vatheon | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Shizuo and YOU
Where: The island
When: Friday evening
Style: Whichever
Status: OPEN FOR ALL THE CR

[Shizuo isn't as bothered by this curse as some of the people he's come across thus far. He tends not to be a pretty deep-thinker, and since he's a pretty honest individual, there isn't much for him to hide - with a little exception, but Shizuo has enough of a command on himself to avoid thinking about certain things in public. When he decides to go to the island, it's not with the intent to avoid people - at least, not more than usual - but because spending time here a week prior had shown Shizuo that the beach is nice and calm at night. The stars are especially peaceful.

His thought bubble calmly cycles through words like Izaya, stargazing, telescope, calm as he finishes a cigarette, walking along the water. He pauses and looks up at the night sky, and his bubble seems to pause with him - clearing itself of all text for a brief moment.]

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[Shizuo lifts his shoulders in a shrug, though he's careful not to uproot Izaya as he does do. It's meant to both answer Izaya's question and lighten the conversation. It's not a light matter, though, and after a moment, he sighs.]

I don't really know what to say about it.

[He stops walking.]

Have you ever seen anyone do - that? I mean - really looked.

[But it's a rhetorical question - Shizuo isn't sure he wants an answer, anyway, and keeps talking.]

It was terrible. I - wanted to help him. I didn't know what I was doing. I just...

[He had put a hand on Sola like an idiot, but he hadn't been thinking right - and everything was shifted and wrong and off...

But Shizuo lets that sentence go without finishing it. And starts walking again.]

I don't think anyone deserves that. Especially not a kid.

[Izaya eventually wraps his arms around Shizuo's neck as a whole and sort of hugs him.]

Yes.

[He doesn't mention how or when because that's not very important. He might elude Shizuo to some of his life but he wasn't going to expose Shizuo to all of it. If only to save Shizuo the sanity of ignorance.]

Those things are very traumatic for people to experience. I can understand how it must have been difficult to watch it go down.

[He falls silent and looks over Shizuo's head and instead at the ocean. He doesn't bother to say that the people who wanted to die deserved the death they so pathetically desired.

He doesn't say anything cruel and heartless even though his mind loops through the variety of suicide meetings he has had over the duration of his life.

He instead slides suddenly off of Shizuo's back and lands in the sand, grabbing him around the waist to stop him from walking any further and he hugs himself to Shizuo's back.]

What if I had hit the concrete instead? What if Zelda hadn't saved me?

[Shizuo stops walking and puts his arms over Izaya's, closing his eyes. That is something he's tried not to think about too deeply after the last curse and those nightmares.]

You'd have died.

[His tone wavers.

Dread - even now Shizuo feels dread and a slew of other complicated emotions - guilt, fear, anger, even.]

I didn't want to believe that you really meant to do it.

[He eases Izaya into loosening his grip so that he can turn around and hug him properly, keeping Izaya close against him.]

I don't know what I would have done. I don't know if I could have handled it. I can't even really think about it now.

[He tightens his hold, carefully.]

What if you had? What then?

[Izaya holds on fast to Shizuo when he eventually turns around and he grins into his chest. That security is still there. Talking about grim topics had become relatively easier between the two which was a step in the right direction.

But Izaya knew he had to answer up here.]

I don't know if you could have either. You would have been infested with the guilt of why you didn't even try to catch me. [Maybe a little stab there but-] I don't know what would have happened. I would have died and things would have been different. Maybe for the better or maybe for the worst. It's the past now so I don't really think that answer particularly matters.

As for if I really meant to do it. A part of me did mean to do it. I have always been fascinated with death. I was in an environment where I could see what it felt like. At the same time, I'm too selfish to do something like kill myself. I wanted to spite people. I'm pretty sure it was more of the latter.

Um. But maybe we should change the subject?

[After all, he'd rather have a pleasant evening with Shizuo rather than a ..not so pleasant.]

[It's probably a good idea to change the subject, but Shizuo isn't ready for that yet - especially not after that little jab about catching Izaya.]

I didn't have a lot of time to think about it, you know. I just - didn't think you'd do it. It took me a while to realize that you really meant to go through with it because it's just...not your style.

[He pulls back from his hold on Izaya to look at him.]

If I had known it would have been different.

[Shizuo really believes that, though of course hindsight is just that. Still, if he had approached that situation thinking that Izaya really meant to die - it wound have ended differently.]

That was a stupid thing to do. The whole thing was stupid.

[And dangerous. And a whole lot of other things. Shizuo isn't looking to fight about it, but since they're on the subject, he might as well say it.

Still, he forgave Izaya, and also shoulders some of the responsibility. He doesn't want to dwell, so he finally nods.]

We don't need to talk about it anymore. It's over.

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