(no subject)

[bethehugejerk]

Who: Karkat Vantas and whoever!
Where: All across Vatheon.
When: Anytime during the week.
Style: Action please!
Status: Open.

[A curse that makes you say the truth no matter what you want is not exactly Karkat's idea of a fun time. He's not much a liar, no, and his worst secret isn't so secret around Vatheon anymore, but that's not the point. What's the point of being open if it's forced from you? And as outwardly prickly a guy as he is, he doesn't want his squishy inside exposed at will.]

[Unfortunately, as is true for every curse, life doesn't stop just because you're inconvenienced. There are groceries to get, his job at a video store to do, the coral to visit, and his usual sickle practice in the park. He tries to avoid people if he can, oh yes, but there's only so much he can do. Even if he evades them outside the hive, he can't exactly send mental waves to stop them from coming to visit him at home, if that's their prerogative. Ultimately, he's bound to run into more annoyance than he'd like. But what else is new?]

(OOC: This is pretty standard! Pick a place to meet him, and feel free to note a specific day if you have one in mind, though the second probably isn't too necessary. If there's any problem I'll let you know.)

Comments

[spacecase]

I don't know, one douchebag gets along with another?

[ :B ]

He really likes you, he started an argument with me about saying that you're an asshole, like really? What a fuckoff, stop policing everything that people say, god. I don't know what his deal is with Dirk, though...admittedly Dirk can be kind of an asshole, too.

[bethehugejerk]

Says the one who made me jump through hoops with her stupid, degrading password system. Concave heating cookware and water warming device, Harley.

[He wags a finger at her.]

Kid getting offended about that is stupid, though. Of course I'm an asshole. I'd admit it before anyone else would.

Believe it or not, I'm friends with Dirk too.

[spacecase]

Oh whatever, that was when I was 13 and also--shall I remind you that the trolls were the ones that harassed me all throughout time? I had perfectly sound reasoning to not trust you.

[She doesn't wag a finger because that's stupid, but she does shift her grip on the bag from one hand to another.]

Dirk's a good guy. As far as I know Kid is offended at him being the Prince of Heart? Because apparently that entails destroying souls or something and it's like, wow, just because he has that class and aspect does not mean he would actually destroy souls. And even if he did, who says that it would be innocent souls, it could be souls of the very people we are not trying to get killed by. I don't know, Heart powers are weird and I do not think even Dirk understands them himself at this point.

As far as I am concerned, they are just dumbass boys dicking around in the yard...literally, since Dirk wrecked the front lawn. I hope our other horticulturalist housemate never saw that.

[bethehugejerk]

It was over the course of a single day for me, and I realized what an enormous case of bulgerot I was being to you, didn't I?

[Even if it did involve a pretty embarrassing memo. Jegus, past him was such a tool.]

Hell if I know what it's supposed to be. I still don't know what a Knight of Blood is supposed to do except dick around and mess up the game. [Grumble.] What's the point of getting mad about that, anyway? Don't those weapons in Kid's world eat souls?

They're dumbasses in any case; this is just the grand shining turd on the pile of examples.

[spacecase]

Dude, he even freaked out at Gumball just because he is a prince. Like wow man, get a grip, a prince is an actual social class, not just a class for a stupid video game we are all stuck playing.

[Shrug!]

I don't know, reapers are stupid. Earthling boys are stupid, too. [Earthling specifically said to avoid offending the present company.]

Anyway, useless bitching about people we have slightly unstable relationships with aside, whatcha got in these bags here?

[bethehugejerk]

Why would he even think he's the same kind of prince? We don't have gum people or anything like it, which is Sgrub-slash-Sburb's one small mercy to us.

[He shakes his head.]

At least I haven't heard anything about him going after Eridan, for all he actually did destroy hope for us.

[The question, however, prompts his eyebrow to raise.]

These? They're groceries. Food and junk. It's not that important.

[spacecase]

I think he would not go out of his way to scold Eridan out of respect to you, aren't you guys friends or something? [Or was that dating? She doesn't remember what she's heard and from who.]

I was just curious! I mean hey, it could be worse, I could be asking what sort of underwear you are wearing. That happened to me earlier.

[bethehugejerk]

Eridan and me? We're matesprits.

[Have been for a year and a half, in fact.]

But he still went after an actual royalty-type prince just for having that title. God forbid someone actually tells him we were all princes and princesses of Derse and Prospit in the game.

Why would someone ask about your underwear? Do I even want to know?

[spacecase]

'Cause Earthlings are gross and get sexual thrills from asking about intimate undergarments.

[Yeah.]

Basically this guy was trying to hardcore hit on me and I was like "wow no." Seriously, what's with me and getting hit on by assholes, I did not know I was that undesirable to regular people.

[...Oops.]

Sorry, Karkat, didn't mean to grind a personal axe on you. Congrats on the matesprit thing.

[bethehugejerk]

Okay, no, I didn't want to know that.

[Ugh. He rubs the bridge of his nose.]

And you're not undesirable to regular people, so stop playing at the double mobius self-loathing reacharound. You know as much as I do that you will never reach my tier on that echeladder.

[His tone is light, though, at least by his standards.]

[spacecase]

Oh bluh, you're fine, at least you look like a regular troll, I'm the one that people go assuming is not even human over here.

[UGHHH, THE TRUTH. She floats her glasses away from her face and rubs at the bridge of her nose with her free hand.]

BLUH! I meant that yeah, you are right, you hate yourself to some very very epic proportions. I think that self-hatred is unfounded, but I have not lived your life or experienced what you do, so I have no right to get up on my high horse and tell you how to feel about stuff. Especially not when I'm so unappealing that a damn sprite doesn't even want to be with me.

[OH MY FUCKING GOD.]

Can I go crawl in a hole and die now?

(1/3)

[bethehugejerk]

Jade, has it truly escaped your notice that I'm not a regular troll by now? I wear a grey sign on my shirt - [He motions, as if it's necessary.] - which is basically a big "This troll has something to hide!" symbol. Guess what: I did! I am pretty sure that the majority of Vatheon knows by now that I'm a red-blooded mutant, which is a culling offense on my planet. I am, for that matter, absurdly warm, moreso than the lowest lowbloods. And you cannot even imagine the number of lazy jokes, taunts, questions, and nicknames I've gotten for my ugly, miniscule horns.

Furthermore, I already told you when it happened that the inability to get along with yourself is the perfectly natural reaction of a sane and healthy mind. And you kind of aren't totally human anymore! You're part First Guardian barkbeast, with the fuzzy ears to prove it. But the ears are adorable, so stop worrying.

(2/3)

[bethehugejerk]

[Wait.]

(3/3)

[bethehugejerk]

[Facepalm.]

[spacecase]

...'Course it has, because I do not give a fuck. Karkat is Karkat to me, cute little horn nubs and all. Yeah I know, this doesn't mean shit in the long run because troll culture is fucked up, but you know what, we are here now so my fucks are officially gone.

[A pause and a very slow eyebrow raise.]

I wish people would scratch my ears more often.

[Brilliant commentary from the genius over here.]

[bethehugejerk]

My point is still valid.

[Pretty weak response, but true nonetheless. It's the latter response of hers that gets a long look.]

... The last time I scratched someone's ears, it was for an actual dog. Granted, that dog was also an I-actually-believe-in-this-one goddess.

[A pause, then he lifts his hand - the one not carrying groceries - slowly.]

Do you... want me to...?

[This is so dumb, he is dumb, everything feels like a conglomeration of gelatinous, congealed stupidity and here they are, stuck in it in a prime example of reality's most ill-thought jello mold.]

[spacecase]

Ummmm...if you want to, I would not mind if you did.

[Wow Karkat, way to be the cute friend.]

[bethehugejerk]

[Well. He coughs, as though clearing his voice, then reaches his hand the rest of the way. Scritch scritch. His nails are kept short enough that they shouldn't be a problem.]

[Still feeling like that jello mold, but at least they're in it together.]

[spacecase]

[At least, because dang ear-scratches feel good.]

Good Karkat, best trollfriend.

[bethehugejerk]

[He gives her a flat look, because that sounds even dumber. Still, he scritches at her ears a good moment before he pulls his hand back.]

What's it like being part dog, anyway?

[spacecase]

What's it like? Uhhh...it's like...being hyperaware of everything at once and either loving it or wanting to chew it up. Also every single thing is really smelly to you but somehow you do not mind most of the smells. You start to be able to know who's who by smell, too. It's not so bad except for the things I can't control so easily--like wanting to fetch stuff that's been thrown--and sounds are a lot louder as well.

My teeth are getting sharper, too, I've noticed.

[bethehugejerk]

Makes me think of that time I was a cat.

[He'll start walking again, slowly, to see if she'll follow. They haven't reached his hive yet.]

Except that was a whole transformation instead of just getting the ears. You never miss hands until you don't have them, and that's happened to me twice now.

[spacecase]

Dude, why does the universe have it out for you with the cat comparisons? I feel like there has been some sort of allusion involving you and cats before.

[bethehugejerk]

There was the time I got stuck with a cat-eared hat that made me act like one.

[He rubs his free palm across his face.]

I don't even know why. My lusus was a crab monster, even your earth Cancer zodiac is associated with crabs, yet here I am getting compared to cats. My ancestor is the one who hooked up with a Leijon, not me, and yet he never got this treatment as far as I know.

[spacecase]

Could be worse, people could use the Cancer thing as an excuse to call you crabby.

...Or is that a thing that's already happened?