vatheon | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Characters: Izaya and Shizuo
Location: Shizuo's place
Time: Night
Style: Action cool with you, baaaybe~?
Status: Closed

[This was stupid and this was dangerous. Mostly stupid. Izaya slipped away from Jacob's for a bit. He didn't know why Shizuo wasn't furious with him but he was selfish enough to take it in stride. It was probably apart of the curse.

Also, he was kinda concerned.

Shizuo was never sick. Curse or not- this was weird. But the problem was- Izaya had never really been sick before either so he was kinda helpless.

But he had enough common sense of first aid that he wasn't totally useless. When he arrived at Shizuo's, he had a nurse's hat placed on his head.]

I would've dressed up but I don't think we're at that stage in our relationship.

[He says it with a poker face.

It's a good twenty minutes later and he's forced Shizuo into bed, tucked him in, and is now sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning over with a hand pressing a wet towel against his forehead.

He's shoved a thermometer into Shizuo's mouth and has something cooking in the kitchen.]

Can't believe Shizu-chan's sick...

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[Izaya instantly felt Shizuo's fever but didn't mind it too much. He just pressed a little closer. He slid his hand over Shizuo's chest and rested it just on top of his heart. Or where it was assumed to be anyway. Right over where those tell-tale scars were.

Izaya knew that he shouldn't have messed this up. But. Maybe there was still some hope. Maybe. Even with this curse...it seemed like Shizuo was still kind of himself.

Just disoriented.]

I'm glad you know that. Seems like you trust at least some aspect of me. That's refreshing.

[Perhaps he shouldn't have said that so bitterly. But it just came out. He tucks his face into Shizuo's neck and sighs against him.]

I thought I'd never get you like this again. Guess I was wrong again~. Look at you, Shizu-chan. Always being the most unpredictable thing even when you're barely coherent.

[Unlike with Izaya's mocking tone, Shizuo picks up on the bitterness. And tenses. He knows Izaya's right, but there's more to it, too. He wants to argue because it seems like the issue of trust is more complex than what's immediately available in his mind, and it bothers him.

When he speaks, his tone might contain a little bit - just a hint - of a whine.]

I want to trust you more. I do. It's just hard, Izaya. I hope you can see that I've been trying, because I really have - but thinking about it is hard right now.

[He can feel Izaya's hand against the skin above his heart. It makes him think of the curse that changed everything - but even those memories are foggy, thickened and distorted by his fever. In the end, though, everything worked out okay, didn't it?

But if it did, why did he feel so unsettled?

He sighs, then, trying to relax again.]

I don't want to talk about that. I want to hear you talk. About something...nice.

[Not about trust and unpredictability and thinking that this won't work out.]

[Another sigh because Izaya knows that now is not the time to bring these things up. So he drops it with a nod. He knows that Shizuo tried to some degree but...

Not really.

He doesn't reply to Shizuo instead.]

Okay. I'm sorry.

[Another apology meant for more but he lets it drop. He thinks on what he could talk about that's nice.

He figures he could be romantic but he doesn't see the point in that. He shifts around until he's laying on top of Shizuo's chest, his arms folded comfortably over his chest as he grins down at Shizuo.]

All right. So you know my jacket? That was given to me by my mom. You probably would have really liked her. She's a sweet lady. She was really accepting of everything. But my dad and her worked and traveled a lot. Especially in Europe so they were never around. She called a lot. I mostly raised my sisters but that's okay. I didn't mind.

[Granted that's probably why they turned out the way that they turned out.]

She was always there for me when I was younger. Y'know. I've never considered myself to be gay or anything because I just don't really care about sex but when I was younger and in high school- well y'know. I had a feeling. And I guess I probably am. If you weren't around...I don't know. But I told her that and she was really nice about it.

Granted...she told me to go buy yaoi manga to educate myself because she didn't think she could handle researching that on her own but she was supportive. I think she knew I wasn't that interested in sex though. It's always been below me.

[Yes. This is important. Because he's talking. About himself. In a personal way. That's a pretty big deal for Izaya. It's mostly idle chatter he doesn't care about but still.]

[He's glad Izaya lets it drop, but shakes his head at the apology, as though to communicate that once again, he doesn't need to be sorry. He likes Izaya's position on top of him - likes the fact that Izaya doesn't seem bothered by his illness and wants to be close. Shizuo brings his arms around Izaya's back, clutching him gently, as though to keep him there, just in case Izaya decides to move.

Then he listens.

It's calming, listening to Izaya talk. Shizuo could easily close his eyes and fade away as he listens, but he doesn't. He keeps them open, watching Izaya as he talks, and tries to navigate the fog in his head enough to remember everything he says. Despite how disoriented Shizuo has been, he knows this is important - because this is something Izaya simply doesn't do.

He chuckles at the yaoi manga advice.]

She sounds like a good mom.

[Sure, parents all have their shortcomings, but to be accepting - that was important.]

You know, I sometimes wondered where you got your jacket from. That's sweet.

[He smiles, and wonders if he'd ever get a chance to meet Izaya's mother. Probably not, if what Zelda said about Vatheon was true - that leaving means going back as though nothing had happened. Slipping right back into life. It's a sad thought, from where he is now. Reflexively, he tightens his hold.]

Do you miss her?

She was. She had a really unique sense of humor too that always had me going. And she got me interested in psychology- which is probably a bad thing for the fate of humanity but. Ehehe. She wanted me to always read when I was little so- she'd throw books at me all the time.

And by throw, I mean ship them to me always. Buy me them. And she'd never get me another until I finished one and I always wanted to see what else she'd send, so-

[He stops because talking about her is actually a little depressing. Especially since he knows that he probably will never speak to her again if he stays in Vatheon.

Although...]

Of course I do. We didn't see each other a lot but I talked to her a lot. When Christmas happened though, Vatheon gave me a pretty nice gift. It was actually a picture of her. So I have that now.

[He smiles honestly over that because the picture was a very lovely one of her. She was a bit younger than she was when Izaya last spoke with her- but not much younger. Probably a photograph from when he was about five.

He doesn't want Shizuo to talk too much because he might cough. He might be sore. So he doesn't really ask him anything- although he is kinda curious.]

...What were your parents like?

I want to see it, one day. If I can.

[He already likes Izaya's mother, from everything he's told him. It's a shame he'll probably never meet her. It sounds like...she'd approve of him. And that's nice to think about.]

They were good parents. Really good parents. They only wanted the best for me and Kasuka. When we were little, my mom would spend every night telling us story after story until we finally fell asleep. My dad would always bring home little pastries for us after work. It was nice.

[He hesitates a little, coughs - making sure to move his head away and cover it - but then continues.]

It was rough for them. Me, I mean. They tried hard, but I could tell they didn't know what to do. They were tired. I...broke a lot of furniture. I didn't mean to, it just happened - a lot when I was younger. But I know they loved me.

My dad tried to find really strong punching bags to help me out. He'd find a new one that was supposed to be the most durable of its kind and bring it home all excited. I'd destroy them. Of course. It was kind of funny. He never seemed upset about them, though, he'd just say, "They'll come out with new ones!" and act like it wasn't a big deal.

[That's the closest they ever really got to having a real conversation about whether or not Shizuo could control himself, though. Shizuo's thoughts start to stray in that direction, but this is supposed to be nice, so he redirects himself.]

My mom always used to tell me and Kasuka that brothers were more important than friends. That even when you have no one else, you have each other.

[And true to form, Kasuka was always by his bedside when Shizuo was in the hospital.]

Sure, Shizu-chan.

[He doubts that day is going to come but there's no harm in some false hope just while Shizuo's sick. He's never shown anyone that picture and he probably won't.

Although he also knows that his mother probably would have really liked Shizuo. If only for the fact that it was someone to keep her son company.

When Shizuo starts to talk, Izaya puts his chin down onto his arm and watches Shizuo. He's investigated the man plenty but there were certain things he never dug into.

Like his family.

So hearing about it from the man on his own desire- it meant something. Even if it was just in sickness.

His mouth quirks up at the idea of Shizuo's father trying hard to adjust with punching bags. He knows that Shizuo's strength has been a ghost his whole life.

Honestly. He doesn't know when it happens but suddenly he has his hands on either side of Shizuo's face and he has his mouth against Shizuo's. Even though he's sick, he's just become overwhelmed with this-

Feeling. Oh, Jesus Christ, he sounds like Saki whenever she told him about Kida. Except he has a personality and a spine.

He tilts his head into the kiss, deepening it for the briefest moment but then he breaks it, clearing his throat.

It's not like he pulled back that much. No. Their noses are touching and he looks like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.]

Sorry. Eheh. You were being- uh- you know.

[Shizuo hadn't expected such an easy agreement - after all, Izaya is always so private - and it makes him wonder if Izaya's just being extra nice because he's sick. Shizuo doesn't mind, though. It's nice to think about their relationship heading in that direction. Progress. He feels like they really need that.

The kiss catches him completely by surprise. He should break it. Tell Izaya that he was being stupid, because he'd probably wind up catching whatever awful bug had Shizuo all achy and confused, but he didn't. He closes his eyes and kisses back, and enjoys Izaya. He hadn't thought of it before hand, but now that Izaya pulls away, Shizuo feels like he needed that kiss. It made something feel better that he previously hadn't realized felt off.]

Being what?

[He's a little bit breathless, after that kiss - given his inability to breathe properly due to his illness.]

If you get sick, I'm going to feel really guilty...

[But he leans into another one, this one soft and unassuming, his hands traveling up the skin of Izaya's back. Then he pulls back, and gives Izaya a sheepish smile.

At least they were both guilty of it, now.]

Being charming, of course.

[Isn't that obvious. He's already leaning back in for another kiss when Shizuo meets him half way. The fact that Shizuo went in for a kiss delights Izaya in ways that he knows he shouldn't be allowed to feel right now.

Instead, he just. Kisses him back, a curled grin at the corner of his mouth as he kisses Shizuo.

At that sheepish smile, Izaya returns one of his own, a more wicked grin, before he leans down. For another kiss. He can't help it at this point.

This. This is the sort of relationship that they could have if only they could crunch down on certain things. He knows it's his fault that this relationship is gutted and destroyed.

It's also kind of Shizuo's fault.

They both have been destructive creatures when it came to their love. Or rather, Izaya's love and Shizuo's ...whatever it was.

Sick or not, Izaya presses his mouth open against Shizuo's and without a hint of regret, he pushes his tongue into Shizuo's mouth.

It's a warming, delicious sensation that he all but melts into. He doesn't like the poetic analogy but that's really the only way to describe it.

He can taste Shizuo's sickness. But it reminds him only of the humanity in Shizuo that he's come to love over the years.

Shit. Shit- he is so screwed over for this man.]

[Shizuo smiles at that - this time a wider, more confident smile. It feels so good to hear Izaya say that - because Shizuo has felt like he just didn't have it in him. Hell, even Izaya hadn't seemed to have the most faith in his ability to charm.

Shizuo responds to the next kiss uninhibitedly, giving Izaya's tongue access to his mouth, moving his own tongue against it, kissing in a hungry way that thus far Shizuo hadn't really allowed himself to do. He pulls back without fully breaking the kiss, and then deepens it again. His hands have settled on Izaya's hips. Kissing while being unable to breathe through his nose is a little difficult, but Shizuo pays no mind to any hindrances, and just continues to kiss Izaya - passionately. He doesn't want it to end.]

[Izaya takes in the kiss. He loves it. He likes how Shizuo feels and tastes and smells. Even if he is sick, he doesn't taste much different than from before.

His body is starting to feel warm though and he's not sure if it's from Shizuo or just Shizuo's fever. Either way, he draws the kiss out a little longer before he finally breaks it reluctantly.

He licks his lower lip, his eyes bright and excited, but he doesn't make any certain moves.

It wouldn't be wise.

He doesn't say anything because he doesn't have to. He instead rests his head against Shizuo's chest and cuddles into him.

He's never been one to cuddle but this isn't so bad at all.]

[It was with equal reluctance that Shizuo let Izaya go, watching him lick his lip, his own eyes bright from more than just fever. It's good that they stopped, Shizuo knows that, but he can't deny the desire to just start kissing Izaya again. Maybe it's because he's sick and not in his right mind, but it just seems like it could be easy. Nice. Good, even.

Ultimately, though, he's glad when Izaya cuddles against him. There's such a thing as too far, and Shizuo doesn't want to cross it, especially when he knows he might come to regret it later.

Even so, feeling Izaya against him is comforting. Shizuo brings his arm around him, holding him and making idle circles on his skin with his finger tips. Right now, he feels and believes in Izaya's love.

He starts falling asleep, but jerks awake suddenly, a little nervously, thinking about his nightmares again. He knows it's childish, but he still asks.]

Don't leave me tonight, okay?

[The question causes Izaya to hesitate. He holds his breath and thinks for a moment that no, I can't do that. What happens if Shizuo feels better in the morning?

Izaya knows that he can't...

He knows that he shouldn't.

But Shizuo feels so warm. He can hear his heart beat under that purposefully scarred chest.

And he knows perfectly well that he cannot leave. Even if he knows better.]

I won't.

[It's a promise and Izaya's entire body relaxes, as if making that promise secure. He pulls the blanket up around them a bit more and settles more against Shizuo.

After a moment, with a heavy sigh, Izaya feels how exhausted he really is.

It isn't going to take long for him to fall asleep at all.]

[The hesitation makes Shizuo nervous, questions whether he's going to lose Izaya, but with those two words, he relaxes into Izaya, trustingly and lovingly. It's not long before he falls asleep, feeling secure, and now, his dreams are pleasant rather than threatening.]

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