vatheon | (no subject)

"I know it shouldn't have happened, but the best thing to do is just carry on when you get back. Beat Cruxis so no one else has to get hurt." His voice is even lower now, calming, and Zelos loosens his grip on Lloyd's arms now that he's sure the boy understands. Telling him that lie was really the only way. If he'd told him the truth, that he needed the crystal to save the world, Zelos is certain Lloyd would have decided another way could be found and broken it anyway. And it very well could have freed his mother. The worst part is he won't have that option once it's activated; he's not certain what happens if you remove a cruxis crystal once it's bonded to the soul, but considering they're like exspheres, it can't be good. He won't let Lloyd turn into a monster. Not ever.

None of that makes him feel better about lying to his friend.

Drained from the emotionally charged exchange, Zelos lets himself drop to sitting on the couch, but he smiles anyway, forcing himself into a reassuring posture and expression. "It'll turn out, Lloyd. There's no use in getting so angry about it here. And really..."

He looks at the one of Lloyd's hands that's still clutching the crystal. "I think she'd be glad she could help you, even like that." That's what mothers are supposed to feel, right..?

Lloyd lowers the hand that's clutching the Exsphere, uncurling his fingers from around it. He looks down at it, staring into its depths as though somehow he could see his mother if he just looked hard enough. Letting his shoulders sag, he drops down next to Zelos on the couch.

"She probably would," he murmurs, anger draining away into something more defeated. "Or I hope she would. But I still don't have to like it." Even so, he slips the gem back into the mount on his hand. "Using people's lives like this... It's wrong, Zelos. I swear, as soon as I find a way, I'll get her out."

No matter what it will mean for his strength. Zelos is right about him, after all. He'll never let himself believe that the world can't be saved without sacrifice. If he's given even the chance to believe that he can save one more life, he'll take it. There's always another way.

It's probably just as well that Zelos lied to him.

"So..." His hands drop to rest on his knees. "Did you really just drop by to see how I was doing?" He feels drained. He wants to talk about something else.

Zelos wrestles with himself for a moment, not particularly wanting to discuss what made him vacate his house so quickly, but his Bud needs a distraction and what kind of friend would he be if he didn't deign to offer one. "Well I did wanna see you, but the Princess and I had kind of a tiff."

Sure, a tiff. That's all it was. He's plenty irritated still. "The idiot thinks she has to give up her own happiness for the sake of her world when she gets back."

He pauses. That doesn't exactly sound bad when he says it like that, but how can he explain to Lloyd that Zelda intends to give up all of her own hopes and dreams to do this one thing. It's not exactly like Colette, Zelda won't die or literally lose herself or her memories, but in Zelos' opinion it's far worse because she'll deny those things that make her Zelda and be aware she did it to herself.

"What?" Lloyd give Zelos a startled look that borders on the edge of alarm. He doesn't know Zelda very well, but that doesn't mean he's okay with hearing about someone doing something like that! "No way! No one should ever have to sacrifice themselves! Why does she even think she has to?"

Okay, so he was probably jumping to conclusions, but considering what he has experience with, it's too easy to assume the worst.

If nothing else, though, Zelos was successful. All thoughts about his mother and his Exsphere have flown from Lloyd's mind.

"She's supposedly the reincarnation of some Goddess who protects the world or some shit and now she's even more duty-bound to go back and marry some asshole in order to have a bunch of little royal brats to carry on the ruling family. She's also apparently gotta protect this stupid relic from evil and all this while mothering the entire goddamn planet just because of how she is!"

Zelos rises from his seat and begins pacing irritably. "She always thinks she knows better than everyone and she acts on it and now she feels even more like she knows best because of this stupid Goddess thing and something about Wisdom but if she'd just take a second for herself then maybe she could see how all that meddling is just gonna get her hurt and maybe the Goddess reincarnated as a mortal so she could live like a person instead of with all this other crap getting in the way and just try to be fucking happy for once!"

His voice raises in a crescendo as he continues, his pacing growing aggravated and his composure harassed. "Why is she so fucking intent on making herself miserable?!"

Edited 2012-04-01 17:03 (UTC)

That was a lot of information to take in all at once, but Lloyd got the gist of it well enough. A deep frown creases his face as he listens. It sounds way too much like what Colette's been putting herself through for almost her entire life.

"I'm not sure what to think about that being a goddess part, but even if she is, what difference does it make? I don't think even goddesses should have to sacrifice themselves." In fact, the more he thinks about it, the more he feels indignant at the thought. "Goddesses are supposed to care for the world, right? How can she do that if she doesn't care for herself?"

All of this is just reaffirming lack of interest in being religious. Even if it's not all part of some big lie, it just doesn't make any sense!

Zelos was never horribly religious himself either, despite his life revolving around the Church for the better part of his childhood. It's hard to believe in a Goddess who would decree for people to be unhappy in order to create something like him and it was actually a relief when he'd found out it was all a lie, to an extent. It gave him someone to blame, someone besides himself, though that never went away entirely either. He also took solace in the fact that if the religion was a lie, then maybe Heaven and Hell were too and when he died he'd really just be dead and not have to face whatever torments he knew he deserved.

He wasn't lying when he said he was a coward.

"That's what I think, but she won't listen to me. She keeps saying she has to protect Hyrule and that's all there is." He glowers, maybe looking a bit hurt about the whole thing. Should he really be this worked up, though? True, he disagrees with her reasons and her reasoning, but isn't everyone searching for a way out of this place one way or another? And if she really can do it...

Fuck, this is too stupid and complicated.

There's always a way, Zelos. Always, and Lloyd would tell him as much if he asked.

"Maybe she'd listen if someone else said it. Do you want me to talk to her?" He nudges his friend in the side with his elbow. "You can be a little bit annoying, you know. Maybe she doesn't want to listen because it's you."

Yeah, he's poking fun at his friend. But he's smiling at little as he mocks his friend, trying to lighten the mood. This situation with Zelda... Yeah, it's serious, and he means every word he just said - but he can also see how much it's bothering Zelos.

So. Give him something else to vent his feelings on.

Edited 2012-04-03 00:21 (UTC)

The redhead shoots Lloyd an automatic, exaggerated hurt look, always his expression when the boy picks on him but there's amusement behind it and no hard feelings. And really, Lloyd talking to Zelda might be a brilliant idea. He has this way of breaking through personal barriers like a battering ram made of optimistic determination and idealism that you can't help but cave to.

"Maybe she will. That's not a bad idea at all. No one can stand up to one of your speeches!" Zelos grins, rising to his feet and pulling Lloyd up with him. "Let's go now, before she escapes!"

"Well, I wouldn't say no one, but it's worth a shot, right?" Lloyd stands up, too. "Besides, we'll never know if I don't try. Lead the way, Zelos!"

The grin and Zelos acting more like himself helps reassure Lloyd. Even if things don't work out right away, at least this much is better than it was.

Lloyd you don't even know how persuasive you are. There's no way this can fail! Zelos is in high spirits again as he marches Lloyd on back to his shared apartment, hoping that Zelda hadn't left on some errand or another. He peers around the house, trying to see if she's left her room and if not, there's a knock on her door.

"Zelda? Zelda-hunny, I'm sorry, but there's someone I'd really like you to talk to."

Zelda opens the door, looking irritated. She hadn't succumbed to tears after separating with Zelos, she's merely been brooding all this time. The princess is perfectly composed as she looks up at Zelos disdainfully.

"What do you want, Zelos?"

Lloyd had been following behind Zelos as he searched through the apartment, and when Zelda opens her door to respond, he steps out from behind his friend.

"Actually, I'm the one who wanted to talk to you." He scratches the back of his neck. "I dunno, if you remember me, but I'm Lloyd. I'm one of Zelos's friends."

"I'll just let you you two talk and make some snacks!" Oh no, he sounds way too cheerful. Off he goes, traipsing downstairs to put together a snack tray for his inevitable glorious victory.

"Oh, I remember you. We - " Her recollection of the fairytale curse is interrupted as Zelos blurts out that he'll be making snacks. She blinks after his quickly retreating form, startled. What in the world was this about?

"...at any rate, please, come in." Zelda held the door to her room open. It was extremely tidy, and it did have a couch so that he wouldn't have to sit on the princess's bed.

They probably "knew" each other better from the fairy tale curse, but there had been that brief exchange after Zelos had made that drunken post. Not that Lloyd really wants to think about that right now.

Lloyd comes in when he's invited, smiling once he's inside. This is already off to a promising start. He can do this, no problem!

"Thanks. So, uh, I was talking to Zelos. He said... you're a goddess?" If he sounds a little bit hesitant about that, it's because he is. It's still hard to believe in a real goddess's existence. Maybe Zelos got something wrong.

Zelda moves to shut the door, then pauses, looking over her shoulder. The cold expression on her face is really quite frightening. "Zelos said what, now?" She would kill him. Absolutely. What is this, some sort of intervention? How dare he!

Not that Lloyd necessarily knows what an "intervention" is, but yes, yes it is.

That cold expression isn't what he was expecting, but not knowing what it means, he decides not to interpret it. Just take the question at face value and plunge on ahead.

Even if he does feel a little bit nervous.

"He said you used to be a goddess, but that you're human now. Or, well, maybe not human, but you know what I mean. You're a normal person. Right?"

"If you are asking if I am mortal, then yes, I believe I am. It hardly matters, though. If being the descendant of a goddess or a goddess reincarnated helps me care for my people, then I will take advantage of it. I am their princess first and foremost. I do not know why Zelos is throwing such a tantrum about it!" Zelda huffs, shutting the door a little more firmly than she needs to.

"You really don't know?" The question is genuine, along with the look Lloyd gives her. "He's your friend. He cares about you." He might not know Zelda very well, but he does know Zelos, and the way Zelos talked about her made it more than obvious. "He wants you to be happy. That's what friends do. I think he's really worried."

"My people are my happiness, Lloyd. I love them, and I love my land. It isn't a sacrifice to care for them. Besides... the reason I want to find a way home on my own is..."

She turns away. She hardly knows this boy, she's not going to say that!

"It doesn't matter. I am not being coerced to do anything, and my position is nothing like that of the Chosen One. Put Zelos's mind at ease, I won't be harmed from this."

"Caring for people is fine," Lloyd says. "Working to make the world a better place, finding ways to improve people's lives and happiness - I think that's great! But none of those things mean you have live for everyone else. Your life is yours, and your happiness should be yours, too. You can still help other people and make them happy without giving all of yourself to them, too."

Colette had thought that way too, and she was wrong. Maybe Zelda isn't giving up her life for the world, but it's still the same principle.

"I am not..." Zelda lets out an irritated grumble. "Would you please tell me what Zelos told you in regards to me? I think there has been a misunderstanding, here. I would rather not talk in circles or bicker about semantics with you."

Lloyd had best not ask her what semantics are, or she'll really get a headache.

Yeah, he's... not really sure what semantics are, but her question was clear enough. He'll just skip that word for now.

"He said you thought you had to give your own happiness up, that you spend all your time caring for everyone else and never about yourself. And he said you had to marry a jerk so you could have babies." Okay, he was paraphrasing a little, more or less, but that's what he got from what Zelos told him. "He said you thought because you were a goddess reborn that you had to sacrifice who you are for the sake of protecting your world."

Zelda shakes her head, softening her expression. It isn't Lloyd's fault that Zelos was being unreasonable, she shouldn't take it out on him.

"It is not like that. I am sacrificing a part of myself, yes... but it's in the way that a parent sacrifices their own wants for the needs of their children. I am the one who is responsible for my people. I don't think that means I'm giving myself up entirely. There is truly nothing I want more." When she's speaking about her people like this, it's almost possible to catch a glimpse of the goddess Hylia that she's descended from still somewhere within her.

"It does mean that I will have to leave Vatheon, but I will do it by my own power. I will discover the nature of this place, find out why it draws people here, why it sends them back, and why it takes their memories when it returns people to their own worlds. That way, I don't have to forget anyone I have met or all the things that I have learned here."