vatheon | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Characters: Izaya and Shizuo
Location: Shizuo's place
Time: Night
Style: Action cool with you, baaaybe~?
Status: Closed

[This was stupid and this was dangerous. Mostly stupid. Izaya slipped away from Jacob's for a bit. He didn't know why Shizuo wasn't furious with him but he was selfish enough to take it in stride. It was probably apart of the curse.

Also, he was kinda concerned.

Shizuo was never sick. Curse or not- this was weird. But the problem was- Izaya had never really been sick before either so he was kinda helpless.

But he had enough common sense of first aid that he wasn't totally useless. When he arrived at Shizuo's, he had a nurse's hat placed on his head.]

I would've dressed up but I don't think we're at that stage in our relationship.

[He says it with a poker face.

It's a good twenty minutes later and he's forced Shizuo into bed, tucked him in, and is now sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning over with a hand pressing a wet towel against his forehead.

He's shoved a thermometer into Shizuo's mouth and has something cooking in the kitchen.]

Can't believe Shizu-chan's sick...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Izaya had dark dreams. Literally dark. Where all he could see was barely the curve of Shizuo's naked body. It was erotic in a subtle way. It was more sensual than anything. They were touching- exploring, curious.

It was a blurry dream. Practically drugged and lethargic in movement and comprehension. He could see Shizuo's bright eyes. He couldn't tell if they were even making love or just--

Existing.

But then he started to stir the moment he started to realize what was happening. What they were doing-

He awoke to find himself on his side, his whole body practically sealed to Shizuo's. He felt a little dizzy upon waking and for a fleeting moment, fear jumped up in his gut.

He instantly wanted to dart out of the bed. But then recalled last night. Not to mention, his intimate dream had him languid and relaxed. He slid over onto his back, leaving his pelvis and legs against Shizuo's as he twisted over.

He stretched his arms above his head but then just rested his wrists above himself.

His eyes shut and he took a slow breath.

He knew he had to go soon. Especially since he could already hear that Shizuo was breathing deeper, more clear...

But he could just. Wake up for a while.]

[It had been the most peaceful sleep Shizuo had since the night that Sola died. For once, he didn't have nightmares, and he was able to sleep deeply. Somewhere along the night, his fever must have gone down, because he felt so much clearer upon awakening. Once aware, Shizuo doesn't open his eyes right away. His head aches in a subtle kind of way - as though it is a mild reminder of his higher fever the night before - but he can think again. He can remember that Izaya had killed Sola, and that Izaya had lived -

but only because of Sheik.

He also remembers Izaya laying with him. Taking care of him. Making him eat.

Shizuo can feel Izaya's legs against his. All the emotions he couldn't place the night before come floating back - the anger, the hurt, the loneliness of having to leave both Zelda and Izaya - but still he keeps his eyes closed. Waits. A lower fever means a clearer head, but Shizuo isn't exactly feeling up to par. His muscles still ache and - he realizes, almost sardonically - he still wouldn't be able to throw anything at Izaya if he tried.

Not that he really wants to.

He coughs, though. And coughs some more. And then it's game over, really, and he sits up to recover. Once the fit has passed, Shizuo looks down at Izaya. And then he closes his eyes, because it hurts, already. More, because of what they did last night. Because of the way Shizuo wanted him by his side.

He uses a hand to rub his forehead.]

Izaya.

[It's firm, if a little hoarse from the fit.]

[Izaya doesn't know that Shizuo woke up until he starts to cough and he can feel him sit up beside him. A part of him wanted to just sit up and get dressed.

He waits though.

The moment Shizuo says his name, he knows- he knows that it's over. That last night was just a memory now. Izaya opens an eye and stares up at Shizuo.]

Morning, Shizu-chan.

[His voice is reluctant and he sits up onto his elbows. Hanging his head, he grins a little and begins to pull the blankets off from his legs.]

I'll get dressed and head out, nya?

[He edges towards the end of the bed and starts to get out of the bed.]

[That's probably the best solution. Izaya leaving and hiding away again. Maybe for good. Shizuo back in his old apartment, hiding himself - from Zelda. From Sola when he finally wakes up. A couple of cowards hiding because it's just better than way.

But it's complicated. Now, especially. Shizuo obviously cares about Izaya (in his opinion). If he hadn't, those ridiculous needs and desires would have never surfaced. It doesn't mean he isn't hurt and betrayed - he is, in ways he's not sure he'll ever be able to fully put into words. It hurts to even consider having a conversation with Izaya.

So he decides to just jump into it. No hype or build up, not even bothering to tell Izaya to stay. He grits his teeth in preparation - against the fresh onslaught of anger and pain almost too much for his weakened body to bear. It sounds cliche, but Shizuo is tired already, and it hasn't even started yet.

And he speaks. He makes an effort to keep his tone as steady as possible, but that's fucking hard when you've been betrayed by the person who - yeah.]

You didn't make any promises. I know that. But you said you'd try. For me.

[Well shit. Exactly what Izaya doesn't want to do. Great.

He bends over to pull his jeans up at least. Buckling his belt, he glances at Shizuo. All right. So this was going to be The Conversation.

So he turns on his heel and crosses his arms over his chest. He looks. Indifferent.]

I did try. But then I realized that you've never given me a chance to begin with. Whenever I asked for your trust to begin with, you'd just bring up the past and how I've given you so many reasons to not trust me. So I don't really know what you wanted from me. And don't argue that you tried. Shizuo, I jumped from a building and you didn't even try to save me.

And I can only assume that that's because you didn't even trust me that I was really jumping from a building.

Even when I jump from a building, Shizu-chan, you don't have the capacity to trust me enough to save my life. If Sheik wasn't there, there would have been two bodies cracked open at the bottom.

I'm sorry I betrayed you, Shizu-chan~.

[It truly sounded genuine. He picks up his sweater and pulls that down over his head.]

But. Shizu-chan. I guess you just kinda ...hurt me. When you told me that...

[He stops and shakes his head. He picks up his jacket and throws it on.]

It doesn't matter.

Edited 2012-02-28 22:59 (UTC)

[Shizuo chooses to stay sitting in bed. It's probably an arguement worthy of yelling and getting in Izaya's face, but he just doesn't have the energy for that. He shifts around so that he's propped up, watching Izaya throw on his clothes, listening.

He says...a lot. Shizuo doesn't know how to begin with replying.]

You don't want me to argue with you. But what else am I supposed to do, Izaya? I told you I'd try - I was trying. I thought we were in a good place. You made me feel like we were okay. I can't just change everything quickly, I thought you knew that I was trying.

And of course I didn't trust you to jump off of a fucking building - who are you Izaya? A suicidal little kid trying to prove his love? No. I didn't believe it then and I don't believe it now. You're not a teenager Izaya. You know what you're doing better than anyone else knows what they're doing. I'm not going to trust that you choice to kill yourself for your love for me.

Especially because at the same time you ruined my life at the same time as you jumped off the building. That's not proving your love. That's proving shit.

[Shizuo coughs a little, but refuses to let that throw him off his speech. It's not like he's the most verbal or well-spoken person - he needs to keep going when he manages to work up the effort.]

And don't say sorry and sound serious. You're not sorry. You're getting exactly what you wanted out of this. [Shizuo spreads his arms, gesturing.] I have no one, now. I've hurt one of the only people who actually gave a damn about me - by dating you. And I thought you gave a damn, too. I really did. But here I am. [He drops his arms.] I have no one. Not Zelda. Not her weird little roommate. Not even Sola, who, by the way, I considered a friend. I just have you. The person who wanted to ruin my life, and did.

[He shakes his head, angrily, even though it aches to do that.]

Don't you fucking say it doesn't matter. It matters, Izaya. It matters because you were hurt and you decided, instead of telling me about it, to hurt me even worse. People who love each other don't do that, Izaya. That's not love. You don't love me.

[That last bit hurts to say, because last night, Shizuo thought he did. Believed in it. Saw Izaya's kindness. But Shizuo had a view of love that was based on a promise to never hurt the other person - Izaya didn't fit into that view. Maybe he cared, but not enough.]

You said you wanted to protect me so that I wouldn't break again. Well you broke me. You said you didn't want to hear me in pain. Well I am in pain.

[He sighs, and won't look at Izaya now. Being so candid is unlike him, but what's the point, anymore? Might as well be open and honest since everything is ruined.]

I don't know why I did it, Shizuo. But the fact of the matter was that you didn't even care enough to try and save me. Which is fine, really, and I was doing it more for myself than to spite you. I've always been fascinated with death. I've always wondered what it felt like. And you can't die here.

[At that accusation, Izaya's eyes brighten and suddenly he barks out a laugh.]

Oh, God, Shizu-chan. Your life is ruined? Ruined? Wow, that is a big statement. Don't you think? I mean, you're perfectly fine, aren't you? You're still friends with your princess. You just don't live with her anymore and I didn't do that. You did that. Don't act like you're so alone.

Aw. Tragedy, Shizu-chan. I'm so sorry that you were destroyed by dating me. I'm so sorry that that I am all you have left. That must suck so much.

[Now he's just sneering at Shizuo because really. Like he thought that was going to make anything better?

Yeah. Right.

But then when Shizuo says that- that he doesn't love him.

Well. Izaya's eyes widen and for a moment- he looks shocked. Then his eyes darken in ...blatant pain.

He stares away and then whips around.]

I knew that I shouldn't have come over. Bye, Shizu-chan.

[He wanders towards the door but then stops and looks over at Shizuo.]

It's funny. You acknowledge that I was hurt and scold me for how I deal with it. You're right. I should have talked to you about it. But you would've probably just told me that I haven't done anything to warrant the importance that Zelda has toward you.

Oh, sorry, I made an assumption. Sound familiar?

Although you're right Shizu-chan. People who love each other don't do that. But that's the thing about our relationship- we don't love each other. I have that importance of you. I have that feeling toward you. You? I have no idea where you stand with me.

Well. Did. I don't know where you stood with me. I know now that this is pretty much over, right?

Although I should say- you're not the only one trying to figure things out. You're not the only one who struggles with control over himself.

Nnngh. I don't know why I'm even bothering. Tch. See you.

[Annnnd he's just going to exit through the bedroom door now.]

[Izaya didn't and never would understand why Shizuo cared about Zelda like he did - why his separation from her was, in a way, ruining his life. Maybe it's because Izaya spent too much time only caring about himself - and supposedly Shizuo. But he just didn't understand. And maybe it's something he'll never understand. That's why Izaya is dangerous. He doesn't just hurt people. He hurts the people Shizuo cares about. And if he can't see that it's wrong, that it makes him feel ruined despite the fact that he's "fine," then Izaya just doesn't see it. Maybe he struggles with empathy.

But he cares. In some fucked up Izaya-way, he cares. Shizuo knows that because of last night. He's seen it. He's not sure that Izaya really loves him - maybe he's just confused as Shizuo himself it - Shizuo really doesn't know. But Izaya is kind - to him.]

I get it, now, Izaya. I get that you'll never understand. That you're either too blind or you just really don't want to see. In normal relationships, people care about the people that their lover's care about. If I said I cared about Kasuka more, would you try to hurt him? Zelda is my family here. If you were a normal lover, you'd want to be able to see what I see in her - to try to get to know her the way I do.

But you're not normal. I'm not normal either. And I guess that's where this all comes from. We're both terrible, dangerous people, and we both hurt each other. A lot. We'll just keep destroying each other all over again.

[He wants to be angry. Wants to feel the desire to forcibly kick Izaya out of the room.

He doesn't.

But if Shizuo has no one, now. If he made sure to stay away from Zelda and Sola and everyone else, which he already planned on doing...maybe it would be okay for Izaya to be dangerous.

...because. What he felt last night....

Shizuo is up before Izaya can leave, grabbing him and pulling him into a hug from behind.]

I get it. Okay. I get that you're hurt. I'm sorry, I really am. I'm hurt, too. I want to scream at you and I want to hate you...but I don't. I feel like you don't know what you're doing. I feel like there are a lot of things you don't understand. There are a lot of things I don't understand, either. And Izaya I know you need to be protected too.

[He leans in and speaks against Izaya's back.]

I want to believe in you. I want to help you and trust you. I want to fix you. And Izaya, I'm hurting from what you did, and I want you to fix me too. Fix it.

[He lets go, then, and stands straight up, feeling a little worn and lightheaded. He isn't sure if Izaya will stay, after that, but he walks back to the bed to sit down.]

Well maybe I'd be able to see something worthwhile in trying to get to like her if you didn't go to destroy our relationship because of her. And if you didn't put her before me for the stuff that matters. You're the one that doesn't understand. I don't see what you don't get about how that kinda hurts. Kasuka is family. Zelda is like family. If you were a normal lover, you'd understand why I'd be upset at being put on the back burner.

I guess. What's it matter any more?

[After all. They're done, aren't they? So it's fair game now.]

Nn!

[His voice breaks out of him in surprise when Shizuo suddenly grabs him. For a fleeting moment- he's convinced that he's about to have his spine snapped.

But it doesn't happen. He's still tense. But he's quiet and listening, his eyes wide and his head bowed low.

When Shizuo lets go of him, he stands there for a moment, slouched over somewhat. He brings a hand up to his face and places it over his eyes. He takes a deep breath, a shaky breath, and tries to maintain himself. Control.

He spins around and walks back into the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him to confirm his position in staying.

He walks to Shizuo on the bed and bends over in front of him. His eyes are strained and maybe, just maybe, they look a little wet.]

You're right, you know that, Shizu-chan? I am hurt. And I didn't know how to handle it. I don't care what people do to me. I've been kidnapped before and persecuted. I didn't care. I don't normally care that people hate me or don't want to be around me because they don't matter. But I care about you and I don't know how to handle that. I'm used to just hating you. I've never- I've never....I know you haven't either. I'm sorry. I just don't..I just didn't...know how to...It hurt and I didn't know how to deal with that. I just did the first thing...I know I messed up.

I know I've given you a lot of reasons to not trust me. I'm sorry. I want you to believe me- I am. I...want you to fix me.

[It's a slow admittance. But it's steady. He sits down slowly, sitting onto his knees, and places his hands onto Shizuo's knees as he now peers up at Shizuo, his eyes cleared now.]

But only for you. My guilt is here for you. I still don't care about other people. But I care about you and. I'll fix you. If you fix me. And I think that's a promise I can keep. I can...try...to be more open...when I'm hurt. I didn't want to hurt you. I just couldn't...help it. I'm sorry, okay? I'll...hnn...I won't hurt people you're close with. I...promise. I'll try. Honestly try this time. Um. If you let me.

[Yeah, there are things Shizuo doesn't understand, too. They are both new at this, still, and being the destructive people they are bound to fuck up on such drastic scales. But that's how they are - both of them, really. But more than anything, a relationship is about accepting the other person, completely. It's something for which Shizuo yearned, for a long time. And...maybe Izaya yearned for that too. Not in the same way - but from him. Izaya wanted to be trusted and accepted even though he does terrible things.]

Okay. I understand. You're right. I'm sorry I hurt you. Really sorry, and not just because of what happened. Because I don't want to hurt you. I care about you, Izaya. I know you said that you need to feel it in order for it to make sense, but you have my heart. Still. Even after all of this.

[He touches Izaya's cheek, gently.]

I believe you.

[Of course it is unsettling that Izaya cares only about him - but if he means it...if he tries...maybe one day, it'll be safe for him to be around Zelda again. Maybe they could work things out and make everything okay, again. And even if they didn't...

Shizuo has made his choice. He's investing in this, for better or for worse.]

Thank you. I'm glad you want to try. [He doesn't know that they will ever be able to fix what's been done to Zelda and Sola, or to his relationships with the two of them, but he finally has his promise.]

I won't put you on the back burner anymore.

[He covers the hands on his knees, squeezes them.]

I'll fix you, Izaya.

[This conversation was a lot less explosive than Izaya had suspected. He'd figure that Shizuo would try to kill him and that any potential hope for this sort of thing would be immortally impossible.

Izaya had prepared for that. He predicted it.

But that's the thing about Shizuo.

He was always so damn unpredictable, wasn't he?]

Shizu-chan...

[His voice is quiet, and suddenly, he's smiling widely because that..honestly meant a lot to him. More than he could probably let Shizuo ever know. He doesn't like to be on the back burner- least of all for Shizuo.

He wants his attention and his heart- fully and entirely. Izaya's just selfish like that. He's going to try. And he promises that not only to Shizuo but to himself.

He didn't want to mess this up again. No way.]

Thank you.

[And then- Izaya's moving fast and hard. He slips his hands out from under Shizuo's in favor of throwing himself into Shizuo.

His arms around his waist, his face into his stomach, and the force of the hug bring Shizuo into the bed and Izaya partially ontop of him.]

I'll be good for you. I swear. Just- give me a chance.

[That smile. The one Shizuo wanted to see. He smiles in return, because it's the smile. The real one. And it's really nice to see that.

He's pushed on the bed, but he doesn't mind at all. Closeness is what he wanted yesterday - and it's what he wants today. And tomorrow. And for as long as possible. He wraps his arms around Izaya.]

I believe you. And I do want you to try. But Izaya, if you fuck up, just come to me. Tell me. It's okay. I'll accept you, no matter what. I'm ready to feel that - to tell you that. It won't be easy, but if I'm going to fix you, it means I have to accept your screw ups, too. And I do. I wouldn't be having this conversation with you if I didn't.

[And yeah, it still hurt. He still had the memory of Sola hitting pavement, and he still distanced himself from Zelda - there were a lot of loose ends and just because they were going to make this work, didn't mean it was without pain. But they were both hurting. And working to fix that.]

I'm yours, Izaya. Only. All of me.

[Izaya pushes his foot into the ground and moves himself up more entirely on top of Shizuo. He shifts his legs around Shizuo's waist until he's properly straddling him and he sits in his lap.

He leans up to put their foreheads together, his eyes wide open, hands on either side of Shizuo's neck.

They both need this. Whatever this fucked up relationship is. Because as much as it has hurt, Izaya knows that it's a lot better than what their relationship used to be.]

...Okay. [That's a big statement but at the same time, Shizuo knows Izaya. He knows how messed up he can be. Just like Izaya knows all about Shizuo's gruesome anger and strength.

They're both dangerous people. They both know that.]

I'll come to you. And you should come to me. I think we just need to work on the whole communication thing. I think we'll...get there. I'm okay with...being patient. I don't want to lose you. Ever. And whether you believe it or not, I do love...you. Even if it's not something you believe because of the things I've done. But if you tell me I don't ever again, I'll castrate you, okay?

[It's not a serious threat. Not really, but his tone is serious regardless because he never wanted to be told that his feelings for Shizuo were anything less than authentic.]

You don't have any idea how I've felt for seven years, Shizuo. You need to remember that. This is something I've carried for a long time. You need to realize that I'm dealing with this on a different level.

[He's not trying to pick a fight. Not when they just patched up a big hole. The promise softens Izaya and instead of responding at once- he instead just presses his mouth to Shizuo's.

The kiss is full of a deep warmth that comes from sincerity. His hands squeeze down and he presses into Shizuo, his heart up in his throat.]

And I'm all yours. Completely.

[A mumble against Shizuo's mouth.]

[It's true, that they need this. That need is something Shizuo's has been battling since that first curse - since they dragged everything out into the open. And up until this moment, it has still been a battle. But finally, it doesn't feel like that. It feels more like understanding - perhaps imperfect, but enough for now. Shizuo believes they'll get there. They'll get to a place where it doesn't hurt so much.]

We will.

[He believes it.]

I know I shouldn't have said it. It isn't true. I know that. Yesterday - I felt it. I'll learn how to make you feel that way, too. I don't want to lose you, either.

[And that was a truth that had taken a tragedy and a fever to make him realize. Say anything about Vatheon curses, but Shizuo would probably be miles behind without them.

Shizuo returns the kiss, deepening it and bringing his arms around Izaya. It feels right. Everything he didn't realize until yesterday that he needs from Izaya. He tightens his hold upon hearing Izaya's mumbled words.]

I'll take care of you. Better care. I'll treat you right. Put you first. And I'll charm you, too.

[A small smile, and then he pulls Izaya in for another kiss.]

Good. Good. You won't lose me.

[He's suddenly feeling that fluttering sensation in his chest. He suddenly just wants to squirm around. There's a warmth in his body that he can only describe as endearment.

He does adore this man. With everything. Even if it hurts sometimes. Even if it's disgustingly human of him.

But Izaya was twenty three and he's lived with this for a long time. He knows that he needs to let some inhibitions about himself go. Shizuo can' fix all of him. Izaya needs to work on a thing or two.]

Shizu-chan...[Hnnn.] I lied.

[He doesn't smile back but he does kiss back, only to break it a second later-]

You are pretty charming. Guess there's some hope for you yet.

[But he's going to preoccupy himself with kissing Shizuo again because it's Shizuo and he needs to kiss him. So he does. A lot. A lot. A lot. A dozen kisses, plucking at Shizuo's lips before finally he just settles his mouth there and parts his own lips.

He pushes his tongue out into Shizuo's mouth. One thing that he learned was that he liked to kiss Shizuo. And now that he knows he's not going to lose that?

He's just going to smuggle out a lot right now. His tongue sinks into the back of Shizuo's mouth, along his tongue and he practically salivates over the taste and texture and everything else. God, it's perfect.]

Edited 2012-02-29 02:58 (UTC)

[Shizuo responses with a stern look, but a smile cracks through. It feels good to be told that. After all, it became a goal of his to be charming. Still...]

You do need to stop lying, you know. [He glances at Izaya's leg. Yes he remembers.

Then Izaya is kissing him, lots of little kisses before he deepens the kiss, and Shizuo lets Izaya's tongue in and move against his. He makes a low sound in the back of his throat and responds with vigor - uninhibitedly. There was no point in holding back, now, with how much they've lain on the table. He runs his hands over Izaya's body, and settles them at his hips, again. Then, changing course, he slips them under Izaya's jacket and shirt, fingertips making contact with Izaya's back.

This feels right. Fuck everything else, they are going to make this work, because this is right. Maybe they won't have the healthiest relationship, maybe they'll run into more problems, but they'll get through them - together.]

[Oops. He gives Shizuo a guilty smile.]

I'll try. [With Shizuo at least.

Besides. He had to lie with that. After all, Shizuo had been so sick that he didn't seem about to let up--

But that doesn't stay on his mind for long. Mostly because kissing Shizuo is a very captivating thing to do. One of his hands slides up into Shizuo's hair and he arches his hips up just a little when he feels Shizuo's hands on him.

Oh. That. Feels nice. That contact that they both needed. His other hand slides down the front of Shizuo's chest. Something to stabilize himself.

At some point, Izaya begins to suck on Shizuo's tongue, smirking a little bit, teasingly, at the very corner of his mouth.

Hey. Kissing Shizuo last night had started a miniature fire. He can't help but want to get it going again.]

[Whether it's because he's still a little sick and out of it - or because of the raw conversation and conclusion - Shizuo isn't worrying. He isn't concerned about hurting Izaya - well, minimally, as much as he considered necessary - and he isn't worried about being a little more physical. In fact...He pulls back, a little breathless, and coughs a little. Ah, if only they were doing this when he could breathe freely.]

Take your jacket off. It's hot.

Shizu-chan, my, so forward~.

[How could he resist? He sits up on Shizuo's hips and complies to the demand though. He slides the jacket off and tosses it to the end of Shizuo's bed.

He slides his hands up under Shizuo's shirt and pushes them up- forcing the shirt to fold up with his hands until finally Izaya has his hands rested up at the very top of Shizuo's chest.

Revealing his bare body.

Of which Izaya whistles at appreciatively.]

Look at your body.

[His eyes brighten devilishly and he bends over and brings his mouth down to Shizuo's chest in the very middle and begins to kiss wetly here and there- his mouth wavering towards Shizuo's nipple but never quite reaching it.

Instead, he moves back to Shizuo's mouth and pulls his hands out from Shizuo's shirt and puts them back on his neck.

Uh but totally leaves his shirt up. Because that is hot.]

[There's a very faint blush at that, which can be attributed to the fever that hasn't fully broken, but Shizuo does suddenly feel a little shy at Izaya's remark. He's never done this before, so it's only -

His thoughts are difficult to follow once Izaya has pulled up his shift and started kissing his chest, inching near his nipple. Shizuo had never been the type of person to concern himself with his appearance. Beyond dying his hair - which wasn't a fashion statement - he had a very boring wardrobe and generally wore the same thing every day. It wasn't that he thought he was ugly - he didn't. But he also didn't care.

When Izaya touched him, though, Shizuo did care. It made him feel desired - attractive, something special.

He returned the kiss, again finding the skin under Izaya's shirt. This time, however, he navigated his fingertips from his back to his front, running over his hip line, only barely slipping into the hem of his jeans and resting there. The kiss deepens and now it's Shizuo's tongue in Izaya's mouth, moving and taking everything in. It's a nice, long kiss, but when they finally pull away, Shizuo tugs at Izaya's pants.]

[Oh God...Is this a dream? Was this a dream? It wasn't.

But he still felt like he was moving through a foggy unreality. He kissed Shizuo in sync, his body starting to grow warm in its own respect in response to Shizuo's exploratory hands.

Then they were starting to tug at his pants and Izaya felt his skin crawl. It practically made his head spin off its axis. He broke the kiss, his mouth parted and eyes wide, and stares at Shizuo for a moment.

He's wearing a questioning expression but after a moment of thought, brushes Shizuo's hand away only to push his arms up above his head and slide Shizuo's shirt off of him. He sits up and grabs his belt, sliding it open.

Then there's the tell-tale sound of a zipper going down and Izaya's eyes flick up to check on Shizuo's face. Where he's at. If this is the direction he even wants to go in.]

[It would be a lie if Shizuo said he isn't nervous. Of course he is. There are probably ten solid good reasons why he shouldn't do more than innocent (more or less) kissing. But he is being selfish. He wants this, despite those reasons. He wants to feel Izaya.

Being shirt off isn't necessarily new, but it still makes Shizuo feel a little vulnerable, giving the circumstances.

Yeah, he's nervous.

But this is too important. After their talk, this is the logical conclusion.

So when the zipper sounds and Izaya looks at him, Shizuo hesitates, but then nods. Yes. He wants this. He takes a steadying breath.]

[Izaya has a pretty simple solution to the nerves. He just doesn't think about them. He hitches his thumbs into his pants and pushes them over his hips and off his body entirely, letting them drop over the end of the bed.

Then he neatly plucks each sock off and lets those drop as well. He doesn't touch his boxers yet though. That's...Too much too fast.

Besides. Despite the shedding of cloth, Izaya still isn't too sure. He glances back at Shizuo and swallows.

He wasn't sure whether or not he should really take control of the situation. Although a part of him wants Shizuo to just push him down and dominate everything- he also knows that they are about the equivalent of fumbling fourteen year old virgins right now. Because they might as well be.

He crawls back on top of Shizuo, but then realizes that they're still sort of laying awkwardly, horizontally, on the bed and he chuckles lowly.]

I don't really see how this is going to make sense unless we shift around.

[So he crawls further over Shizuo and instead lays down vertically on the bed, his head resting against one of Shizuo's pillows as he relaxes on his back.

Okay. Yeah. About those nerves.]

[Shizuo's shirt is off, but he isn't sure whether or not he should be taking off his pants or - waiting? But - he remembers - he's only wearing a simple pair of pajama pants. And, well, who wears underwear with their pajama pants? Not Shizuo. So he's going to wait, because that'd be...a lot.

Shizuo does like the way Izaya looks with that final piece of clothing on him. It does hug his hips and ass nicely.

When Izaya is settled, it's Shizuo's turn to be on top. He carefully straddles him, looking a little unsure, but pushing himself into confidence - just enough so that he can lean down and kiss Izaya. Straddled on top of him as he is, he can feel Izaya, and it makes Shizuo feel a flush of warmth throughout his body. He deepens the kiss, but cuts it off with a sudden thought.]

Just...if I hurt you during this...make me stop, okay?

[He could grab him too tightly, or maybe get excited and do something too rough...Shizuo isn't sure about what can go wrong, but he'd be horrified if he hurt Izaya, especially in such a situation.

He's...pretty nervous about it.]

It's not as if Izaya had never thought about this. He was a man of course. He had even gone as far to touch himself with these sort of images involving Shizuo in his head. It wasn't exactly something he had ever been proud of- especially before they had even had anything akin to a relationship. Yet he couldn't help himself before and he certainly could not help himself now. Shizuo was, to him, absolutely the most attractive man he had ever seen. It probably had a lot to do with the psychological warfare of how unpredictable and distorted of a person that Shizuo was- while still retaining some type of humanity deep down...But hell. He was also just a good looker.

"Shizu-chan," he said, his tone a low drawl as if mocking the man above him. He buried himself down against the bed and smirked coyly up at Shizuo. "I don't think you'll hurt me. And you never know. Maybe I like pain."

It was a joke, really, but Izaya had a hunch that he had the potential to be a masochist. Why else would he be in love with a man who threw vending machines at him as part of a daily routine? Izaya let it go though because this was a serious moment and he knew that. So the smirk faded in exchange for something kinder, more understanding of what Shizuo meant and he cupped his hands around Shizuo's handsome face.

"Don't worry, okay? I can take a lot more than you realize. And besides, didn't we already learn that you're pretty good with control when you care?" he said encouragingly. It was true. He trusted Shizuo entirely not to be too rough with him. Even if Shizuo did become lost in the moment, Izaya had some faith in him that he wouldn't fuck him literally through the bed.

Of which made Izaya wonder: did Shizuo even know what to do?

He would find out.

Instead of asking the blond, he just started to kiss him again. It was slow, languid, wet, and delicious in ways that food never could be. His fingers curled into his hair and he brought one of his knees up between Shizuo's legs. One hand wandered along Shizuo's back before he dug his nails in against him.

"You can feel me, you know," he said between two hard kisses, his breath a bit heavier and he was a bit ashamed to notice that he was already quite hard. It couldn't be helped. The close proximity, the intimate kissing, the bare flesh, the high scale of emotional connection- it was a bit overstimulating and Izaya felt admittedly dizzy. And maybe that statement was something of a nudge to get Shizuo to explore his body a bit. If only to give Izaya the excuse to do just the same.

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If this is okay for the new scene~

Yup!

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Sorry, had to drive home

No worries

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Off to the wonderful land of prose we go!

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I hope Izaya's riding him or else this post will be awkward :|

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