vatheon | fairy tales are stupid

Entry tags:

fairy tales are stupid

Who: Karkat and Eridan
When: Right after the curse takes effect.
Where: Karkat and Eridan's apartment-turned-cottage
Style: Action
Status: Closed

[As curses tend to do, it comes on a Sunday night - or at the very end of Sunday as midnight strikes, turning into the early Monday hours. While the change is not always self-evident, what occurs this time decidedly is, as everything shifts and moves and changes. Magic. Gotta be magic. Magic is what fits in all of this, and what sinks itself deep into Karkat's bones as he loses focus on it all.]

[When his eyes open again, he finds himself sitting not in front of a TV, but a fireplace. There is something brushing about his knees, and his back feels cramped; when he springs up to his feet, realization follows quickly. He's in a dress, and there are wings sprouting from his back.]

Fuck me with a pronged food utensil.

[Of course, as he looks down, the dress would have to be pink with red accents. Can't just be one embarrassment on its own, it has to be colorful. He also finds something clasped in his hand: a wand, gold with a star on one end. A peek over his back confirms the one vaguely good thing about this: wings. They just happen to be mostly red. He gives them a testing little flutter, and they scatter a fine, sparkling sheen of fairy dust.]

Double fuck me.

[But their hive sure ain't a hivestem anymore. He turns his attention to the fireplace, then around, taking in all the varied differences. One glance out the window shows they sure aren't on the second floor anymore. He'd venture not even part of a larger complex. But for the moment, he takes to wandering through the place. There's some obvious changes to the setup, kitchen no longer home to a refrigerator or stove anymore. The ceiling has wood rafters. The style is, aside from older, more rustic, and he gets caught in the details as he goes... until, as he ventures into Eridan's bedroom, he trips.]

Oomph!

[Face first into the wooden floor. Ow. But when he pushes up and looks back to find what he fell over, it's a snake tail that he sees.]

What the hell?

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[Eridan hadn't exactly been conscious when the changes take place, finally laying down for some good shut eye and what have you, so when the world starts to shift and things start to change, he is none the wiser. Still probably would be sleeping good too, had it not been for one fairy godboyfriend tripping over his tail.]

OW FUCK--

[That's when he tries to rise from the ground he's been sleeping on, definitely not where he was before, but it's hardly the oddest of things. The cottage takes a close second, but the number one thing that is the MOST odd, is the fact that standing isn't as easy as it should be, since you know, he is sans legs. He rears up well enough, but when he goes to take a 'step' he finds himself toppling over and slamming into the floor. His tail drawing closer to his body as he tries to gain a grasp on what's going on. He doesn't even look to see what hurt him, just stares at his lower half, rolling over on his back, leaning on his elbows as he looks down over his body, that at the hips turns into a gray/black snake tail with a slight purple sheen to it, not to mention those fancy hip-fins.]

What.... What the fuck?

[He knows it's a curse, but... Holy shit what?]

Kar? Kar what the fuck--What the fuck am I?

[He says it without much notice to the fact Karkat is indeed in the room with him, his raised voice also makes it apparent that he hasn't discovered the fairy that tripped over his tail--till he tears his eyes from his own transformed body and looks around--seeing his dress wearing, winged boyfriend.]

... What the fuck are you?

Edited 2012-02-06 06:36 (UTC)

[OH GOD the tail is moving! Karkat tucks his feet up (along with the shiny, red mary janes they've been graced with), and follows on up the length... until he spots Eridan. Who just spoke. And, apparently, is attached to that long, sinuous tail.]

Oh my bulge-blistering hell. What even happened to you? They made me into some kind of fairy, obviously, but how come you have a tail all of a sudden?

[He turns and shifts until he's sat on his knees, legs folded beneath him.]

They changed our hive too for some reason, as is utterly obvious if you have eyes. I don't even know what's going on. They put me in a dress, for fuck's sake!

Like I know what the fuck they did to me! How the fuck am I sssuppossse to--

[He stops, eyes widening as that tongue comes out, flicking out as he says his S's.]

--Uh... Fuck, what the fuck. What isss ewen goin' ON? Fuck them--though I can't sssay you look too horrible in that dresss. Pink sssuitsss you.

[It's a complement, Karkat, take it.]

[Karkat flat out stares when he hears the hissed S's. First it was the fact that a snake tail adjoined with Eridan's hips; now he's really looking at him. Larger facial fins. A forked tongue. More jewelry than normal, even. He sure doesn't look to be wearing a shirt, and pants don't exactly work without legs.]

[Then he has to go and compliment his dress.]

Here's what you do. Take the end of your weird ass, oversized tail. Insert the tip into your mouth as though you were about to fellate the thing. Then keep on going until you choke, nookwhiffer. I look utterly terrible and am going to change as soon as I find my clothes. In fact--

[He reaches into the air as though to pull something out of his sylladex... and nothing. His brows furrow, and he tries again--nope!]

Damnit, I can't open my sylladex!

[Have a flat look right back atcha! Because, like fuck he's gonna fellate his own tail and choke on it.]

Fine, you look downright fuckin' AWFUL, isss that better?

[yeah, that sure is attitude! But when Karkat tries and fails at accessing his sylladex, Eridan tries himself--! And fails as well.]

Goddamnit! Ssso, you're ssstuck asss a fakey fake fairy in a dresss, I'm ssstuck asss sssome hisssin', naked, half ssslitherbeassst.

Great. Fuckin' WONDERFUL.

[Cue pouting, arms holding over his chest and him just sort of hunching his back to give even MORE to that "I'm 5 and all I know how to do is throw tantrums" look.]

[A middle finger to that.]

Yeah, thanks.

[But as Eridan tries to open his own sylladex (to no avail), Karkat pushes himself up to stand.]

Don't be so sure on that yet. I carry a spare outfit or two in my sylladex, but I keep stuff in my room too. I might have something in there--scratch that, better be, or I will not exactly be a sparkly little helper this week. But I see you've got some important pouting to do, so go ahead and stay here.

[He turns to head off to his room, still carrying his wand along with him. He hasn't thought to try it yet.]

[He doesn't even look at him as he talks, too busy pitying himself and his situation--but when Karkat goes to leave, without him, he stops the pity-party and tries to follow.]

Wait--No I wanna come with you.

[But that brings up the issue of, well, moving. So, he kinda, tries to maneuver his tail, which just knocks over that quaint little end table by his bed, garnering a hiss of distaste and slight pain from him. But he doesn't give up! Instead, he just, kinda uses his arms and crawls/inchworms his way towards Karkat, dragging the majority of that tail behind him. God, he is so humiliated, this probably looks so stupid and so embarrassing, someone kill him please.]

Edited 2012-02-06 07:24 (UTC)

[Karkat looks back... and though he tries not to, honestly tries, the sight of Eridan inching along makes him laugh.]

Use your tail, dumbass. Is it really that hard?

[Says the guy who fell down the stairs and had to stomp on his SFC to make it work the week he was a pony.]

Why do you even need to follow me? I'm just going to kick you back out when I go to get changed.

SHUT UP! Don't fuckin' laugh at me, thisss isssn't fuckin' funny, Kar! Mowin' thisss fuckin' tail isss like tryin' to mowe one leg, but both mowe! It'sss hard to explain! BUT IT'SSS ANYTHIN' BUT EASSSY, SSSO SHUT IT!

[But at that, he does try to stand, lifting himself up, and balancing a bit. Okay, standing isn't SO hard, but the whole moving bit? Yeah, he's just gonna, maybe, inch forward, moving his upper body like some idiot trying to slowmotion jog, or someone who is trying to keep their balance with bent arms, maybe a healthy combo of both, either way, he looks awkward as shit. His hips are kinda swaying, which directs the rest of the tail well enough, allowing it to slither, but all of this is done ridiculously slow, and Eridan hardly knows what he's doing, but at least he isn't crawling like an inchworm, and at least he isn't meeting face first with the ground again.]

I'm followin' you--[He finally speaks, once he's moved a little bit.]--COSSS' I don't wanna be cramped in my ressspiteblock, if ya hawen't notisssed, I'm kinda really fuckin' long now.

[Karkat watches as Eridan tries again to move himself ~~and not just because of his hips~~. He snickers again - it's still funny watching him slowly figure it out. Slowly being the key word.]

Maybe by the time I'm changed you'll actually be out of your own block.

[He steps around him, heading for the door again.]

But I'm going to go ahead. The sooner I get into something normal, the better.

[And so long as Eridan doesn't fuss at him, he heads off to check his room for something better.]

[Oh that gets the most indignant of stares! But fine, whatever, he lets him go. It's better to figure this shit out on your own, and not when you are being watched like some sort of circus freak! Thanks for that, Karkat, he would much rather some frumpy dress and some wings than this get-up.]

[With any luck, however, he'll make it to the main room by the time Karkat comes back from his room, maybe pouting a bit! This sucks! Worst curse EVER!]

God damnit.

[Before Eridan can reach the other room, that sounds from Karkat's respiteblock. Other noises follow: drawers being open and shut, things being tugged out or riffled through. Even a few thumps of what must be shoes getting tossed about, apparently to no good purpose, from the sound of other swears.]

[In time he stomps back out and down the hall, up to wherever Eridan has managed to slither to.]

You would think--you would think--that since they already humiliated me with this, they could have a little decency and give me another option. And so maybe they did; not every outfit's the same in there. But pants. A shirt. Anything. And what do I get? Not a damn thing but stupid fucking frilly dresses and girls' shoes!

Maybe it'sss cosss' dresssesss really bring out your eyesss.

[OH YEAH HE IS SO NOT SORRY, NOT AFTER YOU LAUGHED AT HIM!]

Edited 2012-02-06 09:15 (UTC)

[Cue the theatrics.]

My eyes? They bring out my eyes? I'll tell you what they bring out the bright hot hue of fuck you, Eridan "Sea Dipshit" Ampora that is beating a marching rhythm through my everything in this moment. They bring out the may you swallow your own forked tongue, you assreek of a troll. My eyes are not even changing yet, jackass, and don't you lie because I would have noticed!

[With each word comes a gesture, arms flailing or pointing in exaggerations of anger and frustration. Though he set it down for the search, he has his ridiculous star-tipped wand again in one hand, which occasionally jabs at the air as if attacking it could set things right.]

But if you're ssso sssure my wardrobe full of pretty dresses is that great, then why don't you wear one yourself!

[Another emphatic point of the wand--and if Eridan doesn't move (or, you know, fall) out of the way, there's a jet of red-pink sparkles looking to complete that suggestion.]

Edited 2012-02-06 09:22 (UTC)

[Eridan is highly too amused by Karkat's tantrum to really take any of this seriously. God, Karkat, you couldn't be cuter if you were made of kittens! But when he starts jabbing that wand, that starts to make Eridan uncomfortable. Probably cuz of HIS wand, but also, because he doesn't know if that thing is loaded with something--something SCIENTIFIC! Not magic, fuck you magic!]

[Sure enough though, as if Karkat's wand had read his thoughts, it shoots some fabulous sparkles that seems like something sooner found in one of Tavros' lame fairytale books than in reality, and Eridan moves out of the way. This is done exactly by first: flailing to try and keep from falling, then him basically falling, but catching himself on the wall--for about half a second, then he's becoming close friends with the ground(again), though not before his tail sort of just, swiiiings about, trying to act as some sort of counter weight. It didn't work, and if Karkat doesn't move, he might get a face full of Eri-tail.]

Edited 2012-02-06 09:32 (UTC)

[FWAP.]

[WUMP.]

Owww, fuck.

[Karkat pushes up slowly, rubbing a hand at his face. It is safe to say he didn't expect his matesprit's tail to slam at him, and he didn't really expect the burst of sparkles, either, or he might have made some attempt to dodge.]

Watch where you flail that thing, asshole.

[He looks over to the fallen sea-dweller-slash-serpent, then over to where the magic struck...]

[A hapless chair is now wearing a dress.]

What.

Oh forgiwe me, Kar, cosss I TOTALLY hawe controll a thisss thing. Yeah, massster a tailsss, LET ME TELL YOU.

[He pushes himself up so he isn't laying flat on the ground, but he's not exactly standing either, though, he glances over at what Karkat's staring at and--]

... Ssso, you can play girlie-dresss up with your new wand. How masssculine.

[Just for that? Karkat aims the wand again, and this time, the burst of magic is intentional.]

[Welp, seeing as falling won't really help, and seeing as he WASN'T expecting that--He sure is getting hit! He tenses, eyes closing as if something HORRENDOUS is going to happen, and well, it's not far from the mark!]

[Sadly, dresses are kind of perfect for nagas, but not perfect for Eridan! ~~Not yet anyways COUGH~~ He rises, since that part he has down, examining the indescribable horror that Karkat's unleashed on him.]

[His face is one of disgust and disapproval and holy shit, Karkat he's never wanted to strangle you before, but now it seems like such the fucking greatest idea EVER!!]

Oh... My fuckin' GOD, what the FUCK, KAR!

[GRINDING HIS TEETH.]

Kar, fuckin' I will sssnap that shitty fuckin' WAND!

[Guess who is struggle-slithering towards you trying to look ominous in that ball gown? Bet you can't!]

Hah!

[Karkat usually doesn't have much occasion to grin, but if seeing his half-snake matesprit in a gaudy ball gown won't do it, he's probably given up on it forever.]

Oh my god, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen, and that's counting me right now.

[As Eridan approaches, he steps back a pace or two.]

No way, I can't let you break this now.

[He tries his wings. Flit flit, flutter--and while not the same structure as that time he was a pegasus pony, winged hoofbeasts don't exactly fly in the manner of birds. He hops off the floor and lets himself hover.]

If you're so mad, try and catch me.

Oh fuck right off into the briny deep! I only look ridiculousss becaussse you're a huge fuckin' grub an' can't take a joke! But you bet your sssorry nook I'm gonna break that damn thing!

[When Karkat starts to hover, Eridan gets a small feeling of "oh shit he's gonna get away", but then he recalls the fact his tail is fucking LONG and as such, maybe he can just... Lift himself up--yep, he sure is getting tall! His slightly defeated expression morphs into something more natural: an arrogant grin.]

I don't think catchin' ya will be a isssue, Kar.

[Maybe he can't slither worth a damn, but he's good at standing, and with how small this cottage is, yeah, he totally can get away with that!]

[He... rises up. Is that it? Karkat eyes this fact a second, and follows up shortly with a roll of his eyes. The point of hovering wasn't to gain altitude.]

Well shit, better give up now. Captain dumbass can reach high places without a step stool! My plan is totally screwed.

[He's still a fair space away from him, and with his wings still fluttering, he holds his arms out to either side.]

Come at me, bro.

Edited 2012-02-06 10:14 (UTC)

Hahaha, man, don't try an' play thisss off like it'sss nothin', you flutterin' asss. Not sssomethin' you'd know from persssonal experienssse but, with height, comesss reach--

[And maybe this first lunge at Karkat is a liiiittle shaky and none too accurate, but whatever, right? Because, even if he misses, this ultimately is helping him to learn to balance with this god awful body he has!]

Edited 2012-02-06 10:26 (UTC)

[Where Eridan is shaky and inaccurate, Karkat, while out of practice, at least knows the concept. It's like riding a bike, if bikes were horses that turned into fairies.]

[So maybe it's a bad analogy, whatever!]

[The point is, with a lean to the side, the less serpentine of the two easily flies off to the side and away from the lunge. This here is the point: speed and mobility.]

Oh, wow, I'm so impressed. Is that how you took the angels down?

Oh fuck OFF, that wasss a entirely different sssituation, not to mention I did better againssst 'em than any a your fucksss would ewen dare to TRY.

[Another lunge for Karkat, maybe he'll get this down! He might not have the mobility, but as he's coming to grasp the use of his body, speed is a thing he'll eventually be able to utilize, BUT AS OF RIGHT NOW... He's not exactly there.]

[Not quite yet! While Karkat hardly has much range here inside, he still has a much easier time getting the grasp of these wings than Eridan of his body. He flies back this time, which is a bit of a risk - pegasus ponies weren't quite built for going backwards, but fairies apparently have it better. At least he's bipedal this time.]

Argue all you want, you still haven't caught me. Bet you can't even do it. You'll probably crash first.

The fuck I will!

[And with that, he turns to face Karkat, lunging again, with new found determination and above all: accuracy. While he might not have this shit down 100%, he's a fast learner! Especially when it comes to something that is somewhat combat related, and while this isn't anything that would end in blood shed, strategies aren't foreign to him, nor is adapting to unfavorable scuffles, even nonviolent, playful ones. He didn't go into killing those angels knowing exactly what he was doing after all! But, if he's so lucky and catches Karkat this time, he'll definitely be going for those arms, he wants to eliminate Karkat's wand after all and what better than to pin the appendages that can utilize that evil dress stick!]

Edited 2012-02-06 10:50 (UTC)

[Anticipating the lunge, Karkat tries again to back out of the way, but there's one problem. There's something he didn't factor into his escape plan: walls.]

Oof!

[He smacks up against it, followed shortly by Eridan's hands grabbing hold of his wrists. His wings at least lay flat easily, but it's not the most comfortable having them caught between him and the wall. Particularly when gravity takes its course, and he slides however many inches down to the floor. That, as it turns out, only further emphasizes the height difference between him and the naga.]

[He feels, quite abruptly, like prey.]

Oh god.

[It's at this point, Eridan definitely takes his victory and sports the smuggest of grins, showing off those nice fangs of his that already protrude out of his mouth. He makes sure to hold Karkat there, not going to let him fall, hell no, which, is surprisingly easy, actually. Maybe this form gave him a few positive aspects, unlike that annoying tail. Which, admittedly, proved itself useful with this, so he isn't SO mad at it anymore.]

[With Karkat thoroughly pinned though, Eridan can't help but lean in and just casually plant a kiss on the fairy godtroll's mouth. Yes, he will be taking his spoils, thanks.]

[The thing is, even if Eridan's in the most ridiculous dress he's ever seen, those long fangs bared in that grin are pretty darn intimidating when he is a small winged creature and decidedly not half-holy fuck that's a long tail. It brings up fear and adrenaline, and while not an animal, fairy godmothers are decidedly not skilled predators. He wants badly to flee, but has nowhere to go.]

[And then, Eridan kisses him.]

[To be kissed after being put in that position does weird things to him: something flutters in his chest, warm and bright in a way that has nothing to do with magic, flight, or being held up from falling. It's proof of pity, is what it is, and it prompts him to kiss firmly, emphatically back.]

[Oh~ such fervor there Karkat! As he is kissed back, he can't help but just draw closer himself, lowering the both of them slowly and maybe pulling Karkat's arms forward so he can wrap them around his neck, and if he does so, he definitely plans on wrapping his own around Karkat's waist.]

[After a few moments, either which way, they are down at the ground again, however Eridan's tail is nicely coiled around them, something he unwittingly did. By the way, he's not looking to break this kiss anytime soon, cuz he's digging this, just, do be careful with those fangs! Don't want to nick yourself or something!]

[Lowered back to the ground, his wings ease into a more comfortable position, flexing one way and then the other to ease the soreness of hitting the wall. The rest is better, though, and his arms do wrap obligingly about Eridan's neck. He can feel the coils of his tail as they sneak around his legs, but they're easier not to fret over when he's being kissed. This is closeness, pity still; he won't be harmed in this situation. Not on purpose, anyhow, and he is wise enough to stay careful about the fangs.]

[Plus, a snake tail curled around him makes a pretty good surface to sit against while they kiss. Which is, in turn, a very good distraction from how basically terrible this situation is. What are they doing kissing in dresses, this isn't what he planned at all.]

[This IS pretty much the opposite of any plausible situation Eridan ever foresaw himself in, but hey, it isn't as bad as it COULD be, they could be like, NOT kissing, and boy what a terrible event THAT would be.]

[He uses his tail to keep Karkat close, almost like an extra arm to hold him with, a loooong extra arm, like eight times the length of his torso or more! Still though, it proves to be a nice asset when it comes to holding your matesprit with such fondness. Though, the fangs do make it a bit awkward, and so does fighting the urge to NOT flick his tongue out, holding that thing still is a talent all on its own, a talent he didn't know he had! A talent, that's kinda wavering slightly and--oops that sure is the tip of a tongue flicking against your lips, Karkat. o o p s.]

[Karkat feels the flicker of Eridan's forked tongue against his lips, and altogether it's a pretty odd sensation. Bad? Not quite. But still not what he's used to, when the ends are dual and so much slimmer than the point of a normal tongue. He squeaks. But it's a very dignified and manly squeak that isn't diminished in the least by his dress, fairy wings, or the trail of sparkling fairy dust leading up to them!]

[... So it's not dignified or manly at all, whatever!]

[He pulls back a space, eyes opening to look up at his matesprit.]

[His matesprit who still has a ridiculous purple gown on.]

That's it. This is officially the most ridiculous thing I have ever done in my life, and that includes the time I wanted to eat because you tasted like fish. I mean, I'm glad you didn't eat me or anything just now or whatever you could have done with the freaky huge fangs they gave you, but still, we're in dresses and I'm a fucking fairy. Let me just--

[There's his wand, in his hand where he left it. He uncurls his arms a bit, and experimentally, goes to tap the star on the end against Eridan's gown... and it dissolves away in a shower of sparkles, leaving him as he was before.]

Edited 2012-02-07 04:19 (UTC)

[Eridan WOULD curse his tongue for basically acting on its own, but then that CUTE AS SHIT SQUEAK sounds from Karkat, and he's actually pretty ok with this. As Karkat draws back, Eridan just smiles at him, definitely not as smug as before, more so soft and tender. Oh how he pities this ridiculous fairy-troll.]

[But as Karkat goes on, he somewhat reminiscences about that time, that awkward boner time, because wow Karkat you sure were shameless in your wanting to eat him, even if eating was more so you licking him...]

Kar, I'd newer fuckin' eat you an' you know it.

[Anyways, next thing he knows, the dress is sparkles and he is naked once more--but as he looks down to watch the dress dissipate into sparkle-dust, he does notice something he didn't before: his scar. That softness of his features grow stern as he just ~~pouts~~ frowns at it. Fuck, was he seriously going to have to go around showing this damn thing off the whole time? He hates it so damn much.]

Figuresss.

[Shut up, he thought he was a cat and he didn't even know the effect he had.]

You were the one pinning me and smirking over me like you just caught your next meal.

[Now, though, his attention is not so much on the soft look Eridan just gave him (not that he doesn't appreciate it; he does), but instead on the workings of his magic. It's strange. He can feel it in a sense, the energy of it through him and the wand, but at the same time... does it really have to be so sparkly? It makes him frown in turn, because of course this place couldn't just let him be badass.]

There, is that--

[--better, he would ask, but his eyes catch back on Eridan's face. The look he's making, the way he's looking down at himself: at the scar.]

[For all he thought they were done with their sappy moment of pity, he knows, really knows, how much that mark bothers his matesprit. He was there in the aftermath, and he helped him as it was healing. And though they were still pale at the time, something like that is heavy... and now, it can't be a point of anything but pity.]

[It's different from that moment ago. While when Eridan kissed him, he felt the gladness of being pitied himself, now it's the reverse that wells up warm within him. It goes all the way up to his eyes, setting them soft and gentle, until - slowly, with the utmost care - he leans forward to press a kiss to the top of the scar.]

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fairy tales are stupid

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