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Who: Shizuo making Izaya log
When: Late Tuesday/Early Wednesday.
Where: Izaya's place
Style: ACTION (/gameface)
Status: Closed

[Upon arriving at Izaya's, Shizuo sets Ion on the couch and has mental debate between trying to go see if Izaya is trying to get himself killed, and waiting to make sure Ion is okay. He's a little worried, since healing him had been a kind of sacrifice for Ion. It is...pretty uncomfortable to think about. But ultimately Shizuo decides to keep an eye on him.

Then, once he's feeling a little more confident that Ion is going to be okay, Shizuo decides to look around.

He's been here once before, but last time he hadn't really paid attention. Things had been a lot different, then. Or maybe they hadn't been, not really. Shizuo showed up to...make Izaya jealous, as both Ion and Sola had pointed out.

After looking around, Shizuo decides to try and find Izaya's room. He isn't really one to snoop, but he's curious, and Izaya has snooped into his life far worse - or so he justifies it to himself. He's careful not to make too much noise, because he doesn't know who else is in the house, and luckily picks the right room.

He knows because he sees the rose (at which he just...looks at for a minute) and the knives beside it. Then large chess pieces mounted to the wall. Izaya and his fucking chess pieces.

He means to only look around a little, but before long, he's really involved. He looks through the closets at Izaya's varying wardrobe, and rummages in the circular nightstands to find - ahh, okay, Shizuo just...yeah - and a diary. Which surprises Shizuo, a little. He doesn't look through it, though. Just closes the drawer.

When he's done, he stands in the room for a minute, taking it all in. Then he looks at the very large and seemingly comfortable bed. He realizes just how tired he is - he's healed, now, but it's been a long day. Week. Hell, the whole two months he's been at Vatheon have felt long.

He doesn't exactly mean to, but Shizuo gets in Izaya's bed and closes his eyes for just a minute - only to fall asleep.]

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[Izaya went to find that monkey. It didn't take him long to figure out who it was either. To say the least, he hadn't been happy. Maybe it was that they were together now or maybe it was the sheer fact that Izaya was the only one allowed to hurt Shizuo -but. It had rubbed him the wrong way.

Without a scratch, Izaya comes home, looking smug with himself as he lets himself in. He hopes that Shizuo had made it home all right after being healed.

He would never have suspected that Shizuo was still in his home.

So you can only imagine his surprise when he opens his bedroom door to find- a sleeping Shizuo. For a moment, Izaya looks a bit surprised. For good reason too because seriously?

Then his surprise flattens into a slight smile, his expression surprisingly warm. This is the part of Izaya that he doesn't really show. To anyone. But it's also the part that he never really has either. He closes the door quietly behind him and tiptoes through the room.

Quiet. All very quiet. At some point, he removes his jacket and- just- puts it over Shizuo.

He's about to leave when his hand stops over the door knob. Wait.

He moves back to the bed and sits down next to Shizuo, leaning over him. A hand rests on the slender dip of Shizuo's side and- ah.

He really is such a handsome guy. For a brief moment, Izaya allows himself to feel that sickeningly pitched sensation of sheer bliss at actually having Shizuo in this way.

Izaya doesn't really know when it happens himself but suddenly, he's laying down beside Shizuo, on his side and facing the other man. A hand is playing with Shizuo's hair and his eyes...droop and- ah--ah...No...

He shifts closer until there's barely an inch- between them- and...then...closer...

Is he allowed to do this? Experimentally, he puts his body against Shizuo's. Just enough to feel. Not...solidly against Shizuo. Not the way he'd like. And he rests his forehead against Shizuo's chest and closes his own eyes.

And just like that- he's asleep too.]

[Shizuo is a very deep sleeper. Even if Izaya had not been very quiet, he mostly likely would have slept through it all.

Eventually, though, he wakes up.

It's early still. Too early. He might have fallen back asleep, had he not felt the warmth radiating against him. Shizuo isn't used to warmth or another body, and he doesn't quite remember where he is, so he stiffens and opens his eyes, ready to bolt up -

But then it all comes to him, in a rush - it's Izaya's room, Izaya is in bed with him, and is that Izaya's coat? - and Shizuo eases into relaxing again, just a little.

It's strange, this closeness. Shizuo tries not to shift. There's something peaceful in the way they are cuddled in toward each other, but it's also intimate and foreign.

Shizuo just tries to accept it, because really, that's what he wants to do.]

[Izaya, on the other hand, isn't such a deep sleeper. He's a paranoid sleeper so he often wakes up at random sounds and movements in a room.

He can feel Shizuo moving. His body stirs and he shifts his legs. One casually slides up between Shizuo's. Yeah, he's just going to leave that there.

He puts his arms around his own stomach and his eyes open wide- only to meet Shizuo's.

He doesn't really say anything. They are in what would be called as the kissing space but Izaya doesn't move to do that. No. His gaze is just intense and serious and a little sleepy but mostly serious.

But then he cracks a smile. It's sheepish and childish and his eyes soften a bit.]

I can't believe you actually got knocked around by a monkey.

[Shizuo's tired and caught off guard, which helps him settle back down and maybe shift a little closer - just a tiny bit. He returns Izaya's smile despite the subject matter, because his walls are down, like this. It just feels - good. He wants to keep this feeling.]

He was really strong. Really. Strong.

[He's relieved that Izaya is okay.]

I guess so.

[Oh. That's a little bit closer Izaya scoots himself.]

It was Vegeta, you know.

[He looks away from Shizuo and puts his forehead back against his chest.]

I don't think he's going to pick fights with you anymore.

[His tone is strained.]

I don't want him to break you again.

I thought it was, but I wasn't sure.

[There's some pride in his tone. He had avoided getting angry, had showed some thought and control - maybe Zelda would be safe. Maybe next time Vegeta would fight him in his usual form -

Oh.

Shizuo tenses again. He can't help it.]

What?

Izaya...

[He's torn, now, because he hears the strain, but Izaya either doesn't know or doesn't care about how important the Vegeta situation is to him.]

I was fine. Broken, but okay. I -

[He's trying really hard to put this delicately.]

- want him to pick fights with me. I'm learning. I'm not that dumb, if I try.

[Izaya feels that tension. He frowns and pulls away from Shizuo somewhat.]

What?

[Maybe he sounds a little defensive. No, he doesn't know, but what he does know is that this was his vain effort in trying to 'protect Shizuo'.

His eyes roll to the side.]

I've never heard you actually in pain like that before. I've always been too far away.

[He pulls away from Shizuo a bit more, until a few inches are between them. Now. Now he just looks confused.]

I thought I was protecting you. Like you want to protect Zelda.

[See this? This is a child's confusion written on his face. He scratches his cheek absentmindedly and...Really just looks pretty lost.]

[Shizuo's actually a little disappointed that Izaya moves away, but he recognizes it as his own fault.

He's not really sure what to do.

Fighting with Vegeta had been really important to Shizuo. It was the first time someone had offered to help him learn control.

But maybe Izaya has a point. Vegeta threatened the person for whom he cared most of all. Vegeta made him feel pain and broke him - him - like he was a doll. And Vegeta could have hurt Izaya too. Then what?

Shizuo's confused, too.]

No one has ever really tried to protect me before. I didn't think I needed it.

[But maybe he does. A little.

And screw it all, Shizuo brings his arm around Izaya and pulls him close again.

Then, quietly:]

I was a little scared.

Everyone needs protection against something, Shizuo.

[Steady words, quiet and dismissive but then Izaya's being grabbed and for a fleeting moment- he wants to push away.

But that's just because he's not used to just being held out of the blue. He relaxes. He folds into Shizuo.

It's dangerous how shaken his sanity is because of this man sometimes.]

It's a scary world out there, Shizu-chan. Even without barbaric monkeys who want to break your spine.

[There's a spark of amusement in his tone but his eyes are dark.]

There's other people who can help you train, Shizu-chan. There's a lot of fighters in Vatheon. Some just as strong as Vegeta, if not more. Maybe you should just request someone to help you train through a video.

People here are....nice.

[He bites the word out. Because he? Isn't one of those people.]

[Shizuo had never thought of the world as being scary, even with Izaya constantly ahead of him, plotting his demise. Things were a lot more simple back in Ikebukuro, where he was stronger and had a solid reputation.

Here, he can break.

And if he can break, so can Izaya.

That's really unsettling.]

Maybe I will. I hate that damn network though.

[There is always so much going on.

He very carefully increases the amount of pressure his arm is applying to Izaya's body - a little reassuring hug. Shizuo knows that Izaya isn't a good person, but like Izaya said, everyone needs protection against something. Even people that do bad things.

Even Izaya. Shizuo promises himself that he will remember that, but betrays none of his thoughts verbally.]

What did you want to tell me earlier? That you thought of?

[Oh. God. Shizuo. You should not have brought that up.

Izaya's body instantly jerks and he covers a hand over his mouth and his eyes go a little wide because- yes he's spluttering. That might be a laugh. Who knows but he shakes his head at the request.]

No way. I can't tell you that now.

[A smile is big on his face when he pulls his hand away but then he looks a bit coy. Hell, if Shizuo really wants to know...

He cuddles right on up against Shizuo, hugging his body comfortably against the blond's, before he places a hand heavily against Shizuo's neck.

His eyes roll up and he looks at Shizuo right in the eye.]

I was thinking that I bet you'd be really great in bed if you could get perfect control of your strength. Because. You know.

[Shizuo is about to demand an answer, but then Izaya is moving even closer, pressing against him and making even more contact. Then he answers.

Shizuo's initial inclination is to scoff at Izaya, maybe push him away, but that is drowned in a warmth that floods throughout his body. He's been thinking of things, after his little talk with Izaya, and the suggestion brings a rush of fragmented thoughts. He can feel his face growing a little hot, but he can't look away because Izaya is right there. Instead, Shizuo pulls him into his chest, breaking eye contact. It's less about increasing proximity and more about buying himself a moment.

Because there's so much more than thoughts. There's the point that Izaya made in his statement - if he could get control. There's the very likely possibility that he could break Izaya. Never mind oversized monkeys.]

Hn.

[That's all Izaya gets. An acknowledgement.]

Although in all fairness, you'd probably be just as good unchained as you would tamed and calm. Same amount of strength but just more wildly distributed.

[He sounds really perky. But maybe it's because he feels like he has the upper hand in this conversation and he can't help it- he is a man. A virgin at that and he's only fantasized about Shizuo for years.

Sure, in a romantic sense, but have you seen Shizuo? Izaya's already comfortably come to the conclusion that he might as well be a homosexual.

Granted, a very, very selective homosexual. Since Izaya, admittedly, just isn't that sexual of a being. Flirtatious? Yes. Promiscuous? No.

But the idea of being with Shizuo in that way has always grinded him in the right way and he'll be the last one to admit it but sometimes their fights...Well. It did get his blood pumping and probably not in the way that Shizuo thought.

Plus. They're in a bed. Shizuo asked. This sort of thing is bound to happen. He doesn't drag it on but instead just hooks a leg up and over Shizuo's hip to get that little bit more closer.

Other than that, he just lays there, grinning a bit smugly.]

[Shizuo isn't immune to...this. Not at all. Izaya's leg moves around him and Shizuo feels a conflicted mess of apprehension, concern, and yeah, a little arousal. Especially with Izaya hooked around him.

He takes a steadying breath. Then he tries to reintroduce a little space between them.]

Izaya...

[It's a warning. It isn't that he doesn't want to entertain the thought of increasing intimacy - he couldn't help it if he did - contrary to popular belief, Shizuo is only human. He can't avoid desire forever, but he's just...

Afraid.

It's a scary world, and given the way he and Izaya go in and out of caring for and breaking each other, it's a pretty scary relationship, too.]

[Izaya knows when too much is too much. And he also knows that Shizuo isn't talking like that because he doesn't want this.

At least, Izaya hopes it's for other reasons.]

Shizu-chan. [He slides his leg back from around Shizuo's hip and puts his hand instead on his face. He grins.]

I'm just flirting with you.

[That's all. His eyes are bright and maybe a little on the seductive edge but-]

I'm not trying to sleep with you. Not yet anyway. Heh. I don't think we're really there yet.

But you know. I'm just human. And you're my really attractive boyfriend. I'm allowed to hit on you, nn? And tease you.

[He moves his hand from Shizuo's face to his chest. He pushes it down against his chest.]

Calm down, huh?

I know. I'm calm.

[Not exactly, and his tone has a little force behind it, as though stating it with some strength will increase the truth of the statement.]

I didn't say you weren't allowed.

[And he doesn't dislike it, either. It is just a little confusing. He's never been openly wanted before, and there's a lot to consider. Their relationship hasn't exactly been steady, and really, this is the most physical contact they've had yet.

It's overwhelming.]

I know.

[He more or less meant. Don't be so nervous.]

All right.

[It doesn't mean he's going to get back into hitting on Shizuo instantly. The moment's passed but it's not awkward. Instead, he neatly undoes Shizuo's bow tie with one flick of his finger.

Then unbuttons the top button of his shirt.]

You can just stay. It's already kind of getting late. And you're already in my bed. So.

Stay over tonight?

[It's a pretty simple question. Or it would be if they were a simple couple. He gives Shizuo a look that's just barely pleading but now that he's had this closeness....

He wants to keep it.]

[Shizuo lets him undo the bowtie and buttons, watching Izaya as he works at them. Quietly. He considers the question in silence for a moment, but like Izaya, he too wants to keep this moment. It feels rare and special, and Shizuo isn't sure it'll last once he walks out the door. He wants to remember this, instead of the arguments and mistakes that comprise the rest of their relationship.]

Okay.

[He drapes his arm over Izaya again, decision translated into physical contact.]

[Izaya was going to suggest that they, you know, get into pajamas but uh. Okay. This is fine. He's not a fan of sleeping in jeans really.

But this is okay. He shifts a bit and his arms come up and around Shizuo's neck entirely. His chest bumps into Shizuo's and he looks at him.

Then just- lightly- kisses him on his mouth.]

Thank you.

[He's never held anyone like this. Nor has he been hold.

This is ...a lot nicer than he expected it to be.]

Shizuo.

I want you to hold me as tight as you can.

[Pajamas weren't really on Shizuo's mind. Rather, he wanted to show Izaya, in a small way, that he is accepting this piece of happiness. Him, really. Even if things may change later, there's this moment, and Shizuo wants to hold it close. He's always been better at acting than speaking.

He smiles at Izaya. It's small, but genuine. He's happy.

The use of his full name, without the honorific, stirs something quiet and subtle within Shizuo.]

I will.

[It's a promise, and he intends to keep it. He pulls Izaya close. He's careful - much more careful than he may have expected he could be - as he tightens his hold on Izaya, who suddenly seems somewhat fragile. The thought makes Shizuo pull him closer still - as much as he can without hurting him.]

[Izaya doesn't even brace himself. Why? He knows that Shizuo has more control than he realizes.

His body feels the pressure. He feels all of Shizuo against him and crunching him down. It becomes difficult to breath but not painful.

He moves just enough to release the stress on his lungs and he can breath.

He exhales.]

I'm not broken yet.

[He puts a hand onto Shizuo's arm.]

You have the capacity to control. You can control yourself to some degree. If you really couldn't, I would be dead right now.

[It hadn't really occurred to him. Shizuo has never really held anyone before, so he hadn't realized what it would feel like, when it matters. He automatically eases his hold just a little as he feels Izaya move - and yeah, it's control. Now that Izaya has said it, Shizuo can see it. Feel it.

And maybe it's the moment, or the joy from recognizing his sliver of control, or the fact that he's still a little sleepy, but Shizuo says the next sentence without really thinking about it.]

It's because I care.

[And even though he feels like he's said too much, wishes he had exercised more discretion, it's true. He cares. He doesn't want to crush Izaya because Izaya is important. Through every ounce of uncertainty and hurt - Izaya matters.

He always has, really. Just...differently.

Maybe that's where control starts. Through caring.]

[The statement catches Izaya off guard. And for some reason, it just kind of hurts to hear. He doesn't really say anything though or express himself.

After all, he's not really the type to put himself up in the air like that so much.]

Then maybe next time you get into a fight with whoever then you ought to focus on that sort of energy. I think you've always focused a lot on negative energy.

[...Like that time where you tried to hate him again and kill him. Yanno. Whatever.

But he doesn't bring that up. No. They're having an actual moment right now and he doesn't want to ruin that.

....Not right now anyway. He can always make Shizuo hate him later. Not that he wants to, but Izaya figures that it's unavoidable.]

I'm sure you've held puppies and things like that before with no problem. It's kinda funny. You don't realize it but you have grown a lot since high school. I remember that you used to break your pencils a lot. And doors. And other stuff. But you got better over time. More aware of yourself.

I don't hold puppies.

[That's a hard limit, actually. Shizuo doesn't mess with animals - hardly at all. Except for that one dog that raced with him through the park. That was different, and he hadn't pet her. It probably has to do something with his mother denying him pets over and over again as a child out of fear that he'd accidentally crush it.]

You're right, though.

[He says it quietly, because he's never really thought about it that way, before. Sure, they are minor indicators of control, but they mean that Shizuo can adapt and evolve. Just like his body.

It's comforting.

He's oblivious to Izaya's musings about that fight. He smiles again. It feels like a lot of things are shifting into place.]

....Shizu-chan. Don't tell me you've never held a puppy before.

[Dude, how have you lived.]

I'm always right, Shizu-chan. You and the rest of humanity will realize that one day.

[Egotistical, maybe, but Izaya totally has a point. He's very rarely wrong. And his assumptions of things aren't little assumptions.

He says it perkily though as opposed to how he'd usually say it- in such a serious tone.

At the sight of Shizuo's smile, Izaya smiles.]

I got you to smile. Hn. I like making you do that. It's nicer than the usual smiles you used to give me.

[He's quiet after that. And then...well.]

I want to apologize. Ah...in advance. If I do anything that makes you hate me again.

I have. Just. Before.

[It was a touchy subject in the Heiwajima household.

Shizuo isn't going to argue the point of Izaya being right. In fact, that's what he told Izaya he hated most about him. Izaya is usually correct, and that has always been unnerving.]

I know. That's always been irritating.

[But his tone is a little fond, rather than annoyed.]

I like making you smile, too.

[It reminds him of the promise he made to himself during the ball, when under the curse. Funny, how that still manages to surface in his thoughts.]

Just don't do anything like that and you won't have to apologize.

[It seems simple.]

[Izaya, too, thinks back on that fateful night and a part of him wonders what would have happened without it.

He doesn't really want to think about it.]

Hm.

[It's not that simple. Not at all. And Shizuo will probably never understand that.]

That's about like me trying to tell you to just not lose control. There's not an off switch.

Besides. You should totally encourage me and be like, 'I'll never hate you again, Izaya. You're too sexy for me to let go now that I've obtained you!'

[Yes, this is his way of making it less serious.]

I know, Izaya. I'm not telling you to turn it off.

[No, Shizuo will never fully understand it, but he thinks that while he can't expect Izaya to turn it off, he can expect him to avoid making the kinds of decisions that will ruin everything.

Not that Shizuo did...

But in the end, he had stopped himself. Rather, he couldn't go through with it.]

I'm just saying be careful. That's it.

[Shizuo tries to think of an equally lighthearted response, but it's really not a lighthearted matter.]

I can't encourage you like that.

[Not when it comes to this.]

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WE CAN DO THIS :|

/pumped

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I'm sorry about the delay kfjdkfg I had to move a couch

No worries!

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Oh God, listening to that My Immortal cover. This scene is suddenly more emotional

I KNOW. I've listened to it a few times ;.;

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really going now, whoops