Who: Shiro and Maka When: Before the curse Where: the Villa Style: action Status: closed
[Some time after the ocean-blessing, but before the next curse, Shiro decides it's time to finally talk to Maka about something. So he'll go up and knock on her door.]
[For all of Rin's building up of Shiro and what a great dad he is, Maka has come to realize something--
No, it's not just limited to her dad, many dads are irresponsible children. Taking dares, having parties, endangering children without "intending to" how did she even confide in someone like that? He probably actually completely sympathized with her dad and just didn't say anything.
So when he knocks--and she knows it's him, his soul pings at her senses--she almost doesn't answer. Far be it for her to disrespect an adult, however, no matter how untrustworthy. When Maka opens the door, she regards him for a moment with cool passiveness before speaking--]
[To contrast Maka's cool exterior, Shiro is being warm and friendly. It's what he defaults to, whenever he's starting a conversation out of the blue like this. You make more friends with honey, and all that.
But since Maka can sense souls, she would be able to tell that he is a little unsure about this, even if he's putting up a relaxed front. There's also guilt mixed in there as well. After hearing about Maka's father from both Maka and Stein, he knows that seeing a trashed Villa like that was probably the last thing she needed.]
[Ah, of course, here comes the lame excuses and the fake apologies. Maka has an uncanny talent of being chilly and stoic even in the face of friendliness, something that never quite went away from when she was significantly less social as a young child.]
[That's assuming his apology is fake, though. He does fake-apologize a lot, mostly to keep fights from breaking out, but this one is actually genuine. That's why it took him so long to come around and say something: it's hard for him to honestly admit when he's done something wrong.]
Well, you seemed pretty upset, when you got home from your trip. You guys shouldn't have seen any of that, us adults should have been responsible enough to clean it up before you got home.
[He says 'us adults' there, but he really means himself.]
[Ouch, that's harsh. But he really deserves it, so he's not arguing about it. And for a moment there, when she speaks about Shiro being a danger to Rin, there's a flash of anger, though it's not directed at Maka. Self-loathing, maybe? But it's gone as quickly as it appears, as it's shoved deep down inside Shiro's heart.]
It matters because you're an important person to my son, which makes you an important person to me.
[He words it like that because they haven't talked too much yet, and he doesn't want to be presumptuous about their relationship. He does count her as an important person, though.]
More importantly, it matters because you deserve better than that, especially in your own home.
I know it's not much of a help after the fact, and I don't expect everything to suddenly be okay. But you at least deserve an apology.
[There's more that he wants to say, but he decides not to, not when she's still clearly upset about the whole thing.]
[It's a simple enough question, sure she doesn't trust father figures and holds them accountable for their actions, but...who said they ever apologized for their actions and actually meant it? Or said that the person they upset deserved an apology.]
You're an adult. Why should you apologize to a kid? Rin takes your side anyway, it doesn't matter if I'm "important" to him.
[Suddenly regretting being open about her feelings to anyone.]
[That's part of why he's making such a big deal out of it: he knows Maka thinks poorly of her father, and he knows she's distrustful of adults. He's going the extra mile to show that there's at least one adult who she can count on.]
I know Rin thinks highly of me, but I'm not perfect. Nobody is. But to be a responsible person, you have to know your faults and understand what you need to do to make up for them.
It's not about sides, and it's not about who's a kid and who's an adult. It's about realizing when you've wronged someone and taking responsibility for your actions.
...When it's someone I love, "sides" are important to me. Because if he's so busy not acknowledging how dangerous being irresponsible is while having fun with his dad, he'd...
[Get hurt even worse. Rin's strong in a lot of ways, yes, but in many other ways he's incredibly vulnerable too.]
Who says I deserve better? I don't even deserve Rin, for all of his stupid and stubborn taking all the blame. [Oh god, she can actually feel herself sliding backwards into that stagnating depression again. Feelings really are horrible things.]
I should have stayed dead.
[It's a thought she has frequently, but this is the first time she's voiced it allowed. It's not like Shiro's going to tell anyone, he's a priest, this is like confession isn't it.]
[See, Shiro hadn't even been thinking about the holy water incident, so when Maka mentions it he looks confused at first. But the more Maka speaks, Shiro's look changes into a frown. That sure is a lot of self-deprecating!]
Maka.
[His words are a bit firmer now, but they haven't lost their warmth.]
You are a smart, talented, and beautiful young lady, and you should never talk down about yourself like that. Enough people in this world are going to try to put you down, so you should never do that for them.
More importantly, you're young and you have a full life ahead of you. So don't go thinking you should be dead just because you're upset right now, this is just one tiny part of a long, hopefully-happy lifetime.
[Only a dad would pay corny lipservice like that.]
You think I haven't been talked down to before? I got it all the time in my world, I'd get annoyed with it, but then I'd just work harder until people recognized that I could fight and balance academics. In time that's what I became known for, not very exciting or popular--not in comparison to my parents or partner--but it was my duty.
And I screwed up, that was the reason I died in the first place. A Meister that makes mistakes is useless. The fact that Vatheon brought me back is something that I think about every day; whether I deserved it or not. These days, I've been thinking it's good that I came back, but...
[That trail off carries the tone of "that might have been a mistake too"]
I don't know how to deal with feeling like this. It's not natural.
Rin told me about that time. In general, he didn't say anything specific about it.
[That last part is to specify that Rin didn't go into details about it, but Shiro can guess what happened.]
But dying isn't your fault, especially when you're killed by someone else. And it is good that you came back. Even if it's not natural, even if it feels strange, it's still good.
[Trying to make her realize her self-worth isn't working so well, so he decides to try another way.]
If Rin had been the one to die, instead of you, would you have wanted him to come back?
[As she said and as Shiro already heard from Stein, Meisters lead a relatively short life and are pretty much replaceable. Even if she values her friends beyond their expiration date in regards to working for the Academy, the fact that it's reciprocated is still new to her.]
...Sorry. I shouldn't let my issues with my father cloud my judgment of another person.
[Shiro's job includes spiritual guidance, so he's actually used to talking through problems like this. The hard part is not quoting bible verses and talking about God in it, but he's holding back on that because he's sure it won't help Maka much.]
Gaining self-worth isn't easy, especially if people have been putting you down. But it's more important that you figure that out than worry about my feelings. I'm an old man, I'll be alright, no matter what you say.
I wasn't lying before, though. You have a lot of positive qualities, so don't sell yourself short.
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no subject
No, it's not just limited to her dad, many dads are irresponsible children. Taking dares, having parties, endangering children without "intending to" how did she even confide in someone like that? He probably actually completely sympathized with her dad and just didn't say anything.
So when he knocks--and she knows it's him, his soul pings at her senses--she almost doesn't answer. Far be it for her to disrespect an adult, however, no matter how untrustworthy. When Maka opens the door, she regards him for a moment with cool passiveness before speaking--]
Rin isn't here.
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[To contrast Maka's cool exterior, Shiro is being warm and friendly. It's what he defaults to, whenever he's starting a conversation out of the blue like this. You make more friends with honey, and all that.
But since Maka can sense souls, she would be able to tell that he is a little unsure about this, even if he's putting up a relaxed front. There's also guilt mixed in there as well. After hearing about Maka's father from both Maka and Stein, he knows that seeing a trashed Villa like that was probably the last thing she needed.]
Got a moment?
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What is it, Father?
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Well, you seemed pretty upset, when you got home from your trip. You guys shouldn't have seen any of that, us adults should have been responsible enough to clean it up before you got home.
[He says 'us adults' there, but he really means himself.]
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I get upset if someone my boyfriend kept telling me was such a great person ends up being a danger to him.
What does it matter?
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It matters because you're an important person to my son, which makes you an important person to me.
[He words it like that because they haven't talked too much yet, and he doesn't want to be presumptuous about their relationship. He does count her as an important person, though.]
More importantly, it matters because you deserve better than that, especially in your own home.
I know it's not much of a help after the fact, and I don't expect everything to suddenly be okay. But you at least deserve an apology.
[There's more that he wants to say, but he decides not to, not when she's still clearly upset about the whole thing.]
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[It's a simple enough question, sure she doesn't trust father figures and holds them accountable for their actions, but...who said they ever apologized for their actions and actually meant it? Or said that the person they upset deserved an apology.]
You're an adult. Why should you apologize to a kid? Rin takes your side anyway, it doesn't matter if I'm "important" to him.
[Suddenly regretting being open about her feelings to anyone.]
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I know Rin thinks highly of me, but I'm not perfect. Nobody is. But to be a responsible person, you have to know your faults and understand what you need to do to make up for them.
It's not about sides, and it's not about who's a kid and who's an adult. It's about realizing when you've wronged someone and taking responsibility for your actions.
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[Get hurt even worse. Rin's strong in a lot of ways, yes, but in many other ways he's incredibly vulnerable too.]
Who says I deserve better? I don't even deserve Rin, for all of his stupid and stubborn taking all the blame. [Oh god, she can actually feel herself sliding backwards into that stagnating depression again. Feelings really are horrible things.]
I should have stayed dead.
[It's a thought she has frequently, but this is the first time she's voiced it allowed. It's not like Shiro's going to tell anyone, he's a priest, this is like confession isn't it.]
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Maka.
[His words are a bit firmer now, but they haven't lost their warmth.]
You are a smart, talented, and beautiful young lady, and you should never talk down about yourself like that. Enough people in this world are going to try to put you down, so you should never do that for them.
More importantly, you're young and you have a full life ahead of you. So don't go thinking you should be dead just because you're upset right now, this is just one tiny part of a long, hopefully-happy lifetime.
no subject
You really are a dad, aren't you?
[Only a dad would pay corny lipservice like that.]
You think I haven't been talked down to before? I got it all the time in my world, I'd get annoyed with it, but then I'd just work harder until people recognized that I could fight and balance academics. In time that's what I became known for, not very exciting or popular--not in comparison to my parents or partner--but it was my duty.
And I screwed up, that was the reason I died in the first place. A Meister that makes mistakes is useless. The fact that Vatheon brought me back is something that I think about every day; whether I deserved it or not. These days, I've been thinking it's good that I came back, but...
[That trail off carries the tone of "that might have been a mistake too"]
I don't know how to deal with feeling like this. It's not natural.
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[That last part is to specify that Rin didn't go into details about it, but Shiro can guess what happened.]
But dying isn't your fault, especially when you're killed by someone else. And it is good that you came back. Even if it's not natural, even if it feels strange, it's still good.
[Trying to make her realize her self-worth isn't working so well, so he decides to try another way.]
If Rin had been the one to die, instead of you, would you have wanted him to come back?
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[...Maka that's not the point.]
And if Kid had killed him, I'd be upset that my friend murdered an innocent bystander.
[MAKA.]
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Oh this is not what Shiro had been told about.
Goddamn what is it with you kids and your murder-sprees? Shiro is just sighing and resisting the urge to facepalm.]
Well, then let's change that hypothetical situation a bit. What if you and Kid switched places in that? You would be glad he could come back, right?
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[But daaaaaaad, stop making her confront the fact that holding herself to higher (lower) standards than others is unhealthyyyy.]
But Kid's important.
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[As she said and as Shiro already heard from Stein, Meisters lead a relatively short life and are pretty much replaceable. Even if she values her friends beyond their expiration date in regards to working for the Academy, the fact that it's reciprocated is still new to her.]
...Sorry. I shouldn't let my issues with my father cloud my judgment of another person.
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Gaining self-worth isn't easy, especially if people have been putting you down. But it's more important that you figure that out than worry about my feelings. I'm an old man, I'll be alright, no matter what you say.
I wasn't lying before, though. You have a lot of positive qualities, so don't sell yourself short.