vatheon | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Who: Shizuo and YOU
Where: The island
When: Friday evening
Style: Whichever
Status: OPEN FOR ALL THE CR

[Shizuo isn't as bothered by this curse as some of the people he's come across thus far. He tends not to be a pretty deep-thinker, and since he's a pretty honest individual, there isn't much for him to hide - with a little exception, but Shizuo has enough of a command on himself to avoid thinking about certain things in public. When he decides to go to the island, it's not with the intent to avoid people - at least, not more than usual - but because spending time here a week prior had shown Shizuo that the beach is nice and calm at night. The stars are especially peaceful.

His thought bubble calmly cycles through words like Izaya, stargazing, telescope, calm as he finishes a cigarette, walking along the water. He pauses and looks up at the night sky, and his bubble seems to pause with him - clearing itself of all text for a brief moment.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Shizuo's not the most observant person around. Izaya knows this, of course - and that fact coupled with Izaya's own ability to be sneaky results in Shizuo being caught unaware. He barely so much as flinches under the surprise of Izaya's weight on his shoulders, but he does give Izaya a (more or less) good-natured glare. His shades are slightly askew on his face now, though, so he might look more humorous than he intends.]

Flea.

[But the way he says the word is less like an insult and more as though Izaya has somehow endeared himself to Shizuo -

Yeah. It's affectionate. And Izaya's right. As usual. His bubble announces this.]

Look who's talking. Stalker.

Ahh! I have no idea what you're talking about. That's so rude to call me a stalker. I have feelings too, Shizu-chan.

[That tone of pout is hardly serious. He shifts around on Shizuo's shoulders and leans further forward until he practically threatens to fall off. He doesn't, of course.]

It's not my fault your excruciatingly bright head of blond hair is easy to track and follow. Besides. You're taller than me. So you walk faster. I had to catch up.

[Izaya moves around a bit more but this time, he situates himself so that his legs are actually hanging over Shizuo's shoulders comfortably and securely and he's sitting up on him now. He folds his arms over on Shizuo's head and leans against him.]

Don't let me interrupt your walk. You can keep going.

[Shizuo shakes his head despite the fact that Izaya is just about hanging off of it.]

I don't know. You've always been faster than me. I don't think being taller has anything to do with it.

[But he does resume his walk as Izaya settles against him. This may be an uncommon way of strolling with a lover along the beach, but Shizuo's bubble reports that he likes it anyway. He just likes Izaya close, and that's really all that matters.

He's quiet for a moment, just walking along the water, but then his bubble starts to quiver a little and Shizuo speaks up.]

Izaya, I need to ask you something, but I don't really know how to ask it.

Mmmm. Maybe.

[It's not that important anyway. Luckily for Shizuo, Izaya really can't see his thought bubble. His own is levitating just overhead of Izaya himself. It doesn't matter regardless.

Izaya's just starting to relax on Shizuo. He's gone as far as to put his head down into his arms and shut his eyes. Not that he could fall asleep like this but the idea is pretty tempting.

He opens one eye.]

Nn? What is it, Shizu-chan? The best way to ask something is to just ask it. If you think it'd help, you could always just think it out. In your bubble.

No, I don't want to do that.

[Shizuo doesn't get the impression that his bubble is the most clear or eloquent of them all, which is hardly surprising. He doesn't trust it to handle this matter delicately, though it tries to indulge Izaya a couple of times. The name Sola is clear for just a moment, before the bubble turns a tentative clear again.]

It's not my business, really, but it's been bothering me.

[A sigh. He's been conflicted on bringing this up again since he saw Sola at the grocery store and Sola decided to share his little secret - something Shizuo had hoped he wouldn't. But Shizuo feels guilty and responsible for Sola falling as a causality in the name of his relationship with Izaya, and he just...can't shake that.]

You don't have any more plans for Sola, do you?

[That's the most sensitive way he can think of asking it, but his bubble is a little more blunt and elaborates on Shizuo's sense of responsibility.]

Edited 2012-03-17 06:18 (UTC)

[Izaya's quiet for a while. It's not necessarily that he's offended but he's genuinely thinking whether or not he does.]

As of right now, no, I don't. I never really intended to hurt Sola but I had always seen him as a very useful pawn. I plan to keep him on the board for future plans but those plans are pretty oblique. And in case you were wondering, which I'm sure this is your more indirect way of asking, I don't have any plans involving Zelda. Possibly some intrusive trolls but not Zelda.

[Not for now anyway but Izaya doesn't mention that because he is trying to be a good boyfriend and he is trying to keep a promise.]

I don't plan on killing him again. Tricking someone into their own suicide is a rather delicate process and I doubt that even I could make someone try it twice. Not that I would ever play the same card twice. Or else that might suggest a potential for being predictable and I don't want to be a predictable guy.

Okay.

[He is somewhat relieved by that explanation - and thankful that Izaya was willing to explain himself in such detail. And as promised, Shizuo is going to accept it, but he isn't ready to put the topic to rest just yet. Really, he hasn't had anyone to talk to about this - and it's weighed on his mind heavily enough to be a burden.]

He's only a kid. You knew that. I knew that. But I don't think I really knew until I ran into him the other day. His bubble was filled with these pictures that looked like colorings a kid would do.

[His own thought bubble reports, We hurt a kid, because he feels mutually responsible for what happened to Sola. Accepting it - accepting Izaya - doesn't mean that all of those feelings are put to rest.]

He doesn't know any better. He - believes in you.

[Izaya shuts his eye again. He doesn't bother to look at Shizuo's bubble. He knows that this isn't such a good thing to Shizuo but he can't really help himself still no regretting his decision.]

I know. That's why he was so easy to take advantage of.

[He knows it's not what Shizuo probably wants to hear but a part of Izaya thinks that maybe, stupidly, it might give Shizuo some insight as to why he had targeted Sola in the first place.]

I believes in me because he doesn't know any better. A lot of people in Vatheon believe in me because they don't know any better. And even the ones who do know better still choose to believe in me regardless. Sometimes I feel like a prophet or something equally as significant and important. But then I remember that no, I'm not.

[He sighs dramatically on Shizuo's head and puts his face into his arms.]

I'm just human.

[So disappointed in that he is.]

[Shizuo doesn't think he'll ever fully understand this part of Izaya. And really, he doesn't need to understand it, and he knows that. It isn't necessary for things to work between them. He has already accepted Izaya, even knowing how dark things can be at their worst - even after Shizuo had witnessed Sola fall to his death. That acceptance - his love - is already in place and secure. It isn't necessary for him to dissect the parts of Izaya that don't quite line up with Shizuo's own personal morals.

But that doesn't mean it's easy. It isn't. In fact, it's pretty damn hard when Shizuo hears things like Izaya asking him to elaborate on what he means by torturing children, as he had during their video exchange a while back. It's pretty damn hard when Sola is standing before him with little images of an innocent sleepover party dancing around in his bubble, completely undeterred by the fact that Izaya talked him into exploding all over the ground. His bubble rattles off about all of this - and really, it all comes down to one point.]

Me too.

[Shizuo is only human, just as Izaya is only human, and that means that sometimes he's going to have trouble with the things Izaya does. It's easier to just turn a blind eye and not ask those questions which may have answers he can't handle, but sometimes the answers are going to be right there in front of his face, just as Sola had been, and what's Shizuo supposed to do then?

He knows the answer - accept it and move on - but that doesn't make it a simple matter.]

[Izaya didn't really know what he had been expecting but this certainly wasn't it. He thought Shizuo might reprimand him or preach morality to him or something akin to that. Not that Shizuo was exactly the preaching type but Izaya couldn't really see the blond letting this sort of shit fly.

You could only imagine Izaya's surprise when none of it came up.

Shizuo just agreed to being human with him and Izaya was quiet. He contemplates Shizuo silently after that. He bumps against Shizuo with each step and he feels that drowsiness starting to slip back in but his mind is working too fast.

His little thought bubble is trying hard to keep up with a mired of vivid imagery. It seems futile though.

Finally, he slides his hand around Shizuo's neck, fingers light over his skin.]

I'm sorry that you had to see that, Shizu-chan.

[His tone is genuine and quiet.]

I'm sorry that I've put this on you. Is there anything I can do to relieve you?

[Izaya isn't an idiot. He knows that this Sola thing had been eating at Shizuo- even without the thought bubble he could have figured that much out. And Izaya thinks that maybe it's high time he puts his foot down and tries to console Shizuo.

Genuinely counseling people has never really been his strongest suit but he can try.]

You can talk about it if you want. Let it all out. I know that helps some people.

[Shizuo lifts his shoulders in a shrug, though he's careful not to uproot Izaya as he does do. It's meant to both answer Izaya's question and lighten the conversation. It's not a light matter, though, and after a moment, he sighs.]

I don't really know what to say about it.

[He stops walking.]

Have you ever seen anyone do - that? I mean - really looked.

[But it's a rhetorical question - Shizuo isn't sure he wants an answer, anyway, and keeps talking.]

It was terrible. I - wanted to help him. I didn't know what I was doing. I just...

[He had put a hand on Sola like an idiot, but he hadn't been thinking right - and everything was shifted and wrong and off...

But Shizuo lets that sentence go without finishing it. And starts walking again.]

I don't think anyone deserves that. Especially not a kid.

[Izaya eventually wraps his arms around Shizuo's neck as a whole and sort of hugs him.]

Yes.

[He doesn't mention how or when because that's not very important. He might elude Shizuo to some of his life but he wasn't going to expose Shizuo to all of it. If only to save Shizuo the sanity of ignorance.]

Those things are very traumatic for people to experience. I can understand how it must have been difficult to watch it go down.

[He falls silent and looks over Shizuo's head and instead at the ocean. He doesn't bother to say that the people who wanted to die deserved the death they so pathetically desired.

He doesn't say anything cruel and heartless even though his mind loops through the variety of suicide meetings he has had over the duration of his life.

He instead slides suddenly off of Shizuo's back and lands in the sand, grabbing him around the waist to stop him from walking any further and he hugs himself to Shizuo's back.]

What if I had hit the concrete instead? What if Zelda hadn't saved me?

[Shizuo stops walking and puts his arms over Izaya's, closing his eyes. That is something he's tried not to think about too deeply after the last curse and those nightmares.]

You'd have died.

[His tone wavers.

Dread - even now Shizuo feels dread and a slew of other complicated emotions - guilt, fear, anger, even.]

I didn't want to believe that you really meant to do it.

[He eases Izaya into loosening his grip so that he can turn around and hug him properly, keeping Izaya close against him.]

I don't know what I would have done. I don't know if I could have handled it. I can't even really think about it now.

[He tightens his hold, carefully.]

What if you had? What then?

[Izaya holds on fast to Shizuo when he eventually turns around and he grins into his chest. That security is still there. Talking about grim topics had become relatively easier between the two which was a step in the right direction.

But Izaya knew he had to answer up here.]

I don't know if you could have either. You would have been infested with the guilt of why you didn't even try to catch me. [Maybe a little stab there but-] I don't know what would have happened. I would have died and things would have been different. Maybe for the better or maybe for the worst. It's the past now so I don't really think that answer particularly matters.

As for if I really meant to do it. A part of me did mean to do it. I have always been fascinated with death. I was in an environment where I could see what it felt like. At the same time, I'm too selfish to do something like kill myself. I wanted to spite people. I'm pretty sure it was more of the latter.

Um. But maybe we should change the subject?

[After all, he'd rather have a pleasant evening with Shizuo rather than a ..not so pleasant.]

[It's probably a good idea to change the subject, but Shizuo isn't ready for that yet - especially not after that little jab about catching Izaya.]

I didn't have a lot of time to think about it, you know. I just - didn't think you'd do it. It took me a while to realize that you really meant to go through with it because it's just...not your style.

[He pulls back from his hold on Izaya to look at him.]

If I had known it would have been different.

[Shizuo really believes that, though of course hindsight is just that. Still, if he had approached that situation thinking that Izaya really meant to die - it wound have ended differently.]

That was a stupid thing to do. The whole thing was stupid.

[And dangerous. And a whole lot of other things. Shizuo isn't looking to fight about it, but since they're on the subject, he might as well say it.

Still, he forgave Izaya, and also shoulders some of the responsibility. He doesn't want to dwell, so he finally nods.]

We don't need to talk about it anymore. It's over.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only