vatheon | 03 - One of these nights...

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03 - One of these nights...

Who: Shing Meteoryte and YOU.
Where: Still the hospital. Yep.
When: Forward-dated to anytime between Wednesday night and Thursday afternoon.
Style: Action
Status: Open

[There was a quiet groan from Shing as he came to all at once; wincing, it takes him for a while to remember just what had happened. They were... ambushed, right? That... that thing, Vanitas? So many of those creatures... Rin...

And then the flash of pain as a sword was driven into him, lingering just long enough to see Kohaku die before he eventually succumbed.

Yeah, he died.

...

... he doesn't want to look or even talk to anyone right now. Shing groans again, placing a hand on his forehead as he stares up at the ceiling. Oddly enough, it wasn't actually dying that bothered him, but watching Kohaku and Rin suffer as he passed, not being able to do anything but watch... he felt like a failure. Well, he was one, for lack of a better term.

One hand moved to feel around for any scars, but he couldn't feel anything. He wasn't sure if that was a blessing or not yet. It didn't really change the fact that he'd died on everyone, failed protecting Kohaku... just failed everything in general.

Did they hate him for it? Of course, they probably did. He wouldn't have been surprised if that were the case... collapsing back onto the bed, he sighed. Why was he never strong enough when these kinds of things happened...?

Sitting up again and attempting to get out of bed, he winced as his body refused to listen, his head swimming from dizziness. The last thing he wanted was to face either of them right now... how was he going to apologize to them for letting them down so badly?]

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Yes, it is...

[His voice is still somewhat hoarse, though it's not as bad as when he first woke up... he can't look at her, though. It still reminds him of seeing and knowing her fear and her sadness as she passed away... there's a sad smile on his face as he looks down at the sheets again.]

I promised that I'd protect you... keep you safe. And... now look what happened...

...

[ she looks at her lap now. ]

I wanted to protect you, too ... and Rin. But ...

[ she looks up at him again. ]

Shing, I could never blame you for what happened. Even if we never came back from death, I would never blame you, not for a second! Because ... Because I know you did everything you could to protect us ... to protect me. And ...

[ She wanted to say that she did her best, too, but even with how much of her strength and skill she had put into that battle, there was still a little bit in the back of her mind that told her that she could have done better to protect them. She had vastly underestimated Vanitas. They all had. ]

... and what? It still doesn't change the fact that I wasn't strong enough to protect you when you needed it the most.

[Shing shook his head again, clutching a fist to his chest as he tried to think of something to say. Usually he was the one who had a word for everything, and yet now they eluded him.

The only thing that was in his head was what happened, as if he were stuck at that point in time. And he wasn't able to do anything about it.]

.... Yes, we died. Do you really think you're the only one at fault for that? We both fought that battle, Shing. We both fought, and we both wanted to protect the people we love. And we both failed at that.

We fought as hard as we could, though.

[ Kohaku's trying to remain calm, though she's trembling a little bit. She leans forward and grasps his face in her hands, turning it and making him look at her. ]

Nobody will blame you for any of this. I don't blame you. I doubt anyone else does. We should just be grateful that we're able to have another chance to live, and take advantage of this second chance to live our lives to the fullest, okay?

I know, but...

[Shing's finally forced to look -- and one of the first things that Kohaku will notice is just how badly he looks right now. There's the usual bloodshot eyes, but there's also the fact that the light in his eyes is either darkened or nonexistant now...

Even after all that's happened he still can't forgive himself for it, and it shows. He's not nearly as energetic or animated as he was prior to everything.

In any case, he trails off. Words fail him as he glances down again. It's pretty obvious he still blames himself about everything that's happened, despite Kohaku's insistence otherwise.]

[ What she sees really hurts her more than she's already hurting. For a long time, Shing had been the optimistic one, the one who always had a kind word or something encouraging to say when things were rough. Now ... it looked like that had been taken away from him.

Maybe ... it was her turn to be his guiding light, now. She leaned in and brushed his bangs from his forehead a little, placing a gentle kiss to it and then pulling back slowly. She feared anything more than that would make things worse. ]

I can't say "It's okay" now ... but I will be here for you until it is, and even longer than that. I love you, Shing ...

[ Even if something within you can't believe that right now ... ]

Kohaku...

[ He reacts somewhat to the kiss, but it seems to only make his guilt much worse as he bit his lip, shutting his eyes for a few moments before he hesitantly returns that kiss. ]

All I wanted to do was to keep you safe... I've wanted that since we first met.

[ The tears start to flow now as his fists tighten, still trying to avoid her gaze completely. ]

... seeing and knowing your fear... your pain... you sadness as we both died... it hurt much worse than the sword and death itself...

... In that sort of situation, it's only natural that I would ... that we would be afraid. It's not easy to face your own mortality.

[ And every time she closes her eyes, she can still remember everything ... she shakes her head, forcing the memories away. She can remember that and cry herself to sleep some other time. Not now. Not when Shing needs her. ]

But Shing ... you've never failed me. Ever. Even though we died, I still don't think you've failed me at all ...

[ No, Kohaku, don't start beating yourself up ... Shing's already doing enough beating himself up for the both of you ... ]

If anything, I've failed you ... even now, I can't seem to say or do anything that will help you.

[If only he could take those memories away, Kohaku... if only he could take away your pain. Shing hated himself to being so damn useless. He pauses, looking at Kohaku seriously as he shakes his head.]

Stop saying that... you haven't failed me... why would I ever think that? You've always been there for me...

[Silence.]

Still... I wish I could feel the same...

[The longer he stays with her, the more he feels he's breaking apart at the seams... he felt like his heart was going to burst from guilt.]

If only I were stronger... I couldn't protect you... shield you from your pain...

... why are you still with such a useless person like me...?

Useless? Shing, you are not useless!

[ Crap, she's going to start crying. She doesn't want to cry. Not when he's already hurting. ]

When my spirune shattered, you barely knew me, and you still insisted on helping Hisui retrieve the pieces of it! And even when you found out that wasn't your fault, you still said you wouldn't turn your back on me! And then there was Gardenia ... Shing, you stabbed your foot to make sure that we would be rooted to the ground, so that I wouldn't be blown away by Gardenia's winds! Every time there has been a challenge, you have done whatever it took to overcome it ... you're a kind, wonderful, person ...

[ yep, she's crying. she turns her face away, trying not to let him see her tears. ]

You're ... you're the most beautiful person I have ever known, Shing ... I'm in love with you, and there isn't anything in this world, in our world, in any world that can change how I feel about you ...

[ No, no, she had to be strong for him. She couldn't break, not now. Not when he was already so broken ... ]

But... Kohaku...

[The words die in his throat again as he looks down at his fists, his tears dropping softly onto them and the bedsheets. Why...? Why could he not bring himself to look at her? He knew he had to face this at some point, but it still hurt so much, looking at her and immediately flashing back to that night...

It's by this point that it becomes obvious just how broken he is.]

I couldn't overcome this one... to protect you... so why do you still think so well of me...?

Why don't you hate me...? You should hate me...! The others... they would... so why not you...?!

Nobody hates you, Shing!

[ She's raising her voice at this point as her desperation to make him think better about himself grows. Tears are rolling freely down her cheeks now, and she leans over and looks at him with a hurt, yet determined face. ]

Nobody hates you! You're just thinking this yourself because that's what you want everyone to do! You're letting your own guilt over this consume you already, and ... and ...!

[ she realizes that she nearly screamed that all out. she had let her own emotions get the best of her ... but she needs him to see that none of this was his fault.

it wouldn't be easy, she knew. she felt like crap, herself. ]

Shing, please ... please, I know it's hard, but ... don't blame yourself for any of this ...

[Shing winces at her screaming, already breaking apart now... unfortunately it's too late for that, Kohaku... he's already had over a day to stew in his own guilt, sadly. His eyes are also pretty hollow, lifeless... so it's already obvious that that's had its toll on him.

... still, it's hard for him to just push her away like this. He's hugging his knees, burying his face in the sheets.]

... you know Hisui'd never let me hear the end of it if he knew about this.

Hisui wouldn't have been able to do anything about it, either. He doesn't know what we've gone through. Anything he says is just him being an overprotective big brother who doesn't have all the facts.

[ She loves her brother, and misses him dearly, but if Hisui tried to chew Shing out for this, she'd give him a piece of her own mind. And a kick to the head. ]

...

I'm ... not getting through to you, am I ...?

[ She feels like there's nothing she could say that will make things better ... she already feels like she's lost him.

And that hurts, more than death ever did. ]

... I'm sorry, Kohaku...

[Shing feels like he lost more than just his life that day. Even now he feels like he's unable to do anything for her... again, stuck in that moment. Reliving that nightmare over and over.

And now he's not sure if he's ever gonna find that again. The belief that things could go back to the way they were.

Oh, they could. And they would. In due time this would be nothing more than a bad memory, wouldn't it? Still... it was just so difficult for him to see that right now, and it shows in how he's been unable to really look at her...]

[ She sits in silence for a little bit, staring down at her lap and allowing her own tears to fall down her cheeks and onto the fists that had been made in her lap from all of this. Kohaku shut her eyes tightly, trembling a little. ]

... Do you still love me?

[ Her voice was shaky, trembling as she dared to ask that question. It was something she was afraid to know the answer to, though she knew she needed to know it. If he didn't, then ... she didn't know what she would do.

If he did, though ... they still had a chance. They would be okay. ]

W-what-- I do! I really do, Kohaku...

[And this is... really the first time he's looked at her by himself this whole time, isn't it? Some of that light returns to his eyes, but as he starts to tear up again it just as quickly vanishes.]

I love you, Kohaku... it's just... I don't know if I can really forgive myself for not protecting you enough... I don't know if I ever will...

I just... feel like I don't deserve being here... deserve having you by my side again after I failed...

[His tears are falling freely, heavily as he buries his face further into his knees. He's... to say that he was broken would be putting it kindly.]

... As long as we love each other, we can overcome anything. That ... that's what I believe.

[ Now she won't look at him ... it hurts so bad to see him in such a state. ]

I will always love you, Shing. No matter what ...

[ She falls quiet again, but it doesn't take long for her to speak up once more. She can't stand hearing him cry like that, knowing he was so broken ... but if she tried to hug him, how would he react? He couldn't even look at her without recoiling ... it made her feel awful. ]

Should I leave now ...? I'm only hurting you more ...

[There's some silence here as Shing wonders about that himself. He doesn't want her to leave, but... would he even be able to do anything about their current predicament right now, in the shape he was in...?

...

He sighs quietly, still quiet, sullen, brooding. It was a hard decision for him to make, but eventually he responds with a quiet whimper. It wouldn't been hard for her to catch it otherwise.]

... m'sorry... just... go, please...

[ Right now, the last thing he needs is to see her cry more. So, with that admission, she nods ... though she's sure he can't see it.

She stands up, slowly, then makes her way out of the room. If she had anything more to say, she kept herself from saying it; if she had said anything more, she would have broken down even more, right there.

And ... he didn't need that. He didn't need to see her like that.

Once she's out of sight and hopefully out of earshot, though, she leans against the wall of the hallway and buries her face in her hands, sniffling and sobbing into them, and trying not to be too loud about it. ]

[Unfortunately, empty hallways are still good at carrying sounds... and it hurts Shing much worse, hearing her cries and despair.

He was in no shape to try and talk to her, though. He knew that. He'd tried to hold them back, but now as she's gone Shing finally breaks down in full, sobbing quietly into his knees as all of his strength goes out of him.]

I'm sorry, Kohaku... I failed you. I only hope you can forgive me in time...

[Because he certainly isn't gonna be forgiving himself ever.]

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03 - One of these nights...

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