vatheon | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Shizuo and Izaya
Where: Izaya's place
When: Monday
Style: Action
Status: Closed

[Naturally, the little bubble following Shizuo around reminded him of the fairy that used to hover over his shoulder. Upon seeing it in the mirror that morning, he had poked at it curiously, but it didn't seem prone to popping - or to leaving him alone. He didn't mind it, exactly, but it did make him wonder - enough, at least, to decide to pay Izaya a visit to ask him about it. Izaya had been at Vatheon longer than him, and Izaya's job was to have answers, so Shizuo figured if someone would know what the bubble meant, it would be Izaya. And it provided a nice excuse to go and visit him again.

Shizuo decided to forgo his usual bartender uniform in favor of dressing a little more casually - jeans and a simple slim-fit t-shirt. A lot of things had changed since he arrived in Vatheon, so why not change up his wardrobe, just a little? Treasuring the uniforms didn't mean he had to wear them all of the time, and he didn't have as much of a reason to be distinct in Vatheon as he had been in Ikebukuro. That and...he thought he looked kind of good in casual clothes, and maybe Izaya would agree.

He kept the sunglasses, though.

It's a little after noon once Shizuo shows up and knocks on Izaya's door. He hadn't informed him that he'd be stopping by, so Shizuo hopes that he's home.]

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[Shizuo is glad to be pulled inside, so his bubble continues to broadcast that one word, until Izaya lets go of his hand. Then it very quickly changes to a question of, Kiss? because Shizuo might have been expecting a greeting more along those lines - rather than Izaya bringing him in and then leaving him to make tea. Shizuo doesn't dwell on that too long, though, so the bubble becomes clear almost immediately thereafter.]

What do you mean, if you don't think?

[Again, Shizuo glances up at Izaya's bubble...

But Izaya is urging him to sit and disappearing to the kitchen as Shizuo asks the question, and he doesn't get a very good glimpse of the bubble.]

I'm fine, really.

[He calls that out, but takes a seat anyway.]

I will tell you in a little bit.

[But until then, Izaya kind of wants to take advantage of Shizuo's cute naivety. Peer into his mind a little bit while he can. Not in a cruel way.

He doesn't bother heating up tea- especially after Shizuo calls after him. He pulls out the iced tea though and pours two glasses. Hey. He's a damn good host.

He carries them back out and instantly joins Shizuo on the couch and puts one glass down. He shifts to lean against the couch, his legs folded under him as he quite literally faces Shizuo.

His eyes are on the bubble as he sips from his glass, curiosity piqued. His own bubble represents that with a simple question mark before a scattering of images far too fast paced to really see before it goes back to fuzzy black. He sets the glass back down and then shifts closer to Shizuo, leaning right on in to his personal space.]

So, what's with the surprise visit?

[Shizuo lets out a little sigh at that, and across his bubble flashes the question of why? as he waits for Izaya. Then Izaya joins him again and it clears up, but only for a moment.]

Thanks. [He says it as Izaya sets down the glass, his eyes trained on Izaya's bubble as it flashes through images he can't really make out. He own bubble broadcasts, Why does Izaya's bubble do that? as he speaks.]

What's yours doing?

[But he's distracted by Izaya's question, then, and a group of words begin to flash across his bubble, quickly: Bubble, fairy, Izaya, questions, weekend, stars, missing. Then they pause and, very rapidly, the word sex flashes, but it disappears almost as instantly as it is broadcasted, because Shizuo tries not to dwell on that too much, even if it is in what he considers to be his private thoughts.]

I wanted to see you, and to see if you knew anything about the bubble. Or even the fairies. You've been here longer than me so I thought you might.

[He shifts so that he's facing Izaya, too, but not fully.]

[How incredibly interesting. He could seriously just read this monologue all night long. And maybe that is precisely what he will do.

Then one word presents itself and strikes Izaya almost instantly. Sex. His own mind stills and flashes a heated red and there's the briefest flashing of rather intimate moments between the two- whether or not they had happened were impossible to tell. It was a zoom-in on nails scratching down back, mouths pressing, legs twisting-

But it all went by in a flash.]

I don't know anything about the fairies. As for the bubbles? Well...

[He looks up at Shizuo's bubble and then back to Shizuo. He smirks.]

I'm pretty sure it shows what you're thinking.

[Shizuo gapes at Izaya's bubble - at those images - and tries to look away. His bubble betrays him, and starts displaying more specific, obscene phrases about what Izaya can do with his mouth, where -]

What I'm thinking...

[His eyes widen and he turns to the bubble to see the briefest suggestion of skirt - and yes, he's a little flustered. He and Izaya have been intimate, but that doesn't mean Shizuo wants him to see everything he thinks. He quickly tries thinking of other things that are not sex and are not the images in Izaya's bubble. He settles on thinking about iced tea and picks it up to take a sip.]

You shouldn't look. That's...

[Cheating? Not fair? Embarrassing, even? Shizuo has a feeling that Izaya is enjoying this. That smirk...]

Shizu-chan. My. I never knew you thought so much of me like that!

[Izaya pats his hands down against his own cheeks, as though he's trying to prevent himself from blushing. But it's too late for anything really. When that word clips his mind, Izaya's mind illustrates a rather erotic image of him getting cozy on Shizuo's lap wearing- a- skirt-

And they certainly seem to be-

But then the image goes fuzzy again and Izaya covers his mouth, obviously smirking behind it.]

Oh why? So I don't know how perverse you are about me? I'm flattered, Shizu-chan. It's not a bad thing you know. Did you come here to try and have sex with me?

[He leans forward all the more, his eyes bright and excited.

Of course he's enjoying this.]

Tell me, how did you plan on seducing me? Were you going to casually start to kiss me. Then get a little deeper and then start to stroke my sensitive places and then before we both knew it- oops!

[He's leaning over Shizuo now though, that smirk iconic of the devil's himself and his bubble reflects his own face with a much more inhuman smirk spread across his face and a webbing across his face.

Like a spider's. HM.]

Izaya...

[It's a warning, in a way, though Shizuo isn't sure what he is warning against. He sees that image of Izaya, that skirt, in his lap - and his thought bubble begins shifting though obscene words again, this time phased as, Izaya on my lap, Izaya on the bed, Izaya sucking my - The details become more and more specific.

Shizuo tries to think of something completely unerotic. He thinks about that book Izaya told him about - the one with arctic animals. His bubble changes to, Cold. Animals. What were they? I don't want to read a book. At least they were no longer erotic.]

I know what you're doing.

[And it's working. His bubble is battling with itself.]

I didn't come here to have sex with you. [The way Izaya says it like that - like it was an ulterior motive, or that Shizuo had plans on seducing him instead of just wanting to see Izaya -

His bubble flashes through words again, but this time it isn't about sex - it's about their fights: Izaya getting hit with the vending machine, Izaya cutting me with his blade - ]

Stop.

It's kind of amusing to watch, I have to say.

[At the words, Izaya does believe him. He knows Shizuo isn't that kind of guy at all. The image in his mind softens to something else. Shizuo just sitting there, smiling, and Izaya leaning against him- asleep.

That's it. And it stays for a while.]

I'm sorry.

[He means it, and the himself in his bubble seems to grimace. But then he jerks awake and the image becomes pitch black.]

Why are you thinking about that stuff-

[He stops and looks down.]

Sorry. Eheh. I'm prying a bit, aren't I? Well I can't help it. I mean, your mind is right there. Aren't you interested in seeing what I'm thinking?

It's not amusing for me.

[Shizuo wouldn't have minded as much, if Izaya had gone about it in a different way - a less mocking way. Shizuo likes that image that he sees in Izaya's bubble better. He likes sex with Izaya - obviously quite a bit - but he doesn't want to be teased in that manner.]

I was thinking about that stuff because of the way you were acting. You were being...[His bubble cycles through adjectives until it finds one relatively unused word, since Shizuo isn't exactly the most well-spoken] conniving.

You can look, but you don't have to be mean about it. And I don't want to see what you're thinking.

[Because that was a breach of privacy, even if he couldn't help keep it fully out of his sight. And also because he is worried he'll see something he doesn't like. These sentiments are expressed in his bubble.]

I was just flirting with you...

[His tone is pouty and he's sort of staring at the space between them. Why yes, that is a reflection of his child self in his own bubble with an extraordinary pout on his little face.

Then he looks up and frowns deeper.]

No I wasn't! Jeez. I was just teasing you in that kind of way. I wasn't being mean. I was just...Hn. Forget it...

[He huffs and his mind shows an image of him smacking Shizuo over the head with a book. Well.]

So sensitiv- hey!!

[What a jerk. This time he smacks Shizuo over the head with his rolling chair.]

What do you mean? What do you think you're going to see that you won't like?

[Izaya's eyes flick away and his bubble grows dark. But this time it seems to go with his mood. He shifts around on the couch and stares pointedly at the television mounted on his wall.]

You're such a protozoan.

That's flirting?

[Shizuo isn't really versed on the numerous ways through which people flirt, but that, to him, had been less about flirting and more about getting the reaction he wanted - as though he had been playing a game. Maybe Shizuo is over-thinking it, but Izaya had seemed pretty conniving.

Or. Well. Maybe Shizuo is just ignorant. This is his only relationship. Am I being dumb? lingers in his bubble.]

Don't get -

[Upset, his bubble finishes for him, but Shizuo's eyes are on Izaya's bubble and he is distracted.]

I mean I don't want to see that! You hitting me with a chair! What the hell, Izaya.

[That wouldn't even hurt, and I'd throw one back.]

And you're a flea. Throwing a tantrum.

No. I was just approaching you provocatively to what....exactly? Why else would I act like that? Now I'm embarrassed for being so forward with my boyfriend.

[His mind remains black but he catches sight of that question and his face grows perfectly unimpressed.

An image of Shizuo comes to mind but he has a cross-eye and is drooling a little. Yes, Shizuo, you're being a retard.]

You're being an idiot.

[See? He doesn't even mind saying that.]

Psh. I'm not throwing a tantrum. You're the one who got all upset and accusatory because I wanted to get down and dirty with you after you initially thought about it. Excuse me for being male and finding my partner attractive enough to instantly jump into the gutter when I see that kind of thing in his mind.

[Now it's an image of them back in high school and Izaya sitting a few seats back from Shizuo, just glaring at the back of his head and whipping paper balls at him. But. Shizuo just doesn't seem to notice.]

Izaya.

[Shizuo's thought bubble starts going on and on about how he doesn't know how to take these things - about how they haven't been having sex all that long - and how he had wanted Izaya but felt a little guilty about it because that isn't why he came by.]

Okay, fine, I'm being an idiot. You shouldn't be surprised.

[His tone is annoyed...but he sighs.]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset.

[His thought bubble echoes that.]

I was just. I don't know. I didn't expect that.

[Izaya glances over at Shizuo and skims over those thoughts. Then he sighs dramatically and pushes himself off of the back of the couch so that he can swap around and instead sit directly on Shizuo's lap.

Leg on either side of him, he places his arms around Shizuo's neck and stares down at him with a perfectly blank face.]

Shi-zu-chan. You can be socially hopeless sometimes.

...But maybe I was too forward.

[His tone is apologetic. He seems genuine as well. He relaxes a bit in his lap and leans forward. Though not too much. Not suggestively.]

You don't need to panic so much you know. [A smile.] We have sex. I like knowing that you're attracted to me. I know perfectly well that that's not the only thing you want in a relationship with me. I know you're not that kind of guy and I don't need your thought bubble to figure that out.

[He reaches his hand out to poke at Shizuo's bubble as though to emphasize.]

And you don't have to feel guilty about wanting me. Or anything like that. I can't tell you the amount of times where we have interacted and I've felt that want for you. It just kinda happens.

Shizu-chan, you're a real innocent kind of guy, aren't you? Really pure.

[Izaya's smile grows warmer yet and he looks fondly at Shizuo, his eyes full of something.

His mind shows himself and Shizuo. Shizuo as a solid white silhouette and Izaya as a solid black. Though the black from Izaya seems to be dripping onto Shizuo's white form.]

I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable~. I'll behave now, nn?

[He won't argue that he is socially hopeless. Of course he is - he hasn't had very many social experiences over time that have not involved vending machines and street signs. He certainly has never been so intimate with another person. This is still kind of new to him.

When Izaya plops down in his lap, Shizuo puts his arms around him. He likes contact - he really does. His little thought bubble expresses this - how much he enjoys having Izaya there, on his lap, or on his chest, or anywhere, really, that is near. Touching.]

Okay. I won't feel guilty. I'll work on it.

[Then his bubble flashes the words monster, milk, destruction, and Kasuka]

I'm not that innocent of a guy.

[Maybe that isn't the way Izaya meant it.

Moving on from that -

That image in Izaya's bubble.]

You don't think you're ruining me, do you?

[His own bubble: See this is why I didn't want to be able to see your thoughts.]

Because you aren't.

[Those are nice thoughts. They really are. Izaya decides to not acknowledge them except for by moving a little bit closer.]

Ah-[He's about to ask Shizuo what that's about but then he closes his mouth. His mind reflects a very simple image of Shizuo and him sitting at a table, Shizuo talking to him.

It's not that hard to figure it out. He'll wait for the day that Shizuo feels like telling him things. Instead of using this curse as an advantage point to pick apart Shizuo's life.

His bubble fades back to black and his expression becomes a bit stiff.]

Mmm? No, of course not. [He frowns at that and slides off of Shizuo's lap entirely, standing.]

Why, because you don't want to face the dark corners of my mind? [It's said in a very light-hearted and teasing manner though. Izaya isn't one to prolong on dreary things. He sits down on his coffee table instead, switching his legs together as he picks up his glass of tea.]

All right. So you came by because of the bubbles. I've noticed that people's thoughts vary- I mean. Both how they are presented and the degree of how much it shows. See. Your mind comes across as very simplistic. Basic. Black on white. Text. It's easy to read.

[He's staring intently now at Shizuo. All business.]

Just like you. For the most part anyway. Now, I haven't really talked to anyone about this on a personal level so I don't have that much to spoon feed you. Was there something else you were wondering about? Or did you just want to see me too?

[Coy.]</small?

[It's not necessarily that he doesn't want to face the dark corners of Izaya's mind. That's part of it, definitely, but Shizuo worries in general that he'll see something he doesn't want to see - like Sola, or Zelda, or some plan. Acceptance of Izaya doesn't necessarily mean Shizuo wants to know what Izaya does with other people. Don't ask, don't tell is a much better arrangement than being subject to Izaya's plans. His bubble attempts to express this but Shizuo forces himself to think of other things before it can -

The bubbles. Izaya transitions easily, and Shizuo is glad for it.]

Simple? I guess that makes sense.

[He's never been that much of a complex thinker. He's thinking about Izaya's bubble, now, and how it's expressive through images rather than text.]

Yours goes black and mine goes clear.

[That seems kind of interesting, Shizuo thinks, but he's not one to really pick apart symbolism and dwell in the abstract.

His bubble answers, I wanted to be with you.]

I came to see you too.

[His bubble starts cycling through his roommate's names, with question marks, as though asking whether they are around.]

[Luckily for Shizuo, Izaya has always been in immaculate control of himself. At a young age, he had focused on controlling both his emotions and his mind simultaneously, since he figured he could link the two well enough.

He had never wanted to be weak. It hadn't taken Izaya long to figure out that he had a much lesser emotional capacity than the usual human.

That's why when Shizuo exploded into his life like he did, it had meant so much. It had made Izaya feel.

And that, in his mind, was depicted yet again through the two silhouettes, only this time, Shizuo put his hand to Izaya and it made a bright red seep in through the black of his body.

Izaya looks up suddenly when he realizes that Shizuo is still speaking.]

Is that right?

[He doesn't sound too interested, his bubble eventually going back to black.

But not a moment later, it fuzzes up red and excited.]

Shizu-chan.

[A gentle smile and his body relaxes in its poise.]

We're alone. I'm not sure where Ion or Laharl are.

[His own bubble presents Shizuo with a question mark.]

Did you want to do something? Maybe we could watch a movie.

[He looks away from Shizuo and his mind wanders. Probably not the best thing but hey. And you'll never guess what appears in the bubble. It certainly isn't Shizuo and Izaya sharing a rather intimate, long kiss. That's for sure.]

Have we ever really just ...hung out before? What do you even like to do?

[That image is gone and he's looking at Shizuo directly again.]

[...Well Shizuo thinks it's interesting. But maybe Izaya had already picked up on that tidbit of information. His bubble very briefly flashes the name Zelda across it, as Shizuo wonders what her bubble does - wonders if he'll even have the opportunity to see her to find out - but it's only a flash, quickly stifled by other thoughts.

He hasn't been paying attention to Izaya's bubble, but glances at it, surprised by the red coloring. And sees the transition to himself and the question mark. Then looks back to Izaya.]

We have a little. Like the other night.

[That question makes him a little uncomfortable - not because he doesn't want to answer, but...by now, shouldn't Izaya know? Or maybe they've just been so focused on everything else that they hadn't had the opportunty to really discuss that kind of stuff. He thinks about Izaya's interests - the ones he knows about, like reading, obviously - and thinks that his must be kind of simplistic and silly in comparison. He just...doesn't do much. Certainly not stuff like that. His bubble flashes through these - there is less scrolling and more flashing and rearranging of words. It's difficult to read in entirety as Shizuo thinks it through.]

I like movies. That'd be fine.

[Because doing something would be nice - never mind the suggestion that his bubble makes which has less to do with movies and more to do with other things. Shizuo looks away.]

I like movies too.

[A short smile because hey, it seems to be the first thing that they had in common. Izaya really did like movies too. He slid off of the coffee table and went to where he kept his DVDs. All of which seemed like barely altered versions of movies from back home and other worlds.

He has quite a lot- seeing as it was free, he had never seen the harm in getting as many as he liked.]

Do you have preference on the genre? Like romantic, cartoon, horror, drama...?

[This is easy. Although it's not. Izaya doesn't really ever hang out with anyone. When he does, it's for beneficial reasons.

Shizuo was right though. They kind of hung out the other night.]

I'm pretty partial to dramas, romance, and children's movies myself actually. Dramas always win awards but I'm sure you know that. People like to see reflections of their own lives up on the big screen after all. Makes them feel less poorly about themselves and the decisions that they have made.

[Shizuo's bubble broadcasts, Wow, as he shifts to get a better look at Izaya's movie collection. Shizuo really needs to take more advantage of the free aspect of Vatheon. He still lives pretty simply - as he would if he were in Ikebukuro. But things are different here.

Maybe he'll go shopping. His bubble suggests this.]

You like children's movies?

[Shizuo's a little surprised.]

I do too. And I like romance - but happy stuff. Nothing sad. I hate action and horror. The only dramas I watch are my brother's. I don't really like them.

[Life had enough drama. He didn't need to watch it on tv, as his bubble reflected.]

Yes. Quite a lot actually. They're so cute and simple. But a lot of them have some pretty interesting morals.

[Izaya settles on a copy of Wall-e because it is one of his favorites. He pops the DVD in and hits play.]

Well I don't blame you. Your brother is kind of a shitty actor.

[Izaya heads back to the couch and instantly takes a seat next to Shizuo, folding his legs under him as he sort of leans against Shizuo. But not entirely.

Casual cuddling was a whole different thing and while Shizuo's thoughts had recently expressed liking the contact, Izaya was still pretty cautious on that front.

But he does put his hand on Shizuo's leg. Just. Right there. Doing nothing.]

I'm glad that you do.

[His bubble echoes this sentiment. It's true. Not only is it something that he and Izaya have in common, but there was a time when Shizuo might have worried, just a little bit, about what Izaya would think of his taste in movies.]

He isn't a bad actor.

[Shizuo huffs a little at that. That isn't why he doesn't like the films. He just doesn't like the dramatic plots and the way things don't always end nicely. His brother hadn't acted in it, but Sora Kara was one of the worst dramas Shizuo had ever seen. It turned him off drama and mystery alike.

But his brother? Shizuo believes in him, and thinks very highly of him. His acting is not shitty.]

You'll have to watch them with me. His movies and stuff.

[Shizuo wants Izaya a little closer, but feels a little self-conscious after their little misunderstanding earlier. He settles for covering Izaya's hand with his.]

Uh - I guess you don't have to. But. You know. If we go back and he has a new one, I'll want to see it -

[He's just cutting himself off there, and watching the movie.]

Yes he is. He's atrocious.

[Izaya actually isn't doing this to insult Shizuo. He just really thinks Kasuka can't act. He's so cheesy and lame.]

He's not even the better looking one of you two. That's the worst part. He's short and kinda boring to look at. Plus his hair cute is totally stupid and hasn't changed in ages.]

No offense Shizu-chan, but me watching them with you isn't going to make him a better actor.

[Now he's amused. Because. Of reasons.]

But I guess we could make a date out of it.

[Oh. Well. That's pretty nice too you know. Izaya slides his hand under Shizuo until they're palm-to-palm and he can put their fingers together.

It's so warm.]

Sure, Shizu-chan. We can do that.

[He sounds a little...sad. His eyes are on the television set but his mind is elsewhere. In his little thought bubble, it shows Shizuo and himself back to their old antics of violent fighting.

Only to say....That Izaya fears going back to Ikebukuro. It would change things. Memories don't stay from Vatheon. Not really and not always.

If they went back to Ikebukuro....

He could lose Shizuo forever. His hand tightens around Shizuo's but he doesn't notice.]

Think what you want, but don't compare us.

[His little bubble reports that's unfair to do to Kasuka. Shizuo doesn't say that out loud, though, because he doesn't want to hear arguments to the contrary. And besides, it's hard to focus on bickering when Izaya laces their fingers together.

Shizuo catches the sad tone. It reminds him of Izaya during the curse, a little bit. An agreement without any real strength. Placating. But Shizuo is just an in-the-moment kind of guy. He hasn't spent a lot of time thinking about outside of Vatheon, aside from missing his family and trying to get tabs on his brother from the Nostalgia Nook. The only time he has bothered to think about being able to go back was his conversation with Zelda. He doesn't fully understand, because his mind doesn't leap to the same conclusions as Izaya's, but responds to that slight tightening of his hand by shifting closer.]

I'm going to make you keep all your promises, you know. I still need to see that picture of your mom. I didn't forget. I'll keep my promises too.

[He'll cook for Izaya, sometime soon. Maybe he'll even track down a cook book and practice first. Yeah, he should do that...And his bubble announces that decision.

By the end of the movie, he has an arm around Izaya, and has encouraged him into fully leaning against him. Shizuo prefers him close, just like that.]

I liked it.

[Izaya doesn't spend too much time thinking about this because it's not in his nature to dwell on the unforgiving circumstances of life.

So he doesn't dwell. He watches the movie and his bubble remains a solid black. When he's invited to lean into Shizuo, he does just that without a moment's hesitation because he had wanted to anyway.

By the time the movie is over, he's half asleep and he really has no idea how his body can even be comfortable in the position its in of being entirely compressed up against Shizuo's side.

But it is and he doesn't feel like moving.]

Of course it is. I only like good movies.

[His tone is a bit dozing. He's quiet for a long time.

Long. Time. It might even be reasonable to have assumed that he had fallen asleep. But then he talks:]

You make me feel safe.

[Wait. Wait reel that back in.]

Not that I need to feel safe. But you make me feel safe in a different sort of way.

[Shizuo does assume that Izaya has fallen asleep, but doesn't move. He's honestly perfectly content, if Izaya is content up against him. He keeps his arm around him and his body carefully still so as not to disturb him. When Izaya speaks, it's unexpected. And since Shizuo himself was beginning to lull into sleep himself, he moves a little with the surprise - but not enough to jostle Izaya.

His tone is a little groggy, too, but he sits up a little to bring himself into full awareness.]

That's good. I want you to feel safe with me.

[His bubble reports that that is how Shizuo feels he can be useful. By offering safety. It's the one thing he can actually give away. And he knows that Izaya is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. So to hear that he does feel that way...well, it makes Shizuo feel warm. Happy. Like maybe he's finally learning how to do something right. His bubble offers glimmers of these thoughts.]

I know you don't need it. But I still want you to feel it. And you know - [Minor interruption for a yarn] If anything ever happens, I'll be by your side.

I've never really felt endangered around you. Even before. I knew you would never really hurt me.

[He sighs heavily, his body sinking all the more against Shizuo's. Maybe he's revealing a lot right now but that's what having a relationship like this does.

You're supposed to open up and even though it's a little troublesome for Izaya...

He still wants to.]

Shizu-chan...

[He opens his eyes wide suddenly, his voice a bit more perky.]

Have you ever had any romantic feelings or anything like that before? At all?

[Shizuo can't say that he believed Izaya didn't want to hurt him, back then, but he's glad to hear that Izaya never felt that from him. He was one of the only people who could say that - the only person who faced him head-on who could say that in earnest.]

You mean for someone else?

[Surely Izaya realizes that what he feels for him counts as romantic, so Shizuo is going to run with that.]

No. Not really. I didn't think about it a lot, because it was kind of an impossibility. I tried to go on dates a couple of times, but always ended up scaring my date away. It was just to see, really, if I could make it work. But I accepted a long time ago that I'd be lonely.

[His bubble remains blank, because Shizuo doesn't even remember their names.

A small smile as he glances down at Izaya.]

I'm not lonely when I'm with you.

Why are you asking?

Obviously.

[He falls silent after that though and listens. He could see Shizuo freaking out some poor, but mentally incompetent, girl who had no idea what she was even getting into.

It made Izaya wonder if any of those dates had ever been men. They had never really broached the subject about that but it didn't seem too important.

Their love was sort of a love that couldn't really be summed up by genders and idiotic limits like that.]

I'm not lonely either. Which is kind of funny. Because I always used to be the loneliest guy around. No friends. No family really. Nothing. I mean, I never minded. I just existed above everyone else. That's why I had Namie work for me- just so I had someone to talk to. Because I like to talk. That's why I have my roommates here. I used to have a secretary....

[His eyes darken and for a moment, in his bubble, the face of a rather handsome young boy pops into it but then it quickly leaves.]

I think he fell in love with me. I don't know. He vanished though from Vatheon. He had told me he loved me just before. I don't know if I had any romantic feelings towards him or not. He was handsome and he did everything I told him to do and he was calm. I liked him. I guess there was some sort of attraction.

[He pinches his mouth together and in his bubble appears a more familiar face, that of Jacob's, and his eyes shut.]

But I think that there was one man I think I could have felt like that with. I think I sort of have felt that way towards him. He's still here and...there's obviously nothing there for him. But there was that possibility. And I didn't realize it until recently. After I jumped with Sola, I went to him.

I told him what happened. And. [His voice stops and his bubble is reflecting the very same image of Izaya with his head in Jacob's lap with Jacob's hand over it, his mouth moving, obviously speaking, and Izaya's body slouched.]

He always accepts me. I try to shake him and make him react and anger him but it never really works. He always just has this open palm for me.

[He presses harder into Shizuo's side.]

For a really long time, I figured I would never be that kind of guy who would be interested in those things. I figured that I was so far above that human emotion of love that I wouldn't feel it. Then I met you and I knew I was fucked. I spent a long time accepting how I felt about you and that it would never be a possibility. I also accepted the fact that I would never meet anyone I would be able to care for like that again.

I don't really think I could ever fall in love with Jacob. But there was that imitation of love there for him because he was the first person, besides my mother, to ever really accept me whole-hardheartedly.

I didn't really think that people did that kind of thing.

[He sighs heavily and pushes himself up from Shizuo and instead scoots into his lap, his legs clumsily positioned and his head bowed, a hand going to rest on Shizuo's chest. Right over his heart.]

But. Then you accepted me like that. You did something that I honestly never could have predicted no matter how many theories I played out in my mind. When you knew what I had done to get your attention with Sola and Zelda, you could have bashed my brains out. And I'm sure a part of you did. But....You didn't. You made love to me instead and you took me entirely and you ...gave me that open handed kind of acceptance.

I was thinking about Jacob the other night and why I had thought I felt that way and it made me realize a lot. About you. And us.

[Shizuo just listens quietly. Lets Izaya maneuver himself however he needs, watches him as he speaks, eyes moving to the bubble. At one point, he thinks of Zelda and her acceptance, thinks that Izaya should understand where that comes from, but it fades because never was what he had felt for Zelda an imitation of love. Not - like that. Shizuo wouldn't ever need to qualify that he didn't think he could fall in love with Zelda, because it was an impossibility. Zelda is family. As good as - well, a mother, though that was a little strange to think about. She treated him like he would except a mother to treat her children - with acceptance, guidance, and even to the point of tucking him in at night when he was disoriented and confused.

Shizuo doesn't know how he feels, listening to all of this. His thoughts get a little darker within his bubble, and announce that he has lost that acceptance. And yet Izaya - Izaya gets to keep his. His roommates, his Jacob, his everything, so intact. Is this what jealousy feels like? Shizuo isn't sure, but he knows he feels as though he's isolated, where as Izaya has bloomed, in ways that even he cannot see. His thought bubble continues to shuffle through these thoughts, but they are more complex, in full sentences, and moving quickly because they can't keep up.

He thinks of Jacob, and how Jacob told him that he wasn't a monster, when they first met. Jacob made Shizuo uncomfortable, but in a way that made him want to talk to him more. Shizuo did try to listen to his network posts to try to understand, but they wound up frustrating him. But Izaya - Izaya could understand them. Izaya is on an entirely different intellectual field than he is.

And Izaya didn't say that he couldn't fall in love with Jacob. He said that he doesn't really think he can. That...is not comforting. He feels a lot of things, and his bubble seems to be in disarray, phrases changing halfway through, lots of words shifting around. He wishes he could have been Izaya's first acceptance - but look what it took to bring him here. He wishes he could somehow meet Izaya wherever he was on that higher plane where he thought about the stars and arctic animals from different places while Shizuo just tried to stay calm and walked around smoking cigarettes.

He thinks - from all of this - that Izaya might fall for Jacob one day, because that just makes sense - and his diction didn't fully discount possibility.

It's about them - this conversation. Shizuo knows that. This is Izaya explaining that he's grateful for his acceptance, and that they are an us.

But the path was long. Someone needed to jump from a building. And if Shizuo had caught Izaya that night, he might have bashed his brains out. Probably. And even then, Jacob took him in.

He wants to argue that Jacob probably doesn't know Izaya - but of course he does. Jacob just knows things. Shizuo had figured that out during their first conversation.

He's...a mess. Even his bubble seems tired. It's drooping, and words are moving slowly - boring words now, about what he sees, rather than any real thoughts. Izaya in front of him. The hand on his heart.

Shizuo is quiet for a long moment after Izaya speaks. He doesn't know if Izaya has witnessed the turmoil in his bubble. It doesn't really matter.

He puts a hand over Izaya's, which is over his heart.]

It's yours. To do whatever you want with it. Even if you store it in a jar on your desk.

[Or break it. Again.]

[Of course Izaya had watched that little tell-tale bubble. Of course he had. As he talked, his eyes had continuously kept flicking to it because otherwise it would be impossible otherwise to gauge what exactly was going through Shizuo's mind and this was an important detail that he had to stress on.

But Shizuo was taking it the worst way possible.

Izaya's mouth turned down and his own bubble grew active. Slowly as his eyes instead narrowed and his mouth went into a straight line and his fingers curled into a fist.[

Break your heart?

[It's a low growl. His mind is a flickering camera of every memory he had with Shizuo since the day they met. Each one is a few seconds long- long enough to see but never quite enough to pinpoint. From their fights to Izaya looking after Shizuo in high school and to them yelling at each other and to Izaya just being alone.

Izaya. Izaya had his heart broken several times by Shizuo. Whether or not the blond really knew that didn't matter. The pain was stressed in his visions and the last one being that night in which Shizuo had taken it upon himself to attack Izaya and to put Zelda in the way of their relationship.

Then his thought bubble became an outrageous turmoil of black and red and it practically vibrated with anger.

Yet Izaya's face remained wonderfully calm and in tact.]

I wasn't tell you this to break your heart. I was telling you this so you would understand the grandiosity of our relationship. I was telling you this because I wanted you to understand how important...

And why would you think I would fall in love with Jacob?

[His hand is curled around that shirt and he jerks himself forward, into Shizuo's face.]

You really are an idiotic neanderthal if you think that. Don't you get it? Even if I wanted to move on from you, I never can. I never have been able to. I never will. And especially not now because I don't want to let this go. Yes. He's accepted me and yes, I thought that the possibility of loving him was a reality.

But the fact of the matter is that it's not. I'm Orihara Izaya, Shizuo, and I don't even have the capacity to feel basic guilt let alone authentic love. That's why you are so God damn extraordinary to me.

Jacob is special but not in the way that you are. And no one will ever be in the way you are.

He's never been my most important person. And why are you so jealous of me having people around me? I told you that I don't mind if you have Zelda as your family. You have me.

[But that still wasn't good enough.]

Nnn. You're such a dick.

[Really, Shizuo. Izaya slides off of Shizuo's lap and flicks out his blade, holding it out to Shizuo's face.]

You have no idea what it is to be really lonely, Shizu-chan. Not a clue.

[He spins the blade back around in his hand so it's instead facing his chest and then he drops it on the floor in front of Shizuo.]

[Shizuo watches those images and it's painful to see those, but isn't it half the point? How he has taken so long - how he has hurt Izaya? It isn't even really about Jacob, not when you get down to it. And it's not even about jealousy. It's about how Shizuo genuinely feels that Izaya is somehow out of reach - that for all the love and talk and intensity of emotions - what happens when it's just them and they don't have a movie? What if Izaya genuinely wants to talk about arctic animals from whatever universe? What if Izaya wants to sit down and tell Shizuo - Today I killed someone. What then. What comes after? They did their relationship reversed. The whole acceptance, the love, the sex - all that is supposed to come after two people learn to be together. They don't know. They don't know how to just be together - they are only learning - and Shizuo is seeing a divide he doesn't really understand and MAYBE. Maybe he is a dick. Maybe he has no clue. But he just wants to be worth it. To connect with Izaya - more this. More than the deeper emotions. More than suicides forcing revelations.

Izaya had called him socially stupid, and yeah, he was socially stupid, and maybe part of the problem is that Shizuo doesn't know what he's doing, but he's trying and this is a whole lot more difficult than he thought it would be.

His bubble does its best to keep up with all of that.

Shizuo stands up. He looks at Izaya, and his expression is soft - maybe a little sad. His thought bubble is blank, because you know what? Shizuo isn't as much of a moron as everyone always seems to point out. He can keep it clear, for just a moment - for this.

He leans in and he kisses Izaya. A soft, unintrusive kiss.]

I love you. I'm not mad. So I'm telling you. I love you, and I'm sorry. There are a lot of things I don't know, and I am a dick. I'm trying, though.

[The bubble wavers and ultimately betrays him - control not as good as Shizuo had hoped. It broadcasts that he's leaving. He gives Izaya a small smile.]

I'm going home.

[Their relationship had never been simple. Not from day one and not now. It might never be 'simple'. It might be a very long time before they can just watch a movie casually together and then cozy up on the couch and pass out and talk about nothing. Izaya wasn't looking for meaningful conversations full of life and philosophy and God complexes. He didn't want that from Shizuo.

Those were his own stupid ideas and his own ramblings and he had always thought that it was the depicted insane part of his persona- things he would throw in the faces of his victims to mock him, things he'd preach about around Namie to annoy her. Sure he liked to read and educate himself but he had liked Shizuo for a long time. He knew that he was a simple-minded man and in a way, it contrasted with Izaya's more complex and overdeveloped mind filled with so many twists and turns that he sometimes exhausted himself.

He needed that underhanded stability of Shizuo's patient, simple mind of blank white background with black words on top. It made him feel complete in a way that wasn't entirely easy to explain because he needed that solid ground to common sense and reasonable thought that he sometimes had difficulty finding when he was busy singing and dancing about Gods and kings and things like that.

He needed Shizuo. And his expression is guilty because he doesn't know how to tell Shizuo any of that and instead, his bubble works up several images to try and compensate but he has a feeling metaphors aren't Shizuo's strong suit.]

Shizuo.

[A whine is in his voice. Like a child not wanting their parent to leave for work in the morning.]

I don't want you to leave.

[He grabs his hand because really, Shizuo wasn't going to leave.]

Do you see what you do?

[He sort of laughs and covers his hand over his face, obviously embarrassed.]

You make me feel so much. I don't know how to deal with emotions sometimes. Especially not the ones you give me and I get so over driven by them.

[He drops his hand and looks at Shizuo, his gaze wide and intrusive.]

You might not know a lot and you might be a jerk sometimes. But I know too much and I'm an asshole all of the time. I need that, Shizuo. I need that part of you that I could never have. I don't know what it's like to have peace of mind because my mind is literally always going. I am always thinking and sometimes I just want to be grounded and not so over-processed. Like you. I call you stupid a lot but I know you're really smart. You've always been able to figure me out because you always had that simplicity. It's a really charming attribute. Don't think that it plunders our relationship and keeps you on a different level than I. It doesn't. If anything, it brings you to me in ways that nothing else can.

I've had plenty of philosophical debates with people Shizuo. It never impresses me and it only makes me agitated and bored. You make me feel like a human. You're simple but it's beautiful. Uh-

[He's talking too much again but Izaya has always been good at that. He's always been good at rambling too much.]

I love you.

[His tone is firm and he takes a step closer to Shizuo.]

Please don't leave.

I know we're battling to find an even ground here but just stay for a while. You're not the only one who's new to this, okay? I know you're trying. Ah- I'm trying too. I just think we hit some walls sometimes. And you're the only person who can really make me react and feel and sometimes that horrifies me or makes me furious so. I can get rash and-...I'm rambling.

[And his bubble is trying painfully to keep up but it just looks like someone flipping down a deck of photos- not a single image lasting so much as a second.]

[Metaphors aren't Shizuo's strong point. He finds them frustrating and useless - why not say what you want to say without all the fanfare - and he doesn't even bother looking at Izaya's thought bubble, but his own thought bubble reports a snippy, Of course. Wasn't it just ironic that Izaya's brain would be depicting exactly what Shizuo was thinking about in such a way?

He's glad when Izaya talks. He doesn't leave - just stands and listens. And when Izaya is done, he nods.]

If you're sure, Izaya.

[He looks down, not exactly sure how to respond.]

I believe you. I just...want to be able to give you what you need. I'm not good for a lot of things, and I know that, but as long as I'm able to make you feel safe and like I really am doing something for you. I...want to be needed. By you.

[He's going to unabashedly pull Izaya close, into a hug. Better this way than to see any insecurities that may be betrayed in his thought bubble. That, and he just likes having Izaya close.]

I just worry that one day you'll wake up and realize that you can have more. Someone smarter. You're really smart, Izaya, I've always known that. I just don't want to hold you back.

[His bubble reports that he means this in all ways - and he thinks of Sola and of any plans that Izaya might have. As he pulls back, his bubble is worrying interfering - Shizuo doesn't want to interfere. He just doesn't want to know - and isn't that bad? Shouldn't he want to know?

He wants to pop his bubble, now. But of course he can't.

Instead he focues on ignoring it and talking.]

I know you're trying to. I know it'll take time. And I get stupid sometimes with the way I react to things and I'm sorry.

I'll stay.

[As though to settle that matter, Shizuo sits.]

You said I'm charming.

[Well - that his "attribute" is charming - but still. Shizuo liked hearing that - after all, in the beginning Izaya had told him he wasn't charming. His bubble remembers this, and expresses pleasure at hearing otherwise.]

Would I ever lie to you?

[Wait.]

Don't answer that.

[He wouldn't now but their past suggests otherwise. He just hopes Shizuo knows that.]

You're not holding me back from anything. If anything, you've released me from the one thing I've been carrying around all this time. You've actually made me more untouchable than before. Before, you were my only prized secret, my only sensitive spot, and now, I have you, and now that's not something I need to worry about anymore.

I mean granted, it opens up the fact that people might try to hurt you to get to me but I both trust your strength and my cunning personality to get us out of any situations like that. Besides....

[He trails off and for a moment, his bubble reflects the memory he has of medicating Minato into a sleep-induced haze and suspending him over the side of a building tied to a chair.

Really. The people he hurt simply weren't the type who would exact revenge.

He wasn't worried. But he was getting off hand here. The bubble goes dark.]

Shizu-chan, I've liked you for a long, long time. I've thought about you for a countless amount of hours. I've been in love with you forever. And I have studied you more than any other human alive. Which is probably a little unsettling to hear but the point is- I know you. I know you pretty well and I know why I love you and everything. I'm not about to randomly decide that all of this time, I loved you for stupid reasons.

[Izaya looks down at Shizuo, rather fondly, and kneels down in front of him, extending his arms out to slide around Shizuo's waist as he invites himself to sit between Shizuo's thighs.]

I'm always going to call you stupid. But I know you're not. I'm not going to wake up and want someone smarter because you're the type of smart I like. And trust me, I need you a lot more than I care to let on.

[His tone here is a little sad and he puts his head down in Shizuo's lap, his eyes partially shutting.]

You're the only person worthy of my love. Everyone else is disposable.

[Might not be the best thing to hear but it's sincere.]

Hn. Heh. Yes, Shizu-chan, you're a regular Prince Charming.

[He lifts his head to smirk up at Shizuo.]

You make me swoon and fall to my knees. And you're an idiot. I say a lot of things to you to try and annoy you. Especially then. I was trying to challenge you.

[Shizuo's glad that the question doesn't require an answer, and his bubble quivers a little as he restrains his thoughts - but he does know better, now. He doesn't expect that Izaya will lie to him again. Even when he targeted Zelda, it was after prefacing that he wouldn't make any promises. His bubble runs through these thoughts briefly, before settling into more pleasant ones as Izaya explains that he isn't being held back.

Shizuo would have preferred not to see that memory - Minato seems familiar, though he can't place him - but his bubble doesn't dwell on that.]

I won't let anyone hurt me. Or you. If that happens.

[Which is his way of saying he'll stand by Izaya if anything goes awry. Even if...he brings it on himself. Shizuo would never leave Izaya to fend for himself in a situation like that.

He listens to Izaya talk, allows him to sit between his legs, and when Izaya puts his head in his lap, Shizuo gently brushes his hair back, touches his cheek. Little gestures.

Shizuo doesn't think that people are disposable, but...he likes hearing that from Izaya, more than he would want to admit. It makes him feel important and needed - loved.]

Izaya, come up here. Sit with me.

[And once Izaya does that, Shizuo leans forward and kisses him. A full, loving kiss that he deepens - it's easier, this way, to express how he feels - to put everything he wants to say into that kiss. His eyes are closed and he isn't looking at his bubble, but it happily narrates, I love you, I love this, - everything that Shizuo feels he can't adequately articulate. He continues to kiss Izaya, parting his lips and finding Izaya's tongue with his own, his palm flat against Izaya's heart.]

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I moved Izaya a little there I hope that's okay ;;