vatheon | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo
Location: Shizuo's place
Time: Midnight to the early hours of the morning
Style: Prose
Status Closed

Shizuo surely wasn't resilient to burns. He could also strap a bomb around his chest or take a shot gun to his head and blow it clean off. He could take his knife and gut him like a pig if he worked quickly enough. He could cut his heart out and laugh when Shizuo finally woke up to see the muscle pulsating for a few remaining seconds right in his own face. That look of horror or shock would be worth it.

These were currently Orihara Izaya's fantasies. They had soaked up and plagued his mind for well over thirty minutes now. Before him was Heiwajima Shizuo. Laying in his bed and sleeping deeply. Shizuo had always been a deep sleeper. It was pathetic, really, how much of a vulnerable target he became the moment he was asleep. Izaya was kneeled on the bed right next to him and looking down at the blond.

His face was mostly blank, his hands in his lap as he contemplated this. He had come here tonight to kill Shizuo. He knew that in Vatheon it was pointless but he needed to prove to himself that he could. There was no chance of both of them going back at the same time. And there was no chance that Shizuo would stay here forever. If he left again and never came back, then what would Izaya do? He would've let Shizuo win.

Izaya couldn't deal with that.

His hand was clutched around his flick blade. The window he had carefully broken into was wide open and shed in some of the lights from outside. Izaya was mostly in shadow, his eyes glinted as he watched that slow rise and fall of Shizuo's chest. It was like watching a monster sleep but without the anticipation of when it awoke.

"Stop making that face," grumbled Izaya spitefully, glaring at Shizuo's sleeping face. It was...cute. And he hated that. It didn't make it easier to want to kill Shizuo when he could see that potentially human side that screamed at Izaya's mind and wailed on it with this mallet of unpredictability that Izaya hated, loathed, despised, and wanted gone.

He rose the knife high above his head and lunged it down.

But then, as though there was some sort of force field barely a hair away from Shizuo's body, his knife stopped abruptly just between Shizuo's eyes. Izaya's own eyes were wide open and he looked feral and disgusted.

He jerked his arm away and took a breath. No, he could do this. He had to. He rose the knife again and brought it down. Again. Again it stopped- this time above Shizuo's heart. Izaya's hand trembled but he instantly stopped himself. No.

No, no, no. This really wasn't okay. Izaya touched the knife to Shizuo's chest and pressed down a little. Not even enough to pierce the skin.

That God damn heart.

"Nngh! Damn it!" he snapped finally, jumping off of the bed to pace the floor, one hand to his head and the other still around his knife. A string of curses were muttered out viciously in Russian before he stopped at the edge of Shizuo's bed and he stared at the blond spitefully.

"SHIZU-CHAN!" he screamed suddenly, kicking the side of the bed before he hopped up and landed effortlessly on the bed frame at the foot. He crouched down instantly and reached a hand down, hooking it around Shizuo's exposed foot. He pressed his thumb into the curve of Shizuo's foot and shook it.

"Wake up, you protozoic neanderthal."

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Izaya's grip on the window still tightened somewhat. He stared down entirely and his mouth twitched as a smirk threatened to surface. It was a long enough drop that he'd die. Or in the least break his legs. How many girls had he tried to convince to jump? How many people had he met with who slept with the idea of suicide like a lover, but when it came to the actual jump, they were frightened.

"Death is so intimate," he said suddenly."It's kind of like love. Completely inevitable no matter who you are. It's something we all think about, whether or not we admit that is irrelevant. It's the cancerous flaw of the human race. Even for people like us, Shizu-chan," he said and glanced over his shoulder at the blond. "People who might as well be Gods."

And they were. They were forces of nature that were impossible to impact. Like a hurricane and a volcano slapped together in this mess of chaotic destruction. Their relationship was warped and undeniably crazed in ways that Izaya had never felt proud to admit. Shizuo had always been the thorn in his side and the poison in his blood stream.

"You know, Shizu-chan," he said, turning around and he sat up on the window still. He swung his legs against the side paneling of the wall and looked over his shoulder and down at the concrete far below. "I could die if I landed on my neck just right if I jumped right now. But what's even more interesting..."

He flicked his eyes over to Shizuo and he smiled. It was a cruel, sinister smile but what made it so cruel was the brutal honesty that brimmed in his eyes.

"You're so smart. So much more clever than anyone I've ever met. It disgusts me that such a blind monster could see so much. But that's just the thing, Shizu-chan, you're still just a blind monster and you can't see certain things. You've never been able to. You think I should stop talking so that I could realize some things? Ah maybe you should stop being such a hateful creature and then maybe you'd realize things."

Izaya sighed heavily and shrugged his shoulders, slouching against the side of the window. He leaned backwards a bit further, letting his body slouch and tilt out of the window a bit dangerously.

"What does it even matter, you're just going to go away again..." This is something quietly muttered, moreso to himself than Shizuo.

"...There's something wrong with you," Shizuo mumbled.

This conversation had somehow taken a dangerous turn. Now Izaya was prattling on about intimacy and love - things that Shizuo preferred not to discuss with anyone, especially not the flea that just wouldn't leave his apartment.

Gods. He thought they might as well be gods. Shizuo was neutral when it came to theism, but if there were a God, wouldn't he be benevolent? Not mindlessly violent or dangerously manipulative. That's what he would have preferred to think. Monstrosities were not Gods. Izaya...Izaya always had an ego. Again, something Shizuo hated.

And what was he going on about? What was Shizuo supposed to see? Izaya seemed to have this grand illusion of him as someone smart and capable, which did not compute, because Shizuo himself did not think of it that way - and Izaya was supposed to loathe him and insult him, not coo about cleverness in one breath and blind monstrosities in the next.

Worst of all, Shizuo simply did not know how to react. He wanted to punch Izaya - felt like that was what he needed to do - but there was something off about this whole situation. He just stood there, wondering if Izaya was losing his mind or feverish or...the curses. He had heard about those. Maybe -

And then everything came to a rushing halt.

Izaya didn't want him to go - was talking about it as though it were a sad fact, that he'd leave. Shizuo stared with uncertainty, with surprise, and with disgust - such disgust that Izaya would openly say anything like that. It made him anxious and uncomfortable and Shizuo thought, I should just push him out the window, because Izaya needed to shut up.

But no. He wouldn't.

Instead, Shizuo went to the window, grabbed Izaya by the shirt, and yanked him back inside with more force than was necessary. Then he shut the window.

"You need to shut up," he said. "You need to go back to wherever it is you live, lock your doors, and stay in there until you get your head back on straight."

And Shizuo? He needed an exterminator. And a cigarette.

"You think so?" Izaya asked childishly, responding to the insult as though it were a compliment instead.

Izaya had been told plenty of times that he was a fucked up guy. That he was an asshole, ruthless, calculative, the scum of the earth, the worst person to exist, this horrible creature, this despicable person, this horrible manipulator, a life-ruiner, and everything inbetween. In other words, insults slid off of Izaya. They meant nothing to him and they never had. Izaya had that special audacity to genuinely not care what people thought about him. For the most part anyway.

And if he expected anything from Shizuo, it certainly wasn't kindness by any definition. He didn't expect Shizuo to treat him like a human. And on the same note, he would never treat Shizuo like a human. That wasn't how things worked and it was never how they would work.

"It's not as tho- ahh! Shizu-chan!" he shouted about in surprise when he was suddenly wrenched from the window, not having expected Shizuo to move so suddenly. He nearly lost his footing but composed himself last moment and merely stared up at the taller blond, an unusual expression on his face, his eyes wide in surprise as Shizuo scolded him. And for a long time, he was pretty quiet, just staring at this man. This man that was such a definite creature in his life that it disturbed Izaya over and over again.

"You thought that I had my head straight on at all to begin with? Now you're just flattering me, Shizu-chan," he said and pulled Shizuo's hand off of his shirt. He kept a tight hold on his wrist though and glared up into Shizuo's eyes loathingly. For a moment, he was silent again, just watching Shizuo at this close range. This range where he could easily kill him.

"You need to stop existing in my life," he spat out finally and then shoved away Shizuo's hand. "You Goddamn bastard."

He slid around Shizuo and spun about, walking backwards towards Shizuo's bedroom door.

"Say," he said, as he rested his hand on the door knob, "If you could tell me what you hate most about me, what would it be?"

The silence that stretched between them after Shizuo pulled Izaya back inside was uncomfortable for the blond, and part of him hoped that Izaya would follow up by brandishing his knife or starting a fight. Something to kick-start that rage within him, so that they could have it out and be done with it. But that wasn't what happened.

"Your head has always been screwed up," Shizuo countered, narrowing his eyes. "But it seems even more screwed up now." Or, in other words, it was not as screwed up as it usually was. Whereas Izaya was set on harming and manipulating, here he was, being non-violent, non-provoking, discussing philosophy or whatever bullshit he was spewing. That was just wrong. Shizuo preferred the Izaya that would show up with the intention of bringing out Shizuo's violence. At least he knew how to respond to that. It was who he was.

This? This was everything wrong.

And the contradiction was not lost on Shizuo. One minute, Izaya was talking about how Shizuo would leave - almost as though he did not want him to. And now, he wanted Shizuo to stop existing.

Whatever.

Shizuo walked over to his bedside table and pulled a cigarette from the pack that was there, lighting it and taking a long drag before responding to Izaya's question.

What did he hate most?

"I hate that you're right."

When he called Shizuo out on being a monster, on being blind, on being nothing but a destructive force. When he saw through Shizuo better than anyone else ever could or would and said it. Izaya knew what he was, made sure that Shizuo never would forget, not even when he had a chance to start anew in Vatheon. Izaya made him face himself over and over again, and half the time - was he really fighting Izaya? Or running upstream, trying to get away from what he was in such a counterproductive manner that it was horrible and brutally futile?

Shizuo rubbed his forehead. His head ached from all the nonsense.

Izaya knew he was more screwed up now. He blamed the city of Vatheon for that. The curses, its residents, the island. He had experienced certain things that had made things difficult for Izaya. Things that he didn't want to think about or talk about but he knew that there had been cracks made in his carefully constructed mind. Izaya wasn't so much the type to have walls or anything. It's not something like he didn't want to get hurt. He didn't care about people or friendship. Sure, it was lonely from time to time but he rarely if ever sulked over it.

There was no wall. But there was something and that had been a little bit destroyed. Now, Izaya felt he was losing grip on something he had always had such a tight grip on to begin with. That something was horrifying to Izaya and something he wanted to fix as soon as possible. Having Shizuo around did not help that. If anything, he shook it into a worse state than before.

When Shizuo finally told Izaya what he hated most about him...Well, Izaya's brows rose in mild surprise. He had not expected that answer. He stared for a long moment at the blond, again with the impending silence but finally he opened his door and just as he was about to leave, he stopped.

"I hate that part of you that-," he said, looking over at Shizuo slowly, his mouth still open as though he wanted to say more. He never did though because just as it seemed like he was about to tell Shizuo what it was that he hated, he slammed the door shut behind him and hurried out of that apartment.

Shizuo felt relief when Izaya left without sharing what part he hated most. He didn't need to know - nor did he want to know. And judging by Izaya's previous rambles, Shizuo was almost certain it was going to be something he really didn't want to hear.

Alone, he sat on the bed and finished his cigarette.

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