vatheon | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Shizuo and Jacob
Where: City outskirts
When: Late afternoon
Style: Action
Status: Closed

[Shizuo wasn't really one to mope. Rather than exerting a lot of his energy on regretting what had happened during his outing with Zelda, Shizuo was instead met with a growing irritation. It was easier, more familiar. And that was how he usually dealt with unfavorable situations - by being volatile and, for lack of a less demeaning word, grumpy. Yeah, he was grumpy, and he blamed Izaya for screwing everything up during the New Years party. If he hadn't done that, then maybe Shizuo would have had more working in favor of his self-control when he faced that not-Link guy.

It couldn't be helped, now. It was done and over. Shizuo focused instead on walking along the outskirts of the city, away from any potential groups of people that might irritate him further.]

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[And there he had it. Izaya was everywhere. Shizuo couldn't hold a brief conversation without the man coming up. It was a generalization, but it certainly felt that way, especially considering Zelda was on friendly terms with the informant. Shizuo doesn't try to hide his disgust.

And that recent visit Izaya paid him? That is buried back of Shizuo's mind. The flea is still a flea - still made Shizuo's life miserable when he wanted to be left alone - whether he was confused and rambling or not.]

He's not interesting. He's scum. He uses people for his amusement.

[And in his tone is Shizuo's characteristic anger. He turns away from the man, tries not to evolve in the direction of fury - but Izaya. Izaya was always fucking everything up.]

I know that. He's a dangerous and very manipulative man. He held a knife to my face on new Year's Eve because he could.

[Any other person would be reacting in anger to the fact that somebody basically threatened them with a knife. Not Jacob. He just mentions it casually, as if getting threatened is something akin to meeting somebody at the grocery store or something.]

...I presume you're Shizuo?

[It does surprise Shizuo that the man could talk about that - about Izaya - so casually, when he himself couldn't avoid an emotional reaction to the name alone.]

That's the kind of shit he does.

[Shizuo had been stabbed - probably by that very knife - on New Years Eve. He brings his hand to his chest subconsciously, making a fist over where the flesh was pink and healing under his shirt.]

Yeah. I am. I guess he talked about me?

[There's something akin to bitter humor in Shizuo's tone. He could only imagine - Shizu-chan is such a monster! Look at what he did to the festival!, etc. Bastard. He should have pushed him out that window.]

I know it's what he does.

[He pauses, gazing at Shizuo with those big blue eyes of his, as if he can somehow stare into Shizuo's mind and read everything that's written there. of course, he can't, but his gaze is penetrating all the same.]

He called you a monster. But I disagreed. I wanted to get to know you, because what another person says about you doesn't mean that that is who you are.

And you're not a monster, Shizuo. Quite the contrary.

[There's a long, uncomfortable pause. Shizuo stares back at him. That was not what he expected to hear - not at all.

Part of the reason he hated Izaya so much was not because he unfairly labeled him, but because he was right. Shizuo was dangerous. Inhumanly strong. Essentially, a monster.]

I'm dangerous.

[Even if the label of being a monster wasn't accurate to this man, there was no denying that fact.]

Izaya wants to screw up everything for me, but that doesn't mean he's wrong.

Many people are dangerous. Even I'm dangerous, in a way. That doesn't mean you're not a human being.

[A slight smile.] Do you believe you're a monster, then? If you think Izaya isn't wrong, then you believe what he says, don't you?

[Shizuo isn't huge on philisophy or the thinking too deeply about the question of what makes someone human. He just knows that he ranks differently than most people in a lot of areas - that he has and probably will always continue to hurt others, thouse who deserve it and even those who don't.

It's not a conversation Shizuo wants to have. Not with anyone, and especially not with some random guy he happened to bump into who also happened to know Izaya. It's too personal.

But yeah, he believes Izaya. Yet another reason to hate him.]

It doesn't matter. [He starts to feel around in pockets for his pack of cigarettes, irritated and thrown off balance by the conversation. He pulls one out.] It just is what it is. [He sets it between his lips and focuses on lighting it, rather than on the the other man.]

I don't know, I think it does matter.

[He takes a moment to gaze at the darkening sea around them as it gets further into the night, before turning back to Shizuo.]

If it is what it is, does that mean you think it can't be changed?

[A lazy shrug as Shizuo inhales from his cigarette, slipping his lighter back in his pocket.]

It hasn't changed yet.

People do change, though it's hard to believe. It's impossible for a person to stay exactly the same as they were before going through all the experiences that awaited them.

Believe me, I know.

[It isn't that he's be contrary, it's that he's twenty-four years old and still a victim to his strength, his rage. It's that he's tried to change, plenty.]

I don't think I can change what I am.

...

If you can't change who you are, maybe somebody else could change who you are. For the better.

[This comment, moreso than any of the others, make Shizuo pause. He squints at the man, as though trying to figure him out, and it takes a long minute before he responds.]

I...don't really think about things like that.

[Well maybe he had, a little - but it was in the realm of impossibility in his mind, along with changing. He flicks some ash off of his cigarette, finally looking away.]

Who are you, anyway?

Maybe you should.

[A slight shrug in reply.] My name is Jacob.

Nah. It's not for me, really.

[He shrugs it off - doesn't really want to think about it.]

Jacob. You're a weird guy.

[It isn't said to be mean; it's more of an offhanded observation. The guy tried to make a case for his humanity, after all.]

Whatever you decide. Just never forget that you always have a choice.

[He just smiles wider, as if amused.]

Isn't everybody weird, in some way?

[Abstracts. Shizuo hates trying to think in abstracts. The way things are - that's how it is. Nothing about trying to find someone to change him or find something to help him for the better. Nothing about potential choices existing on the fringe, waiting for him to select one. No word weaving or lofty discussions about life. He just wants to be...well, be. And that's all.]

I guess. But not everyone talks to random people about...you know. Change. And all that philosophical nonsense.

It's not exactly nonsense if it makes sense. Besides, I just like talking about the human condition. I find it fascinating.

[He scratches the back of his neck.] What do you want to talk about?

[He doesn't know.

With Izaya, he argues. With Zelda, she leads the conversation. With Celty - well, she doesn't really talk so Shizuo feels comfortable with rambling on about life, as she's not going to interrupt or piss him off. This is just some guy he met while trying to have a quiet walk.

So he's quiet. Too quiet, for too long, almost to the point where it would make sense to just say goodbye and walk off. He finishes his cigarette and stamps it out with his shoe. Then, finally:]

I'm bad at making conversation. I'm not really used to discussing...the human condition, or whatever, either. I don't like it when people make it sound like changing is easy, that self-control is something I can just have one day, or find in someone else, because that means it's my fault, right? That I'm the reason I am the way I am - because it is so easy, and I haven't been able to do it. Am I holding myself back? But then, if I am, how can I live with that? Knowing it's all me. I don't even care about fighting, that's the thing. I hate violence. I just want control, but it isn't there, and if you think that change is a choice, then that means I'm the reason...

[It's more than Shizuo is used to talking - a steady stream of words, showing that in the silence Shizuo has mused over what Jacob has said.]

[Jacob waits. He's patient that way. Just like back on the island, when he waited years for his canidates to come to fufill what he believed were those destinies.]

[He has all the time in the world, really.]

It's not easy to change. I never said that. Only that people can change, if they truly want to.

Everyone has the means for change. Even you. If you don't have control, and you're trying your best to gain it but end up losing it, maybe there's another way. Sometimes we don't reach things by going the normal way to get them.

[Shizuo is frustrated because that's so abstract. He's quite literally thinking, What the hell am I supposed to do with that?, and scoffs. He doesn't get pissed, at least, but he's back to feeling irritated. He rubs his face.]

I need to get going.

[Before he does wind up angry at someone who seems to really mean well. He wants a break from conversation.]

[That's alright, Shizuo, Jacob breaks everyone's brains.]

[He just nods and smiles.] Alright. If you ever want to talk, just look for the wooden cabin on the outskirts of town. I live there.

[Shizuo returns the nod before walking off, eager to burn off his fresh irritation.]

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