Pale Date

[devwocean]

Who: Orphaner Dualscar and Signless
Where: Dualscar's hive at Larmline apartments
When: Late at night, a couple of days after the boat party
Style: Whatever Kath wants, I guess!
Status: Closed

Dualscar sits on his sofa, holding his SFC, and waiting for his moirail to arrive. As often happened, this had started with him coming to Signless of his own emotional theatrics. But tonight, it seemed to have turned down some very unintended pathways, and he was worried about Signless' state of mind.

Was Signless finally angry at him over the things he had done to his friends? Maybe he should have refused to answer those questions. That might have been the more sensitive thing to do.

He offered for Signless to come over so he could cuddle him and soothe away his negative feelings. That was what moirails were for, right? And he was determined to show himself a good, and capable moirail.

But he wasn't entire sure what was about to come through his door.

Comments

[withoutasign]

What is going to come through that door is a sad, bedraggled little bundle of troll, who is coming to walk quickly across the room and fling himself at Dualscar, hiding his face in the seadweller's chest and holding on to him with both hands.

[devwocean]

Dualscar, probably predictably, isn't quite prepared for that. He stiffens for a moment, then lets out a breath and wraps both arms around the smaller troll, cuddling him close.

"You aren't blamin' yourself, are you?" he murmurs into Signless' hair.

[withoutasign]

Signless makes an unintelligible noise for a moment, then turns his face so Dualscar can hear him.

"How can I not? Everything that happened to them later was because of me."

[devwocean]

There was a time when Dualscar would have immediately agreed. In fact, he has told Signless this very thing. But today he hesitates, and holds him close.

"Maybe there's some responsibility you havve to take," he says quietly. "But they don't blame you, do they? They made their owwn choices, besides. Wwhen they followwed you, they kneww it could end up like this. And there's others wwho gavve the orders, like me. There's enough blame to go around wwithout it all endin' up on your shoulders."

[withoutasign]

Signless sniffles and shakes his head. Whoops, hopefully Dualscar isn't too offended by some reddish snot and tears on his shirt.

"I almost wish they would."

[devwocean]

Gross. Dualscar's never had someone cry on him before. Well, unless he was in the midst of torturing them, and that's different. He hesitantly strokes Signless' hair, frowning. Really, that makes no sense, Signless.

"Wwhy?"

[withoutasign]

Yeah, it's pretty gross. Once he realizes what he's doing, Signless will offer to wash Dualscar's shirt for him, because that's just the kind of guy he is. For right now, though, he'll hide his face in it and keep wiping tears across the jagged Aquarius sign there.

"It's selfish... but it would make me feel better." He looks up at Dualscar then, all teary-eyed. "Because it's my fault, and if they acknowledged that, if they blamed me, even a little, I wouldn't feel so bad about what happened to them."

[devwocean]

"That doesn't make any sense," Dualscar says, and thumps him a little harder on the forehead, before dragging him close again to press Signless' face to his shirt. Right now, he doesn't care much about the fluids. "If they blamed you an hated you, you'd feel wworse, on account a the fact that you lost your friends wwho mean so much to you."

[withoutasign]

Signless is only too happy to hide his face in Dualscar's shirt again.

"I deserve to lose them..."

And the act of finally admitting that out loud breaks any barriers he might have still had, and Signless sobs hopelessly on Dualscar's chest.

[devwocean]

Dualscar is completely unsure of how to handle this situation. Signless is being completely ridiculous, but telling him that isn't going to help.

He strokes his hair and makes soothing noises awkwardly, then finally picks the other troll up unceremoniously and carries him into the second bedroom.

He's done a lot of work in here. Now there's an enormous sunken tub, filled with water. Right now it's warm, and he sets Signless down, trying to strip his clothing off.

[withoutasign]

Signless lets Dualscar carry him, going limp and boneless in his arms, but he balks when Dualscar starts trying to strip him down.

"What are you doing?" He'll cooperate for the cloak, but Dualscar's going to meet some resistance if he tries to take off his tights. That's not what moirails do, buddy! Wrong quadrant!

[devwocean]

"Gettin' you wwet," Dualscar growls, giving up on the leggings. He doesn't know how to comfort Signless, at all. But he knows what comforts him, and so his only thought is to put Signless in the water, the only comforting embrace Dualscar's ever known.

He pulls off his own shirt and then picks Signless up again, setting him in the water in Dualscar's lap once more.

pretty sure I saw a porno once that started this way

[withoutasign]

When he's feeling a little better, Signless will figure that out himself, but for now, he's not quite sure why Dualscar is putting him in the tub. But all right, he'll roll with it, and he curls against the larger troll, leaning against his bare chest with a sigh. He's not actively sobbing anymore, but tears still leak down his face.

Bow chika wow wow~

[devwocean]

Signless is no longer sobbing, so Dualscar must be doing something right. He leans back, sinks down until the water is lapping at their shoulders, and strokes Signless' hair and back, crooning a little wordless noise he learned from his lusus.

It's frightening. He's not sure if he's really fixing anything. Surely this is something that can't be fixed. But he wants to fix it more than just about anything else.

"I wwas wwrong to tell you that you wwere wwrong to drag your friends into the revvolution, before," he murmurs. "You did a lot a things... I don't knoww wwhat I wwould a done in your place. It's a hard thing, bein' you. I don't knoww howw you do it."

[withoutasign]

That is... some unexpected and almost painful honesty from Dualscar, and Signless looks up at him, soothed by both the gentle touching and the noises Dualscar was making. Later, he'll ask if that's what Dualscar's lusus sounded like, but right now, he's going to focus in on the other issues.

"I don't know how to be anyone except me. I just... if I could do it again, knowing how it all ends, I would do things so differently."

[devwocean]

It was painful to say, too, but Dualscar feels a little better for saying it. And it seems to have reassured Signless a little, since he's talking again. Progress.

"Wwhat wwould you do differently?" he asks, honestly curious for the answer.

[withoutasign]

"I'd go slower. I wouldn't push as hard as I did; I'd try to take more time." Long, shuddering sigh. "I'd try to work more with the highbloods, especially the ones that tried to meet us halfway. I was just... I was so scared for my friends. Especially for Psii. I didn't... I didn't want him to commissioned."

The way Signless rattles all that off, quickly and without taking time to think, indicates that he's thought about this before.

[devwocean]

"Fool," Dualscar says affectionately. "Wwhat good wwould that havve done? The outcome wwould havve been the same, only maybe a little later. And perhaps wwithout the same momentum, wwhich wwas so threatening to Her. Wwhich only means you'd havve reached fewwer."

He falls silent, frowning as he realizes that his remarks definitely constitute treason. But isn't sitting here in this pool with the Signless treason in itself?

[withoutasign]

Pretty sure Dualscar has done a number of things in Vatheon that constitute treason, but who is keeping track?

Signless frowns and puts his head back on Dualscar's chest, looking moodily at the water. "I don't know. It's just... seeing what happened to my friends, to my family, after it was all over... I think maybe I was the lucky one. All I had to do was die. They had to keep living."

[devwocean]

No one but Dualscar, at the moment.

"You wwere the lucky one," Dualscar agrees softly. He tightens his arms around Signless. "But noww you're lucky again, havvin' them back and them not hating you. Isn't that good, to be lucky?"

[withoutasign]

Signless, in turn, leans heavily on Dualscar, holding him back just as tightly.

"It's more than I deserve."

[devwocean]

Dualscar chews on his lower lip. "You have all kinds a wweird ideas about wwhat people deservve."

[withoutasign]

"Yeah?" Signless squirms a bit, so he's looking up at Dualscar. "What do you think I deserve?"

[devwocean]

"Yeah, like sayin' that I deservve better than Her Imperious Condescension." He's still trying to get over that one, and work it through in his brain.

He falls silent for a few moments, thinking. "I think... you deservve some fuckin' happiness. Since it's so important to you. You can't be a proper troll, so fuck that... just stay here wwith your friends and out a trouble, and be happy."

[withoutasign]

"You do deserve better than her." Why can't Dualscar see it? He deserves someone who will pity him back and care for him just for him, instead of for what kind of political alliance the relationship can bring.

At that second comment, Signless almost smiles, and reaches up to gently stroke one of the seadweller's fins. "Thank you, Dualscar."