vatheon | The night has left this ten-folded grief

Entry tags:

The night has left this ten-folded grief

Who:

ventus and anyone.
Where: Lakeside, in Somarium.
When: 4/27 after this thread.
What: Ven's just been given the bad news that his master's dead and has run off.
Status: Open.
Style: Action or prose.

The nightmare had been horrible. But bearable. As much as it'd played on his fears, it'd been about something he'd since overcome and emerged from already. But the news given to him by Mickey just a few short hours before had all but crushed whatever hope he'd had that he and his friends could go home to their master and be a happy family again. His master... was dead.

Gone. The shock that'd first greeted the loss was gone, replaced with a wrenching, twisting pain in his heart so great that it was difficult to breathe. The man had been the only father he'd been able to remember. The only adult who'd ever cared enough to be overprotective of him and teach him everything he'd need to know before he'd be permitted to go out and face the world on his own.

He'd ignored that wish blatantly. And accused him of horrible things, that last time.

That's your excuse for keeping me imprisoned here, isn't it?!

Forgive me. But you must exist no more!

Ven closed his eyes, clutching his shaking hands into twin fists at his sides as the tears started to fall. He was alone, away from everyone who might want to tell him that it was all right. As much as he appreciated it, he just needed to deal with this. And the fact that one of his friends knew, while the other... probably had.

And probably hadn't known how to tell them. He couldn't imagine, being in Aqua's position. he was a little mad at her for not saying anything, but... it would pass. Overshadowed by the grief he knew he'd be feeling for a long time.

At least he'd be able to get the worst of this out of his system while he was alone.

He didn't need to hear false words of reassurance right now. Everything was not all right.

And it'd never be the same again.

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Caden had become distraught in his own way, so he went back to something that was less strenuous for him - his photography. He didn't stop in Vatheon, however - he went to where the island should have been, taking the most seemingly random shots you could imagine. He didn't take pictures of people - only objects. There was a pier, and a rooftop, and a crack in the street...

That's when he caught a familiar scent. It had once been one he lived with every day and only just came upon again. He followed where it led until at last he came upon Ventus. He had no real appreciation for how upset the blond boy was, nor any cultural suggestions that he shouldn't approach in favor of letting him sort it out on his own.

"Hey, Ven..." When he rounded to Ven's front, then he understood. His voice softened out of confusion, not sympathy. "Ven?"

Who? He'd just begun getting used to the way both Riku and Caden's light and darkness differed from Terra's. But he was upset enough that it might not have mattered, in any case. At first, he felt a panic that Terra may have followed him up here. There was no need for the older keybearer to see him crying. Because Terra... Terra wouldn't have the first clue that Master was gone. How could he even begin explaining it when he could barely wrap his own mind around the loss?

Luckily for him, it was Caden's voice. He glanced up sharply, and relaxed slightly.

"Hey." His voice was soft and somewhat raspy, thanks to the sobs he'd been withholding. He wiped a clenched fist across his eyes, though he couldn't muster even a small smile at the moment. In a rare moment of sadness, Ven'd been caught. And neither his face nor his eyes could camouflage the emotion.

"How've you been?" Hopefully better than he and others had fared so far. These dreams were a royal pain.

"Fine, I guess," he answered with indifference. Every day was pretty much just another day for him - it was other people's pain he was trying to get away from. He held up his camera. "Looking around this place is a good way to pass the time."

The physical action was more telling to Caden than anything though. "Are you hurt or something?"

"Tell me about it. Everything's different up here all of a sudden."

Not like he minded or even cared at the moment. He was just relieved to see a friendly face who wouldn't pat him on the head like a child and tell him everything was going to be fine. Ven flinched visibly at the innocent question, and couldn't deny it to save his life. But nor did he want to confirm it.

"Something... I'll be all right. What are you taking pictures of?"

Distract time! How could he just dump a few industrial truckloads worth of fresh emotional baggage on a new friend? He'd barely been able to talk to Mickey about it, because he'd felt that bad about burdening someone else with it.

Nah. He was determined not to let onto how deep the hurt ran.

Caden stared, but didn't remark for now. "Anything, it's all the same to me." He gestured to a trellis, then to a cart, but he completely ignored the people and animals. "You said it had changed, right? Any day now this stuff could be gone. There's no point in pretending any different."

He held the camera tight in both hands. "It's the only way to know for sure I'll remember anything."

For that, Ven was thankful. Even if it was just a temporary delaying of the inevitable. "Hey, you know... I've never thought of it that way before." There were no cameras back home. His memories were recorded in a diary, while others held a special place in his heart. He knew, though, how easily that could change.

He wiped his eyes again, and smiled faintly. "It's a good way to remember things. You must have a lot of pictures, huh?" For a lot of memories. Ven relaxed a bit. He had company now, and he couldn't say he could complain about it.

"Have you taken one of the lake yet? Y'know, it... kind of reminds me of the lakes back home. They're all over the place, between the mountains."

"After that, I'll go with you, while you look for things to photograph. If you want."

"S-sure, but I don't have that many. I'm not any good at it." He smiled a little, remembering the piece he'd made for Riku. "Besides, not all of them are for me, and I never develop exact copies." He looked down and off to the side. "I don't like doing that."

He looked back over at Ventus, hopeful. "If you want to take me to the lake, I'll definitely take pictures of the lake."

"If you enjoy it, that's what counts." He smiled back a little, blinking against the sudden headache he felt coming on. Fatigue and grief weren't a good combination. But he was determined to at least take Caden to the lake before he had to stop to rest.

"Well, that sure makes certain that every one is unique!"

He was tactful enough not to pry into that yet too deeply. It seemed like there was more behind that sentence than a simple dislike for multiples of the same thing.

"Yeah, I'd like that. C'mon. "

Ven nodded in the direction to take, which incidentally was just a short incline down the hill. He'd already been hanging out rather close to the body of water, reminded of home and his Master. In the dark, the water looks almost black, dotted by stars and the lights coming from the town. A wave of nostalgia hit him, and he sat down in the grass a few feet from the shoreline.

"Wow..." He uttered softly, content to take in the pretty scene before them and quiet his thoughts to get rid of that headache.

"It's just like I..." He wanted to say 'remember,' but that wasn't true. He knew he'd never seen the oceanside that he was thinking of; it was just something implanted him. "Imagined."

Caden stayed standing, while he held the camera up and looked for any angles that would work in this light. He tried it in a couple of ways before finally kneeling down next to Ven and trying again.

Then he held the camera out to Ventus. "Here. You want to try it?"

"You've never gotten to see something like this before?"

Well, then. Things would be changing, once he could get his head on straight. He could use a chance to make a few new memories himself. He'd just do it with Caden, so they could both see and remember things to treasure for years to come.

He watched the other boy take his photographs, and smiled a little. "That's okay. You're seeing it right now, and we're gonna both be seeing more things we haven't seen before once we look around."

An-- what? Ven nodded, and took the camera in hand and took a good look at the big button on it to actually capture the image before pointing the lens out toward the lake and pressing the button... only to take a picture that probably had half of his thumb in the way. He would never be able to say that he'd be a good photographer, but. This was neat.

He let the other boy try it for a bit, smiling all the while, before finally sighing. "Hey Ven..."

He tried speaking again, unsure as he opened his mouth, closed it again, and tried once more. "There's a reason that the year I've spent here in Vatheon is important to me - the memories I've made, the people I've met... You can't even imagine."

Then he looked at Ven, a wry smile on his face. "Well, most people can't. They don't know what it's like to just... lose yourself. Your heart." He touched his chest. "Twice. Along with your name."

It was an answer to that first question without directly saying it. He hadn't seen such things before, along with plenty of others, and that was why cameras and pictures made such an impression on Caden.

"Huh?" He set down the camera gingerly in the grass next to him, his focus now entirely upon his friend. His eyes were growing heavy, but this conversation was important. The look on Caden's face told him that immediately.

His eyes widened as he listened to the other boy speak, until the shock of the deja vu he felt made him look downward for a few minutes. Caden had lost his heart and his name? How and why were questions that raced through his mind, but most of all, there was a deep sense of understanding.

No. Most people wouldn't understand. But he admitted quietly, unsure if he'd already done so before: "I can, sort of. I've never forgotten my name. But... yeah. Every memory made is precious."

Because he'd forgotten his entire childhood. And Caden hadn't even had the luxury of one of those from what he was hearing. He looked back up at him, blinking through eyes grown heavy with fatigue and the sadness this evening had brought him.

"I like the name you've got now. And we'll make some good memories. Promise."

He managed a brief but sincere smile before he could blink no more, and passed out in the grass. Ven might be loathe to sleep, but his body needed it and he'd finally shut down. When we woke up... he'd make sure to remember to talk to Caden about just why he'd come out here tonight.

As Ventus fell asleep, Cadence caught him. He felt Ventus's weight and understood then that he'd been upset all along. He felt, then, that he shouldn't have said all that, and focused instead on how Ven had been feeling instead. He was either tired, or hurt, or maybe both.

Until he knew any better, hopefully in the morning, Cadence resolved to take care of Ventus. He put his arm around him first to make sure he was sound asleep.

"I'm glad you like it. Because you gave it to me."

All he could think to do was pick Ventus up and carry him back to the apartment they'd once shared. From that far away, he wasn't sure he could walk it - so he summoned a Dark Corridor as he stood up. Walking through it meant that he could take about six steps before depositing Ventus in the bed that had once been his.

[[OOC: New thread same log? New log? Done? Let me know :) ]]

[ ooc: New thread in this one works fine! I'll start it. ]

Ruca felt like he needed some time alone. With all those dreams and with all that was going on, he needed a moment to just forget about everything. His own dream was still so painfully vivid in his mind...

But Ruca never thought he'd meet Ven in a place like this. What surprised Ruca the most though, was seeing the other boy so upset.

"Ven...?"

The feeling seemed to be mutual across the entire breadth of Vatheon, and nobody could blame anyone for feeling that way. Ven probably would've come out here anyway. And yet, he'd not assumed that he'd be found by someone for awhile, at least. Or caught, if his friends had decided to go after him.

When he heard Ruca's voice and sensed his light, though, he swiped a hand across his eyes and turned to look at him.

"Hey, Ruca."

"Hey."

Ruca approached the other, observing him with both surprise and worry. Ven seemed so much different from the optimistic boy, Ruca met not so long ago.

Was it because of the dreams? Or maybe something else happened? The silver-haired boy had to ask.:

"Are you alright?"

He sighed, rubbing a hand across his eyes one more time.

"I don't know if anyone can say they are after having seen all these awful dreams."

That wasn't really an answer to Ruca's question, though, and he knew it.

"I found out some bad news about stuff that went on in my world in the past. So I guess... I'm not right now. But I will be."

"You're right..."

Ruca wouldn't really mind if Ven didn't say the other part. He could understand how tiring and depressing it was for everyone to suddenly see so many dreams of other people; dreams that sometimes were memories people wanted to hide.

"...I'm sorry to hear that." he hesitated. "Maybe... maybe it'll be better if I go now..."

Maybe Ven wanted to be left alone for now?

"Nah, you don't have to go."

He sighed, and shook his head. There wasn't any need for Ruca to go. He just didn't know how to talk about things that were bothering him with others without feeling like a heel for burdening them and making them worry. So his usual M.O. would be to keep silent about it.

His shoulders slumped, both because staying strong was tiring and because he already was over tired.

"I just miss him." He admitted quietly. "He was the closest thing I've ever had to a father."

It didn't take Ruca long to figure out what happened. Ven must had lost someone and what could Ruca do to comfort him? Nothing. No words would help in such situation and the boy couldn't say he knew how Ven was feeling right now. Ruca had never lost anyone and he didn't know how to comfort someone who did. He once tried to comfort Ricardo after his brother died, but the older man told him that he didn't need that.

Yet despite everything, Ruca just couldn't stand to see Ven like this. It hurt to see him like this and Ruca wished he could do something.

"Ven..."

It'll be okay. Those words sounded like a lie. It wouldn't be okay and Ruca knew about that well enough. Silent, Ruca put his hand on Ven's shoulder. He thought that it was the only thing he could possibly do now and hope it would help in any way.

Ruca shouldn't have worried so much. The fact that Ven had even opened up a little bit regarding the subject was a big and very positive step for him to have taken. Usually he kept everything inside and kept up a smile so that his friends wouldn't worry about him. Tonight, the only reason he hadn't fallen back on that old habit was because it'd been too much all at once.

The dream and the news had hit him hard like a one-two punch, and he was down for the count.

He glanced over at the other boy in silence, head cocked to the side. Was he going to say more? Ven wasn't sure, so he waited awhile until he felt a hand on his shoulder. In that instant, he seemed to relax the slightest bit. He wasn't alone. This wasn't one of the best friends he had no idea how to face right now.

He could allow himself to smile sadly, and say with a small tremor to his tone: "Thank you."

Ruca shook his head almost instantly. His hand was still on Ven's shoulder.

"No... you don't have to thank me..." There was no need to thank him. He didn't do anything worth thanking. He couldn't do anything. "...I only wish there was something more I could do for you right now."

But he could only be there for Ven. Was that enough? Or perhaps it was too little? Ruca didn't know, but he didn't want to leave Ven alone.

Ruca closed his eyes, silent for a while.

"... You're not alone."

"Yeah I do." Ruca was here. Despite the fact that he'd deliberately isolated himself from any and everyone in order to deal with this alone, he'd come out here and stayed. Not even his best friends had done that, though they were used to Ven needing his space where nobody else here was.

The fact that he wasn't alone was driven home when Ruca's hand didn't leave his arm. The blond relaxed, and choked once. It was still hard to keep from crying.

"I don't want to believe he's gone." It was admitted brokenly, and he couldn't look Ruca in the eye.

"I just don't."

Ruca watched Ven in silence for a moment, before his gaze dropped to the ground. He sighed softly, feeling helpless. He couldn't help but think that what he was doing wasn't working at all.

Yet, he thought that he could understand how Ven was feeling and he wasn't hoping he would cheer him up just like this. Losing someone must have been really painful and Ven needed time, too. Ruca could only imagine that he would feel the same if something like that happened to his parents or his friends.

Losing someone... That thought itself was terrifying and the silver-haired boy quickly discarded it. He needed to think... or maybe he was already thinking too much? He didn't know.

Then again he wondered if he should start saying that it would be okay... but how would that help? The answered was it wouldn't at all. And he doubted that it was what Ven wanted to hear anyway.

But the way the other was keeping himself from crying... it was also worrying Ruca a bit. He let out one more soft sigh and before he managed to think over that idea, he wrapped his hands around Ven in an awkward sort of a hug. Awkward because, really, Ruca wasn't the one who usually was giving hugs to his friends.

Ven could definitely do with thinking less. His problem was that he was way overthinking it, overanalyzing every last second of that final encounter with his Master, to find ways that he could've saved him or kept the situation from escalating the way it had. Maybe it'd have been better if his Master had obliterated him from existence completely. It was a dangerous line of thought.

The truth was, he was scared to have to admit to himself that there was absolutely nothing that he could've done or not done to have changed anything. His death would've only temporarily stalled Xehanort's plans. So rather than see this simple truth as fact and accept it, he put all the blame upon his own shoulders.

He closed his eyes and took a breath to steady himself, and stave off the urge to break down a little while longer. Ven had never been one to like showing negative emotion in front of his friends. Even just this, how much Ruca was seeing was difficult for him. But the moment the other boy's arms went around him, he started to shake a little. If he couldn't cry, it seemed it had to be let out some other way.

Despite the shivering, he was able to hesitantly return the hug. Though he couldn't admit it now, he'd needed one badly.

Ruca frowned with worry, when Ven started to shake. The other was trying too much to stay strong, didn't he? It wasn't anything good. When someone needs to cry, isn't it best if they just do? Wouldn't holding back your tears just make things even worse?

"...If you want to cry, then cry." he muttered softly, his voice seemed to be barely audible, but he was sure that Ven could still hear him. "If you hold back your tears it won't help..."

He fell silent for a moment. What could possibly help Ven right now?

"I guess... crying won't help either - nothing can change what happened, but..." he paused again, wondering for a brief moment if what he just said wasn't actually harsh. He hugged the other a little bit tighter. "It'll be even more difficult... so cry if you feel like you need to cry. I'm here. I won't leave..."

I can't do anything, can I?

"I really wish it wasn't the only thing I can do for you right now."

It was too bad that Ven hadn't caught what Caden had said before he'd fallen asleep. It'd have made him all warm and fuzzy inside. But he had enough to think about now anyway, as he yawned and stretched, waking up after a good rest. In fact, it'd been the most tolerable sleep he'd had since before he'd gone back to Sora's heart. Totally dreamless, and the fear of never waking up again had been decidedly absent for a change. He wasn't thinking that it'd become a trend so soon, but... he definitely wasn't complaining as he blinked open his eyes and peered at the unfamiliar scenery.

"Huh? Where..." Well now. He'd woken up in an unfamiliar bed.

He was puzzled, until he felt the unique mix of darkness and light that was Caden's heart. His friend's presence relaxed him, and he smiled a little. What a nice guy. He'd obviously put him up for the rest of the night. Ven rubbed his eyes and swung his legs over the side of the bed, and decided to go looking for him.

"Caden?" He called, unsure of just where in this apartment he was.

"Huh?" Caden mumbled as he woke up face-first in his own bed. "Ven? ..." His eyes went wide. "Ven!"

His feet hit the floor with a thud and he scrambled over to the other room's threshold, gawking in. "You're awake so..." He stared more than a little bit, trying to make sure. "So you're okay?"

Yeah he'd been worried. Slumping over asleep only ever meant bad things where he came from. "I thought you'd been hurt or something and I didn't notice."

His own eyes were wide at the urgency in Caden's approach before he could recall just why he might have cause for worry. Oh, yeah. He'd just fallen into a dead sleep the night before. Right. It was a new thing to see someone who wasn't Terra or Aqua so worried about him. His features softened a bit and he nodded.

"I'm not hurt like that, don't worry."

But with recalling how he'd fallen asleep came the memory of why he'd been up there by the lake in the first place. Ven's smile faded, and he moved back toward the bed to sit down.

"I'm sorry I've worried you. Last night was just..." Awful didn't begin to cover it. And he had a sentence to finish.

"I had a bad dream. Then Mickey told me that my Master's gone. That's why I was out there."

Talking to people about his problems wasn't something he was accustomed to. It was different than explaining his past to Roxas or Xion. This was a lot more personal, and something he couldn't even begin to discuss with Terra or Aqua.

"Oh. I'm... sorry." He really was, which surprised even him after a moment of reflection. "I guess I over-reacted a little. I didn't know what else to do."

He looked over at Ventus again. "You really liked your Master, I guess? There's always the chance he'll show up here, though. Even people we thought were dead... sometimes their hearts are strong enough to find their way here."

Likewise, Caden wasn't often in position to console someone, but in this case he was speaking from personal experience.

"Me too." A big part of him could still not believe it. The other was just breaking down. "Thanks.. for being there."

Ven smiled faintly. "Nah. I loved him. He's the only Dad I can remember."

The idea he might show up here seemed so strange and out there to Ventus. He'd almost died, when Xehanort had taken away his darkness. But he'd been saved at the last minute. There was no saving Eraqus when the event had happened so far in the past. What would he be like if they brought him here?

Ven didn't know that people who'd died were as flesh and blood as Caden was.

"I don't really know how that'd work. I'd rather go back and save him. I was an idiot before it happened, and--" It was all my fault.

He frowned, knowing what Ventus was thinking, so he moved closer. "The only idiots are the ones who won't save themselves, okay?" He took Ven's hand and placed it against his own chest. "Like me."

He looked away briefly, then forced himself to look back. "I went looking for my own death. Twice, actually. And I got it both times, but I didn't get what I really wanted - when Vatheon brought me back like nothing had happened."

Edited 2012-05-09 22:05 (UTC)

He held up his own hand, fingers spread, indicating his face. "You did that. I know you don't remember it, but... my name? You gave it to me."

"What are you talking about? You're not an idiot."

It was Ven's turn to frown, though his expression grew somber, then sad in the span of one sentence. What had happened to Caden that he'd gone and done that? Or felt he'd had to?

He could feel the other boy's heart beating again his hand, and unconsciously, he pressed his hand closer to it for a moment before he looked back at Caden's face.

"Caden..." he started, and sighed. What did he say to that? "I'm glad it did. Otherwise I wouldn't have gotten to meet you again."

His gaze remained on his friend's face, while his own took on a somewhat bewildered look.

"No... I don't remember. I wish I could." His smile now was sad.

"It's gonna take a long time to deal with this. I... I don't know how I'm supposed to tell Terra. He's from the past. Before it happened."

Caden became lost in his own thoughts after 'deal with this.' He was trying to think about what he could possibly do to help Ventus. He blinked back again after thinking about it, then piped up. "You could... you could stay here. Until you figure out what you want to do."

He looked hopeful, in fact, by that idea. "This room -" He pointed around. "It used to be yours, actually. I never got another roommate after that. So... it's still vacant. If you wanted to take it."

Ven blinked, and looked around the room. This had been their place? He'd lived somewhere without Terra and Aqua? Not like he hadn't been already, but he'd been alone in his apartment here. He'd be sharing this one, admittedly with someone he didn't know very well.

But the idea of being even a little independent, while being able to get to know someone he'd been close with was appealing. Sora, Kairi and Riku had lived apart and still been best friends. He, Terra... and Aqua, should she return would be no different.

So he nodded, with a small smile. "Caden... thanks. I'll stay."

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The night has left this ten-folded grief

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A few hours later... (Continuation of Caden and Ven's thread)

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