vatheon | Disciple finally works up the nerve.

[Dualscar doesn't always answer the door when someone comes, but right now he happens to be passing nearby when the knock takes place. Psiioniic and Signless aren't closer to hand, and he knows that Signless would look at him with that expression if he were to ignore it and call for one of the lowbloods to answer it.

So, he just grimaces and moves to the door, pulling it open and looking down at whoever has disturbed his pale domestic bliss. Unless it's Eridan or Feferi, he doesn't think it's likely to be someone he wants to see, so his expression is slightly forbidding even as he opens the door.

The sight of the green troll doesn't make his expression look any more welcoming. He also has had a few seeds planted by Summoner, but if she's interested in him in a black manner, it wouldn't exactly do for him to be welcoming.

So he smirks instead, his fins lifting and his violet eyes glittering faintly]

Wwell, wwell, look wwhat the pouncebeast finally dragged in. I'd a thought you wwere wwell an gone completely, except I saww your name on my contact list. You here to see my moirail?

[That last is said with a bit of emphasis. Surely she can't deny that they're moirails now, now that Signless has been taking succour and literally living with Dualscar ever since his return.]

[Oh gods, she had so been hoping he was not home, he just had to be the one to answer. She definitely feels the hatred, especially when he starts in on her. The worst part was, she knew he was right, and that just made it all the worse. Her nubby had come back to her, yet he had chosen Dualscar to seek refuge with.]

[Disciple's jealousy burned inside her, stoking the fire of her dislike of the troll in front of her. It was not the same anger she succumbed to outside the library, at least not yet, this fire was controlled.]

[Once again, her thoughts flash back to the hazy conversation with Lysunder. He said it would feel it when the time was right, but she was not sure she could fully grasp what a black crush would feel like. She has not had to worry about quadrants for most of her life. She vaguely recalled some lost memory of a time in the wilds, but nothing she could fully recall. So, was she interested in him like that? It was not like he was unattractive. She needed to focus now though, she was here for a reason, which meant speaking to him.]

Dualscar. Oh good, you are home.

[She keeps her voice low, and steady. Her defiant eyes are locked on his, watching for hint of... something. Either given away from his features, or a reaction from inside herself. As much as shehe wanted to retort something clever, she had nothing to say, to her chagrin. What could she say, and not sound petty?]

I am here to see my matesprit, yes.

[Not exactly the most alluring response, but Dualscar is pleased to see that she's at least capable of speaking to him in full sentences. He inclines his head slightly, arrogant highblood to the hilt.

At the same time, he's evaluating her in the same way she's evaluating him. He can't say he's totally opposed to exploring something black with, well, just about anyone. But he's not sure she's his type - so wild and feral compared to Mindfang. But on the other hand, there's appeal to that. He does rather like biting and clawing.

He licks his lips unconsciously as he considers how that encounter might go, and then steps back with a sweep of his cape, opening the door wider]

Wwell, far be it from me to stop you. A course you're wwelcome in my hivve for that purpose. [He smirks] So long as you behavve yourself an don't break anything.

[Had she known he had already spoken to Summoner, this would be a lot easier. She was still hesitant to show any interest, because if he was not interested then that would give him more ammunition against her. The last thing he needed was even more things to be able to use against her.]

[That aggravating smirk though, it was probably a good thing he liked clawing.]

[She steps past him into the hive, her eyes still holding vigil over him.]

There is only one thing that might get broken, but I do not think that will be a problem.

[He raises an eyebrow, shutting the door and turning to follow her]

Wwhat do you plan to break, girl? I wwon't take kindly to you damaging any a my possessions.

Plan? I do not plan to break anything. I am simply here to speak to Signless. Now, if something was senseless enough to try and keep me from my goal, I would have to respond in the only way it might know; physical violence.

Like I said, I do not see this being a problem.

[Oh, light help her! She did not know how this was supposed to go! She used to care about quadrants so very long ago, but then Signless happened and she lost whatever interest she once had, she never had to worry about them. Now she was kicking herself for not remembering what most trolls was second nature. ]

Kitten!

[Well, it sounds like someone is feeling better! Sufferer practically bounces into the room, trying to brush past Dualscar to get to his matesprit...]

[... except for, in brushing past Dualscar, he somehow managed to get tangled in his cape. Capes, man. It's always the fucking capes.]

[Sufferer's forward momentum only takes him so far, and then he's drawn up short by the cape that has somehow insidiously wrapped itself around his torso and trapped one of his arms.]

Dammit!

[Dualscar was starting to get into this, and he has just opened his mouth to retort when Signless bounds past him, or almost. He grabs onto a doorjamb to brace himself when Signless' momentum is cut off by the clasp around Dualscar's neck and he lets out a strangled yelp, then wraps his arms around Signless automatically and pulling him close.

GDIT cape! Dualscar doesn't want Disciple to shred you for keeping Signless from his matesprit. He quickly tries to figure out where the problem is.]

For fuck's sake, wwait! Let's get you untangled here. Wwhat havve you done?

[Her mood dissolves completely when Nubby appears. Doubly so when he tangles himself in the cape. It sort of drained all of the tension out of the air. Part of her felt a little... disappointed? She had much better control of her anger and the back and forth was starting to feel... like something she could worry about later. She was here for a reason.]

[That reason being currently wrapped up in the cape of the violetblood. Seeing Dualscar there, holding Nubby, served as a helpful reminder of her jealousy. Still, it was her beloved, and he would always make her smile, even when he was wrapped in the arms of Dualscar.]

Hey, Nu...! [Right, Dualscar was here.] ... Signless. You always did know how to make an entrance.

[She surveys the tangled cape, shaking her head. Disciple then flashes a weighted glance at Dualscar as she idly plays with the tip of one of her claws.]

[Sufferer goes limp, more or less, when Dualscar grabs him, and doesn't fight it as the seadweller tries to untangle him. He's learned from past experience that when it comes to capes, he just makes things worse, even when he's trying to help. Especially when he's trying to help.]

Hi, Kitten.

[He smiles at her goofily.] I think I need a minute here.

[Dualscar harrumphs and finally manages to disentangle Signless. He strongly considers finding some other pretext to keep them apart, but it would probably be obvious. He sighs and gives Signless a little shove towards the girl]

About time she showwed up.

[It is a good thing Dualscar does not try anything, she did not really want Signless to see what might happen. And, on that note...]

Want to go for a walk? There is something I would like to speak to you about.

[A glance at Dualscar.]

In private.

[When he's freed, Sufferer glances up at Dualscar with an apologetic grin, which is all the more charming for how he's slightly embarrassed.]

Of course, Kitten.

[He offers her an arm to take.]

Shall we, then?

[Dualscar scowls, but he's not about to interfere. He inclines his head in answer to that apologetic grin]

Enjoy your wwalk.

[She locks her arm around his, and heads for the outside. She cannot help but shoot Dualscar a last contemptuous look.]

[Once they were outside, whatever animosity she felt would be forgotten. She had was getting to the point she was not looking forward to, but she had to say something. She had been hiding the things that she had done long enough. Disciple did not to want to push herself away any further. Signless needed to know.

[At the very least, Dualscar was doing his job as a moirail. Signless seemed a lot happier today then the last couple times she had seen him. It felt bittersweet knowing he was the one who did it, but she would take it if it meant her Nubby was feeling better.]

[She would just walk for awhile, holding onto his arm, and not saying much.]

[Sufferer is feeling better. Perhaps some time was all he needed, although having a moirail to listen to him has certainly helped too.]

[He knows there's a lot they need to talk about, some of it probably unpleasant, but he's not going to dwell on it. Instead, he just walks with her, enjoying the pleasant weather and the warm, comforting weight of her arm in his.]

How have you been, Kitten?

[Conflicted? Worried? Jealous? Scared? Possibly feeling caligious and unsure how to act on it? All of the above? She could speak on that later, for now something less committal.]

I am doing alright, mostly. How have you been? I noticed you are smiling more, lately; I am glad.

[A smile from her in return. She continued to lock her arm around his, enjoying the stroll. She knew she needed to mention it soon or else she would find excuses to not trouble him any, so for now she was still enjoying his company.]

Not bad. I think... I think I'm starting to sort things out.

[He looks down at her, his expression serious.]

I know we haven't spent much time together lately, and I'm sorry for that. After I... after I left and then came back, I was afraid you wouldn't want me around any longer. I was afraid you'd see me the way I saw myself, and I didn't want that. I'm sorry if I caused you any worry or concern.

[It blindsides her a little. She could just about kick herself. Of course she was not the only one scared of losing the other. She had been so caught up in her own fears she had not stopped to consider how he might be feeling. She felt stupid, but at the same time she still had things to say. She turns her gaze up to his, her look attempting serious as well, but he will probably notice a little hesitation in them.]

Nubby, I will always love you, no matter what. You are the single, best thing to ever happen to me, and I will always want you around. I just...

[And her gaze drops.]

I was scared, too. Scared of what I did, what I was capable of. I did not want to lose you.

[ With a deep breath, she meets his eyes again.]

I did something really terrible, so I hid myself away up on the island. When I finally worked up the courage to tell you, it was the same day you... disappeared from the bubble.

Oh, Kitten.

[Sufferer stops walking and turns to face her, reaching up with one hand to cradle the side of her face.]

I'm so, so sorry that I wasn't there for you. You know I would never leave you if I had the choice.

I know, beloved. It hurt while you were gone. Others came to keep me company, but nothing filled the void the two of you left when you were taken back home.

[She leans into his hand. It was a bit of comfort that gave her the courage to continue.]

The day you came back was yet another miracle. But then, to see the state you had come back in, knowing when the scientists had taken you from, the nerve I had worked up disappeared. I could not chase you away any further when you already sought another for comfort...

[That one had cost her emotionally, and that was not even what she was trying to tell him about. She was not proud of her jealousy, but if she were to come clean, it had to be everything.]

Edited 2012-12-28 16:48 (UTC)

I know, Kitten. I know.

[Sufferer strokes her cheek, being as gentle as he can with his robotic hand.]

I'm sorry. I needed... I needed someone who wasn't there. Someone who I didn't let down. [he looks down himself at that] What happened to you, and Psii, and Rosa... it was all my fault. It was hard for me too, because I couldn't be around those I love most.

All your fault...!?

[She actually recoils a bit, her eyes seeking his on his downcast face with just a little bit of hysteria. She will even move a hand up to his chin if need be. Her voice was raising quite passionately. Disciple's train of thought, however, was off the tracks.]

Nubby, you could never let me down! No matter what happened to us after That Night, I would gladly do it again! We fought for something wonderful back then, A better Alternia for everyone! It was something worth fighting for! We may have ultimately lost in the end, yes, but what is important is that we tried; That we made a difference, no matter how small; And we did!

[Sufferer lets her pull his gaze back up to meet her own, although he still looks stricken and sick at heart.]

We might have made a difference, Kitten, but we lost everything in the process. It was easiest for me; all I had to do was die. I didn't... I didn't have to keep living afterwards.

[It finally fully hits home just how much That Night had changed him. Disciple is taken aback for a moment before she can recover.]

It is true, living was not easy, I may have gone damn near feral in the wilds, but if I had the chance to go back and start over I would not change a thing. Being together with you, following you with our friends was the single best thing to ever happen to me. You saved my life in more ways then I can count, Nubby.

[Without trying, he had drawn her out of her own depression, and was helping her come to terms with her own problems surprisingly well.]

We did what we had to do, because Alternia would not change unless someone tried. You were the only one brave enough to stand up and say that things could be different; better. If I have to endure life alone in the woods, becoming the monster that I did, Then I will gladly do so; time and again! Because I believe in you, I believe in what you taught me. You are my everything, Beloved.

[He listens, his face turned downward, and although he hears every word she says, he doesn't understand. Not really. It's simply not sinking in, because everything is tainted by the fact that, because of him, his nearest and dearest had horrible things happen to them, and for what? For a fever dream by a mad troll. He's died, and there is no neverending light... only darkness and loneliness.]

[He shakes his head, but reaches out to take her hand, his grip surprisingly strong.]

Even... knowing what would happen... you'd do it again?

[The grip surprised her, the strength of his replacement hands proving more then she expected. But she does not shy away from it, she even squeezes back.]

It took me awhile, to come to terms with what happened. But, eventually I did, I got over it, learned to accept what had happened; what I became. it comforted me to know that at the very least, your descendant is alive because of what you believed in, and those that kept your teachings alive in secret. It may not been the ideal world we had strived for, but we did make a difference.

So... Yes. A thousand times, yes! Even knowing what I would have to go through, the pain and loss I would endure; I would so again, gladly.

[Sufferer listens, and by the time she's done, he raises his gaze to meet her eyes.]

Thank you, Kitten.

[He squeezes her hand again.]

You're a braver troll than I am.

[She pushes closer to him. It was still not exactly what she was hoping to hear him say, but she knew that attitude well. She just had many sweeps to come to terms with it. Where he was from... where the defeat was so new... so unyielding...]

I am only as brave as you taught me to be, starlight.

[She crowds her head underneath his, pressing herself against her matesprit's chest.]

Without you, I would still be a mewling mess, with no direction, no hope, no chance for anything. You gave me the courage to stand up for something so very, very beautiful. You are the bravest, strongest troll that has ever existed, and I hope someday, really soon, I can remind you of that.

[He puts one finger on her nose.]

But remember, all I did was show you the way. You had to do all the standing and all the changing on your own. It's one to thing to teach; something else all together to do. Don't discredit your own bravery and achievements by shadowing them with what I did. You are brave, and beautiful, and strong. Never let them take that from you.

[Whoops, kind of sounded just like Signless for a minute there.]

[Hearing him speak that way, with that conviction... it almost makes her shiver, reminded of how he was. A slight smile edges onto her face as he finishes.]

This is true, yes. But a student, no matter how gifted she may be, could ever learn to do what she did without an equally gifted, and dare I say cute teacher.

[She is now fully smiling as she buries her head further into his chest, nuzzling into him.]

I have the strength I do today because of you. I will not eclipse myself with the actions of anyone else, but I will also not forget why I was able to become the troll that I am today.

[And with that she places her finger on his nose.]

[Her words, and the nuzzling, bring a very real, very bright smile to Sufferer's face, and he melts against her, his arms tightening around her shoulders.]

I love you, Kitten. [he kisses her finger] Thank you.

[She returns the embrace and accepts the melting Signless. ]

And I love you, Nubby, as I always will.

[A slight giggle as he kisses her finger.]

I am just happy I got to see your beautiful smile. I daresay I have needed it.

[It is then she remembers why she came to talk to him in the first place, the thing she had to tell him... but she could not. Especially not now after seeing how depressed he had been, and seeing that smile on his face. Telling him of the terrible things she had done would only serve to make him blame himself even more.]

[No, she would talk to him later about it, and for now she would simply enjoy the feeling of him pressing close to her.]

[Sufferer gives her a squeeze and just enjoys the moment for awhile. But then...]

Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?

[Shoot! Accursed matesprit remembering things!]

I... yes.

[A small pause as she holds him just a bit longer before she might need to ruin the mood.]

There was a reason I came here originally, but I think it can wait, now. Truth be told, our talk has already made me feel a bit better about everything; about us.

[True enough, seeing him so upset with himself, forced her out of her own depression so that she could help cheer him up and reassure him.]

Originally, I come to see you today, because I needed to tell you some things I felt were distancing me from you. I was scared of telling you, I did not want to chase you away any further then you already had been. I allowed my fear of telling you, prevent me from seeing you at all, and I could not have that... not any more.

[Whoops, looks like she was talking anyways. Maybe she doesn't feel as better as she thought.]

[Sufferer listens, and carefully rearranges his arms around her when she's done speaking, pulling her more tightly against his chest.]

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, Kitten. But you know you can always talk to me. [he touches her nose again] Whatever you say, I won't turn my back on you.

I know you will not, dear one. It just seems so... counter productive at this point to bring it up. You were happy and smiling, it was nice...

[She sighs.]

Here I go ruining the mood...

[Disciple leans into his tighter grip, enjoying the feeling of being held so close to him. She had been missing this terribly, just being in his arms. Well she had come here to let him know, to come clean. She just hoped he still felt like hugging her, after.]

Before I start, I just want to reiterate that most of this I only kept hidden because I did not want you to worry over nothing. I would never willingly hurt you, ever.

[She pulls herself even tighter for a second, giving his chest a last nuzzle before she moves to break the hug. She was not sure she would be able to get it out if she was in his arms.]

[Sufferer lets her go when she pulls away, although he tries to keep ahold of her hands. His expression looks more befuddled than anything else.]

Go on.

[She allows him to keep possession of one of her hands, the other goes up to her chest in a defensive posture as she starts.]

I do not think I ever fully told you the extent of what happened to me after... That Night. I mean you have heard the basics, from me, maybe from others. But, if anyone is to hear about... everything, I think you should know.

[A deep breath.]

I made my escape into the wilds with the only thing of yours that I was allowed to escape with; The leggings that you had worn.

[She pauses, trying to gather her wits for the story to come.]

[He continues to listen quietly, his thumb tracing small circles on the back of her hand. There's really nothing he can say to make this easier, so he'll just listen.]

I fled to the wild places of Alternia for respite from my pursuers. I finally went far enough that they refused to follow for fear of what lay in those places. For... quite awhile I was useless. I found a small cave and laid there in shock for days, until ferocious hunger forced me to finally drag myself out of there.

[She leans a little closer to him, feeling a little better finally speaking about it to someone.]

I taught myself to hunt and gather through basic instinct and some trial and error. I carried on for a couple perigees in a terrible depression, knowing what had become of your work and your followers. Thinking that everything that we had fought for, had been laid to rest by that royal tyrian bitch.

[She cannot keep a hint of anger out of her voice.]

But then it came to me, almost in revelation. I knew of a way your words could live on. It was not much, but I had one last great thing to accomplish; for you, for myself, for our world.

[Her voice picks up a bit, and becomes more earnest.]

I needed to write down everything you said, all the beautiful words you ever spoke, about freedoms, equalities; All of it. I did not have paper or quill, but that did not matter for they would not last. I needed something longer lasting; more permanent. The very walls of the caves I had been living in became my parchment. The blood of beasts I had become better at hunting for food became my ink.

I wrote down everything you said. Everything last little thing I could remember, I found it a place on the walls of those caves. No matter what happened to me, or you, or all of us; Your radiant word would live on, in some manner.

It was my testament to you.

[She pauses for a bit, at the highest point of her story. From here the story went downhill and she wanted the light to last just a bit longer.]

[Sufferer listens, his face pinching a little as she talks about her flight, but then she describes how she recorded his words, how she inscribed them on the very rocks of Alternia, and his eyes grow wide with wonder. He reaches up with his free hand to touch her face.]

You made sure everyone remembered... that's how Summoner knew, and Redglare... how there were still followers long after we were gone. That was all because of you, Kitten...

[His hand touches her face and she falters a little in her resolve.]

I guess... maybe. I certainly wanted everyone to remember. I just do not know if the scrawlings on some out of the way cave in the middle of nowhere are responsible for the survival of your word. I... always wanted to hope so, I just...

The story does not end there, unfortunately, as would be a great ending point for my own story... It goes on, for quite some time.

[Almost to the point she dreaded, but she was having a hard time dwelling with him holding her as he was, he had that effect on her.]

We could ask Summoner. He's a follower, and he might know.

[He strokes her cheek, looking at her with soft, compassionate red eyes.]

We don't have to talk about this, Kitten. If you're not ready, it can wait.

He is, is he not...

[Suddenly a lot of things click together about Lysunder. Most specifically the war she knew he fought in. Somehow she had never figured out what it is he was fighting for or against. Probably her own depression in thinking her last gesture futile... but maybe, just maybe, It was not.]

I... believe I should speak with him at my next opportunity.

[Oh, was it would be easy to keep running. She wanted to, she really did, but if she did she would just go back to what she had been doing; hiding away in her hive, afraid of what she could become. She leans into the stroke and melts into his eyes.]

No, I really think I should continue. If I do not, I will keep hiding and I do not need to keep doing that.

Before I continue, and this is just me being stupid... Tell me you love me, one more time. I know the rest of my story will not scare you off, I am not scared of that, I just... want to hear it once more, like this; Almost like we were before everything went wrong.

[With that she presses closer to him again, just wanting to be held.]

[Sufferer doesn't hesitate in the least.]

I love you, Kitten.

[His arms tighten around her.]

I've loved you for a long time, and I intend to continue loving you for longer still. Without you, I wouldn't have had to courage to do what I did, or the strength to keep going.

[She enjoys the feeling of being in his arms, hearing him say those wonderful things. Disciple tries to lose herself in the moment, going back to before everything went wrong. For a precious few moments, she does just that, remembering the times before. But, then reality comes calling and she knows it is time to tell the rest of her story.]

Thank you, Nubby. You give me courage and strength as well. Without you I am incomplete.

[A small sigh from her.]

I suppose...

So I wrote down everything you said, scribed your teachings so they not be forgotten. It gave me purpose, so I fought to survive on, so that I might complete the work. But, eventually, one day... I was done.

Everything you ever taught me was written for the future. I found myself without purpose. I lingered around those caves, making sure I had not forgotten anything, making sure they were perfect. I grew a little careless, lost as I was becoming. I had gone to check some of the snares I had made and returned to the caves, when I returned I saw someone else waiting for me.

I had been discovered.

I do not even remember their name, or who they were, other then they were a loyalist. They laughed at their good fortune, talked about the promotion they would receive from bringing his matesprit in. They had seen the caves while I was out, told me what they were going to do to my 'pathetic scribbles'.

[She swallows a lump in her throat.]

Something inside of me snapped. The arrogance they had, the hatred they were capable of, and now to undo my last testament to you... I threw myself at them, which they had not expected. They expected a weak little scribe, but I was not weak, the wilds would not have allowed that. I managed to knock them prone, and vented my frustrations with fist and nail. They begged me to stop, to let them go... but I could not. I knew what would happen if I had.

What would happen to your beautiful word...

They had not expected me to fight back. Had not expected me to be so strong... Or did not expect me to raise high that large rock as they lied there bloody and begging to me to stop... or to silence their begging with that rock brought down sharply with my hands.

[She cannot help herself, olive tears fled her eyes. She should have been better. She was his chosen and she had given into her anger so easily. The worst part was that was only the first life she had taken. It had been the hardest on her, and the start of the downward spiral that turned her feral.]

Disciple finally works up the nerve.

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sorry for lateness, I've been having Internet problems

No issues, ive had mine drop off, too. It really sucks. =)

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