vatheon | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Characters: Izaya and Shizuo
Location: Shizuo's place
Time: Night
Style: Action cool with you, baaaybe~?
Status: Closed

[This was stupid and this was dangerous. Mostly stupid. Izaya slipped away from Jacob's for a bit. He didn't know why Shizuo wasn't furious with him but he was selfish enough to take it in stride. It was probably apart of the curse.

Also, he was kinda concerned.

Shizuo was never sick. Curse or not- this was weird. But the problem was- Izaya had never really been sick before either so he was kinda helpless.

But he had enough common sense of first aid that he wasn't totally useless. When he arrived at Shizuo's, he had a nurse's hat placed on his head.]

I would've dressed up but I don't think we're at that stage in our relationship.

[He says it with a poker face.

It's a good twenty minutes later and he's forced Shizuo into bed, tucked him in, and is now sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning over with a hand pressing a wet towel against his forehead.

He's shoved a thermometer into Shizuo's mouth and has something cooking in the kitchen.]

Can't believe Shizu-chan's sick...

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[Shizuo feels like shit.

He is probably - no, definitely - being a little more melodramatic about this than he should be, but being a man with a track history of superior health, he isn't used to feeling ill. And he certainly isn't used to feeling weak. But there is a first time for everything - especially in Vatheon - and this time, Shizuo has caught some sort of bug or something that makes him feel not only weak, but uncomfortable as well. He can't breathe through his nose, he has a cough that made him question whether he should stay a smoker - and to top everything off, he can't sleep worth a damn. Every time he tries, he has strange dreams about people jumping off buildings and dying. Sometimes he sees Izaya fall to his death and sometimes he thinks he can hear Zelda crying over Sola's body. It is a mess. Shizuo drifts in and out of too-hot-but-too-cold consciousness confused about which dream is real and which nightmare is just that.

That's how he wound up texting Izaya.

He remembers, of course, that they are supposed to be fighting about something - that he's angry with Izaya - but Shizuo also has this sense of residual apprehension that acts as a delayed reaction to seeing Izaya and Sola leap off a building, and it is exasperated by his fever. It made him want to see Izaya, just to be safe. Maybe he should have been concerned about passing on his germs or about whatever it was that upset him to begin with, but Shizuo is sick. And tired. And really, he doesn't want to be left alone feeling weak and helpless. It isn't like he could have called Zelda. Even in his state, Shizuo knows that is off-limits.

When Izaya showed up at his door, Shizuo greeted him with open relief. Izaya - alive. Screw everything else; he'd work out the finer details later. And though he may have protested being put to bed a little, Shizuo is already feeling a little better.]

I can't believe it either. [Except he has a thermometer in his mouth so it's more garbled than he intends.] I'm weak.

[That is the scariest part. He never feels weak.

He wants to go uproot a street sign or vending machine just to prove he can.]

Mmhm. It's pretty weird.

[This is kind of awkward from Izaya. He knows that the only reason that they are even in the same room right now is because Shizuo is sick. Otherwise, Shizuo probably wouldn't have anything to do with him- unless it involved digging his grave and putting his body in it.

Izaya attributed the concern of his well-being to Shizuo being delusional as well. There was no way Shizuo would ever care about that.

It's a pretty bittersweet moment, actually, because Izaya's figured by now that they're done and over with. Yet here he is, gently patting Shizuo's head and rubbing it as he waits for the thermometer to take his temperature.

He's never taken care of someone before. It's not so bad.

He takes the thermometer away and sighs.]

You have a fever. It's not super high but it's still not good.

[He sets it aside before he leans over again to put the back of his hand against Shizuo's cheek, a frown pulled at his mouth.]

You do feel hot.

[He hums and takes the towel back off of Shizuo's head to dip it into the small bowl of water, wrings it out, and then places it against his forehead again.]

I'm going to go get you the stew. Do you want anything in particular while I'm up?

[Shizuo doesn't really know the first thing about illness, himself, but at least the fever seems to explain his vivid dreams. When Izaya's cool hand presses against his cheek, Shizuo's eyes close for a moment. He's still a little caught up in the memories-that-aren't-really-memories, so touch from Izaya is good. Reassuring.

Then when Izaya removes his hand to busy himself with the towel, Shizuo opens his eyes again, looking carefully at him.

He wants to ask him not to bother with the stew and stay there, but Shizuo bites his tongue because that sounds really pathetic. He just shakes his head, quietly, and looks away, wondering how much he'll hate himself for being so dependent and weak once he's back to being himself.

But then, just before Izaya exits the room, he speaks up.]

I'm sorry. For making you do this.

[Because obviously it isn't something Izaya had been excited about doing, given his initial excuses, and Shizuo thinks it has to do with the foggy, half-dreams he has and the memory of hurt and anger. If he thinks about it too much, though, it just makes his head ache.]

That's fine. I don't mind. I'm just kinda happy you even want to see my face at all right now.

[And that's all he'll say about the situation for now. He doesn't want to get into it because for once, he's thinking about what might ruin their relationship. Granted, he's already buried their relationship but right now...He's feeling a little hopeful.

Out in the kitchen, he pours a bowl of stew for Shizuo. He can't believe he hadn't eaten yet. That wasn't impressive at all for a sick person. Pouring a glass of water, he leaves the room with a tray.

Coming into Shizuo's room, he sets the tray up over Shizuo's lap and unfolds the napkin he'd brought with him and tucks it into Shizuo's shirt. You bet Izaya's a sort of mama bear.]

All right. You need to eat most of this and drink all of the water, got it?

[His tone is relatively firm and he dips a spoon into the stew before he raises it out and holds it out towards Shizuo's mouth.

Then he realizes. He was feeding Shizuo.]

Hn..Heh..Sorry, Shizu-chan. Uh. I'm sure you can eat this on your own. Uh. Here.

[He turns the spoon around somewhat so Shizuo can take it from him.]

[It's...a little embarrassing. Izaya's doting. Shizuo's never really been taken care of before...well, before Zelda. Remember that hurts, a little, so instead he tries to focus on Izaya's directions.

And...taking the spoon from Izaya.]

I can.

[It's an embarrassed mumble. No one has ever tried to feed him before. That's just - weird. And...kind. Izaya's kindness - something Shizuo is still just getting used to seeing.

He eats quietly, trying not to weed through the broken memories. It's a slow process, because he doesn't have much of an appetite at all, but he tries to do Izaya's cooking some justice and manages to eat over half. He does drink the water down, though. He hadn't realized just how thirsty he was until it was in his hands.

Once the dishes have been cleared, Shizuo speaks up again, quietly.]

Lay with me?

[Then he coughs...And realizes that's probably a completely unappealing suggestion, looking a little sheepish as a result.]

Nn, never mind.

[Izaya doesn't watch him so much as he looks around. Now that he's not coddling Shizuo, he doesn't really know what to do. He's not sure if he's doing this right. He's not really sure if he should even be here.

But in some way, he's glad he is.

Then the question comes and Izaya stares at Shizuo- a little shocked.

But then right, yeah, Shizuo's sick. Disoriented. He has no idea what he's asking.]

Um. No, it's okay. I can. Just hold on.

[He stands up and pulls the tray away from Shizuo and puts it aside. Maybe he shouldn't take advantage of the situation.

But Izaya also feels pretty shitty and lonely lately and these are feelings that he is not used to. But he does know that he'd be able to repel it a little by taking advantage.

By being, what Shizuo had told him to do, selfish.

So he, after a moment, he takes his jacket off and sets it aside before he climbs up onto the bed. He's not sure where to go so he lays on top of the blanket next to Shizuo, on his side and faces his...

Shizuo. And just sort of stares before he glances down.]

Is this fine?

[Shizuo wasn't expecting Izaya to agree. He is, after all, kind of germ-ridden and pathetic right now. But when Izaya does, it's clear by Shizuo's expression that he's happy about it. He's been feeling pretty shitty and lonely himself, lately, and though he is disoriented and confused about the details of the past few days, it doesn't fully erase what he's been feeling. And what he knows, in this moment, is that he wants to make sure Izaya stays close. Maybe then he won't have those confusing dreams.

But...on top of the blanket and keeping his distance isn't exactly what Shizuo meant.]

No.

[He tugs at the blankets, almost childishly, trying to urge Izaya under them.]

Closer.

[This was bad.

But what part of their relationship wasn't? Izaya smiles a little childishly himself and nods to Shizuo. Fine. He could get closer. He rolls onto his back and begins to unclasp his jeans.

Shizuo's really hot right now. Izaya knows that it's not going to be comfortable laying against him fully dressed so shamelessly, he strips down until he's just in a pair of dark red boxer briefs. ~~Which I might add do some serious wonders for his hips and ass in case you haven't seen pics.~~

Then he pulls the blankets back and crawls under. He pulls them back up around them and instantly scoots up against Shizuo, compressing his body against Shizuo's and hooks an arm over his waist.]

This close enough, Shizu-chan~?

[His tone is mocking but his eyes are pretty sincere. He does want Shizuo to feel better.

Because Shizuo does look and sound really pathetic right now.]

[He didn't mean strip down, either. But. This is better than being separated by the blanket, and really, Shizuo's too sick to be too embarrassed about it.

Mostly.

Izaya's body is cool and comforting against his, and Shizuo makes a soft noise of agreement, the mocking tone completely lost of him. He doesn't want to lay on his side, because he doesn't want to inadvertently cough all over Izaya, but he does cover Izaya's arm with his own.

He's content. And happy. And he might have fallen asleep, too, except that hasn't been working out for him lately, so he decides to talk, instead.]

It's good that we're not fighting right now. You could probably kill me. I bet I can't even hold bat right now. You could stab me, easy.

[They talked about how they couldn't kill each other plenty, but Shizuo isn't thinking about that. He's just rambling, really.]

I know you won't though.

[Izaya instantly felt Shizuo's fever but didn't mind it too much. He just pressed a little closer. He slid his hand over Shizuo's chest and rested it just on top of his heart. Or where it was assumed to be anyway. Right over where those tell-tale scars were.

Izaya knew that he shouldn't have messed this up. But. Maybe there was still some hope. Maybe. Even with this curse...it seemed like Shizuo was still kind of himself.

Just disoriented.]

I'm glad you know that. Seems like you trust at least some aspect of me. That's refreshing.

[Perhaps he shouldn't have said that so bitterly. But it just came out. He tucks his face into Shizuo's neck and sighs against him.]

I thought I'd never get you like this again. Guess I was wrong again~. Look at you, Shizu-chan. Always being the most unpredictable thing even when you're barely coherent.

[Unlike with Izaya's mocking tone, Shizuo picks up on the bitterness. And tenses. He knows Izaya's right, but there's more to it, too. He wants to argue because it seems like the issue of trust is more complex than what's immediately available in his mind, and it bothers him.

When he speaks, his tone might contain a little bit - just a hint - of a whine.]

I want to trust you more. I do. It's just hard, Izaya. I hope you can see that I've been trying, because I really have - but thinking about it is hard right now.

[He can feel Izaya's hand against the skin above his heart. It makes him think of the curse that changed everything - but even those memories are foggy, thickened and distorted by his fever. In the end, though, everything worked out okay, didn't it?

But if it did, why did he feel so unsettled?

He sighs, then, trying to relax again.]

I don't want to talk about that. I want to hear you talk. About something...nice.

[Not about trust and unpredictability and thinking that this won't work out.]

[Another sigh because Izaya knows that now is not the time to bring these things up. So he drops it with a nod. He knows that Shizuo tried to some degree but...

Not really.

He doesn't reply to Shizuo instead.]

Okay. I'm sorry.

[Another apology meant for more but he lets it drop. He thinks on what he could talk about that's nice.

He figures he could be romantic but he doesn't see the point in that. He shifts around until he's laying on top of Shizuo's chest, his arms folded comfortably over his chest as he grins down at Shizuo.]

All right. So you know my jacket? That was given to me by my mom. You probably would have really liked her. She's a sweet lady. She was really accepting of everything. But my dad and her worked and traveled a lot. Especially in Europe so they were never around. She called a lot. I mostly raised my sisters but that's okay. I didn't mind.

[Granted that's probably why they turned out the way that they turned out.]

She was always there for me when I was younger. Y'know. I've never considered myself to be gay or anything because I just don't really care about sex but when I was younger and in high school- well y'know. I had a feeling. And I guess I probably am. If you weren't around...I don't know. But I told her that and she was really nice about it.

Granted...she told me to go buy yaoi manga to educate myself because she didn't think she could handle researching that on her own but she was supportive. I think she knew I wasn't that interested in sex though. It's always been below me.

[Yes. This is important. Because he's talking. About himself. In a personal way. That's a pretty big deal for Izaya. It's mostly idle chatter he doesn't care about but still.]

[He's glad Izaya lets it drop, but shakes his head at the apology, as though to communicate that once again, he doesn't need to be sorry. He likes Izaya's position on top of him - likes the fact that Izaya doesn't seem bothered by his illness and wants to be close. Shizuo brings his arms around Izaya's back, clutching him gently, as though to keep him there, just in case Izaya decides to move.

Then he listens.

It's calming, listening to Izaya talk. Shizuo could easily close his eyes and fade away as he listens, but he doesn't. He keeps them open, watching Izaya as he talks, and tries to navigate the fog in his head enough to remember everything he says. Despite how disoriented Shizuo has been, he knows this is important - because this is something Izaya simply doesn't do.

He chuckles at the yaoi manga advice.]

She sounds like a good mom.

[Sure, parents all have their shortcomings, but to be accepting - that was important.]

You know, I sometimes wondered where you got your jacket from. That's sweet.

[He smiles, and wonders if he'd ever get a chance to meet Izaya's mother. Probably not, if what Zelda said about Vatheon was true - that leaving means going back as though nothing had happened. Slipping right back into life. It's a sad thought, from where he is now. Reflexively, he tightens his hold.]

Do you miss her?

She was. She had a really unique sense of humor too that always had me going. And she got me interested in psychology- which is probably a bad thing for the fate of humanity but. Ehehe. She wanted me to always read when I was little so- she'd throw books at me all the time.

And by throw, I mean ship them to me always. Buy me them. And she'd never get me another until I finished one and I always wanted to see what else she'd send, so-

[He stops because talking about her is actually a little depressing. Especially since he knows that he probably will never speak to her again if he stays in Vatheon.

Although...]

Of course I do. We didn't see each other a lot but I talked to her a lot. When Christmas happened though, Vatheon gave me a pretty nice gift. It was actually a picture of her. So I have that now.

[He smiles honestly over that because the picture was a very lovely one of her. She was a bit younger than she was when Izaya last spoke with her- but not much younger. Probably a photograph from when he was about five.

He doesn't want Shizuo to talk too much because he might cough. He might be sore. So he doesn't really ask him anything- although he is kinda curious.]

...What were your parents like?

I want to see it, one day. If I can.

[He already likes Izaya's mother, from everything he's told him. It's a shame he'll probably never meet her. It sounds like...she'd approve of him. And that's nice to think about.]

They were good parents. Really good parents. They only wanted the best for me and Kasuka. When we were little, my mom would spend every night telling us story after story until we finally fell asleep. My dad would always bring home little pastries for us after work. It was nice.

[He hesitates a little, coughs - making sure to move his head away and cover it - but then continues.]

It was rough for them. Me, I mean. They tried hard, but I could tell they didn't know what to do. They were tired. I...broke a lot of furniture. I didn't mean to, it just happened - a lot when I was younger. But I know they loved me.

My dad tried to find really strong punching bags to help me out. He'd find a new one that was supposed to be the most durable of its kind and bring it home all excited. I'd destroy them. Of course. It was kind of funny. He never seemed upset about them, though, he'd just say, "They'll come out with new ones!" and act like it wasn't a big deal.

[That's the closest they ever really got to having a real conversation about whether or not Shizuo could control himself, though. Shizuo's thoughts start to stray in that direction, but this is supposed to be nice, so he redirects himself.]

My mom always used to tell me and Kasuka that brothers were more important than friends. That even when you have no one else, you have each other.

[And true to form, Kasuka was always by his bedside when Shizuo was in the hospital.]

Sure, Shizu-chan.

[He doubts that day is going to come but there's no harm in some false hope just while Shizuo's sick. He's never shown anyone that picture and he probably won't.

Although he also knows that his mother probably would have really liked Shizuo. If only for the fact that it was someone to keep her son company.

When Shizuo starts to talk, Izaya puts his chin down onto his arm and watches Shizuo. He's investigated the man plenty but there were certain things he never dug into.

Like his family.

So hearing about it from the man on his own desire- it meant something. Even if it was just in sickness.

His mouth quirks up at the idea of Shizuo's father trying hard to adjust with punching bags. He knows that Shizuo's strength has been a ghost his whole life.

Honestly. He doesn't know when it happens but suddenly he has his hands on either side of Shizuo's face and he has his mouth against Shizuo's. Even though he's sick, he's just become overwhelmed with this-

Feeling. Oh, Jesus Christ, he sounds like Saki whenever she told him about Kida. Except he has a personality and a spine.

He tilts his head into the kiss, deepening it for the briefest moment but then he breaks it, clearing his throat.

It's not like he pulled back that much. No. Their noses are touching and he looks like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.]

Sorry. Eheh. You were being- uh- you know.

[Shizuo hadn't expected such an easy agreement - after all, Izaya is always so private - and it makes him wonder if Izaya's just being extra nice because he's sick. Shizuo doesn't mind, though. It's nice to think about their relationship heading in that direction. Progress. He feels like they really need that.

The kiss catches him completely by surprise. He should break it. Tell Izaya that he was being stupid, because he'd probably wind up catching whatever awful bug had Shizuo all achy and confused, but he didn't. He closes his eyes and kisses back, and enjoys Izaya. He hadn't thought of it before hand, but now that Izaya pulls away, Shizuo feels like he needed that kiss. It made something feel better that he previously hadn't realized felt off.]

Being what?

[He's a little bit breathless, after that kiss - given his inability to breathe properly due to his illness.]

If you get sick, I'm going to feel really guilty...

[But he leans into another one, this one soft and unassuming, his hands traveling up the skin of Izaya's back. Then he pulls back, and gives Izaya a sheepish smile.

At least they were both guilty of it, now.]

Being charming, of course.

[Isn't that obvious. He's already leaning back in for another kiss when Shizuo meets him half way. The fact that Shizuo went in for a kiss delights Izaya in ways that he knows he shouldn't be allowed to feel right now.

Instead, he just. Kisses him back, a curled grin at the corner of his mouth as he kisses Shizuo.

At that sheepish smile, Izaya returns one of his own, a more wicked grin, before he leans down. For another kiss. He can't help it at this point.

This. This is the sort of relationship that they could have if only they could crunch down on certain things. He knows it's his fault that this relationship is gutted and destroyed.

It's also kind of Shizuo's fault.

They both have been destructive creatures when it came to their love. Or rather, Izaya's love and Shizuo's ...whatever it was.

Sick or not, Izaya presses his mouth open against Shizuo's and without a hint of regret, he pushes his tongue into Shizuo's mouth.

It's a warming, delicious sensation that he all but melts into. He doesn't like the poetic analogy but that's really the only way to describe it.

He can taste Shizuo's sickness. But it reminds him only of the humanity in Shizuo that he's come to love over the years.

Shit. Shit- he is so screwed over for this man.]

[Shizuo smiles at that - this time a wider, more confident smile. It feels so good to hear Izaya say that - because Shizuo has felt like he just didn't have it in him. Hell, even Izaya hadn't seemed to have the most faith in his ability to charm.

Shizuo responds to the next kiss uninhibitedly, giving Izaya's tongue access to his mouth, moving his own tongue against it, kissing in a hungry way that thus far Shizuo hadn't really allowed himself to do. He pulls back without fully breaking the kiss, and then deepens it again. His hands have settled on Izaya's hips. Kissing while being unable to breathe through his nose is a little difficult, but Shizuo pays no mind to any hindrances, and just continues to kiss Izaya - passionately. He doesn't want it to end.]

[Izaya takes in the kiss. He loves it. He likes how Shizuo feels and tastes and smells. Even if he is sick, he doesn't taste much different than from before.

His body is starting to feel warm though and he's not sure if it's from Shizuo or just Shizuo's fever. Either way, he draws the kiss out a little longer before he finally breaks it reluctantly.

He licks his lower lip, his eyes bright and excited, but he doesn't make any certain moves.

It wouldn't be wise.

He doesn't say anything because he doesn't have to. He instead rests his head against Shizuo's chest and cuddles into him.

He's never been one to cuddle but this isn't so bad at all.]

[It was with equal reluctance that Shizuo let Izaya go, watching him lick his lip, his own eyes bright from more than just fever. It's good that they stopped, Shizuo knows that, but he can't deny the desire to just start kissing Izaya again. Maybe it's because he's sick and not in his right mind, but it just seems like it could be easy. Nice. Good, even.

Ultimately, though, he's glad when Izaya cuddles against him. There's such a thing as too far, and Shizuo doesn't want to cross it, especially when he knows he might come to regret it later.

Even so, feeling Izaya against him is comforting. Shizuo brings his arm around him, holding him and making idle circles on his skin with his finger tips. Right now, he feels and believes in Izaya's love.

He starts falling asleep, but jerks awake suddenly, a little nervously, thinking about his nightmares again. He knows it's childish, but he still asks.]

Don't leave me tonight, okay?

[The question causes Izaya to hesitate. He holds his breath and thinks for a moment that no, I can't do that. What happens if Shizuo feels better in the morning?

Izaya knows that he can't...

He knows that he shouldn't.

But Shizuo feels so warm. He can hear his heart beat under that purposefully scarred chest.

And he knows perfectly well that he cannot leave. Even if he knows better.]

I won't.

[It's a promise and Izaya's entire body relaxes, as if making that promise secure. He pulls the blanket up around them a bit more and settles more against Shizuo.

After a moment, with a heavy sigh, Izaya feels how exhausted he really is.

It isn't going to take long for him to fall asleep at all.]

[The hesitation makes Shizuo nervous, questions whether he's going to lose Izaya, but with those two words, he relaxes into Izaya, trustingly and lovingly. It's not long before he falls asleep, feeling secure, and now, his dreams are pleasant rather than threatening.]

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