vatheon | (no subject)

Who: Shizuo making Izaya log
When: Late Tuesday/Early Wednesday.
Where: Izaya's place
Style: ACTION (/gameface)
Status: Closed

[Upon arriving at Izaya's, Shizuo sets Ion on the couch and has mental debate between trying to go see if Izaya is trying to get himself killed, and waiting to make sure Ion is okay. He's a little worried, since healing him had been a kind of sacrifice for Ion. It is...pretty uncomfortable to think about. But ultimately Shizuo decides to keep an eye on him.

Then, once he's feeling a little more confident that Ion is going to be okay, Shizuo decides to look around.

He's been here once before, but last time he hadn't really paid attention. Things had been a lot different, then. Or maybe they hadn't been, not really. Shizuo showed up to...make Izaya jealous, as both Ion and Sola had pointed out.

After looking around, Shizuo decides to try and find Izaya's room. He isn't really one to snoop, but he's curious, and Izaya has snooped into his life far worse - or so he justifies it to himself. He's careful not to make too much noise, because he doesn't know who else is in the house, and luckily picks the right room.

He knows because he sees the rose (at which he just...looks at for a minute) and the knives beside it. Then large chess pieces mounted to the wall. Izaya and his fucking chess pieces.

He means to only look around a little, but before long, he's really involved. He looks through the closets at Izaya's varying wardrobe, and rummages in the circular nightstands to find - ahh, okay, Shizuo just...yeah - and a diary. Which surprises Shizuo, a little. He doesn't look through it, though. Just closes the drawer.

When he's done, he stands in the room for a minute, taking it all in. Then he looks at the very large and seemingly comfortable bed. He realizes just how tired he is - he's healed, now, but it's been a long day. Week. Hell, the whole two months he's been at Vatheon have felt long.

He doesn't exactly mean to, but Shizuo gets in Izaya's bed and closes his eyes for just a minute - only to fall asleep.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Shizuo lets him undo the bowtie and buttons, watching Izaya as he works at them. Quietly. He considers the question in silence for a moment, but like Izaya, he too wants to keep this moment. It feels rare and special, and Shizuo isn't sure it'll last once he walks out the door. He wants to remember this, instead of the arguments and mistakes that comprise the rest of their relationship.]

Okay.

[He drapes his arm over Izaya again, decision translated into physical contact.]

[Izaya was going to suggest that they, you know, get into pajamas but uh. Okay. This is fine. He's not a fan of sleeping in jeans really.

But this is okay. He shifts a bit and his arms come up and around Shizuo's neck entirely. His chest bumps into Shizuo's and he looks at him.

Then just- lightly- kisses him on his mouth.]

Thank you.

[He's never held anyone like this. Nor has he been hold.

This is ...a lot nicer than he expected it to be.]

Shizuo.

I want you to hold me as tight as you can.

[Pajamas weren't really on Shizuo's mind. Rather, he wanted to show Izaya, in a small way, that he is accepting this piece of happiness. Him, really. Even if things may change later, there's this moment, and Shizuo wants to hold it close. He's always been better at acting than speaking.

He smiles at Izaya. It's small, but genuine. He's happy.

The use of his full name, without the honorific, stirs something quiet and subtle within Shizuo.]

I will.

[It's a promise, and he intends to keep it. He pulls Izaya close. He's careful - much more careful than he may have expected he could be - as he tightens his hold on Izaya, who suddenly seems somewhat fragile. The thought makes Shizuo pull him closer still - as much as he can without hurting him.]

[Izaya doesn't even brace himself. Why? He knows that Shizuo has more control than he realizes.

His body feels the pressure. He feels all of Shizuo against him and crunching him down. It becomes difficult to breath but not painful.

He moves just enough to release the stress on his lungs and he can breath.

He exhales.]

I'm not broken yet.

[He puts a hand onto Shizuo's arm.]

You have the capacity to control. You can control yourself to some degree. If you really couldn't, I would be dead right now.

[It hadn't really occurred to him. Shizuo has never really held anyone before, so he hadn't realized what it would feel like, when it matters. He automatically eases his hold just a little as he feels Izaya move - and yeah, it's control. Now that Izaya has said it, Shizuo can see it. Feel it.

And maybe it's the moment, or the joy from recognizing his sliver of control, or the fact that he's still a little sleepy, but Shizuo says the next sentence without really thinking about it.]

It's because I care.

[And even though he feels like he's said too much, wishes he had exercised more discretion, it's true. He cares. He doesn't want to crush Izaya because Izaya is important. Through every ounce of uncertainty and hurt - Izaya matters.

He always has, really. Just...differently.

Maybe that's where control starts. Through caring.]

[The statement catches Izaya off guard. And for some reason, it just kind of hurts to hear. He doesn't really say anything though or express himself.

After all, he's not really the type to put himself up in the air like that so much.]

Then maybe next time you get into a fight with whoever then you ought to focus on that sort of energy. I think you've always focused a lot on negative energy.

[...Like that time where you tried to hate him again and kill him. Yanno. Whatever.

But he doesn't bring that up. No. They're having an actual moment right now and he doesn't want to ruin that.

....Not right now anyway. He can always make Shizuo hate him later. Not that he wants to, but Izaya figures that it's unavoidable.]

I'm sure you've held puppies and things like that before with no problem. It's kinda funny. You don't realize it but you have grown a lot since high school. I remember that you used to break your pencils a lot. And doors. And other stuff. But you got better over time. More aware of yourself.

I don't hold puppies.

[That's a hard limit, actually. Shizuo doesn't mess with animals - hardly at all. Except for that one dog that raced with him through the park. That was different, and he hadn't pet her. It probably has to do something with his mother denying him pets over and over again as a child out of fear that he'd accidentally crush it.]

You're right, though.

[He says it quietly, because he's never really thought about it that way, before. Sure, they are minor indicators of control, but they mean that Shizuo can adapt and evolve. Just like his body.

It's comforting.

He's oblivious to Izaya's musings about that fight. He smiles again. It feels like a lot of things are shifting into place.]

....Shizu-chan. Don't tell me you've never held a puppy before.

[Dude, how have you lived.]

I'm always right, Shizu-chan. You and the rest of humanity will realize that one day.

[Egotistical, maybe, but Izaya totally has a point. He's very rarely wrong. And his assumptions of things aren't little assumptions.

He says it perkily though as opposed to how he'd usually say it- in such a serious tone.

At the sight of Shizuo's smile, Izaya smiles.]

I got you to smile. Hn. I like making you do that. It's nicer than the usual smiles you used to give me.

[He's quiet after that. And then...well.]

I want to apologize. Ah...in advance. If I do anything that makes you hate me again.

I have. Just. Before.

[It was a touchy subject in the Heiwajima household.

Shizuo isn't going to argue the point of Izaya being right. In fact, that's what he told Izaya he hated most about him. Izaya is usually correct, and that has always been unnerving.]

I know. That's always been irritating.

[But his tone is a little fond, rather than annoyed.]

I like making you smile, too.

[It reminds him of the promise he made to himself during the ball, when under the curse. Funny, how that still manages to surface in his thoughts.]

Just don't do anything like that and you won't have to apologize.

[It seems simple.]

[Izaya, too, thinks back on that fateful night and a part of him wonders what would have happened without it.

He doesn't really want to think about it.]

Hm.

[It's not that simple. Not at all. And Shizuo will probably never understand that.]

That's about like me trying to tell you to just not lose control. There's not an off switch.

Besides. You should totally encourage me and be like, 'I'll never hate you again, Izaya. You're too sexy for me to let go now that I've obtained you!'

[Yes, this is his way of making it less serious.]

I know, Izaya. I'm not telling you to turn it off.

[No, Shizuo will never fully understand it, but he thinks that while he can't expect Izaya to turn it off, he can expect him to avoid making the kinds of decisions that will ruin everything.

Not that Shizuo did...

But in the end, he had stopped himself. Rather, he couldn't go through with it.]

I'm just saying be careful. That's it.

[Shizuo tries to think of an equally lighthearted response, but it's really not a lighthearted matter.]

I can't encourage you like that.

[Not when it comes to this.]

(no subject)

no subject

Oh God, listening to that My Immortal cover. This scene is suddenly more emotional

I KNOW. I've listened to it a few times ;.;

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

really going now, whoops