vatheon | Five days later

[Oh, this is just a cough. Nothing some tea and honey can't fix, and he's had plenty of tea and honey the last few days. Still, Signless is a little nervous about being back in the bubble, and is keeping a lookout for any rampaging highbloods. Not even that threat, however, was enough to keep him from being there when Sola returned.]

I don't know. Whenever the soul is ready to return, I suppose.

[He sighs and runs a hand over his face.]

I don't think there's much rhyme or reason to it.

[ The abject terror inspired by the highbloods in the area doesn't keep the Helmsman away either. Rather, he stays very close to the Signless and very, very quiet. He so rarely has much to say to begin with, and his conscience is weighted down with the knowledge that much of this really probably is all his fault. He should have been available to the boy, more functional, able to push his glitches down and away.

He floats barely a half-inch off the ground (still not healthy enough to manage standing for prolonged periods of time) and watches. Zelda's question has him dropping his gaze, but he have much to offer. ]

Not enough data to make an ethtimate.

[As they speak, a small ball of shadow winks into existence in the shadow of the coral and begins to slowly grow, tendrils of darkness reaching outward only to be pulled back in by some force, giving the shadow more weight, depth, and finally shape. Two legs and two arms lay spread upon the pavement and two eyes remain closed for the time being as Sola's form finished corporealizing on the slick cobbles of the plaza. Two lungs fill with air and produce a fit of coughing between two lips and the revived replica blinks for the first time in five days...

And bursts into tears.]

Sola!

[She kneels down by him immediately, looking worried and just this side of crying herself. She wants to reach out and make sure that she's alright (though she knows physically he should be, she healed him herself)... but she can't bring herself to do it. Zelda stays put, anxiously worrying at the hem of her dress.]

Edited 2012-02-29 11:53 (UTC)

[Signless has no such compunctions, and falls to his knees near the weeping boy and wraps his arms around him, holding tight and trying to guide Sola's head to his shoulder.]

Shhhhh, little one, calm down, we're here, it's okay, shhh, shhhh...

[ He hangs back for a moment as the other two rush to Sola, but he moves to kneel beside Signless after a moment's indecision. He doesn't say anything, reaching out to place a hand on the boy's shoulder. ]

[Sola shudders and bawls uninhibitedly into Signless's shoulder, hiccuping and unable to catch his breath in the torrent of... everything. He's feeling everything. It's as if he whole being wants to make up for nonexistence. All he remembers is the event, the wind rushing up and forcing his eyes closed and the sudden, brief but numbing pain, but he feels so much he's certain he'll burst.

It passes, slowly and with difficulty, but in time Sola is out of tears and reduced to errant sniffles. It's then that he raises his head, looking at those assembled with a broken expression that turns to a gentle flicker of hope when he rests his eyes on Zelda. His voice is soft and slightly raspy from disuse.]

You're here...

[She's tense as she waits for him to cry it out, her back so rigidly straight that it looks like she might snap. Zelda leans forward when he speaks to her, looking completely lost.]

Of course I am here. Why would I not be? I - I care about you, Sola...

[What she wanted to say is that she loves him, but she already knows it's not the sort that he wants. She can't look at his face like this and deny him, it's too hard.

Maybe she should just do it. Maybe it wouldn't be so terrible to be with Sola. It's not as if she'll remember being in Vatheon when she returns to Hyrule.]

Edited 2012-02-29 12:16 (UTC)

[Zelda, if Signless knew you were thinking like that, he would have some words to say with you! Strong ones! Possibly with some of the profanity he's learned from Karkat interlaced in them! You can' t just do that to him, what if Link shows up? You'll just end up breaking his heart all over again.]

[But Signless isn't a mind reader, and he just keeps his arms close around his young friend. He wants to know why he did it, what possessed him to think of ending his own life, but he won't ask. If it's something Sola wants to share, he'll listen, but he won't try and force it out of him.]

We're all here, Sola... we're here because we love you and we were so worried.

[It's too much, everything is too much. He keeps is eyes trained on Zelda, huddled in Signless's arms and trying to piece together what to say. They love him. He knows Signless does, he loves Signless too, but it's different. He looks up to Signless, finds comfort in his embrace and solace in his words. It's a nurturing sort of love, a knowledge that if they ever need each other, they'll be there, accepting. It's the way he loves Psiionic, too. The way he loves Ion, and Izaya.

The way he loves Zelda is overwhelming, all consuming. When she's around, it's as if nothing else exists and she's the very air he breathes. He loves her desperately, in ways he can't quite explain, and now she's here just as Izaya had promised. She's looking at him, as lost as he is. Is it because she's realized, as Izaya said she would? She cares for him, she said so, they'd heard it. His expression grows lighter and he tentatively brings his hand up, about to reach for her, but he hesitates.

Where is Izaya?

They'd jumped together, he should be here too. Izaya had sworn to be his guide, to make sure he returned to life when Sola was fully certain he wouldn't return. But he's here, and Izaya... isn't.

The replica looks around what he can view of the plaza from his present situation, unwilling or unable to fully separate from Signless' anchoring presence just yet. He still feels he might fly apart, that this is just a fevered dream, but it's not important now. He turns this way and that, trying to catch a glimpse of dark hair and pale skin, a tuft of the fur on the hood of the informant's coat. Anything. Any sign.

They're not to be found. Izaya isn't here. A cold knot settles in the pit of Sola's stomach. Did he not come back? Did Izaya take that punishment for him? Shaking again, Sola looks among the familiar faces gathered around him.]

Where's Izaya?

[Shizuo had said Izaya was fine, so Zelda can only assume that he's taking care of him.]

Izaya's alright. Shizuo is taking care of him. I...

[Oh goddesses, she's going to cry right here in front of everyone, isn't she? Even as she tries to stop them, the tears come anyway.]

I'm so sorry Sola, I tried to catch you both! I didn't have time, I couldn't tell who was who and I just... what even possessed you two to do that?!

[Her voice isn't accusatory, simply stressed. And relieved. Sola came back after all, he was alright even if he wasn't a person in the traditional sense of the word.]

[Signless stays quiet, listening to the humans and trying to take it all in so he can piece together exactly what happened. One thing he knows for sure, though, is that this Izaya person sounds like bad news.]

[When he sees the tears on Zelda's face, he reaches out and puts a hand on her shoulder. She's welcome to join the hug pile, if she likes.]

I-I thought...

[Sola swallows, resting his cheek on Signless' shoulder again and at a loss for words. Shouldn't she know? Shouldn't she have her arms around him too, telling him she loves him?]

Izaya said...

[Izaya said probably. But she's here, isn't she? She's...

crying.]

I-I'm sorry...

[She takes a few breaths to calm herself, shaking her head and smiling slightly. She was being too stern with him, wasn't she?]

I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm relieved you came back. What did Izaya say?

[Signless doesn't say a word, just keeps his arms around Sola, gently running his fingers over the back of his head, and listening very, very closely to everything he and Zelda are saying.]

Izaya...

[Sola has to stop, swallow, and start again, curling his fingers in the fabric of Signless's robe.]

He said.. that people sometimes don't realize they love someone until they're gone, so.. so maybe, if we were gone, then you and Shizuo...

[He looks hopeful for a moment, meeting Zelda's eyes.] You said Shizuo was taking care of him? Then it worked?

[Zelda doesn't hold the Triforce of Wisdom just for show. Sola's words are painting a very ugly picture for her. Izaya had been angry with Shizuo for staying with her. Very angry. Shizuo had said she was his most important person. So what did Izaya do? Set out to prove him wrong on it in the most twisted way possible.

But he couldn't just do that, oh no. He had to get back at Zelda too. He knew how she felt about Sola, he knew it, and he still told him that maybe she would love him if he killed himself?

The worst part was that it did work, at least for Izaya. Where was Shizuo right now? He hadn't been home for days as far as she had been able to tell when she went back briefly, they were almost certainly together. A black sort of anger bubbles up inside her at the thought. It won't be that easy.

But no. She doesn't have the details just yet. She'll confirm them after this and then decide what to do. And Sola needs her right now, needs her to be understanding and not just this side of murderous.]

Sola, I... I do care about you. Very much so. But a relationship is not something that I can do, do you understand? Even with Link... I am Hyrule's princess first and a person second.

[Signless is starting to piece together what happened here, and his jaw clenches with anger. He'll be more than happy to help Zelda and Sola sort through all this later; right now, there's someone in the bubble he needs to have a word with.]

Where's Izaya?

[His hand clenches on Sola's shoulder, gathering some of the boy's shirt into a clenched fist.]

[ Oh no. The Helmsman isn't the quickest troll when it comes to interpersonal interactions, but he's capable of understanding some things. He keeps close all the while, but stays very quiet.

Until a soft 'shoosh' (if somewhat distorted by his lisp) seems appropriate, and he directs it towards his closest friend. Right now, Sola needed the Signless and Psii is quite aware of that fact. Handling this horrible influence to the boy can wait until later. Whoever this Izaya is, he would keep. ]

[A few tears begin to well up in Sola's eyes again at Zelda's words but the feel of Signless's tightened grip on his shoulder and rigidity of frame gives him pause.

They're angry. He thought they might be, distantly, but never dreamed they'd be angry at Izaya. He's Sola's friend, he was trying to help them both and clearly it had partially worked, at least for him. The replica hurriedly looks between the princess and the prophet, alarmed at the chill in the atmosphere and tightening his own grip on Signless to prevent him from... Sola's not sure what, but he has a bad feeling.]

Don't be mad! He was sad too and he was trying to help both of us! If Shizuo's with him now, then it worked and you should just leave them alone, okay? Please?

[The replica's ears twitch nervously as he looks again between dark expressions.]

He's my friend...

I understand, Sola. There is no denying that he was upset as well, he did jump along with you.

[Izaya's privacy can bite it, he told Sola to jump too. No more dancing around that part.]

But it isn't healthy to think that it's alright to hurt yourself, and it definitely isn't alright to ask others to do it with you. Izaya is old enough to understand that. I won't hurt him, I'm just going to talk with him.

[Psiioniic uses Shoosh! It's fairly effective!]

[Signless relaxes a little, both from Psii's gentle shooshing and Sola's pleas. His grip on Sola's shirt loosens, and he rests his head against Psii's arm, just for a moment. Then he picks it back up and looks down at the boy.]

Sola, anyone who would tell you to try such an awful thing isn't your friend. It was a cruel thing he did to you, making you suffer death, and for what kind of gain?

[He glances at Zelda, and there's pity and sadness in his red eyes.]

You can't make someone love you the way you want; all you can do is hurt them by taking yourself away.

Nothing can forthe love.

[ Is that the Helmsman saying something? Well, it's a subject he happens to know very well. ]

Ath much ath you may want it, that ith not the cathe here. Pleathe, lithten to them.

[He knows. He knew when he kissed her and he knew when Izaya spoke to him about it but he couldn't be sure. If there was even a chance he had to take it.

But there wasn't a chance. He just hadn't known that part yet. Zelda's words clanged around in his head, all the negatives culminating in one giant NO emblazoned across his brain. He gets it now. And knowing he hurt her, that he made her cry, and that Signless is angry and sad and Psiioniic is sad and they're all going to blame Izaya, it's too much.

Sola shoves away from Signless suddenly, the abrupt motion breaking the Troll's hold on his tunic, but he doesn't go far, staggering back with his ears straight out in anger. And he is, he's furious. Nothing's working, nothing's the way it's supposed to be and it's his fault and he hates it.

But what he hates most of all is that they might be right. He didn't want to die. That feeling of vanishing, of absolute nothing, of fading away... thinking on it nearly sent him rushing right back into Signless's arms but the fire of his furious frustration won't permit it.]

It was my fault, then! I thought of it, I decided we should do it! Leave Izaya alone! A-and what do you know, anyway?! You guys don't even have to see the people you love b-but every time I see you I just- I feel like-

[He balls his hands into fists, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. Every time he sees her and knows she doesn't love him, it feels the same as fading away. But how can they understand? Only Ion would and Sola knows for certain he couldn't stomach seeing the other replica's face right now, not after he'd promised not to fade away.

He'd promised.]

I-I'm sorry... I don't want to die...

[Zelda knows exactly what Sola feels like every time he sees her - after all, she feels much the same way. It's hard, but it's not unbearable, and she wants to be able to think of him as his own person. It's never been clearer to her than it is right now that he's not Link.

She can't do it anymore. She can't keep talking to him without screaming and she knows that Signless has it hard right now too but... she just can't.]

I understand.

[She stands up, taking a few steps back and making a small movement with her hand. There's a flash, and then she's gone.]

[Wow, thanks, Zelda. Super helpful, absconding like that.]

[Humans, god.]

[Signless stands up and walks towards Sola, his hands out in front of him.]

Calm down. You're not getting anything done or accomplished when you're angry and lashing out like that.

[He hadn't meant to make her leave and it simply made his anger burn brighter. He pushes Signless's hands away roughly, glaring up at him with a darkened hue to his complexion. He's no longer paying attention to what he's saying, whether he really things the things that come tumbling from his mouth.]

You weren't there! You said you'd be there but you weren't and it's your fault I was wrong! It's all your fault and her fault for making me feel like this and Ion's fault for making me promise!

[His voice raises in a shrill crescendo but cracks at the end brokenly. He's hurt and he's angry and everything's wrong and no one's making it better, they're just running away or looking at him without fixing anything. Not that he has any idea of what someone could do to fix things.

He wants Signless to hug him again but he also wants to go running and hide because he's sure now that he's gone too far and Signless and Psiionic won't want anything to do with him anymore, just like Zelda.

He lets out a wordless shriek of frustration and anger and sorrow, taking another step backwards from Signless but slipping on the slick cobbles and landing back first, stunning himself momentarily with an expression that would be comical if he hadn't been raging a moment before. (Or maybe it is)]

[Signless might be troll jesus, but he's also a troll, and he's done with drama for today. He strides up to Sola, drops down on one knee beside him, and holds him in place with one arm. With the other one, he paps him across the face, once forehand, once backhand.]

Stop that. I know you're hurting and upset right now, but that is no reason to lash out at Psii and I. We are here because we care about you and don't want you hurting anymore. Is your friend Izaya here? Is he by your side in this time of hardship?

[Signless lets those words sink in for a moment before engulfing Sola in a hug, holding him tightly against his chest.]

I told you: part of existing is hurting. Part of growing up is learning how to deal with that hurt.

[The paps snap him out of his tantrum and Signless is hugging him before he can react. For a brief moment, Sola nearly starts screaming again but his Trolldad's embrace takes the wind out of his sails and he buries his face back in Signless' shoulder instead, words muffled in the fabric of his clothing.]

Why? Hurting sucks, why does it have to be like this?

[ Psii stays back, watching. He doesn't want to crowd and Signless seems to have the young man well in hand. ]

How elthe would you know joy if you cannot underthtand pain?

[Holy crap, that gets Signless' attention! He looks up at Psii, his expression completely open and unguarded for a moment, before it dissolves into pure happiness and joy at hearing that from his oldest friend. Then he turns back to Sola.]

Listen to him, little one, because he's right. Joy is meaningless if you have nothing to compare it to.

[Sola looks at Psiioniic, somewhat defeated but also curious. The helmsman has a point, possibly. At least Signless seems to think so. Sola is just too tired to sort through what he thinks on the matter, too much emotion having raced through him in such a short span since he'd returned that it leaves him feeling empty. Curiously, not cold, not devastated anymore. Yes it hadn't worked, yes Zelda left, and yes Izaya hadn't been there with him as promised, and he's sure it will upset him later again but now all that he wants is to curl up between the two ancestors and sleep.

He hesitates, then simply burrows against Signless.]

I'm tired...

[ He ducks his head down, going a bit yellow at the tips of his ears as he does so. ]

Perhapth we could abthcond to our hive?

Yes, let's do that.

[Signless tries to help Sola to his feet.]

You're going to stay with us for a little while, okay, Sola?

Okay.

[He replies simply as Signless helps him back to his feet, no longer caring about much but a warm bed and not having to think about anything for awhile. He rubs his eyes and slips his hand in Signless' numbly. He looks over at Psiioiic for a beat before raising his other hand to the Helmsman for him to also take.

He needs that reassurance right now, from both of them.]

Five days later

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

I finally get to use this icon ICly!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject