vatheon | 04 - August and everything after...

Entry tags:

04 - August and everything after...

Who: Shing Meteoryte and Kohaku Hearts
When: Backdated to the afternoon of September 1
Where: The plaza
Style: Does it even matter, really...?
Status: CLOSED!

[ As the elevator to the island slows down and creaks to a stop, the door open to reveal a cloaked and hooded figure stepping out and into the city of Vatheon. He eyes the plaza quietly, cautiously as he steps off the elevator, sighing as he pulled the hood down more over his face.

Thus he sauntered secretively into the-- wait, no. No, he didn't.

Because even though he's been gone for about three weeks or so -- and done a good job of both training and evading people he knows (LEVEL UP! TIMES 10! ) -- it's still kind of obvious that he's there to find a certain someone.

Shing sighs quietly as he looked at the SFC again, clutching it in his fist; it hurt, really. He knows that what he did wasn't exactly the best wway to cope, but... what else was he supposed to do? He couldn't really bring himself to stay with her if he was just going to flinch and react badly every time he so much as looked at her.

And he felt much worse, too, knowing that he couldn't comfort her when she needed him most... maybe she didn't need him anymore? Would she want to see him again? Would she even give him the time of day if he approached?

Even he wasn't sure, but if there was one thing he knew, he had to at least see her. Hear her voice... see her face again... even if she rejected him, he had to. Almost single-mindedly so, too, because dammit even though he failed her, he has to see her again... somehow... he has to.

And thus he quietly began wandering towards their residence again... as opposed to mid-August where he did his best to avoid people... and her... ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ She had missed him. Terribly. And he had been gone for so long at this point that even though she was trying to keep her faith strong that he would return to her soon, even that was starting to waver. Despite this, though, Kohaku had found the strength within her to stop being a gloomy, emotional blob of girl. She had realized with the help of her friends that even though she had been taking hits over and over during the past month or so, she couldn't give up on being happy, or on being herself again.

The memories would never fade. Not while she was still here. It was hard sometimes; she still had nightmares, and she still had moments where she found she couldn't stop crying. Still, she and Shing had been through so much already in their lives ...

They could make it through this. They had to.

But it was still hard.

Kohaku had found that the idea of writing letters to him that she would never send did help at times when she missed him most. In her letters, she continuously reassured him that she still loved him, and would always love him. She said how much she missed him .... and said that no matter how long it took, she would wait for him to return to her. She said that she understood why he took off the way he did, and that she wouldn't seek him out until he was ready to see her, to respect his wishes. She updated him on even the most mundane of happenings. She wrote her heart out to him, though she knew he'd never see them.

If he ever returned ...

Kohaku shook her head. No. She couldn't start thinking like that. He would return! She just had to stay strong in the meantime.

She sighed, then returned to the letter she was writing in a notebook she had purchased not long ago. It was already at least halfway full of letters, if not more than that; there were days when she missed him so badly that she either kept writing at one letter, or would write multiple letters. She'd started missing him again pretty badly today ... it was a pretty regular happening, now. ]

[ At least one of them was still strong... Shing's own faith in finding their happy ending was still as fragile as ever. As well as, well, everything else that had happened to him in the last month or so. He had told himself that he had to grow stronger, be able to properly protect Kohaku this time, and yet... even things had changed physically emotionally he was still the mess he'd been when he'd first returned.

How long had he been wearing this mask of forced happiness now? Hiding away his own pain, in order to keep himself from getting hurt again like this...?

Still, it didn't change that he was aware he couldn't go on like this. In his own way, he had forced himself to keep moving forward. This would all pass, wouldn't it? Sure, it was still painful, and there were times that he couldn't breathe at all, and even moments where he'd feared that this was all an illusion...

... he had to move forward, though. It was the only way.

Finally, he'd found himself approaching their door, but he stopped. What if she was doing something important right then? How would she react, seeing him now? Was he even ready to face her now?

... sighing, he gulped, taking a few moments and willing himself into putting the most serious expression he could. He had to be strong now. It was too late for him to turn back now, as he reached for and hesitantly knocked on the door. ]

K-Kohaku...?

[ At first, when she heard his voice, she had frozen; ... was she hearing things? She had dreamed, many times, that she had heard his voice. And then, the moment she got to the door to open it, she woke up.

Those dreams were almost as bad as the nightmares she'd been having.

Still, this felt too real to be a dream ... or a nightmare. She wanted to trust that this time, when she came to the door, she wouldn't wake up and realize she was in her little makeshift bed on the couch. She wanted this to be real, so badly ...

Her notebook dropped to the floor, and she rushed without another thought to the door, hopping over the back of the couch, even, to get to the door quicker. She fumbled a little with the door, and then opened it, peeking through the crack at first.

She saw him.

He was hooded, cloaked, but it was obviously him.

He was here. He was back. He kept his promise of returning ... ]

S-Shing ...

[ She opened the door all the way now, staring at him for only a few moments longer before she rushed forward, taking him into her arms and holding him tightly. ]

Shing! You're really here ... you're really here!

[ Whoops, she was crying again. But this time ... this time she was happy. She knew these tears were happy. Her beloved was finally back ... why wouldn't she be happy? ]

[ He'd yelped as soon as she rushed at him; he was surprised enough that he'd fallen over, taking the both of them with him as he groaned, wincing a little.

But... part of him was glad, that she hadn't avoided him or anything. Not that she would have... he should have expected it, but still. All of his insecurities and despair had come out manyfold then, and the fact that she was here, hugging him now, certainly helped remove some of the doubt from his mind. ]

Y-yeah... I'm back...

[ He was still reluctant to return her hug completely, but he does relax into her embrace as he sighs, looking up at her with a wistful smile on his face. ]

.... m'sorry... did I keep you waiting long...?

[ She pushes herself up a little bit, staring down at him with the first bright, genuine smile she had smiled in quite a while. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she wiped some of them away herself before shaking her head in response to his question. ]

Too long ... but I'd wait for you forever, Shing.

[ She places a hand on his cheek, gently rubbing his skin with her thumb before she rests her head on his shoulder again. She didn't seem to care that they were in the middle of the walkway. She was just happy that he was back. ]

Don't leave again? Please? Please don't leave again ... I need you here, I really do ...

[ She clung to him a little tighter as she pleaded with him to stay. ]

[ His heart warmed at her mention of that; it was one of the few moments where the light in Shing's eyes returned, if ever so slowly.

Part of his smile faltered as he was pulled closer to her in their embrace, though he doesn't fight it. He was still hurting, even with how he'd willed his facade to stay... ]

D'you mean that...? I... don't know if I'll be able to protect you again if this happens...

[ If it wasn't obvious that he was still incredibly guilty about it, it was now... ]

[ He really was still hurting ... she knew. She was, too. But she had to be his strength right now ... and she had every intention of doing just that. She pushed herself up to a sitting position, sitting atop of him and taking his hands into her own as she looked down at him seriously. ]

Why wouldn't I mean it ..? I love you ... I love you more than I can ever really express. I want you here. I need you here with me. Nothing feels right unless we're together ...

[ She knew he must have felt that, too, to come back like he had ... ]

I know .. I know that what happened was awful, and traumatizing on so many levels. But ... we've been given a second chance at this. We shouldn't take it for granted and spend our lives worrying about if we're good enough, right?

[ oops, there go the tears again. ]

I just ... I just know that I want to spend as much of the rest of this second chance at life with you, Shing. You are my life ... it probably sounds weird, I know, but you really are such a big part of it that you may as well be ...

Kohaku...

[ His hands tremble as he looks up into her eyes, blinking back tears of his own. ]

... it was awful. I... just wanted to keep you safe, and I failed at that... I honestly don't know... if I'll ever forgive myself for it.

[ Still, he forces his hand to touch her cheek; even thoguh he had the strongest urge to flinch away again, he brushes his thumb against her cheek, to wipe away her tears. ]

But... I think I can cope... as long as you're here with me. So... I won't go anywhere... not anymore, as long as you want me to be by your side...

[ She leans in a little to his touch, smiling at him through her tears. She grasps his free hand in both of hers. She can feel him trembling .. but it was okay. Even if he was scared now, they would get through it. They were together again. They had to. ]

Good ... because I want you here. Forever. Please?

... forever and ever, then. I'm not going anywhere...

[ They would be okay, right? They were back together again... things would be okay, wouldn't they?

... for once, he could honestly say that it would be. ]

[ She sniffled a little, then leaned down to gently kiss his lips before sitting up again, then pushing herself to a standing position and grasping his hands in her own to help him up. ]

Come on, let's get inside ... hey, you must be pretty hungry, right? I'll make us some dinner, you can rest in the meantime if you'd like ...

S-sure...

[ As he'd helped himself up and followed her inside, Shing had taken note of a lot of things. First, there was no Beryl in the apartment. Had she left at some point during his disappearance? He winced; he'd have to ask later.

It didn't seem like she was having too much problems, then; his heart sank. At least one of them was okay now, but... still, he felt alone, not that he'd mention it to her just yet as he flopped onto the couch, groaning as he put a hand to his forehead. The headaches were coming back again... ]

How's... everyone else faring... ?

[ Oh, Shing, if only you knew how badly she'd reacted to everything before ... Kohaku paused for several moments. He'd want the truth, right? ]

...

[ ... the truth was that she didn't know how to answer that. ]

As ... best as they can considering everything, I guess.

[ She knew Rin was still torn up about everything, even if he was doing a good job of moving on. But he has his family now. Yukio was here ... ]

... Rin's brother is here now. He's been a bit preoccupied with that lately.

[ She'd been kinda keeping to herself in the meantime. As for Beryl, and anyone else ... oh, man, this was going to suck. ]

Beryl was sent back home ...

[ ... ... oh. Well. That answered his question, at least. ]

... m'sorry. I didn't know she'd left...

[ A long pause goes here as he shuffles around uncomfortably on the couch, groaning a bit before he bites back a sigh. ]

Maybe I should meet this brother as soon as I can... pretty sure Rin'll try to kill me once he finds out I'm back...

It's all right. It's probably better that she's back home, you know?

[ Even as she says this, it's obvious she misses her friend terribly. ]

I don't think Rin will kill you ... he did say something about a punch to the face, though. I'd be prepared. All in all, I think he'll be glad that you're home.

[ home ... she had told him once before that her home was wherever he was. was it the same for him? was his home wherever she was? ]

Edited 2012-09-02 08:47 (UTC)

True... I wonder how long it'll be before we can truly go home again, though.

[ At this point Shing has to admit that the urge to find his way back to Celirand is strong. It's already seeming much safer than sticking around here, though he's not about to leave Kohaku behind, either. ]

Oh, boy... fun. As if I wasn't already attacked enough...

[ Shing groans, leaning back against the couch and wincing. The last thing he wants to deal with right now is a potential sneak attack again, okay? Okay... :|; ]

Edited (Whoops, wrong icon...) 2012-09-02 09:15 (UTC)

[ She wanted to tell him that he kind of deserved it ... but she stopped herself. She didn't want to say anything that could possibly make him change his mind about staying. Instead, she heaved a sigh, then put on a smile. ]

I'm ... going to go start dinner.

[ Rin left a recipe for a stew that might have been close to what Shing loved so much back in Celirand. She thought maybe she would try that today, since, well, he'd returned home at long last. It's a celebration, right? ]

A-all right...

[ Shing blinks; somehow he felt like she had something else to say there... was he imagining things? He sighed. Perhaps he'll ask later.

In any case, as he flops back onto the couch his hand brushes up against the notebook Kohaku'd dropped prior to his arrival. What was this...?

...

... well, she's not gonna notice if he peeks for a bit, right? Right? ]

[ And Kohaku won't even notice, since she's busy with everything in the kitchen. Obviously, this is a good idea.

The first entry of the notebook is dated to a couple weeks back. It explains everything that had happened before she started writing, from the time he left; how she had broken so badly that she needed help from their friends in order to bring her back to being at least somewhat normal ... how she had heard that writing letters to someone to help cope with how you feel might work ... and how she had decided it was worth a try. That first page is pretty tear stained, and the words are smudged in a more than a few places, but it's still fairly easy to read. She goes on to write to him that though it hurt to be away from him like she had been, she understood why he needed the distance, and promised that she would wait for him. She said that she loved him.

.... she said that she loved him many times.

The following entries had a lot of redundancy with how much she loved him, and how long she was willing to wait for him. There were entries that mentioned dreams and nightmares she had, fears she had, and pages of mentioning just little things that happened day by day ... but not one entry went by without her telling him how she was still waiting, and how much she would always love and need him.

Do with that information what you will, Shing. ]

[ Shing pauses, noticing the tear stains... he wants to stop, but he can't find it in himself to stop and put the notebook down. The more he reads, the more he's choked up, fighting back tears of his own as he slowly realizes just what a complete fool he'd been. Even during this whole ordeal, Kohaku never gave up hope that she'd see him again, that her love didn't waver...

... all she really wanted was to stay by his side, no matter what happened. Even though they'd died, Shing thought... even then, at least they were together in their final moments, weren't they...?

More pages. More of the same... her nightmares, her fears... her dreams, her hopes... Shing glances back towards Kohaku with a quiet pause of contemplation.

... he wouldn't make her wait anymore, would he? Nor would he leave again... he knew. Even during those weeks their hearts still called out to each other... when did he become so emotionally dependent on her?

Before he knew what he was doing, he was flipping to the page where her last entry was written. Reaching for a pen, he sighed quietly as he began to write... ]

[ Meanwhile, Kohaku herself was finishing up with starting the stew. She set a timer, then made her way back out to the living room. Upon seeing Shing on the couch, she couldn't help the relieved smile on her face. She had been without him for so long, she was afraid that he would leave again ...

Even if she knew him better than that. ]

Food's cooking ...

A-ah, I see...

[ And he's done writing by the time he hears her approach, so by this point he just. Quickly puts the book back where and how he found it. Yeah, flopping it back down on the floor sneakily. Good job, bro. ]

... So. Uh... how've things been with you since, well.

Since I disappeared?

[ He already knows the answer, but he wants to hear it from her. ]

[ She should have known that he would ask this ... she makes her way over to the couch and sits down beside him, her hands curling into fists in her lap. She stares downward.

Kohaku couldn't just tell him that she was okay while he was away, because that was a lie. She couldn't lie to him. Not after they had been through so much together ... ]

... It's been ...

[ her shoulders slumped a little bit. ]

... lonely. Depressing. For a while, I couldn't even sleep and eat properly without friends having to force me to do it.

[ She still can't sleep properly, but she's at least getting more of it now than she had been before. ]

... I'm sorry.

[ There's a deflated sigh from Shing as he stares at the floor; his mood pretty much drops entirely as he fidgets with his hands, trying to think of something. Anything to say. ]

I know I couldn't face you again... after knowing I failed at protecting you.

But... I guess that's not much of an excuse to justify my leaving you when you needed it most, huh...?

[ He laughs bitterly at that. Nothing joyous or happy here. ]

...

Do you... resent me for it?

[ A thinly-veiled question that hides another question: do you want him to leave? He... really doesn't want to, but if it'll make Kohaku happier... ]

[ Kohaku looked to him, then reached out to take one of his hands into her own, entwining their fingers. ]

At first, I was more shocked than anything ... But Shing ...

[ She looks up at him, her other hand moving to take his cheek and move his head to look at her. She looks him in the eye seriously. ]

... I have never, and will never resent you for this. You spend so much time looking after others that you never seem to really do anything for yourself, so ... I knew that you needed the time away.

[ She leans in to nuzzle him gently. ]

We both went through a really rough time ... but we can get through it together, right?

Kohaku...

[ That stuns him into silence for a few moments before he returns the nuzzling, relaxing a little and closing his eyes before leaning against her, squeezing her hand gently.

She's definitely going to feel those tears coming down his cheeks now... it's been too long since he's actually been able to truly properly cry about this. His voice is still, quiet... so many times he'd felt himself being pushed to the breaking point of all this. So many times... he felt like he'd be driven insane from guilt.

And yet... all of that seemed to disappear thanks to her being here now... he's still searching for that happy ending now. But... perhaps what he'd been looking for ... was here all along, and he didn't even realize...? ]

Yeah... together... I should've realized that from the beginning...

[ He pulls her into a hug, hiding his crying eyes from vies as he buries his head into her shoulder. ]

... even now, it still pains me, knowing that I should've been here when you needed it most, but...

... I'm not going anywhere. Not anymore... I'll be here, as long as you want me to be...

[ she knows he's crying, and she wants him to. if it'll make him feel better, she'd want him to cry as much as he wanted. even if it hurt to hear him cry like that ... it was part of the healing process, right?

she hugs him in return, the hand that had been formerly on his cheek now rubbing his back as she held him. she closes her eyes, tears rolling down her own cheeks ... ha. and here she'd thought she'd cried all of her tears out already. evidently not. ]

Sometimes ... sometimes it takes a while, Shing. To realize things that in hindsight, you should have realized a long time ago. Nobody can fault you for being human. Nobody can fault any of us for that.

I'm just so happy that you're home ...

[ she moves in to press a kiss against his cheek, then continue to rub his back comfortingly. ]

[ And cry he does. It takes a long while before his sobs finally slow down and finally stop. His eyes are definitely red and slightly puffy as he looks down, still guilty but not as much as before... ]

... m'glad to be home, Kohaku... I missed you.

[ He sighs, looking up at the ceiling and closing his eyes again. ]

... is it too much to ask to go back to before all this, do you think...? After all that... I just don't know anymore...

[ she looks away, taking his hands into her own and squeezing them gently. ]

... I don't think we'll ever really forget what happened, even if we 'go back' to how things were before this. I don't think we really can, not completely.

But ... I do know that how I feel for you has never changed. Ever. I still love you just as much as I ever have, Shing.

[ here, she'll even take one of your hands and place it over her heart. ]

My heart still beats for you ... and it always will. This hurt, a lot, but ... I know you, and I know you were hurting badly, too. I know how badly you feel, even now ...

[ she manages a small smile at him. ]

We're still connected by a soma link, you know. I can feel what you're feeling. I know what's going on in there.

[ she pokes his own heart, for emphasis. ]

I don't think going back to the way things were before and pretending any of this didn't happen is going to make the pain go away, Shing. But we're both very strong. We both have strong spiria, and we've both been through a lot. We can stand up to this, and keep moving forward.

[ she leans in a little, resting her forehead on his shoulder.]

... don't you think that, too?

Can you, Kohaku...?

[ Even now, there's still a lot of regret and pain in his heart about what happened that day. One doubts that he'd ever really forgive himself for it.

Sighing, he closes his eyes once more and open them again. As if trying to make sure this was real. ]

... it still hurtst hat I couldn't be there at your time of need. Then, now... it still hurts. And... I doubt I'll ever really forgive myself for it. In this life, in the next to come...

And even now, I'm not sure, too... is being optimistic even enough anymore? Am I fool for thinking that it'll be okay eventually? I really don't know.

[ He hugs her tighter, nuzzling her cheek as he sighed once more. ]

... I do know that I don't want to be separated from you anymore, though. I love you, and I always will, Kohaku... that hasn't changed.

So... stay with me? I think... I'm ready to try putting this behind us now...

[ she's happy to have the sudden affection from him. she moves her arms so that they're wrapped around him again, moving to rest her head against his as she holds him tightly. ]

Of course I'll stay with you! I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but by your side, Shing. So, if that's what you want, too, then we'll stay together, for as long as we both want it.

[ and there she goes again, rubbing his back comfortingly. ]

... forever, then... I don't want to leave your side again, Kohaku... I mean it.

[ Can he just. Stay like this for a while until he's sure he won't start breaking out into sobbing again? Please? ]

[ Yes, you can stay like that for as long as you like, Shing. She'll be here to quietly rub your back and comfort you. They both need it. ]

[ Eventually he does feel somewhat better after, pulling her into a soft hug and sighing as he rested his head on her shoulder. ]

You have no idea how much I missed you, Kohaku...

[ she continues to rub his back gently, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. ]

Of course I have an idea of that, Shing ... we're soma linked, after all. That and I missed you just as much ...

Kohaku...

[ He sighs quietly as he hugs her tightly, sighing against her shoulder and sniffling a bit. ]

... I'm not going anywhere anymore, now... I promise... I've missed you so much...

Okay. As long as you keep that promise. And I know you will ...

[ she continues to comfort him, though eventually she does have to get up. ]

I have to go check on the food ... I'll be right back though, okay?

{ He slowly nods, letting go and sighing quietly as he relaxes back into the couch somewhat. His eyes are still drifting every which way for a few moments before he closes them, though. ]

Go ahead... don't be too long, okay?

I won't be long, I promise.

[ and she gets up to go check the stew ... she's back within a few moments, and settles herself on the couch again. ]

Hey ... why don't we watch a movie and just spend some time together or something?

Sure... I'd like that.

[ He sighs, scooting closer to her and sighing as he leaned into her shoulder. ]

Anything's fine with me...

[ she wraps an arm around him and pulls him close, reaching for the remote with her other hand and flipping the television on, searching the channels to see if there was anything decent on that the two of them could watch. ]

[ If anything, he's not that interested in the television as is more in her, as he leans further into their embrace and gently kisses her on the cheek... ]

[ it was as she finally found a channel that she felt him lean in closer and kiss her cheek. she looks to him and into his eyes, a smile growing on her face ... ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

04 - August and everything after...

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject