Guy Cecil ☼ [Gᴀɪʟᴀʀᴅɪᴀ•Gᴀʟᴀɴ•Gᴀʀᴅɪᴏs] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
relinquishing) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
vatheon2012-09-24 12:17 am
relinquishing) wrote in vatheon2012-09-24 12:17 am
Entry tags:
Patience: that blending of moral courage with physical timidity
Who: Guy Cecil (trepidity) and Zelda Hylia (breaksthefontech)
Where: Ordo 3
When: Late evening of the 23rd
Style: [action]
Status: Closed
[It was odd to realize it had already been a week. Waking up as someone else was surreal enough, but waking up next to yourself? For a few days in a row? ... Well. After everything else that had happened this week, Guy found himself getting oddly used to it. His anxiety hadn't disappeared, but compared to Monday morning? He was honestly surprised at how well he did some days, although he tried to not think TOO hard on it. Maybe it's why he seems a little withdrawn and quiet today. There's a lot on his mind, after all...
Granted, it wasn't that the last couple days had been easy for anyone in the entire apartment. Despite their nervous sense of joy, Guy still found himself like a fish out of water as to where to start with Zelda, or what to even call this... whatever it was that they were. If they even wanted to call it anything. And only the morning after, Lloyd had gone missing, putting a handful of the household members into various states of distress.
Guy hadn't heard back yet where Lloyd was, or if he had been found... or in what condition. Alive. Dead. Everyone was whispering "murder" but no one wanted to admit it out loud. Guy certainly hoped it wouldn't come to that. Still, Zelda had seemed mightily distracted with the buzz as usual, even when Guy tried to gently prod her and ask her to watch over herself.
Maybe it was the anxiety of that on top of everything else. Maybe that's what triggered it. Damn, he wasn't sure anymore.
The blonde wasn't really positive as to what set it off. He'd been alone at the time - an hour or so of quiet time in the study, letting thoughts drift too far for too long, and it gripped him like a vice. The anxiety that rested over him constantly this week crept into a paranoid panic, where doing so much as looking at his own hands made him feel physically ill, gripping the arms of the chair he was in, screwing his eyes shut and internally swearing every single profane word he could at himself. He couldn't turn his mind off, he couldn't escape, he felt in danger and vulnerable and no he didn't want this help--
He wasn't sure how long he ended up pacing, having to remind himself how to breathe. But for the first time, he didn't find himself clawing against the need to pass out. It wasn't much progress, but... it was a little easier. To crawl his way, inch by inch, around the massive wall that was his fear in an attempt to just regain something as simple as logical thought.
He's honestly amazed that he's coherent enough to feel that kind of progress.
Regardless, it had taken up a good portion of his afternoon, and he found himself mentally exhausted when he finally regained clarity. As far as he knew, no one had been around... or if they had, they'd been respectfully quiet. So he had gingerly moved to the bedroom to lie down. No bother with moving the covers or even falling asleep completely. He just... needed to rest. Just for a little. He needed his mind to be calm for just a little longer. If someone were to knock on the door, he wouldn't respond with much of an answer, if any. His tone would drip with exhaustion... and for the highly observant, just a little bit of both disgust and an incredibly weak aura of perseverance.
Was.... this something he could try? To work past? He wasn't sure, and he wasn't really sure how to even prove it to himself...
The little amount of sleep he did manage was fitful. Tossed and troubled, more than a little obvious if someone had peeked inside the door. A nightmare of fire and smoke. The smell of blood. The clang of armor and screaming of people.
The laugh of an enemy commander.
And the whispers of a voice that he couldn't remember.
...
It isn't until very late that he finally jerks awake, wide eyed and trembling, forcing himself to get up and wander back down the stairs. He was shaken, but... he still noticed Zelda hadn't come up to bed, which was unusual, for the time and all. He hadn't had the time to ask her what their plan was for their bodies switching (was that tonight? tomorrow night? damn, he can't remember right now), but right now he's not really focused on that. Going to the kitchen. Getting something hot to drink. Or just... even a glass of water would be great right now.
Maybe he'll see someone while he's downstairs. If not... well. He certainly looks like he's ready to go back and get some actual sleep.
If sleep would be kind to him, that is.]
trepidity) and Zelda Hylia (breaksthefontech)Where: Ordo 3
When: Late evening of the 23rd
Style: [action]
Status: Closed
[It was odd to realize it had already been a week. Waking up as someone else was surreal enough, but waking up next to yourself? For a few days in a row? ... Well. After everything else that had happened this week, Guy found himself getting oddly used to it. His anxiety hadn't disappeared, but compared to Monday morning? He was honestly surprised at how well he did some days, although he tried to not think TOO hard on it. Maybe it's why he seems a little withdrawn and quiet today. There's a lot on his mind, after all...
Granted, it wasn't that the last couple days had been easy for anyone in the entire apartment. Despite their nervous sense of joy, Guy still found himself like a fish out of water as to where to start with Zelda, or what to even call this... whatever it was that they were. If they even wanted to call it anything. And only the morning after, Lloyd had gone missing, putting a handful of the household members into various states of distress.
Guy hadn't heard back yet where Lloyd was, or if he had been found... or in what condition. Alive. Dead. Everyone was whispering "murder" but no one wanted to admit it out loud. Guy certainly hoped it wouldn't come to that. Still, Zelda had seemed mightily distracted with the buzz as usual, even when Guy tried to gently prod her and ask her to watch over herself.
Maybe it was the anxiety of that on top of everything else. Maybe that's what triggered it. Damn, he wasn't sure anymore.
The blonde wasn't really positive as to what set it off. He'd been alone at the time - an hour or so of quiet time in the study, letting thoughts drift too far for too long, and it gripped him like a vice. The anxiety that rested over him constantly this week crept into a paranoid panic, where doing so much as looking at his own hands made him feel physically ill, gripping the arms of the chair he was in, screwing his eyes shut and internally swearing every single profane word he could at himself. He couldn't turn his mind off, he couldn't escape, he felt in danger and vulnerable and no he didn't want this help--
He wasn't sure how long he ended up pacing, having to remind himself how to breathe. But for the first time, he didn't find himself clawing against the need to pass out. It wasn't much progress, but... it was a little easier. To crawl his way, inch by inch, around the massive wall that was his fear in an attempt to just regain something as simple as logical thought.
He's honestly amazed that he's coherent enough to feel that kind of progress.
Regardless, it had taken up a good portion of his afternoon, and he found himself mentally exhausted when he finally regained clarity. As far as he knew, no one had been around... or if they had, they'd been respectfully quiet. So he had gingerly moved to the bedroom to lie down. No bother with moving the covers or even falling asleep completely. He just... needed to rest. Just for a little. He needed his mind to be calm for just a little longer. If someone were to knock on the door, he wouldn't respond with much of an answer, if any. His tone would drip with exhaustion... and for the highly observant, just a little bit of both disgust and an incredibly weak aura of perseverance.
Was.... this something he could try? To work past? He wasn't sure, and he wasn't really sure how to even prove it to himself...
The little amount of sleep he did manage was fitful. Tossed and troubled, more than a little obvious if someone had peeked inside the door. A nightmare of fire and smoke. The smell of blood. The clang of armor and screaming of people.
The laugh of an enemy commander.
And the whispers of a voice that he couldn't remember.
...
It isn't until very late that he finally jerks awake, wide eyed and trembling, forcing himself to get up and wander back down the stairs. He was shaken, but... he still noticed Zelda hadn't come up to bed, which was unusual, for the time and all. He hadn't had the time to ask her what their plan was for their bodies switching (was that tonight? tomorrow night? damn, he can't remember right now), but right now he's not really focused on that. Going to the kitchen. Getting something hot to drink. Or just... even a glass of water would be great right now.
Maybe he'll see someone while he's downstairs. If not... well. He certainly looks like he's ready to go back and get some actual sleep.
If sleep would be kind to him, that is.]
no subject
[And at first, she doesn't notice either. It's a seamless switch, and it only seems right to be in her own body. All her attention is focused on the point where their lips meet. For just that brief moment, it's nothing but pleasant; it's good. Leaning up into it just a bit comes naturally, she doesn't think anything of it when her chest presses lightly against Guy's.]
1/2
2/3 whoops I lied
His limbs lock up, the motions of his mouth completely stopping. He forces his eyes to stay shut, trying to remember that feeling... trying to grasp that simple, pleasurable closeness for just a couple more seconds, just give him a couple more seconds...
He lets out a shallow breath, before his lips move again. It's incredibly short, but much deeper, a little more frenzied emotion tossed into it than before.
Desperation. Want. An unspoken apology.
...]
3/3 sob keywords
He tried.
Goddammit, he tried, he...
...]
no subject
And oh, she'd had no idea how tired her body would feel from him being so stressed all week. Zelda sways just a bit before catching her balance and looking back up at him with a small smile. The mind is a strange thing, isn't it? Guy had adapted to being in her body, but the moment he was back in his own hers became terrifying again.]
It was worth it.
no subject
It takes him a long moment to return the smile with any sort of honesty, nodding silently with a dry swallow. Now more than ever he could feel that it was his body reacting all on its own. Even when he sat here, trying to remind himself that he just went an entire week as a woman and managed fine... he couldn't get his mind to relax. The panic, the thoughts of fear and horror and danger with no purpose other than to get him to run and not look back... from the woman he loved.
He never liked his fear. It's hard to thing even remotely positive thoughts about something you don't quite understand. But tonight, he hated it. He hated it, he hated what it did to him, he hated what it did to others and he hated that he had no idea what to do about it.
That apologetic look in his eyes is quickly growing clouded and cold. So he turns, away from Zelda without a single word, facing out over the yard with his body language tense and expression painfully passive... before slamming a fist down against the railing with a loud KRAK.
It was worth it.
But it still wasn't fair.]
no subject
It must hurt Guy even more.
Now isn't the time to dwell on things, though. It's late, neither of them have slept. Her bed is still large enough that they won't touch each other on accident, though Guy would know by now that she almost always rolls over to cuddle once she falls asleep.]
It's... late. We should get back to sleep. I would prefer it if you did not walk home in the dark though, not with that person on the loose... we have some extra pillows, I could put them between us.
no subject
[Dammit, that was sharper than he'd intended. He pauses, swallows, lets his shoulders relax--]
--no, Zelda. We both know that wouldn't work.
...I'm sorry.
[They didn't go a single night this week without Guy waking up at least once to the warmth of another body right next to him, an arm tucked around his waist... He knows very well that if that were to happen again, neither of them would be asleep for very long. Even if there was a barrier between them...
He lets out a ragged sigh, rubbing at his eyes and just... trying to think. He's still emotionally drained, and he knows that Zelda is probably feeling the physical effects of his earlier fit. Both of them needed some decent rest... and right now, that could only be done from separate beds.
Going home seemed like the best option. Not the safest option. Not really the option that he wanted. But it's the best one, nonetheless. He knows he's not quite in the mental state to be traversing the streets with a madman on the loose, but...]
... Did you ever pick up my sword? Any time this week?
no subject
[It would be simpler if Guy would just let her walk him home, but even though it makes sense logically - she has all the weapons she'd need to fight, after all - she knows he's not the sort to then let her walk back on her own. In a situation like this, she'd usually just ask Zelos to come with her. But how can she ask him to leave Lloyd right now?]
I know this might sound a little excessive, but... could you leave a video feed on while you walk home?
[Then she'll know right away if something happens to him, and he won't have to worry about her walking back alone. She might even catch a look at the person doing all this if it's a video, though she would far prefer to find out some other way.]
Handwave the walk home or do we want to keep milking this~?
[It'd give him time alone. Time to think. Make sure he had his composure before properly wishing her a good night.
It wasn't excessive to let her have some security with this, though.]
--Yeah. I can do that.
Do you mind if I come pick up the rest of my things in the morning...?
We can handwave now, we have lots of threads ahaha *eyes inbox*
[She smiles at him a little awkwardly, glad that he didn't put up a fuss. Yes, she's a bit of a worrier, but right now it's not exactly unwarranted.]
Thank you.
This is very true.
I'll go ahead and turn it on when I leave the gates, alright?
[He pauses, lifting a hand as though he's about to reach out to her... then stiffens and thinks better of it, letting his expression soften.
Back to the same old routine, then? Mmm.
Slipping on that familiar mask of polite composure to get that smile to stay on his face, he drops his hand back to his side, dipping his head down into a short, stiff bow. Formal and a little routine... since he's not sure what else he can do right now.]
Goodnight, Zelda. Please... try to find some time to relax tonight.
[Straightening up with a sheepish smile - another silent "I'm sorry" - before he turns on his heel and trots down the porch steps.]
no subject
[She doesn't let the disappointment over him lowering his hand show until he's already turned to go, leaning against the wall of the house and sighing quietly. Zelda picks up the tea cups and heads back into the kitchen. Ah, there it was, now she could hear Lloyd.
Sleeping probably wasn't going to happen tonight.]