vatheon | (no subject)

Zelos looks eager anyway and plops right down on the floor to look at it, opposite from the side of the table where Lloyd was obviously working.

"What's it gonna be?" He tilts his head sideways to examine the form then grins up at Lloyd. "A gift for a hunny, maybe~? Lloyd, you should have told me!"

"It's not like that, Zelos! It's..." He hesitates again, unconsciously rubbing the back of his bare left hand, the one that has his Exsphere. There's definitely a hint of embarrassment there.

But this is Zelos. He can tell his friend.

He picks the carving up and holds it out for the other boy to look at. "It's supposed to be my mom. Well, you know, sort of, since I don't really remember what she looks like. It's stupid, but I... I sometimes think I hear her talking, like she's up in the sky, like maybe she can fly and she's right up in the sun where I can't see her. So..."

He shrugs, self-conscious.

So he gave her wings.

The overabundance of energy Zelos had showed up with seems to seep out of him and he looks at the incomplete statuette with softer eyes. He hasn't told Lloyd yet, from his perspective, and he's not sure he has it in him right now to recount that snowy day again, not with that wound still raw from his heated conversation with Zelda. He hadn't even realized until that moment that it's what he was afraid of, that she'll succeed and leave him too and be unhappy forever marrying someone she doesn't love for a country that has her heart.

He's embarrassed he thinks of her that way but at this point he's not sure he can stop. She's kind, smart, and comforting in a way he's craved since childhood and if she were to leave...

The Chosen smiles softly at Lloyd, glad for him that the words he maybe thinks he hears from his mother are comforting, not at all like the ones that ring through Zelos's mind. You never should have been born.

"I don't think it's stupid. I bet you really can hear her, y'know. That exsphere was hers, right?"

It's such a simple thing, thinking you might have a connection with a parent you never got to know. Lloyd's often wondered what his parents might have looked like, but the only clues he has are his own features. Maybe his mom had untamable hair like his, and maybe he has his dad's shoulders and height, and maybe they both had brown eyes like him. Ever since he realized he couldn't remember them anymore, he's come up with thousands of faces. They'd all bear a resemblance to him, though. Because... because he wanted to look like them. If he did, they weren't really gone. He'd always have part of them that would never die or leave him. Kind of a stupid, childish thing, but there it was.

He's glad Zelos isn't laughing.

A small smile touches his lips at the suggestion that he really does hear his mother's voice. Part of him wants that to be true so badly.

Until it hits him what that would mean. The smile disappears and he casts Zelos a worried look. "You think part of my mom is still inside this thing? Like... like Alicia?"

"It's possible."

He'd never admit it, not under duress or even with his dying breath, but he's a little jealous of Lloyd. More than a little. His mother obviously loved him very much. Dirk is a decent sort too, and even Kratos... well, no, Kratos is still a complete bastard and he'll never forgive him for jerking Lloyd around.

Still, to just know that your mother loves you, even though she's gone... it's a gift. So yes, he's jealous. Somewhere deep down, he wishes he could hear his mother too, even knowing what she would say. Just hearing her voice again...

"Think of it like.. she's able to watch over you closely." He trains his eyes on the crystal. "I think she'd be happy to do that for her son, seeing what an incredible person you'll become."

Zelos might be thinking what a blessing Lloyd's been given, but Lloyd's thoughts couldn't be further from that. Rubbing a thumb across the gem on the back of his hand, his brow creases, something inside his gut twisting.

"But that would mean she's trapped. So long as my Exsphere exists, she can't... move on, or go wherever people are supposed to go when they die. She'll be absorbed and-!"

It feels like his heart nearly stops at the thought. If his mother is in there, the longer he wears this, she's in danger! Without thinking, he digs the gem out of its mount, barely even registering the pain and weakness as it disconnects.

"Zelos, we have to do something! I need a hammer, or something heavy!"

"What the hell, Lloyd?! Are you crazy?!" Zelos lurches to his feet and grabs both of Lloyd's wrists in one harried motion, preventing him from looking for a hammer or dropping the exsphere.

"You can't do that, especially if it's your mom's soul in there! What if breaking it doesn't release her but kills what's left instead, huh? She's been in there much longer than Alicia, what if she's completely fused with the crystal?"

"You mean I should just leave her in there and let her soul disappear?!" Lloyd jerks his hands back, struggling to break free, but with the strength granted to him by the Exsphere gone, he just isn't a match for Zelos. This doesn't keep him from trying, though. "Let go, Zelos! I'm not going to let that happen to my mom!"

Even if Lloyd doesn't have his exsphere equipped, he's been raised by a dwarf and has the muscle built from tough love and hard work, so Zelos still need to expend effort to hold him in place. He knows how Lloyd feels. He knows if his crystal was keeping his mother captive, he'd smash it in a heartbeat, but that's not what's going on here and Lloyd needs to know before he does something he'll regret forever.

Even if Lloyd's right, even if smashing the crystal would free Anna, Zelos knows that Lloyd needs that crystal. That's part of the equation, part of how the world is saved and reborn and Zelos can't let his friend do away with that, no matter how painful.

So even if he's not sure, he'll convince Lloyd anyway. He holds the boy's hands still, looking desperate.

"No, I mean if you smash it you risk killing her all over again!"

Edited 2012-03-29 00:10 (UTC)

That pulls Lloyd up short. He stops fighting, blood running cold as he stares at Zelos wide-eyed.

"What? What do you mean? How can she die... again?"

That doesn't make any sense. Dead is dead, isn't it? She doesn't even have a body. Whatever's left of it is buried in the grave that Dirk made behind their house. She can't come back to life again, so how could she die a second time?

Zelos's voice is calmer now, since Lloyd's stopped struggling against his grip, but he doesn't let go. He wants to see the light of understanding in Lloyd's eyes before he frees him again. "I mean if the crystal's absorbed her too much already then destroying it could destroy what's left of her too."

That part, at least, might be true but what he says next to drive it home he's made up on the spot, though he's become so apt at lying that there's not even a twitch to give him away. "Someone at home might know something. Raine could maybe figure it out, or a scientist in Sybak. Maybe even someone from Cruxis if you can get your hands on them, but if you break the crystal now, you'll be throwing that hope away."

His chest tightens for a moment, making it hard to breathe. Destroying the crystal could destroy her soul? But then, what can he do? If he can't free her, then it'll be as bad as if he smashed the crystal right now. Either way, her soul is gone. He won't- He can't-

True or not, he latches onto the slim hope Zelos offers with all the desperation of a drowning man who's just been thrown a rope. "Raine or... or one of the scientists. Yeah." His hands clench and he squeezes his eyes shut. He's shaking. He can't even tell if he's terrified or furious, but this never should have happened! Anger leeches into his voice. "If one of those Cruxis bastards knows anything, I swear I'll make them talk!"

"I know it shouldn't have happened, but the best thing to do is just carry on when you get back. Beat Cruxis so no one else has to get hurt." His voice is even lower now, calming, and Zelos loosens his grip on Lloyd's arms now that he's sure the boy understands. Telling him that lie was really the only way. If he'd told him the truth, that he needed the crystal to save the world, Zelos is certain Lloyd would have decided another way could be found and broken it anyway. And it very well could have freed his mother. The worst part is he won't have that option once it's activated; he's not certain what happens if you remove a cruxis crystal once it's bonded to the soul, but considering they're like exspheres, it can't be good. He won't let Lloyd turn into a monster. Not ever.

None of that makes him feel better about lying to his friend.

Drained from the emotionally charged exchange, Zelos lets himself drop to sitting on the couch, but he smiles anyway, forcing himself into a reassuring posture and expression. "It'll turn out, Lloyd. There's no use in getting so angry about it here. And really..."

He looks at the one of Lloyd's hands that's still clutching the crystal. "I think she'd be glad she could help you, even like that." That's what mothers are supposed to feel, right..?

Lloyd lowers the hand that's clutching the Exsphere, uncurling his fingers from around it. He looks down at it, staring into its depths as though somehow he could see his mother if he just looked hard enough. Letting his shoulders sag, he drops down next to Zelos on the couch.

"She probably would," he murmurs, anger draining away into something more defeated. "Or I hope she would. But I still don't have to like it." Even so, he slips the gem back into the mount on his hand. "Using people's lives like this... It's wrong, Zelos. I swear, as soon as I find a way, I'll get her out."

No matter what it will mean for his strength. Zelos is right about him, after all. He'll never let himself believe that the world can't be saved without sacrifice. If he's given even the chance to believe that he can save one more life, he'll take it. There's always another way.

It's probably just as well that Zelos lied to him.

"So..." His hands drop to rest on his knees. "Did you really just drop by to see how I was doing?" He feels drained. He wants to talk about something else.

Zelos wrestles with himself for a moment, not particularly wanting to discuss what made him vacate his house so quickly, but his Bud needs a distraction and what kind of friend would he be if he didn't deign to offer one. "Well I did wanna see you, but the Princess and I had kind of a tiff."

Sure, a tiff. That's all it was. He's plenty irritated still. "The idiot thinks she has to give up her own happiness for the sake of her world when she gets back."

He pauses. That doesn't exactly sound bad when he says it like that, but how can he explain to Lloyd that Zelda intends to give up all of her own hopes and dreams to do this one thing. It's not exactly like Colette, Zelda won't die or literally lose herself or her memories, but in Zelos' opinion it's far worse because she'll deny those things that make her Zelda and be aware she did it to herself.

"What?" Lloyd give Zelos a startled look that borders on the edge of alarm. He doesn't know Zelda very well, but that doesn't mean he's okay with hearing about someone doing something like that! "No way! No one should ever have to sacrifice themselves! Why does she even think she has to?"

Okay, so he was probably jumping to conclusions, but considering what he has experience with, it's too easy to assume the worst.

If nothing else, though, Zelos was successful. All thoughts about his mother and his Exsphere have flown from Lloyd's mind.

"She's supposedly the reincarnation of some Goddess who protects the world or some shit and now she's even more duty-bound to go back and marry some asshole in order to have a bunch of little royal brats to carry on the ruling family. She's also apparently gotta protect this stupid relic from evil and all this while mothering the entire goddamn planet just because of how she is!"

Zelos rises from his seat and begins pacing irritably. "She always thinks she knows better than everyone and she acts on it and now she feels even more like she knows best because of this stupid Goddess thing and something about Wisdom but if she'd just take a second for herself then maybe she could see how all that meddling is just gonna get her hurt and maybe the Goddess reincarnated as a mortal so she could live like a person instead of with all this other crap getting in the way and just try to be fucking happy for once!"

His voice raises in a crescendo as he continues, his pacing growing aggravated and his composure harassed. "Why is she so fucking intent on making herself miserable?!"

Edited 2012-04-01 17:03 (UTC)

That was a lot of information to take in all at once, but Lloyd got the gist of it well enough. A deep frown creases his face as he listens. It sounds way too much like what Colette's been putting herself through for almost her entire life.

"I'm not sure what to think about that being a goddess part, but even if she is, what difference does it make? I don't think even goddesses should have to sacrifice themselves." In fact, the more he thinks about it, the more he feels indignant at the thought. "Goddesses are supposed to care for the world, right? How can she do that if she doesn't care for herself?"

All of this is just reaffirming lack of interest in being religious. Even if it's not all part of some big lie, it just doesn't make any sense!

Zelos was never horribly religious himself either, despite his life revolving around the Church for the better part of his childhood. It's hard to believe in a Goddess who would decree for people to be unhappy in order to create something like him and it was actually a relief when he'd found out it was all a lie, to an extent. It gave him someone to blame, someone besides himself, though that never went away entirely either. He also took solace in the fact that if the religion was a lie, then maybe Heaven and Hell were too and when he died he'd really just be dead and not have to face whatever torments he knew he deserved.

He wasn't lying when he said he was a coward.

"That's what I think, but she won't listen to me. She keeps saying she has to protect Hyrule and that's all there is." He glowers, maybe looking a bit hurt about the whole thing. Should he really be this worked up, though? True, he disagrees with her reasons and her reasoning, but isn't everyone searching for a way out of this place one way or another? And if she really can do it...

Fuck, this is too stupid and complicated.

There's always a way, Zelos. Always, and Lloyd would tell him as much if he asked.

"Maybe she'd listen if someone else said it. Do you want me to talk to her?" He nudges his friend in the side with his elbow. "You can be a little bit annoying, you know. Maybe she doesn't want to listen because it's you."

Yeah, he's poking fun at his friend. But he's smiling at little as he mocks his friend, trying to lighten the mood. This situation with Zelda... Yeah, it's serious, and he means every word he just said - but he can also see how much it's bothering Zelos.

So. Give him something else to vent his feelings on.

Edited 2012-04-03 00:21 (UTC)

The redhead shoots Lloyd an automatic, exaggerated hurt look, always his expression when the boy picks on him but there's amusement behind it and no hard feelings. And really, Lloyd talking to Zelda might be a brilliant idea. He has this way of breaking through personal barriers like a battering ram made of optimistic determination and idealism that you can't help but cave to.

"Maybe she will. That's not a bad idea at all. No one can stand up to one of your speeches!" Zelos grins, rising to his feet and pulling Lloyd up with him. "Let's go now, before she escapes!"

"Well, I wouldn't say no one, but it's worth a shot, right?" Lloyd stands up, too. "Besides, we'll never know if I don't try. Lead the way, Zelos!"

The grin and Zelos acting more like himself helps reassure Lloyd. Even if things don't work out right away, at least this much is better than it was.

Lloyd you don't even know how persuasive you are. There's no way this can fail! Zelos is in high spirits again as he marches Lloyd on back to his shared apartment, hoping that Zelda hadn't left on some errand or another. He peers around the house, trying to see if she's left her room and if not, there's a knock on her door.

"Zelda? Zelda-hunny, I'm sorry, but there's someone I'd really like you to talk to."

Zelda opens the door, looking irritated. She hadn't succumbed to tears after separating with Zelos, she's merely been brooding all this time. The princess is perfectly composed as she looks up at Zelos disdainfully.

"What do you want, Zelos?"

Lloyd had been following behind Zelos as he searched through the apartment, and when Zelda opens her door to respond, he steps out from behind his friend.

"Actually, I'm the one who wanted to talk to you." He scratches the back of his neck. "I dunno, if you remember me, but I'm Lloyd. I'm one of Zelos's friends."