vatheon | (no subject)

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Who: Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo
Location: Shizuo's place
Time: Midnight to the early hours of the morning
Style: Prose
Status Closed

Shizuo surely wasn't resilient to burns. He could also strap a bomb around his chest or take a shot gun to his head and blow it clean off. He could take his knife and gut him like a pig if he worked quickly enough. He could cut his heart out and laugh when Shizuo finally woke up to see the muscle pulsating for a few remaining seconds right in his own face. That look of horror or shock would be worth it.

These were currently Orihara Izaya's fantasies. They had soaked up and plagued his mind for well over thirty minutes now. Before him was Heiwajima Shizuo. Laying in his bed and sleeping deeply. Shizuo had always been a deep sleeper. It was pathetic, really, how much of a vulnerable target he became the moment he was asleep. Izaya was kneeled on the bed right next to him and looking down at the blond.

His face was mostly blank, his hands in his lap as he contemplated this. He had come here tonight to kill Shizuo. He knew that in Vatheon it was pointless but he needed to prove to himself that he could. There was no chance of both of them going back at the same time. And there was no chance that Shizuo would stay here forever. If he left again and never came back, then what would Izaya do? He would've let Shizuo win.

Izaya couldn't deal with that.

His hand was clutched around his flick blade. The window he had carefully broken into was wide open and shed in some of the lights from outside. Izaya was mostly in shadow, his eyes glinted as he watched that slow rise and fall of Shizuo's chest. It was like watching a monster sleep but without the anticipation of when it awoke.

"Stop making that face," grumbled Izaya spitefully, glaring at Shizuo's sleeping face. It was...cute. And he hated that. It didn't make it easier to want to kill Shizuo when he could see that potentially human side that screamed at Izaya's mind and wailed on it with this mallet of unpredictability that Izaya hated, loathed, despised, and wanted gone.

He rose the knife high above his head and lunged it down.

But then, as though there was some sort of force field barely a hair away from Shizuo's body, his knife stopped abruptly just between Shizuo's eyes. Izaya's own eyes were wide open and he looked feral and disgusted.

He jerked his arm away and took a breath. No, he could do this. He had to. He rose the knife again and brought it down. Again. Again it stopped- this time above Shizuo's heart. Izaya's hand trembled but he instantly stopped himself. No.

No, no, no. This really wasn't okay. Izaya touched the knife to Shizuo's chest and pressed down a little. Not even enough to pierce the skin.

That God damn heart.

"Nngh! Damn it!" he snapped finally, jumping off of the bed to pace the floor, one hand to his head and the other still around his knife. A string of curses were muttered out viciously in Russian before he stopped at the edge of Shizuo's bed and he stared at the blond spitefully.

"SHIZU-CHAN!" he screamed suddenly, kicking the side of the bed before he hopped up and landed effortlessly on the bed frame at the foot. He crouched down instantly and reached a hand down, hooking it around Shizuo's exposed foot. He pressed his thumb into the curve of Shizuo's foot and shook it.

"Wake up, you protozoic neanderthal."

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Oh, Izaya knew how deeply Shizuo slept. He'd drag him half way across Ikebukuro before, after all. It was a little astounding when he thought about it. Though after bringing it up to Shinra once (who had poked at why he was even watching Shizuo sleep to begin with) Shinra had explained that little detail to him. Shizuo became gradually more and more interesting the more he found out about him. Like some sort of exotic creature that had just been discovered.

The moment Shizuo sat up, Izaya let go of his foot and prepared himself to flee. Although deep down, he knew that it wasn't necessary. There was no way Shizuo would attack him right now. Even monsters were vulnerable when having just awoken from a slumber. For a moment, Izaya just stared intently at Shizuo- and...

And he didn't know why he had woken him up. Granted, just like Shizuo was impulsive and reckless, he had a tendency to make Izaya do reckless things when it involved him. Izaya wasn't in a great mind set. It irritated him.

"Could you kill me right now?" he asked, "And I mean seriously. Could you break my neck?" he asked, his voice slow and quiet but by no means was it gentle or kind. He leaned forward onto his knees a bit more. "Really murder me. Could you-?"

He knew that the last time Shizuo had been there, when Izaya had tried to make him kill him, it had proved shockingly futile. Shizuo hadn't. He had said it was because it wasn't at his own time but Izaya remembered that face clear as day. It bothered him still. And now that he couldn't kill Shizuo? It was disgusting. Maybe if he tried now but apart of Izaya was anxious to try. No, it wasn't that he was anxious to try, he was anxious to fail. And this time with Shizuo awake.

"You could go back any day you know. Or I could. And we'd never see each other again," he drawled, lifting himself off of the bed frame and leaped backwards to land on the floor. "And then you'd never get to kill me. Or I'd never get to kill you," he rattled. "Even if you went back to our world and even if I was technically there it wouldn't really be me because the real me is right here. So who's to say? But what if you never killed me your entire life? Tch..." It was so annoying.

Shizuo was so annoying.

"You know, Shizu-chan, we really wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for you. We wouldn't fight and be so obsessively invested in ruining each other if it wasn't because of you and your annoyingly unpredictable tendencies and your barbaric rage and strength. Not to mention your shotgun conclusions about me that obliterate any sense of good connotation that you might have about me. I can be a good person too, Shizu-chan~."

He was pacing now, talking elaborately with his hands and occasionally glaring at the ex-bartender. This night was not going accordingly to plan.

If there were anything worse than waking up to find Izaya in his room, it was waking up to find Izaya rambling in his room. It was one of the (many) qualities about Izaya that grated on Shizuo's nerves - his ability to talk in circles, around his point, without settling on a singular comment to convey his thoughts. And Izaya was in an especially chatty mood that night. Shizuo stared at him, eyebrows slightly raised, as the informant prattled on.

Could he murder Izaya?

Shizuo would not have admitted this to the flea, nor anyone else, but he really didn't want to murder anyone. He didn't want one more strike against him, one step closer to the monster he was. He didn't really want to kill Izaya, he just wanted Izaya to leave him the hell alone. But - in one of his rages, wasn't it likely to happen? What if Izaya didn't dodge a sign or if Shizuo managed to get his hands on Izaya - and there, just thinking about it and Shizuo could feel that desire, to take Izaya's neck in his hands -

It was better if he didn't answer. Otherwise, he was going to wind up talking in circles, just like the stupid flea.

"What if?" he repeated gruffly, shaking his head. "Who cares? You're always so busy trying to figure everything out, but if you shut up for once in your life maybe you'd realize it doesn't matter."

If one of them went home, one of them would be home. The pressure of killing Izaya just didn't factor into the equation. It wasn't something he felt compelled to do before it was too late. Shizuo just went with the flow, reacted to whatever happened.

"What's with you, anyway? Did you come here to try and kill me?" Because why else would Izaya want to chat about it - want to demand to know if Shizuo would do the same.

On top of being woken up, trying to make sense of Izaya was giving Shizuo a headache.

But then Izaya triggered a reaction and Shizuo pushed himself out of bed and walked over to him. "Me? This is because if me? You're always doing things to piss me off! Always trying to make me angry!" Like the night of the party, how he had - No, shizuo wouldn't think about that.

"Sure, you can be a good person, but you're not."

His irritation was growing - how dare Izaya come into his home, wake him up, and then ramble on about how everything was Shizuo's fault? Stupid flea. He needed a good punch in the face.

The amusing thing about Shizuo and Izaya was not only their spiteful hate for one another, but their odd amount of similarities. Things that neither or would probably ever admit to having with one another. But really, out of any human alive that Izaya had ever met, Shizuo was the most challenging. The most complimenting (if he would even use that word) to his existence. At times, if Izaya really thought about it, it was one of his more disturbing conclusions.

"Who cares?" He did! Obviously. He glared at Shizuo, leaning forward and putting his hands onto his hips in an irritated stance. "Doesn't matter?" Izaya wanted to yell at Shizuo and he wanted to stab him through the God damn eye but he didn't. He stayed right where he was and tried to calm himself down. Irritation gnawed at his innards like a sickness and he finally whipped around, having his back instead to Shizuo. He hated that face.

More so, he hated the fact that he knew Shizuo didn't care. He knew that it wasn't as big of a goal for Shizuo as it was for him. Something about that- it burned at his stomach and he forced himself to just calm down. This was why he loathed this man. This disturbing ability to make Izaya-

Tch. Idiot. He turned around when suddenly Shizuo got out of bed, his body tensed and his knife rose in mild defense between the two of their bodies. "That's not true," Izaya argued, "You hated me before you knew my name. I hardly see how that's me doing anything to you. After that it's not like you gave me much of a chance either. And don't act so innocent and surprised that I stabbed you when you tried to hit me so hard that the bench I'd been sitting on broke." Yes. He did remember that day in full detail. It was impossible not to.

Izaya suddenly took a few steps backward, shrugging with a knife in hand- but he snapped that knife shut and put it away into his pocket. "And yeah, I did. I wanted to come here and kill you," he admitted flippantly, wandering over to Shizuo's opened window. "But I couldn't. Isn't that funny?" he asked quietly, leaning out the window but he didn't seem intent on jumping or leaving just quite yet.

It was true - Shizuo's hatred for Izaya had preceded any attempt at riling him. There had always been something about Izaya that made Shizuo want to beat him into the ground, something that called upon that primal instinct of fight, even before Izaya had spoken to him.

But what he had said was true, too. Izaya was always trying to bring that monster back out of him. Izaya loved seeing it, so he could label it as it was, calling Shizuo's attention to his own fatal flaw time and time again. Shizuo knew and yet that didn't stop the impulsive, vehement response. Izaya was at fault for poking and prodding whenever he had an opportunity.

Shizuo was at fault for being that monster, though. He knew that as well as he knew Izaya's absolute glee at waking it up.

"I hated you instantly because I could tell you'd get up to no good," Shizuo replied. He wasn't yelling, this time, but his voice was low, dangerous, as though something were bubbling beneath the surface, threatening to rise. "I was right."

But then Izaya surprised him. Moved away and talked about being able to kill him. It made Shizuo...uncomfortable. It was as though Izaya had told him something personal, something Shizuo shouldn't have known.

He didn't want to hear that Izaya couldn't kill him. That made the flea seem more...human. Vulnerable, even. As a whole, Shizuo had trouble with comforting others - beyond offering to beat up a perpetrator - but Izaya?

Never.

"'the hell you want me to say to that?" Shizuo muttered, glaring at Izaya's back.

Then, a thought: "You've been here too long." Whatever was making Izaya soft, compelling him to talk to Shizuo like this - the blond wanted no part of it.

"Get out of my apartment before I do kill you."

Izaya's grip on the window still tightened somewhat. He stared down entirely and his mouth twitched as a smirk threatened to surface. It was a long enough drop that he'd die. Or in the least break his legs. How many girls had he tried to convince to jump? How many people had he met with who slept with the idea of suicide like a lover, but when it came to the actual jump, they were frightened.

"Death is so intimate," he said suddenly."It's kind of like love. Completely inevitable no matter who you are. It's something we all think about, whether or not we admit that is irrelevant. It's the cancerous flaw of the human race. Even for people like us, Shizu-chan," he said and glanced over his shoulder at the blond. "People who might as well be Gods."

And they were. They were forces of nature that were impossible to impact. Like a hurricane and a volcano slapped together in this mess of chaotic destruction. Their relationship was warped and undeniably crazed in ways that Izaya had never felt proud to admit. Shizuo had always been the thorn in his side and the poison in his blood stream.

"You know, Shizu-chan," he said, turning around and he sat up on the window still. He swung his legs against the side paneling of the wall and looked over his shoulder and down at the concrete far below. "I could die if I landed on my neck just right if I jumped right now. But what's even more interesting..."

He flicked his eyes over to Shizuo and he smiled. It was a cruel, sinister smile but what made it so cruel was the brutal honesty that brimmed in his eyes.

"You're so smart. So much more clever than anyone I've ever met. It disgusts me that such a blind monster could see so much. But that's just the thing, Shizu-chan, you're still just a blind monster and you can't see certain things. You've never been able to. You think I should stop talking so that I could realize some things? Ah maybe you should stop being such a hateful creature and then maybe you'd realize things."

Izaya sighed heavily and shrugged his shoulders, slouching against the side of the window. He leaned backwards a bit further, letting his body slouch and tilt out of the window a bit dangerously.

"What does it even matter, you're just going to go away again..." This is something quietly muttered, moreso to himself than Shizuo.

"...There's something wrong with you," Shizuo mumbled.

This conversation had somehow taken a dangerous turn. Now Izaya was prattling on about intimacy and love - things that Shizuo preferred not to discuss with anyone, especially not the flea that just wouldn't leave his apartment.

Gods. He thought they might as well be gods. Shizuo was neutral when it came to theism, but if there were a God, wouldn't he be benevolent? Not mindlessly violent or dangerously manipulative. That's what he would have preferred to think. Monstrosities were not Gods. Izaya...Izaya always had an ego. Again, something Shizuo hated.

And what was he going on about? What was Shizuo supposed to see? Izaya seemed to have this grand illusion of him as someone smart and capable, which did not compute, because Shizuo himself did not think of it that way - and Izaya was supposed to loathe him and insult him, not coo about cleverness in one breath and blind monstrosities in the next.

Worst of all, Shizuo simply did not know how to react. He wanted to punch Izaya - felt like that was what he needed to do - but there was something off about this whole situation. He just stood there, wondering if Izaya was losing his mind or feverish or...the curses. He had heard about those. Maybe -

And then everything came to a rushing halt.

Izaya didn't want him to go - was talking about it as though it were a sad fact, that he'd leave. Shizuo stared with uncertainty, with surprise, and with disgust - such disgust that Izaya would openly say anything like that. It made him anxious and uncomfortable and Shizuo thought, I should just push him out the window, because Izaya needed to shut up.

But no. He wouldn't.

Instead, Shizuo went to the window, grabbed Izaya by the shirt, and yanked him back inside with more force than was necessary. Then he shut the window.

"You need to shut up," he said. "You need to go back to wherever it is you live, lock your doors, and stay in there until you get your head back on straight."

And Shizuo? He needed an exterminator. And a cigarette.

"You think so?" Izaya asked childishly, responding to the insult as though it were a compliment instead.

Izaya had been told plenty of times that he was a fucked up guy. That he was an asshole, ruthless, calculative, the scum of the earth, the worst person to exist, this horrible creature, this despicable person, this horrible manipulator, a life-ruiner, and everything inbetween. In other words, insults slid off of Izaya. They meant nothing to him and they never had. Izaya had that special audacity to genuinely not care what people thought about him. For the most part anyway.

And if he expected anything from Shizuo, it certainly wasn't kindness by any definition. He didn't expect Shizuo to treat him like a human. And on the same note, he would never treat Shizuo like a human. That wasn't how things worked and it was never how they would work.

"It's not as tho- ahh! Shizu-chan!" he shouted about in surprise when he was suddenly wrenched from the window, not having expected Shizuo to move so suddenly. He nearly lost his footing but composed himself last moment and merely stared up at the taller blond, an unusual expression on his face, his eyes wide in surprise as Shizuo scolded him. And for a long time, he was pretty quiet, just staring at this man. This man that was such a definite creature in his life that it disturbed Izaya over and over again.

"You thought that I had my head straight on at all to begin with? Now you're just flattering me, Shizu-chan," he said and pulled Shizuo's hand off of his shirt. He kept a tight hold on his wrist though and glared up into Shizuo's eyes loathingly. For a moment, he was silent again, just watching Shizuo at this close range. This range where he could easily kill him.

"You need to stop existing in my life," he spat out finally and then shoved away Shizuo's hand. "You Goddamn bastard."

He slid around Shizuo and spun about, walking backwards towards Shizuo's bedroom door.

"Say," he said, as he rested his hand on the door knob, "If you could tell me what you hate most about me, what would it be?"

The silence that stretched between them after Shizuo pulled Izaya back inside was uncomfortable for the blond, and part of him hoped that Izaya would follow up by brandishing his knife or starting a fight. Something to kick-start that rage within him, so that they could have it out and be done with it. But that wasn't what happened.

"Your head has always been screwed up," Shizuo countered, narrowing his eyes. "But it seems even more screwed up now." Or, in other words, it was not as screwed up as it usually was. Whereas Izaya was set on harming and manipulating, here he was, being non-violent, non-provoking, discussing philosophy or whatever bullshit he was spewing. That was just wrong. Shizuo preferred the Izaya that would show up with the intention of bringing out Shizuo's violence. At least he knew how to respond to that. It was who he was.

This? This was everything wrong.

And the contradiction was not lost on Shizuo. One minute, Izaya was talking about how Shizuo would leave - almost as though he did not want him to. And now, he wanted Shizuo to stop existing.

Whatever.

Shizuo walked over to his bedside table and pulled a cigarette from the pack that was there, lighting it and taking a long drag before responding to Izaya's question.

What did he hate most?

"I hate that you're right."

When he called Shizuo out on being a monster, on being blind, on being nothing but a destructive force. When he saw through Shizuo better than anyone else ever could or would and said it. Izaya knew what he was, made sure that Shizuo never would forget, not even when he had a chance to start anew in Vatheon. Izaya made him face himself over and over again, and half the time - was he really fighting Izaya? Or running upstream, trying to get away from what he was in such a counterproductive manner that it was horrible and brutally futile?

Shizuo rubbed his forehead. His head ached from all the nonsense.

Izaya knew he was more screwed up now. He blamed the city of Vatheon for that. The curses, its residents, the island. He had experienced certain things that had made things difficult for Izaya. Things that he didn't want to think about or talk about but he knew that there had been cracks made in his carefully constructed mind. Izaya wasn't so much the type to have walls or anything. It's not something like he didn't want to get hurt. He didn't care about people or friendship. Sure, it was lonely from time to time but he rarely if ever sulked over it.

There was no wall. But there was something and that had been a little bit destroyed. Now, Izaya felt he was losing grip on something he had always had such a tight grip on to begin with. That something was horrifying to Izaya and something he wanted to fix as soon as possible. Having Shizuo around did not help that. If anything, he shook it into a worse state than before.

When Shizuo finally told Izaya what he hated most about him...Well, Izaya's brows rose in mild surprise. He had not expected that answer. He stared for a long moment at the blond, again with the impending silence but finally he opened his door and just as he was about to leave, he stopped.

"I hate that part of you that-," he said, looking over at Shizuo slowly, his mouth still open as though he wanted to say more. He never did though because just as it seemed like he was about to tell Shizuo what it was that he hated, he slammed the door shut behind him and hurried out of that apartment.

Shizuo felt relief when Izaya left without sharing what part he hated most. He didn't need to know - nor did he want to know. And judging by Izaya's previous rambles, Shizuo was almost certain it was going to be something he really didn't want to hear.

Alone, he sat on the bed and finished his cigarette.

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