

[The fact that they haven't stormed off in opposite directions or started shouting at each other sort of encourages Izaya. That Shizuo had been honest when he had said that he could approach him about things. Izaya just had to learn how to do it in a more graceful way. He didn't know why it was troublesome. After all, he was perfectly competent with speaking. Why should this be any different?

Well that was obvious. It was because of Shizuo of course.

He looks up at Shizuo, blatant apologetic expression on his face but there's an underlying joy as his mouth turns up into a slight grin.

Their relationship might be rough and difficult- something of a monster to deal with but Izaya was pretty sure that this could be called progress.]

Really?

[No, he believes Shizuo but it doesn't stop his eyes from expanding and his face lighting up.

Shizuo forgave him and- oh-

Placing his palms against Shizuo's chest, he presses up close until he can tilt his head up just enough to secure a kiss from Shizuo. Then he pulls back.]

I just want you to know that you don't have to completely cut it off from Zelda. I know she's important to you. I trust that you can maintain both relationship with her and I without....

[Putting her before him. Yeah. It's implied but this is Izaya trying to be nice.]

Granted I might be rude to her but who am I not rude to? I want you to be happy too, Shizu-chan, and I know that you're happy when you're around her.

[Even though he selfishly believes that he could make Shizuo just as happy.

Granted he also knows that he doesn't do that very well right now. Working on it.]

Really.

[Hearing that makes Shizuo happy. Really happy. He isn't sure if he will take Izaya up on his trust and try to revive the friendship he put to rest, but knowing that if he did, Izaya could both trust him and accept that means a lot. Zelda is the closest thing to family that Shizuo has in Vatheon, and Shizuo would rather not compartmentalize the important people in his life.

Easier said than done, but this feels like a step in the right direction. And if Izaya can trust him to be friends with Zelda, Shizuo can trust him not to target her again.

Rudeness isn't a big deal. He wouldn't ask Izaya to change the way he interacts with others, and Zelda could handle herself.]

I'm happy now.

[He walks back over to the blanket.]

Come lay with me again.

[Izaya, on the other hand, skips over to the blanket and quite literally rams himself into Shizuo so that he can take him down onto the ground and messily onto the blanket.

It's not totally romantic but he likes the contact and it gets him ontop of Shizuo much more quickly than he would have otherwise.

He sits up a bit unsteadily on Shizuo's hips and smirks down at him, a hand still balanced on his chest.]

I'll try and make you happy more often.

[Shifting around until he slides over and eventually rolls his body over. After this complicated rearrangement of positioning that involves far too much moving to be necessary-

Izaya settles on his back on top of Shizuo's chest, with his head resting just at the base of Shizuo's neck.

Yeah, not such a bad position.]

You should come over tonight. Stay for a while.

[He's missed you, after all.]

[It may not be totally romantic, but Shizuo likes the contact - especially as Izaya settles down on his chest. He wraps his arm around him, holding him there, not wanting him to shift away again. It's warm and comfortable, and Shizuo looks back up at the stars.]

Okay.

[Even though Izaya can't see it, he smiles a contented smile. This really is what he needed this week.]

I will.

[That is exactly what he wants to do.]

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