Blame it on Patron, Got You in the Zone

[oceanbreasts]

Who: Roxy and Dirk
Where: Their home
When: A few days after being back in their own bodies
Style: Action
Status: Closed

[ It was time.

They had a few things to celebrate, now. They were back in their own bodies, for starters. No more being a dude was always something that was worth being exuberant over. And there was the drinking to forget the whole cannibalism thing, too, which she had already been well on her way to doing.

Plus, she had spent the week stone cold sober. That sucked.

Oh, and her daughtermom was here! That was pretty bitchin', too.

So she leaned into Dirk's room without warning, shaking a bottle of vodka at him. ]

Hey Diiiiiiirkyyyyyyyyy~.

Comments

[shippingmath]

Don't talk about Cal like that, he's the shit.

[Still. Drink.

Why is there a double-w there.]

Hanging out with Finface, Rox?

Never have I ever fought with a gun.

[oceanbreasts]

Hate t' break it to ya, but Cal's weird 'n he gives me th' creeps.

[ One by one the drinks go down, and one by one her speech becomes a little less comprehensible. ]

Never used a sword.

[shippingmath]

Says the girl with the encased four-eyed cat. 'Sides, he isn't here, anyway.

[Dirk, on the other hand, isn't slurring yet. Probably because he's making an effort not to.]

Never have I ever petted a cat.

[Sad but true.]

[oceanbreasts]

What no way. Cats are like the best fuckin' thing in the world, Dirk. We gotta fix that. There's this total cutie cat around here with two tails. You should pet him.

[ Drinking. APPALLED, but drinking. ]

Never have I ever not told Jakey that I think he's a hottie with a body.

[ Seriously Roxy wasn't exactly a subtle flirt. ]

[shippingmath]

If you find him and manage to get the both of us in the same place, then sure. I'm not about to go hunting down a cat.

[If he were drinking right now, something drastic would probably have happened. As it is, he just sort of... sets it aside.]

He told me I'd make a good girlfriend. That isn't exactly a phrase conductive to complimenting someone's ass.

[oceanbreasts]

Oh my god what. Did you actually say something to him?

[ Roxy promptly hops up onto the counter and swings her legs around so that she's sitting on it directly in front of him, her eyes eager. ]

Spill. What exactly did you say.

[shippingmath]

[Oh. So they're talking about this?

If he were more sober, Dirk might escape this conversation. If he were more sober, he definitely wouldn't have made the comment in the first place. After this, he will not be getting drunk for a long time.]

This was a couple years ago. Around when I told him about the future thing. We were just talking and shit. So no, I don't think you'd classify it as actually saying something to him.

[oceanbreasts]

[ Of course they're talking about this, Dirk. What are you, new here?

She purses her lips together and promptly pokes him in the chest. ]

You either tell me whatchu actually said or you're takin' like three shots.

[shippingmath]

[He is not moving away from that poke. Not even an inch. Not even swaying. Totally.]

I believe it involved him requesting that I watch one particularly shitty movie with him. My response was something along the lines of it was a lot to ask of someone he hadn't even asked out. Ironically, and in jest in the context of the conversation, mind you. And he responded with that particular gem.

[oceanbreasts]

[ Yeah uh huh okay no swaying at all sure she believes you.

Roxy stares at him for a few moments in silent contemplation before she finally turns to pick up his shot glass and hold it up. ]

Nope, don't count. Drink.

[shippingmath]

Well, that teaches me to spill my guts, if it won't get me anything out of it.

[Driiiink.]

I've never used an appearifier.

[oceanbreasts]

It was a valiant as fuck effort but in the end, you got voted off the island.

[ Sorry bro.

Roxy isn't even really waiting for him to give her something to drink to anymore, taking two shots for that one just for the fun of it. ]

I've never not slept for a week. Or more. What's your record anyway.

[shippingmath]

I weep tears of anguish. I don't know how I'll live without the paltry sum and the temporary television fame this opportunity could have awarded me.

[He is starting to get that sense. Unfortunately, he is still not going to drink just for the hell of it.

It takes him a moment to think of the number.]

One and a half.

[Drink.]

Never worn a skirt.

[oceanbreasts]

[ sip ]

We should fix that. You've totes got the legs to pull it off. Ass, too. Get somethin' to go with one of your pink shirts.

[ nod nod nod ]

I just realized that I can't say I've never had a dick. So. I've never spent the better part of the morning in the shower.

[shippingmath]

[He is getting drunk so there is nothing really wrong with this idea. Of course, he will not have much problem with it when he is sober, either. There are many things he will do because they are ironic.]

Sure, why not. Give it your best, RL.

I've never walked around in my sleep.

[oceanbreasts]

Done and done.

[ She pauses in her drink with a hum. ]

Well, you gotta sleep in order to walk around in it. You been sleepin', Dirk? I mean, you don't have any excuse not to, here. No dream self to keep chuggin' along. You should sleep.

[shippingmath]

I do, in fact, sleep. A human can only go maybe two weeks at most without sleep. Whatever you believe, I'm not actually a robot.

[He just. Hasn't been sleeping well. He doesn't need much sleep in the first place, though, despite being a teenager.]

[oceanbreasts]

Mmhm sure not a robot gotcha.

[ Exaggerated wink. ]

Well, keep knockin' the bottle back, and you should sleep pretty damn awesome tonight. It'll be the wakin' up that sucks.

[shippingmath]

Don't remind me. Not that I was looking forward to this, but I'm looking forward to baby's first hangover even less. Doesn't mean I'll keep drinking the way you do, though. I don't have a problem with my liver. It's just fine the way it is. It'll have an easy life with no problems, and live peacefully until it retires. I'm not about to go overworking it like it's a child laborer.

[Whoops, Strider rambling is a go.]

fuck haters i'mma keep going here 5ever

[oceanbreasts]

Shhhhhhhhhhhhh.

[ Roxy's just gonna tap your lips with a finger, Dirk. ]

Don't worry. Mama Rolal here will take care of babe's first hangover. I know all the secrets and we'll totes find one that works for you.

always tag this thing

[shippingmath]

[He's just going to keep talking anyway.] You know, this all could have been avoided if you'd just given me back my shades in the first place. Instead of holding them hostage. The least you can do will be helping with the hangover, since it's your fault in the first place. You could have just left me and my shades to coma in peace.

[oceanbreasts]

[ Okay now she's full on covering his mouth up with her hand. ]

I said 'm gonna help you with the hangover so I'll help you with the hangover. Also there was no way I was gonna just hand the shades over I mean come on where the hell would've been the fun in that. Besides you're like a grade A hottie and the world needed to be blessed by that magnificent mug'a yours for a while, free of any viewing obstructions.

Now c'mon let's go cuddle up on the couch, the kitchen's gettin' cold.

[shippingmath]

[He's just going to give her a look.

And then lick her hand. Because that's how you get people to take their hands away from your mouth, right?]

[oceanbreasts]

[ oh my god dirk

oh my god

Roxy wrinkles her nose and jerks her hand back before promptly wiping it on Dirk's shirt. ]

So's that a yes or what.

[shippingmath]

[Noooo, his shirt!]

Well, if you'd let me talk instead of putting your hand on my face, then I could have just agreed. By the way, nice work covering my face while saying that the world needed to see it 'free of viewing obstructions.'