Guy Cecil ☼ [Gᴀɪʟᴀʀᴅɪᴀ•Gᴀʟᴀɴ•Gᴀʀᴅɪᴏs] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
relinquishing) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
vatheon2012-09-24 12:17 am
relinquishing) wrote in vatheon2012-09-24 12:17 am
Entry tags:
Patience: that blending of moral courage with physical timidity
Who: Guy Cecil (trepidity) and Zelda Hylia (breaksthefontech)
Where: Ordo 3
When: Late evening of the 23rd
Style: [action]
Status: Closed
[It was odd to realize it had already been a week. Waking up as someone else was surreal enough, but waking up next to yourself? For a few days in a row? ... Well. After everything else that had happened this week, Guy found himself getting oddly used to it. His anxiety hadn't disappeared, but compared to Monday morning? He was honestly surprised at how well he did some days, although he tried to not think TOO hard on it. Maybe it's why he seems a little withdrawn and quiet today. There's a lot on his mind, after all...
Granted, it wasn't that the last couple days had been easy for anyone in the entire apartment. Despite their nervous sense of joy, Guy still found himself like a fish out of water as to where to start with Zelda, or what to even call this... whatever it was that they were. If they even wanted to call it anything. And only the morning after, Lloyd had gone missing, putting a handful of the household members into various states of distress.
Guy hadn't heard back yet where Lloyd was, or if he had been found... or in what condition. Alive. Dead. Everyone was whispering "murder" but no one wanted to admit it out loud. Guy certainly hoped it wouldn't come to that. Still, Zelda had seemed mightily distracted with the buzz as usual, even when Guy tried to gently prod her and ask her to watch over herself.
Maybe it was the anxiety of that on top of everything else. Maybe that's what triggered it. Damn, he wasn't sure anymore.
The blonde wasn't really positive as to what set it off. He'd been alone at the time - an hour or so of quiet time in the study, letting thoughts drift too far for too long, and it gripped him like a vice. The anxiety that rested over him constantly this week crept into a paranoid panic, where doing so much as looking at his own hands made him feel physically ill, gripping the arms of the chair he was in, screwing his eyes shut and internally swearing every single profane word he could at himself. He couldn't turn his mind off, he couldn't escape, he felt in danger and vulnerable and no he didn't want this help--
He wasn't sure how long he ended up pacing, having to remind himself how to breathe. But for the first time, he didn't find himself clawing against the need to pass out. It wasn't much progress, but... it was a little easier. To crawl his way, inch by inch, around the massive wall that was his fear in an attempt to just regain something as simple as logical thought.
He's honestly amazed that he's coherent enough to feel that kind of progress.
Regardless, it had taken up a good portion of his afternoon, and he found himself mentally exhausted when he finally regained clarity. As far as he knew, no one had been around... or if they had, they'd been respectfully quiet. So he had gingerly moved to the bedroom to lie down. No bother with moving the covers or even falling asleep completely. He just... needed to rest. Just for a little. He needed his mind to be calm for just a little longer. If someone were to knock on the door, he wouldn't respond with much of an answer, if any. His tone would drip with exhaustion... and for the highly observant, just a little bit of both disgust and an incredibly weak aura of perseverance.
Was.... this something he could try? To work past? He wasn't sure, and he wasn't really sure how to even prove it to himself...
The little amount of sleep he did manage was fitful. Tossed and troubled, more than a little obvious if someone had peeked inside the door. A nightmare of fire and smoke. The smell of blood. The clang of armor and screaming of people.
The laugh of an enemy commander.
And the whispers of a voice that he couldn't remember.
...
It isn't until very late that he finally jerks awake, wide eyed and trembling, forcing himself to get up and wander back down the stairs. He was shaken, but... he still noticed Zelda hadn't come up to bed, which was unusual, for the time and all. He hadn't had the time to ask her what their plan was for their bodies switching (was that tonight? tomorrow night? damn, he can't remember right now), but right now he's not really focused on that. Going to the kitchen. Getting something hot to drink. Or just... even a glass of water would be great right now.
Maybe he'll see someone while he's downstairs. If not... well. He certainly looks like he's ready to go back and get some actual sleep.
If sleep would be kind to him, that is.]
trepidity) and Zelda Hylia (breaksthefontech)Where: Ordo 3
When: Late evening of the 23rd
Style: [action]
Status: Closed
[It was odd to realize it had already been a week. Waking up as someone else was surreal enough, but waking up next to yourself? For a few days in a row? ... Well. After everything else that had happened this week, Guy found himself getting oddly used to it. His anxiety hadn't disappeared, but compared to Monday morning? He was honestly surprised at how well he did some days, although he tried to not think TOO hard on it. Maybe it's why he seems a little withdrawn and quiet today. There's a lot on his mind, after all...
Granted, it wasn't that the last couple days had been easy for anyone in the entire apartment. Despite their nervous sense of joy, Guy still found himself like a fish out of water as to where to start with Zelda, or what to even call this... whatever it was that they were. If they even wanted to call it anything. And only the morning after, Lloyd had gone missing, putting a handful of the household members into various states of distress.
Guy hadn't heard back yet where Lloyd was, or if he had been found... or in what condition. Alive. Dead. Everyone was whispering "murder" but no one wanted to admit it out loud. Guy certainly hoped it wouldn't come to that. Still, Zelda had seemed mightily distracted with the buzz as usual, even when Guy tried to gently prod her and ask her to watch over herself.
Maybe it was the anxiety of that on top of everything else. Maybe that's what triggered it. Damn, he wasn't sure anymore.
The blonde wasn't really positive as to what set it off. He'd been alone at the time - an hour or so of quiet time in the study, letting thoughts drift too far for too long, and it gripped him like a vice. The anxiety that rested over him constantly this week crept into a paranoid panic, where doing so much as looking at his own hands made him feel physically ill, gripping the arms of the chair he was in, screwing his eyes shut and internally swearing every single profane word he could at himself. He couldn't turn his mind off, he couldn't escape, he felt in danger and vulnerable and no he didn't want this help--
He wasn't sure how long he ended up pacing, having to remind himself how to breathe. But for the first time, he didn't find himself clawing against the need to pass out. It wasn't much progress, but... it was a little easier. To crawl his way, inch by inch, around the massive wall that was his fear in an attempt to just regain something as simple as logical thought.
He's honestly amazed that he's coherent enough to feel that kind of progress.
Regardless, it had taken up a good portion of his afternoon, and he found himself mentally exhausted when he finally regained clarity. As far as he knew, no one had been around... or if they had, they'd been respectfully quiet. So he had gingerly moved to the bedroom to lie down. No bother with moving the covers or even falling asleep completely. He just... needed to rest. Just for a little. He needed his mind to be calm for just a little longer. If someone were to knock on the door, he wouldn't respond with much of an answer, if any. His tone would drip with exhaustion... and for the highly observant, just a little bit of both disgust and an incredibly weak aura of perseverance.
Was.... this something he could try? To work past? He wasn't sure, and he wasn't really sure how to even prove it to himself...
The little amount of sleep he did manage was fitful. Tossed and troubled, more than a little obvious if someone had peeked inside the door. A nightmare of fire and smoke. The smell of blood. The clang of armor and screaming of people.
The laugh of an enemy commander.
And the whispers of a voice that he couldn't remember.
...
It isn't until very late that he finally jerks awake, wide eyed and trembling, forcing himself to get up and wander back down the stairs. He was shaken, but... he still noticed Zelda hadn't come up to bed, which was unusual, for the time and all. He hadn't had the time to ask her what their plan was for their bodies switching (was that tonight? tomorrow night? damn, he can't remember right now), but right now he's not really focused on that. Going to the kitchen. Getting something hot to drink. Or just... even a glass of water would be great right now.
Maybe he'll see someone while he's downstairs. If not... well. He certainly looks like he's ready to go back and get some actual sleep.
If sleep would be kind to him, that is.]
no subject
When Guy comes downstairs, she's made herself a pot of tea and is standing near the counter looking pensive, though there's a great deal of relief there too. She smiles when she sees him.]
Good evening, Guy. They found Lloyd. He'll be alright.
[The smile fades a bit when she sees just how tired he looks. Had something else happened?]
...would you like a cup?
no subject
...Yeah, I would. Thank you. [Normally he'd just get it himself, but it seems he can't really get his mouth to say the words. Sigh.
He walks over to fetch a cup for himself, his motions slow and a little heavy.]
Ah... do they know what happened? Was he injured or anything?
no subject
It seems as if he was experimented on. All the damage was focused on his key crest. He is stable now, but still disoriented. When he feels a little better, I'll ask him some questions.
[She smiles again, this time somewhat rueful. He just looks so exhausted...]
We should be changing back in about half an hour. I know it's been hard, but it's just a little longer.
no subject
Her last sentences make him bristle, hesitating with the cream he was spooning into his cup as a flash of barely-masked discomfort rolls across his expression. It was tonight, then.
...Well dammit.]
Yeah. I know.
[The words are a bit muddled - he's more troubled about it than he's letting on. But he lets it go with a slow exhale of breath, the spoon in his cup clinking softly. It's too complicated, he's tired and it's going to be over soon anyways. Right.]
Are they thinking that whoever captured Lloyd... that it's the same person who's been killing all these other people? Or is no one sure yet...?
no subject
[The rage of a parent is a frightening thing to behold. If this killer wasn't such a monster, she would almost feel sorry for them. For now, though, there isn't much she can do. She'll have her own body back soon, and from the looks of it she'll need to rest before continuing pursuit of the killer. Noticing that Guy seems ruffled still, she reaches out and rests a hand on his, pausing.
In half an hour, she won't be able to comfort him like this anymore.]
no subject
[Guy wasn't aware that Lloyd had a parent in the bubble with him. To have your own child not only missing, but injured... He can't help but think back on Duke and Lady Fabre's reactions when Luke had first vanished. That sense of panic and dread, as well as an unquenchable determination. That Lloyd's father had been the one to find him could be both a good and bad thing... but it would certainly fuel the search for this madman.]
...Here's hoping he stays safe, wherever he's at right now. Vengeance or otherwise, I don't think getting himself killed is going to help Lloyd at all.
But I'm sure he knows that.
[Said from the mouth of a makeshift parent. If he listens closely, he can hear it now. The quiet, broken sobbing from upstairs. If it had been Luke, god knows Guy would have been out looking for answers - looking for some sort of justice...
The touch seems to surprise him a bit, but he gives a smile of appreciation in return, turning his wrist enough to let her hand slip into his.]
...Hey. Do you mind if we step outside for a little bit? [He really could use the fresh air.]
no subject
[Zelda can't hear it like Guy can. A human's hearing isn't nearly as acute as a Hylian's. She'd seen Lloyd though, she knows what's happening - knows just how shaken he is. Not to mention the people close to him. Zelos was practically beside himself. There would be a lot of work to do tomorrow. She squeezes Guy's hand gently and nods]
The porch is nice this time of night.
[If he'll let her, she'll gently lead him out there. The second window box is nearby, clearly visible with the light from the house shining out on it.]
no subject
He catches a glance of that window box out of the corner of his eye, his entire expression softening.]
Hah, wow. I didn't realize you had so many.
no subject
Yes, well, I looked up how to care for them... the book said that they prefer space to spread out. I was a bit reluctant to actually put them in the yard at the time, so I decided that two window boxes would suffice. They've been blooming quite well.
[Zelda shifts her gaze over to Ordo 2 momentarily. She'll have to do something about that mess soon. Though now that he's gone, she could put the flowers in the yard if she wanted to!]
no subject
Huh. Any reason you can't move them to the yard now, though? It might be a bit late if they're already blooming, yeah, but if they like the space, it might not be a bad idea. It would give them a little more access to the sun from there, too.
[Hey, he knows a little about flowers. Blame it on a guardian who became a gardener or something - it tends to rub off on you a little.]
no subject
[Letting a carpet of gailardias spread across the yard is certainly one way of announcing that she's... whatever she is with Guy. The thought makes her giggle a bit to herself, though she doesn't explain it.
That would be way too embarrassing.]
no subject
[Who knows how the hell the scientists even kept this place as perfectly controlled as they did.
His cup now resting in both hands, he leans his elbows against the porch railing, letting himself look over the yard and the flickering of what few lights still remained lit this late at night around the neighborhood.]
But I don't know, I wouldn't be so sure about throwing the idea out entirely! The flowers certainly seem to have an idea of when it's a good time to bloom, and the seasons tend to shift above ground pretty smoothly. I wouldn't be surprised if their internal clocks still work the same regardless of the climate conditions here.
[He glances back at her, his head cocking slightly.]
Besides... it's not like you can just tell a flower that it isn't spring or fall or anything like that. They'll just grow the best when they know it's the right time, you know?
no subject
[Zelda closes her eyes. That wouldn't be so terrible, would it? A yard filled with flowers, her secondary family that she's grown to love here in Vatheon nearby - even if it would only be temporary, it sounds nice.
Can't tell a flower it isn't spring, huh...]
When everything settles down a bit, would you help me plant them?
[She's already far past the point of not having anything to hold onto here, there's no point in pretending otherwise. Why not plant the flowers in the yard instead of temporary window boxes? Why not annex the house next door?]
no subject
[He looks pretty happy about the idea - just look at that smile! He hadn't had much of a time to do some hard work with his hands for a while, outside the normal chores around the house and tinkering at his desk. Gardening was always something that had a slightly calming affect on him - it was the best time for him and Pere to talk during the mornings at the manor. Yutopil didn't have areas for flowers, and the larger windows inside made windowboxes a little impossible.
He chuckles before bringing his cup to his mouth, taking a long sip and letting his mind drift. Even with his fatigue, he was... really content with this. Just having quiet time to speak, relax, exchange a tender smile...
...Mmm.]
I wanted to thank you, by the way.
no subject
Thank me?
[Zelda can't think of any reason why she needs to be thanked, at least not right now. They hadn't spoken much today, she hadn't really done anything. She tilts her head curiously, finally looking back at Guy directly.]
What for?
no subject
For being patient.
[He laughs quietly, a little bit of that awkward tone settling in as he idly traces his thumbs against the edge of his cup.]
For giving me a chance, I guess.
no subject
[Oh, actually saying it out loud is surprisingly difficult!]
If patience is necessary, then I don't mind.
[Unfortunately, that's as close as she can bring herself to bluntly saying "I'll wait for you". It's just too sappy, she can't do it.]
no subject
His smile grows apologetic and a little pained.]
I'm sorry that it has to be like this.
But... thank you. I don't know how long it will take, but... I want to try. As odd as it's been, I'm glad this whole thing -- the curse, I mean, just... you and me being like this -- that it happened when it did.
[Because he doesn't know when he's going to be able to spend time with her like this again... hold her, touch her, make her feel relaxed and safe... sleep along aside her...
His face flushes a bit, but he can feel his stomach twist at the realization that this is possibly the last time he'll be able to feel like this. And not for the first time, he's far from happy about it.]
no subject
We all have things we are afraid of. I am... glad it happened this way as well, though. I'm not certain I would have been so forthcoming otherwise.
[She definitely wouldn't have been. If she hadn't felt the need to try to teach Guy how to become Sheik, she never would have breathed a word about her past. And she certainly wouldn't have attempted to get Guy used to a female body otherwise. Like this, there had been no choice. They'd adapted, and maybe he'd proven to himself a little that it is something he can overcome with time.]
no subject
[Lips pressing together, he hesitantly extends a hand, just enough to caress his fingers against her jaw line. It's tender. Gentle.]
I can't say I mind, though. Not now, not in hindsight. It... it makes all the anxiety worth it, in a sense.
...You were worth it.
[Could he overcome his fear? Guy... well, he wasn't really sure. He knew he wanted to, even if it was just a little bit at a time. He also knew it was going to take time. He had no idea how long it would take, and part of him wants to apologize that he can't promise Zelda any sort of intimacy for a while. Not unless a miracle happened. He still didn't even know why he was like this in the first place, which was an anxiety all its own.
But one step at a time, he supposes. He wasn't quite sure if he'd even find himself any different when he returned to his own body. It wasn't like he really had a way to prove that he might be able to manage it someday.
...
...
He... might have just had a possibly stupid idea. Very stupid. Enough that the redness that was already on his face flushed even deeper, the fingers against Zelda's face tensing a bit.
It'd be a long shot, and.... damn it, she would probably say no. He's almost positive she would, what, with them being like this right now. But if enough time had passed, it... might work. Might.
Now just to get his mouth to work properly.
...
Sorry Zelda, he is struggling for words and probably looks just a little ridiculous right now.]
no subject
It takes her a little while to recover from his last comment, and when she does she notices that he's looking fairly embarrassed, too. Ducking her head and looking a little sheepish, she calls out to get his attention since he seems to be spacing out slightly.]
Guy?
no subject
Sorry, sorry.
I... it's, um. It's just...
[Fffffff okay, um. Swallowing hard and placing his cup against the top of the railing before his hands start shaking too much...
Okay.
...Okay.
Get your composure back together, man.]
Zelda. Can I be blunt for a moment?
no subject
Of course. What is it?
no subject
You know I care for you. You're smart. You're talented. You're... you're beautiful. I don't know if I'll ever be able to prove that to you well enough, or show you how much you mean to me.
[He lets out a slow breath, biting his lip and letting his gaze fall for a second.]
I don't think I'll ever be able to ask this again, and I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to push anything or ask you for something you're not comfortable with. And if this is something you don't want, you're allowed to tell me, or say no, or be offended or consider it a foolish request or whatever you'd like...
[...Might want to stop him, he's starting to ramble.]
no subject
[In fact, she would quite prefer it if he does not. Extolling her virtues in one breath and then trying to downplay whatever this request is in the next is making her extremely anxious. At first she'd thought he might have been thinking similarly to her, but if he's having to preface it this much, what in the world could it be?]
Please, just tell me.
no subject
Okay, blunt.
Looking her in the eye and just. Be blunt.
...]
If I were to ask to kiss you... would you allow me to do that?
1/2
2/2
Words still failing, she just nods.]
no subject
[...She actually said yes.
...]
Well then.
[He's still shaking a bit. But he returns that smile - it's a little cheeky, a lot more confident than his trembling fingers seem to betray. Bringing a hand up to rest right under her chin, Guy lets his voice dip down into something gentler, speaking quietly.]
...May I kiss you?
[He said he would ask, after all. Might as well keep to his word.]
no subject
If you keep asking, I'll get nervous.
[They'll switch back any minute now, and she knows it. Back in their own bodies. It's best if Guy is the one touching her in that case. Though it feels a little strange, she reaches out, curling her fingers in her own hair and cupping the back of her head, pulling him just a little closer. Such a strange way to come together.]
no subject
[He will just take that as a yes, then. He chuckles softly, barely managing a quiet "Alright..." before letting his eyes drift close, leaning up to meet what little distance was still between them.
It was soft. Nervous. A slow, hesitant press of lips, chaste and warm and affectionate. Guy could feel his heart pounding in his neck, but he lets himself give in for a moment - try to let his anxiety drown in the feeling of their lips together, of shared breath. He doesn't press any harder or make any motion to deepen it.
It was just simple. That was all it needed to be.
He didn't notice the gentle glow of the symbol at his collarbone, or that on the hand currently resting near the back of his head. Even if he had... he wasn't going to back away.
Not just yet.]
no subject
[And at first, she doesn't notice either. It's a seamless switch, and it only seems right to be in her own body. All her attention is focused on the point where their lips meet. For just that brief moment, it's nothing but pleasant; it's good. Leaning up into it just a bit comes naturally, she doesn't think anything of it when her chest presses lightly against Guy's.]
1/2
2/3 whoops I lied
His limbs lock up, the motions of his mouth completely stopping. He forces his eyes to stay shut, trying to remember that feeling... trying to grasp that simple, pleasurable closeness for just a couple more seconds, just give him a couple more seconds...
He lets out a shallow breath, before his lips move again. It's incredibly short, but much deeper, a little more frenzied emotion tossed into it than before.
Desperation. Want. An unspoken apology.
...]
3/3 sob keywords
He tried.
Goddammit, he tried, he...
...]
no subject
And oh, she'd had no idea how tired her body would feel from him being so stressed all week. Zelda sways just a bit before catching her balance and looking back up at him with a small smile. The mind is a strange thing, isn't it? Guy had adapted to being in her body, but the moment he was back in his own hers became terrifying again.]
It was worth it.
no subject
It takes him a long moment to return the smile with any sort of honesty, nodding silently with a dry swallow. Now more than ever he could feel that it was his body reacting all on its own. Even when he sat here, trying to remind himself that he just went an entire week as a woman and managed fine... he couldn't get his mind to relax. The panic, the thoughts of fear and horror and danger with no purpose other than to get him to run and not look back... from the woman he loved.
He never liked his fear. It's hard to thing even remotely positive thoughts about something you don't quite understand. But tonight, he hated it. He hated it, he hated what it did to him, he hated what it did to others and he hated that he had no idea what to do about it.
That apologetic look in his eyes is quickly growing clouded and cold. So he turns, away from Zelda without a single word, facing out over the yard with his body language tense and expression painfully passive... before slamming a fist down against the railing with a loud KRAK.
It was worth it.
But it still wasn't fair.]
no subject
It must hurt Guy even more.
Now isn't the time to dwell on things, though. It's late, neither of them have slept. Her bed is still large enough that they won't touch each other on accident, though Guy would know by now that she almost always rolls over to cuddle once she falls asleep.]
It's... late. We should get back to sleep. I would prefer it if you did not walk home in the dark though, not with that person on the loose... we have some extra pillows, I could put them between us.
no subject
[Dammit, that was sharper than he'd intended. He pauses, swallows, lets his shoulders relax--]
--no, Zelda. We both know that wouldn't work.
...I'm sorry.
[They didn't go a single night this week without Guy waking up at least once to the warmth of another body right next to him, an arm tucked around his waist... He knows very well that if that were to happen again, neither of them would be asleep for very long. Even if there was a barrier between them...
He lets out a ragged sigh, rubbing at his eyes and just... trying to think. He's still emotionally drained, and he knows that Zelda is probably feeling the physical effects of his earlier fit. Both of them needed some decent rest... and right now, that could only be done from separate beds.
Going home seemed like the best option. Not the safest option. Not really the option that he wanted. But it's the best one, nonetheless. He knows he's not quite in the mental state to be traversing the streets with a madman on the loose, but...]
... Did you ever pick up my sword? Any time this week?
no subject
[It would be simpler if Guy would just let her walk him home, but even though it makes sense logically - she has all the weapons she'd need to fight, after all - she knows he's not the sort to then let her walk back on her own. In a situation like this, she'd usually just ask Zelos to come with her. But how can she ask him to leave Lloyd right now?]
I know this might sound a little excessive, but... could you leave a video feed on while you walk home?
[Then she'll know right away if something happens to him, and he won't have to worry about her walking back alone. She might even catch a look at the person doing all this if it's a video, though she would far prefer to find out some other way.]
Handwave the walk home or do we want to keep milking this~?
[It'd give him time alone. Time to think. Make sure he had his composure before properly wishing her a good night.
It wasn't excessive to let her have some security with this, though.]
--Yeah. I can do that.
Do you mind if I come pick up the rest of my things in the morning...?
We can handwave now, we have lots of threads ahaha *eyes inbox*
[She smiles at him a little awkwardly, glad that he didn't put up a fuss. Yes, she's a bit of a worrier, but right now it's not exactly unwarranted.]
Thank you.
This is very true.
I'll go ahead and turn it on when I leave the gates, alright?
[He pauses, lifting a hand as though he's about to reach out to her... then stiffens and thinks better of it, letting his expression soften.
Back to the same old routine, then? Mmm.
Slipping on that familiar mask of polite composure to get that smile to stay on his face, he drops his hand back to his side, dipping his head down into a short, stiff bow. Formal and a little routine... since he's not sure what else he can do right now.]
Goodnight, Zelda. Please... try to find some time to relax tonight.
[Straightening up with a sheepish smile - another silent "I'm sorry" - before he turns on his heel and trots down the porch steps.]
no subject
[She doesn't let the disappointment over him lowering his hand show until he's already turned to go, leaning against the wall of the house and sighing quietly. Zelda picks up the tea cups and heads back into the kitchen. Ah, there it was, now she could hear Lloyd.
Sleeping probably wasn't going to happen tonight.]