30 - Pepe

[radiantwingedone]

Who: Duke and anyone ever-
When: 4/13 (After no-longer part of Host Club, at least)
Where: Library, on way to library, somewhere shady and reading
What: Duke's actually out of the house! ... and in the library.
[ Style ]

[ So he'd been worrying people by not leaving the house, and since he didn't have a purpose in leaving the house daily - albeit one that he'd been ignoring recently - Duke is out and about today.

Mostly to the library. Even if he had been reading at .. home, and he would just be reading at the library, clearly the change in location was going to mean something.

At least, that was his plan. Hopefully actually going out and about helps lighten worries.

... Even if he casually skirts the hostclub just for reactions. ]

Comments

[radiantwingedone]

[ Duke's reply to that is a stunned expression.

Give him a few moments to actually get something resembling a thought process to work- ]

... What?

[beauchevalier]

I'm giving you a second chance, will you take it or not?

[He takes another bite of his lunch.]

[radiantwingedone]

[ Angelo the sandwich you're eating must be doing things to your mind. ]

... I have told you that I am absolutely terrible at human interaction, yes?

[ He's confused. Really really confused. ]

[beauchevalier]

[He stands up slowly then turns back to Duke, he might be rolling his eyes at him too.]

Tell me, how long are you going to keep using that excuse and running away from your problems? It's people like you I can't stand and I'll tell you why, since during our last meeting I was unable to. People who are like you use excuses such as oh I'm terrible at this or that because they don't want to even try. I've seen it done multiple times back home and I'll tell you what I tell other people. Grow a spine for once instead of shriveling into your safety hole. You can't hide in it forever.

[radiantwingedone]

... I prefer to 'run and hide' because actions I have taken when I chose not to.

[ His lips thin down to a bitter line for a moment. Excuses is why he prefers not to talk about things; that's how what he does will be labeled. Zelos had been a case of that. ]

I do not want to try because I do not want to lose. I do not want to get angry, because I have made terrible choices in the past when so. It was proven to me quite clearly that I do not understand humans, and that getting close to any results in pain and anger. I do not want to try, because last time I tried...

[ A rough sound, and he shifts enough his boots click. He's done with that sentence now. ]

[beauchevalier]

[He only shakes his head, partly because he's seen this behavior before and another reason being at how sad he thinks it is.]

What you're doing is a pretty sad excuse if you ask me. Allowing the past to rule you, you'll never step forward or learn to enjoy life better. And here, I'll tell you something about me right now. What I'm telling you? It's something I learned a long time ago, that is why I say you should try doing the same.

[radiantwingedone]

[ Duke stares at Angelo silently for a moment. ]

Can understand point, when applied to others. When applied to self?

[ Duke shakes his head for a moment. ]

Perhaps I allow past to 'rule' as history had repeated, fulfilling its saying, in my lifetime. Perhaps I allow it to rule, because of what I made that stays with me yet. Yes, hiding, 'If I do not step forward, I will not be hurt', but also 'If I do not step forward, I will not lash out'.

[beauchevalier]

[He's quiet for a brief moment then stares up at the sky until he speaks once more.]

Have you ever thought about the possibility of change? No one remains the same forever. Life always changes, nothing ever stays the same. Instead of thinking what you think, try to think about stepping forward towards a change into being not who you used to be and who you want to be.

[radiantwingedone]

... the major problem with that is that I do not know who I want to be. 'Myself' is the clear answer, yet 'myself' also is part of the problem. Easiest answer would be to not 'be', anymore, but such an answer is both useless and, as has been pointed out quite a bit recently, very much a coward's way, and also useless in this location.

[beauchevalier]

Death shouldn't be a means of escaping your problems. And instead of thinking about death or dying, thing about life and figure your problems out. Life isn't easy, we all have our trials we must go through. Also if you can't figure out who you want to be, then think on it for awhile until you decide your goals.

[radiantwingedone]

That would be the problem. I have none. Everything I know how to do, that I have lived for for the decade prior to here, had been willing to give up everything for...

Unnecessary. Completely redundant.. What is left in skillset is uninteresting or distasteful. More could be gained, yes, but a trust in humanity is severely lacking.

[ A random thought has him considering farming. That was also ridiculous thogh- ]

[beauchevalier]

[Wow this guy is so unmotivated.]

Then new skills, even an old dog can learn new tricks. And reach out to those who want to be near you.

[radiantwingedone]

Would be a trick, to trust humans again.

[ Pretty much. ]

...

[ And no, he doesn't have a reply to that last bit; anything he'd say, Angelo had heard both arguments about last time. ]

[beauchevalier]

Then do it.

[He sounds serious.]

[radiantwingedone]

....

[ Duke stares hard at Angelo for a moment. ]

Meant that it would be a 'trick', as in...

[ How does he word this. ]

Uncertain how to, uncertain if safe to, uncertain if want to, uncertain if can.

[beauchevalier]

Instead of clinging to uncertainty, you should try anyway. It's better than not trying.

[Because he's not one to keep things inside... Most of the time anyway.]

[radiantwingedone]

I feel like I have caused enough damage with trying.

[beauchevalier]

Don't focus on your mistakes, keep trying.

[radiantwingedone]

... Even when the mistakes are occasionally catastrophic?

[beauchevalier]

Making mistakes is to learn from them, not hide from them. No matter how big or small they are.

[radiantwingedone]

..... I disagree. There are some perhaps too big, or that the only variables are oneself or humanity, and one is far easier to correct than the other.

[ Well. Normally. ]

[beauchevalier]

Why does there always have to be a choice? You can fix both yourself and your relationships around others.

[radiantwingedone]

... Think perhaps one may need to come before the other.

[beauchevalier]

You could always find a way to better yourself and still be around the people you care about.

[radiantwingedone]

Would have to look, yes.

[ Sounding like he's giving in gives it a bit better chance of possibly getting things to help.

Even if there are going to be people he is quite sure staying away from - even if he cares a great deal - is much better. ]