vatheon | Have a Heart Poker

If there is one thing the long elevator ride up is good for, it's making sure his stoic expression is put properly into place. The last two times, he was a foolish wreck of a troll. That won't happen this time. Whatever this is, he will deal with it like any proper blueblood should. This will be done with professionally.

As the doors slide open, he's surprised to see Summoner waiting for him so close by. What is less surprising is how Dural gives a small cry and launches herself from the perch she had previously taken on his shoulder, gliding over to land right on top of Summoner's head. Darkleer sighs, but doesn't try to convince her to just leave. In fact, he doesn't do anything besides step out of the elevator and stand there as tall and straight as he can.

Summoner wanted this. Darkleer just... wishes this could end, instead of dragging it out and making his heart ache.

A bit startled by Dural, but he manages a small smile, still nervous, still kneading his hands in his pockets. It takes him a moment to even manage looking at Darkleer and when he does he's regretting it. Though it's good to see Darkleer stoic like that, maybe it makes things a little easier. Summoner just wishes he could be the same right now.

A pause, sigh, shrug of his shoulders and he turns, gesturing with a hand for Darkleer to follow him as he starts to walk, doing his best to avoid trees here and there, already balanced with Dural's weight; pretty used to animals sitting on him by now.

"I, uh, apologize, in advance. If this is a w-. If you had things to do." Said just loud enough for Darkler to hear, his eyes wearily watching infront of him. They won't go too far, just out of direct sight of the door.

It's sounds which really clue Darkleer into that he should be moving as well- both Summoner's footsteps and Dural's aggravated chirruping. After watching the lusus fly over to the other, he had done his best not to look at him. No weakness this time.

Keeping his gaze focused on the ground, Darkleer decides to cut right to the chase. If something is going to be said, then it should just be put out before both of them. Their problem the last two times was that they skirted around the issue too much. They let the moment be dragged out too long.

"Why did you want to see me?"

He leads them a little further before turning around, taking in a deep breath and forces himself to look at him. It takes a little while to keep the eye contact though and he looks away a few times before finally keeping his eyes in one place. The hardest part is speaking, and he even open and closes his mouth a few times before finally managing something.

"I'm sorry." Shakes his head.

"A- A different kind of sorry. Not, not the same as what, what I meant last time I said it."

For a moment, hearing that stutter makes Darkleer's expression soften just a bit. It goes stony once again when he realizes the moments of weakness. Sorry... Sorry for what, this time? He doesn't understand. This troll confuses him so, takes his heartstrings and uses them to twist him about, jerk him here and there. Darkleer wishes he didn't possess such an ability.

"Then... Different how?"

"Then... I.."

Words. How, okay, he needs to breath. He'll just give himself a moment before continuing.

"For being so selfish. I'm sorry, for, uh, that." A sigh, closing his eyes and putting a hand to his forehead.

"I've been choosing everything, I've been the one... deciding and... it's not right, and I'm sorry for that, w-w-w... We should have spoken about it as two people, not as... As me just- deciding, for. Myself." Ugh, he is murdering his sentences right now... He can't get himself to look at Darkleer again until he can just calm himself down.

...Oh.

...He didn't expect this.

Unsure of what the right thing to say is, Darkleer awkwardly stays silent. The whole event would no doubt be completely awkward, if a certain bird didn't make her presence known with a loud, angry squawk. Wincing behind his glasses, Darkleer just says the first thing to come to mind that doesn't sound completely inane.

"It's not... a bad thing. It is understandable." Calm. Neutral. He can keep his voice like this, he has gone through worse hasn't he? "You have yourself to think of and... I am hardly a suitable partner. You did what was best." Right... For the best. That's what it was. It's so easy to believe.

The squawk is a heck of a lot louder for Summoner with how close he is but he tries not to pay attention to it, just listening for Darkleer's words, just trying to breath and calm down.

"If..." Huff.

"I did what I thought w-was best, because I was foolish, because I- I am foolish. I know I'm still just..." A sigh as he puts a hand up behind his head, tilting his head upwards to stares at various holes in the canopy.

"Even though I've done so much for my age, I'm still a kid. I know. And I still... w-w-what I did was really selfish I never asked," a pause before glancing at Darkleer, only to look up again.

"Besides you not being... suitable, that's, bullshit. I'm really, really bad at this, but isn't that kind of w-what pity is about? Flaws and, all of that, and uh," Fuck fuck fuck... uh...

"Accepting them, I guess it's really hard for me to say or express, I'm much better w-with other topics, but back to what, what I was saying."

"I never asked what- what you w-want."

A part of Darkleer is honestly starting to regret ever agreeing to this meeting. Everything is too confusing and unexpected. Why is he admitting his youth now? What does he want him to say in response to all of this? Why does it matter what he wants? It was easier, perhaps, when they were simply not speaking to one another, and he could get lost in his work and keeping an eye on the children. It didn't do anything for the pain, but...

"I want..." A pause as he realizes that another bit of denial is on the tip of his tongue and he glances away in shame. Coward. The word still burns in the back of his mind. "I... do not know what I want."

And that is the honest truth.

"Ah... yeah I guess I, uh, should have thought that. I mean, I did, but," he shakes his head a little, taking a breath as he moves his hands back to his pockets. He realizes he's being confusing, and not making up his mind, and going all over the place. And so much between them has been prompted by him, because he keeps messing up and talking to the other. But this time he's trying really hard to not just make it about what he wants. Choosing everything, keeping to himself, drinking himself into black outs. Selfish, he's been so selfish and it's wracking him with guilt.

"I understand. I guess-" He purses is lips, head tilting down before glancing up, trying to read anything he can through those panes of black covering Darkleer's eyes. Yikes does he feel small right now, even with his head rack and wings.

"What I'm trying to say is, maybe we should try to make the best of w-what time we have here... Because Signless knows I'll be busy whenever I return, and... I w-wouldn't get this chance again, with- with you." He face flares up orange but he just takes a deep breath and straightens his posture.

"So, I guess it's more about me, uh, telling you that. Getting that out on the counter, w-where we both can see it." Beat.

"But it's up to you."

Make the best of the time they have? A chance with him?

"You want to enter a quadrant with me."

Just like before. There's no point in just dancing around the topic at hand when that has been their undoing before. Perhaps it isn't the most tactful of ways to go about this, but what else is there to do? Glancing back at Summoner anxiously, he catches that orange flush all across his face and finds himself reaching up to run his fingers through his hair before he can stop himself. A soft cooing is starting to fill the air, and he can only faintly realize that it's from Dural.

"Is that... what you're attempting to tell me?"

Dural, please... don't say that.

Internally crying with Dural here by the way, and it only gets worse when Darkleer speaks again and Summoner flinches, feeling all of the air in his lungs leave him, his mouth compressing tight around his tongue. Darkleer no. Please don't make this any more embarrassing. Summoner can't even respond to that right now and is just frozen in place. His eyes open wide and he looks over at Dural with an expression of fear.

Wait, can I maybe ask you to uh, just, leave us, er, me, in this situation, alone? Please? If she can even understand that, mind you. Okay trying to look back at Darkleer and- nope, he looks right to the other's feet, hands balled tight in his pockets.

"A-" he starts aaand, nothing. Okay, just breath. Yeah, that IS what he's trying to say, right? Right... he thinks anyway. Well it's what he wants if Darkleer wants it. He could, try it, and even if it means either one of them will just leave, at least they can try to make their time here enjoyable. Right? Even if the end of it will be a loss. His eyes squint closed and he reluctantly nods.

Seeing just how vulnerable and pathetic Summoner is, unable to even speak now by this point, is reminding Darkleer of all the other times the lowblood was so close to him, the heat of his body, the way he felt in his arms, and they're all positively wretched thoughts. He agreed to their separation, agreed that it would be for the best, but why can't he force himself to say no? He agreed before, agreed that they weren't a good match because they both... Summoner didn't want it, but he's speaking to him about it now, and with Her Imperious Condescension here now, with everything that's changing in Vatheon, he can't...

Darkleer takes a deep breath and finds his voice. "You... seem to have an atrocious timing, as usual." Just something to pass the time while he tries to compose his thoughts better. Tries to make the right decision for once. "Why... now?"

He is completely unaware of the words of a certain lusus, who has fluffed herself up rather self importantly.

Flare your wings. Flutter them. Have you tried strutting? Strutting always works. It makes you feel confident, chickieling. You little ones are so bizarre. You should mate and make all the little eggs and put them in your buckets. A small snap of her beak and a rustle of feathers. It would be easier if you mated. He likes nesting. I know, I've watched him. I think he would like your eggs.

...It makes sense to a lusus, of course. Trolls always made things so strange.

They would be good eggs. He's a very good male! You're a good male. It would be a lovely batch.

"I, just, I had some uh, words with so-DURAL PLEASE I AM NOT A BIRD." He starts, soon jerking his head to the side as it to look at Dural but she just moves with his horns, his horns of which swing with his head, making one slam into a tree behind him. His eyes open wide and he shakes a little, twitching before breathing deep, face hot. This situation would be so much easier if he wasn't listening to Dural right now who is making sure to embarrass him far more than he already is. Summoner can hardly focus on what he should be saying or doing with her words echoing in his head.

"I, uh-" Glances back at Darkleer, still looking rather shocked and sunken into himself.

"I, am, sorry, uh, about the timing." He manages before trying to respond to Dural. Flare his wings? Strut!? God, he, he knows about birds, sure, but he is not a bird, and they, eggs, in, buckets. he feels like a nymph just learning about all of this again with how she's speaking to him and it's really really not assisting the calm he'd like to have right now.

Dural, please. I can't just, you can't just, I, ugh, I don't need you telling me about how he haa.. uh, likes, to...nest. Fuck. Please just give us some privacy, I'm really uncomfortable right now... A breath, looking back to Darkleer with his face more orange than grey. His nostrils flare as he pulls in a deep breath, his head ringing from hitting his horn. He must look like such a mess right now, and he just got sober and cleaned up. Why does this subject have to be so stressful?

But you haven't mated yet and you both want to! She's positively distressed, poor thing. Her two favorite chickielings are all ready and raring to mate, but they won't. A disaster, she tells you. And they're both dumb. However did they get this far? Try raising your rea-

A short burst of birdsong interrupts her, and the large bird looks up with a chirrup. She seems to relax as Darkleer suddenly strides closer and when he holds out his arm, she hops onto it with no fuss. Cooing again, little meaningless words of affection if Summoner still cares to listen, she rubs her head against Darkleer's shoulder.

As for Darkleer? He is finding her an excellent distraction.

"I told you she was too talkative," he says quietly, all too aware of how close he and Summoner are now and how hard his heart is beating against his chest.

I wish it was, just... about mating but it's not. Breath, already terrified when he starts to hear what she has to say next before focusing on the birdsong, blinking a few times and looking to Darkleer. Summoner watches as Darkleer steps closer and he freezing, furrowing his eyebrows before watching Dural move over to the other's arm. With that he takes a few steps back, almost flush against the tree his horn had hit moments before.

It's good to at least see she's doing well for Darkleer's nerves. It does a little for him, kind of calms him, but no where as much as he'd prefer.

"I prefer her talkative. Even if... It's uh, not really helping right now..." He's doing his best not to think about how close they are. So he'll just not look at either of them and stand here... Maybe he should... go? Darkleer said he didn't know what he wanted, so many that was a signal to end this conversation entirely? Uh...

Not quite. Maybe ending the conversation there would be for the best, but it still wouldn't have solved anything. They would still be in the same place as before, having moved neither backwards nor forwards. It's hard, but a great deal of things in life are hard. If nothing else, Darkleer has learned that there is no use in just not trying. Just... What is he trying for with this?

Carefully stroking along Dural's chest with the back of one knuckle, Darkleer chooses his words carefully. "I have done terrible things in my time. In the future, I may do terrible things once more if I believe it will help the people I care about in the end." Reaching up, he removes his glasses. A red quadrant can't be one where things are hidden. Once they're dismissed, he jerks his arm a bit and Dural takes the hint. As she flaps off into the canopy, he breathes in deep again and reaches down to cup Summoner's cheek. His skin is so unbelievably warm compared to the blue blood which runs beneath Darkleer's own.

"Knowing that," he says quietly, "would you still want to try this with me?"

Maybe so, but sometimes things are better left unsolved, perhaps. In another time where he has so much more to attend to, Summoner's left smaller issues untouched while tending to other things that were desperately needing his attention more. But here he couldn't use any excuses like that. He could say he had other things to do. Something like this was extremely important because he's never actually... Tried this before, made this step. He never had to worry about getting pails filled, never got quadrants for it, it was a little silly when you could just get the sex without all the emotional hassle.

Maybe Darkleer wasn't the best person to do this with first...

He had watched Dural fly when he first felt the hand on his face, and when he did his eyes shot back to Darkleer and frantically zipped around his face. He looked at every feature with an extremely terrified expression on his own visage, occasionally just looking away all together without actually moving his head.

"I think trolls are held w- w. Held at a different standard depending on their blood, or experiences." His mind shifts to the Demoness for a moment, eyes looking away, the cool touch of Darkleer's hand is rather comforting now that he gives it mind.

"Sometimes we, we cannot control what it is we will do or have done, and I know that I will," a breath. "Take many other lives I would prefer not to," Lysunder purses his lips and lifts his head to look directly up to Darkleer, expression less scared, more worried, but has some determination in it.

He manages a small smile and slight laugh before reluctant putting up a hand. He curls his fingers in for a moment, stopping, before finally placing his hand on the outside of of the larger one in the side of his face.

"You- You might suck a bit, but we all kind of do, don't we?"

"Quite." Darkleer tries to smile as well, but it's awkward and small on his face, not quite right. It's gone quick enough. His nervousness shows all too clearly. "That would be the first bit of wisdom I have heard from you in quite some time."

The palm against his face is both familiar and completely foreign, in gesture and feel respectively. Darkleer almost doesn't know what to do with a touch so warm. It makes his breath quicken. Swallowing, he finally decides on his course of action.

"If you can trust me... I would be yours."

"Neh- Er..." Swallow. He tries to keep his smile but the need to shrink back and just abscond is very strong.

Can really do that now. That would probably be one of the most asinine things he could possibly do. Instead he moves his hand to Darkleer's wrist and grips there, thumb sliding against the skin as he looks down slowly. His smile manages to come back, just a bit, and he nods. He could come back with something really romantic, charming, anything. If this was any other moment, with another person, nothing so deep, maybe he could manage that confident persona he knows he plays so well. But-

"Okay," is all he really can manage, feeling so much smaller in this moment, not sure if the vulnerability coursing through him is normal, not sure if he should be terrified still, or if that's just him. Not sure about a heck of a lot because what is he even doing right now. But that small smile, though weary and short, was something he had enjoyed seeing on the other's face. A deep breath.

He closes his eyes and pushes his face into the hand a little more.

"All right..."

That hand suddenly on his wrist had, almost illogically, terrified him. Darkleer isn't quite sure why- perhaps it had been a fear of being pushed away again, of being branded the coward once more and being told to go. But he doesn't push him away. He holds on, and agrees. He agrees. Darkleer's gives a sudden, harsh shiver and then just... relaxes. This is not proper, this is not what a highblood is supposed to do: fraternize with a lowblood, a rebel, want to be trusted by him... It's just a bit frightening for him as well, but for the wrong reasons, at least wrong by Alternian standards.

Relaxing, shoulders slumping, he subconsciously leans in towards the other and lets his eyes slide shut in exhaustion. Their foreheads almost touch. "Thank you." Nothing more than breathed out words, easy to miss even with this closeness. Shakily, awkwardly, he strokes his finger along Summoner's cheekbone, beneath his eye.

The hand to his wrist was more to cement himself there. Part of him still wanted to fly away, wings just waiting to open and swoop him upwards. But he linked to his wrist, forcing himself to stay there. It was kind of unreal, the whole situation, and that small part of him that still despised Darkleer for what he had done still speaks to him, but it's so quiet now. He knows Signless's views on this situation, the prophet did well to make his opinion known. Lysunder's former self would call him mad probably, heh, he'd probably flip himself off as well. But thinking about it, he rebellion wasn't something to separate them. Nor was it just to push away the highbloods entirely. It was about having an even ground.

He had to remember that.

With Darkleer coming closer Summoner has to force himself to watch, even if he still wants to look away and just breathe. Okay, this isn't- is, is happening. It is. He moves his hands away, only to slowly put them up again, slow, hesitating, before finally dragging them into Darkleer's hair and shuddering softly as he breathes in. Just as he thought it would feel, man, he's wanted to do that for a while now.

Lysunder strings his arms around Darkleer's neck, hands locking behind his head. Their foreheads are touching now if they weren't before and finally he opens his eyes again, but still looks down.

"I don't know if 'thank you' is really appropriate, uh, here, in this situation..."

Oh. Oh. Darkleer makes a small little gasping noise in the back of his throat as he feels those fingers in his hair. His own care of it is one thing, and Dural's fussing is another, but it is a pleasant surprise to have another's fingers stroking through his hair. Flushing blue at his own reaction, he has his eyes look away as well and clears his throat.

"Well... It is for me." To have someone trust him... It's still precious for him after everything. Slowly, he lets his hands lower and presses them against the tree he has Summoner backed up against, his wrists brushing against his hips. "You know, you... don't have to rush yourself. We can just continue on... As we were. Talking. Nothing explicitly romantic."

It's important, he feels, to have this put out there for the orangeblood. This is his first time, his first honest romance, and he's getting flustered and worked up by this confession. Not that he is any better, really...

Edited 2012-02-21 19:16 (UTC)

A soft hum leaves him, fingers still twiddling with strands of hair and he keeps his arms linked around him. He's not being too forward right now, he's pretty sure. He... thinks, why does he suddenly not know how to deal with people? A breath before a nervous laugh, and he rubs their noses together before pulling his head back just slightly, but still keeping his arms linked.

"You- you know, saying that, kind of just leaves it open for me to say something horrible, ...right?" Another short laugh, closing his eyes. Something about how there's no way he could be rushed, or, if he wanted too, he'd rush Darkleer to the ground right quick. But he doesn't say anything more, just stays close, away of the other's hand on the tree behind him, and of the flush to his cheeks, his own just as orange.

"Ah, what a change to your behavior that would be." The laughter is a familiarity and a welcome one at that. It's easy to slip back to... what was before when Summoner is like this. When he's not a stuttering nervous wreck, so full of vulnerability that Darkleer can't help but pity him, want him. "Consider me shocked and scandalized, Summoner."

Something occurs to him, then. Quite a few things occur to him, as a matter of fact, but it might be a bit too much of a rush. Best to stick to the... more mild one. Still flushed after that nose rub, he leans in again and brushes his lips against those burning cheeks. His heart is nearly hurting from how hard it's beating. "May I... have a small token of yours?"

"I'll consider you a few things once we get off these training wheels." A nervous laugh before breathing deep, feeling lips against his cheek, a breath there. Having him so close like this, wanting to be close, not something initiated with sorrow or the effects of alcohol, and knowing that it's not just something that will be for a single night. All of that is fucking terrifying. But... in part he likes how it feels, especially how fast his heart is going, how it just keeps getting caught in his throat.

Then he stops, hearing the next bit. A quirk of a brow before leans back a little, thinking.

"I'm... I don't really have uh, a lot." He has a lot of lances... and clothing, that sort of thing, but nothing really precious that he could give him. Summoner was a man of few things, he never wanted much as far as physical items were concerned.

A soft hum before he opens his sylladex and closes his hand around a small item. Summoner pauses before handing it to him, the insignia badge he received when he became General. Something that, he may no longer need, but it marks something important in his life. Was that what Darkleer had meant? He doesn't really mind parting from it.

"Would... uh, would this work?"

A Cavalreaper's badge... With a different kind of gentleness than he's normally used before, Darkleer wraps his hands around Summoner's and takes the badge from him. "Yes. It is perfect, thank you." Small but significant.. It really is perfect.

Finally stepping away and feeling almost shy, he makes a move as if to tuck away the badge in his sylladex for later before pausing. Bashfully, he glances back up at Summoner. If they really are going to try something like this, then the other deserves to know about this.

"It's... just a part of a small tradition we have in the Archeradicators. Keeping mementos."

The smile in response to Darkleer's words would be the smile a puppy would give it's owner, "I did good right?" kind of expression, eyes a bit wide and corners of his mouth up turned. He doesn't mentally question why Darkleer asked for something, Summoner wouldn't have known if it was a matesprits thing or something Archeradicators did. But he does wonder about it after Darkleer brings it up, standing back himself with his hands at his hips.

"I don't really need y-you to explain, uh, why. But that's interesting. I never really learned anything about that stuff when I was still in the ranks. Got my uniform, badge, then the wings came in and I kinda just flew the coop." A nervous laugh and a half shrug as he looks away.

"As for possessions, sorry I didn't um... anything more precious. I don't really have a lot to begin with?" Most of his love was poured into the beasts he had follow him through all his sweeps, and he very well couldn't give Darkleer one of them. Even if he had the mind to, none of them were here, not even Tripps. Summoner glances up to Darkleer with a small smile again.

"Why?" Pause. "I uh, I mean why do you keep, um, mementos, is what I meant to have said."

"It is not something we generally tell others who are among the ranks of others," is the reply, said so very simply. Staring down at the badge, Darkleer ghosts his thumb across its surface, not quite touching. It's a very fond touch, in all honesty.

Why keep them... Darkleer doesn't answer that right away. Instead, he moves on to a different tree, sinking down onto crossed legs with his back against the wood. He's still studying the badge, in no apparent rush.

"When I was still being taught," he finally says quietly, "my teacher told me that an Archeradicator could rely on no one quite like they could rely on one of their own. We were to be a united group. If one attempted to harm one of our own, they had to go against the rest as well. Whatever squabbles we had amongst ourselves was irrelevant. There was still the fact that we were expected to sacrifice our lives for one another, if need be."

A deep sigh and a shake of his head. "Alternia... is not an easy place to survive in, let alone live. We needed to rely on one another. For the dedication given to me, it is only proper to honor them in my memories."

"But some, like myself, also wish to honor those who would bless me with their company and intimacy."

There's a pause and the sound of wings flapping as Dural reappears, settling onto his shoulder heavily. He looks up to her, and strokes her chest with the back of his fingers.

"...And I like to remember that there were others in my life. I do not want to forget them, and a physical reminder helps with this."

"That makes sense. I never was really, uh, a part of anything, I mean. I was a part of the cavalreapers, but we didn't act so close, it was much more of a respectful competition. Since a majority of our training was, uh, well, well against eachother. jousts and what not." He scratches the back of his head, not following Darkleer, staying where he is. Still nervous, still unsure about how to really act around him right now.

"I think I, uh, never really learned the value of close ties through my time spent under cavalreaper law, most of that I learned due to my commune ability." His mind wanders a bit and his expression seem to get a great deal calmer as he looks away, closing his eyes.

"I think my time on Alternia was easy compared to most. Beasts don't necessarily share the same rankings that trolls do, maybe their influence helped me gain such a mindset, though bull headed as I uh, tend to be sometimes, heh." A small nod to Dural as she accompanies them again, looking to Darkleer now, still standing himself and leaning against the tree behind him, hands against the small of his back.

"Oh... Well, I think, that reason alone is a good one. Just wanting to have items as memories. Though, uh, I'm pretty partial to the ones in my head, heh."

"It is fortunate for you, then." Darkleer gives a weak smile towards Summoner. For once, he keeps his tact in place and doesn't mention that he needs to keeps such things because if not for them, with his long life... He would no doubt forget the people who have been in his life.

"So... I see your SOS was not too serious if you were able to come here." Deciding to slip to another topic, he decides on that one. "Should I ask what happened that would make you send such a thing out?"

That is something lowbloods will never really have to deal with, forgetting such things. Summoner has yet to realize that for himself, but for now he'll just take that smile and return one of his own.

"Oh." The orange flush is back. He opens a hand and takes his triforce earrings out, putting either of them on. His horns shrink to their smaller size and he shrugs slightly, letting out a nervous laugh as he points to either ear.

"I uh, forgot these and I kinda... Got. Stuck." Pause.

"Er, you know."

"Stuck."

Just that simple word as Darkleer stares over at him, an eyebrow quirked. Then he raises his hand to cough into it... although maybe the way his eyes crinkle a bit at the corners hints that a cough is the least of his worries.

"I see."

Yeah, covering his face with his hands now.

"Ugh."

Edited 2012-02-22 00:54 (UTC)

Have a Heart Poker

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