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Entry tags:
(no subject)
Who: Summoner and Signless
When: Right now / late as all hell
Where: Signless's apartment building
Style: Prose.
Status: Closed.
Fuck, he's messed up, well, no, no he hasn't, but he feels like he's messed up because damn, when Darkleer had gotten stone cold again like that before leaving, Summoner knew what was happening. He knew Darkleer would just fade away, if not from everyone, then just him and he really didn't want that but it had to happen because he knew, he... He knew what was going on. Still his heart ached and he couldn't bear to be with himself alone right now so he made his way to someone he felt he actually could talk to. Even is Lysunder really didn't want to do this either...
The weight of everything, of what just happened, of his body, of words said, his horns, his pity for someone he couldn't pity, shouldn't, it all came down when his feet finally hit the floor of the balcony outside Signless's room. And this great General felt his knees buckle and he legs shake, and suddenly his whole body shudders as knees hit ground and elbows met the hard surface beneath him to hold him up as he curled into himself. The Summoner wanted to bawl, weep, wanted to feel that release but he dared not let himself as he crouched into himself on that balcony. Maybe he could just stay here and Signless wouldn't notice. And when he finished releasing his woes to the floor beneath him, he could leave, as if never there...
Maybe, he told himself, not folding back his wings, letting them lay over him like a golden orange sheath and sulking limply around him and the floor.
When: Right now / late as all hell
Where: Signless's apartment building
Style: Prose.
Status: Closed.
Fuck, he's messed up, well, no, no he hasn't, but he feels like he's messed up because damn, when Darkleer had gotten stone cold again like that before leaving, Summoner knew what was happening. He knew Darkleer would just fade away, if not from everyone, then just him and he really didn't want that but it had to happen because he knew, he... He knew what was going on. Still his heart ached and he couldn't bear to be with himself alone right now so he made his way to someone he felt he actually could talk to. Even is Lysunder really didn't want to do this either...
The weight of everything, of what just happened, of his body, of words said, his horns, his pity for someone he couldn't pity, shouldn't, it all came down when his feet finally hit the floor of the balcony outside Signless's room. And this great General felt his knees buckle and he legs shake, and suddenly his whole body shudders as knees hit ground and elbows met the hard surface beneath him to hold him up as he curled into himself. The Summoner wanted to bawl, weep, wanted to feel that release but he dared not let himself as he crouched into himself on that balcony. Maybe he could just stay here and Signless wouldn't notice. And when he finished releasing his woes to the floor beneath him, he could leave, as if never there...
Maybe, he told himself, not folding back his wings, letting them lay over him like a golden orange sheath and sulking limply around him and the floor.
<== keywords relevant
Signless puts one hand on the side of Summoner's face.
"When did I ever say you couldn't be happy? If being with Darkleer would make you happy, then do it. If falling flushed for someone, or pale for someone, or even pitch would bring you joy, embrace that. Rebellions and fighting the Empire are all well and good, and I've told you before how grateful I am that you are fighting to preserve my name and my legacy, but all the victories in the world are meaningless if you don't have someone to share your triumph with."
Signless squeezes him tighter.
"Your war is not here, Summoner; your men are waiting for you back in your time, and you'll go back to them at some point and do what you are destined to do. You'll burn as brightly as the stars, you'll have your memory splashed across the heavens, and all that was meant to be, will. But while you are here, don't deny yourself what joy and happiness you can find, and don't you dare do it in my name. I would rather you never knew of my existence than have you do that."
Re: <== keywords relevant
"I am happy as I can manage here, here in this place of lies and illusions. But here, nor home, do I have a place in quadrants. I don't need them to share my feelings, I have so many men and woman to do so with. They are all I need, all that helps me to continue on, and only the thought of them w-w-waiting for me helps me to go on here.
Summoner chokes, shaking his head and curling his shoulders inward. Oh how he hates that image burning in his mind, that sorrowful, great man leaving with such a cold stride from their meeting, cold, stone, and yet he skin still is set ablaze where he had touched him, and him, he. Lysunder would strip his hands of flesh if he thought it would work, if he thought it would stop it.
"And the war not being here only means I am to await for it, wait as my men do for my return. I would wait till my skin peels and my bones ash. So be it, this need to return, this fear, if we shall call it fear, of commitment to another that I cannot promise will end well. Indulging in such a thing would be like agreeing to a battle I know cannot be won. I w-wi-will not allow such a failure-" he stops, wincing, shaking his head weakly as he curls forward more, fangs clenching.
"I'd never give up what I know of yo-you, don't even mention such a thing... Signless."
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"Summoner..." he leans back, loosening his hold so he can crouch down and look up into the other troll's face, laying one hand flat on Summoner's broad chest, right over his beating heart. "We're lowbloods. It's an ugly, brutal reality, but it's true... we won't live that long. Our candles have to burn twice as bright as the highbloods, twice as strong for them to shed any light. We don't have time to be cautious, to wait until everything is lined up and optimal. We need to be stronger, more brave, even fearless."
His hand moves on Summoner's chest, papping him over his heart, feeling it pound beneath his fingers. "If you love him, you should go to him. Of all the highbloods I've known, he's one of the ones that needs love the most. He needs you, Summoner, he needs you and your life and your spark and your fearlessness, he needs someone to remind him of all the beauty there is in the world, and you can do that for him."
"And love..." pap pap pap, "loving someone is never wrong. How can we ever expect to change anything if we don't show everyone how much love we're capable of?"
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"I know, I know... Damnit I know, Signless. And I will, but not for this, not for him or anyone in such a way. That passion is for another purpose and that is where my focus lies," his fangs clench when he feels Signless move a hand to his chest and he bows his head slightly glancing down at it. His lips curl, a small smile on his face, shaking his head just slightly, horns weighing down any more noticeable action at this point.
"Sure, I'll agree that he needs it, hell, he needs a lot of things, someone like that, acting the way he does, it's fucking pathetic-" Said with a rather half sob/half laugh. "-But not from me. Especially now. I'm out now, and he and I both accept this end."
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"You're being obstinate."
Pap pap pap!
"What did you even say to him?"
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"I said the w-wo-worst thing I could possibly say, but the best thing, for what I needed to do," he says through pained laughter, moving his hands to his face, shaking his head slightly as he softly laughs, wings tightening behind him.
When he first got here, before he ever knew Darkleer, maybe then he would be okay with what he said to him, maybe. But now, after all he knows, after gaining these feelings for the other, god, does he hate himself for what he said to him, but it was perfect for getting the other to leave, to never speak with him again.
"I..I haa... I said what I had to."
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"If it was the best thing you needed to do..." Signless lightly pats at Summoner's face, "then why are you so sad about it?"
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Signless puts both hands on Summoner's cheeks and leans in, resting his forehead against the other troll's. When he speaks again, his voice is hoarse and choked with emotion.
"I'm going to be taken away from the ones I love, and they'll suffer for the rest of their lives because of it. If I could, I would go back in time and treasure every moment we had together, every single precious instant where we in each other's company."
He laughs, the sound jagged and tormented.
"Even running from the highbloods sounds good, now that I know what's coming. I'm... I'm afraid to leave them behind, I feel like I'm running away by dying, that I'm copping out and abandoning them. Don't... don't make the same mistake I did. Treasure every moment you have here for the gift that it is, and just love him."
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And now here he is, disappointing this great troll, how this night has gone...
When the other troll laughs in such a way, Summoner cringes, closing his eyes for a moment and leans closer, pressing their foreheads together harder, his hands still soft as they cuff either wrist, feeling heat of Signless's palms on his face. Lysunder shakes his head a little, breathing deep, and pauses before responding.
"No, it will only feel the same. Better to not indulge in something so deep, the end w-w-will only hurt either of us more than I hurt now, and you..." He rubs his head forward, feeling Signless's hair grind between either of their foreheads, his eyes closing.
"You never abandoned anyone, you could help w-what happened... But for me, I can help it. This way, way, when I leave, or he does, neither one of use will suffer as much."
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Signless cuddles in against the larger troll, and looks deep into his sad, golden-brown eyes. He smiles, and it's not a sad smile, but a genuine one.
"Whatever you love you give, and receive in turn, is always worth more than any heartache you get back."
Gentle pap, and then Signless kisses Summoner's forehead.
"Always."