vatheon | 7th Combo

Entry tags:

7th Combo

Who: Lloyd and anyone who might be interested
Where: Island
When: Backdated to the curse week
Style: [Action]
Status: Open

[Crack!]

Dammit, not again!

[Lloyd glares at the two broken sticks in his hand, frustration mounting. Ever since this curse started, he's been breaking everything. He'd always thought being super strong would be really cool.

It's not. Not when you can't control it. Bowls, cups, the door to his apartment, the coffee table he'd accidentally banged his shin against, it seems like everything he touches is shattering to pieces. Thankfully, he hasn't hurt anyone yet, but how long will that last if he can't control his strength? He doesn't want to avoid everyone for an entire week, or however long this curses lasts!

Assuming it isn't permanent. Despite having been here long enough to know that curses don't stay for very long, he can't quite dismiss the possibility.

So here he is, on the island, practicing picking up and touching things that no one will care if he breaks - mostly rocks and sticks. And logs. Whole fallen trees.

Okay, that's pretty cool.

But once again, when he'd picked up two sticks to swing like swords, the moment he'd tried to grip them properly, they'd snapped just like twigs. He doesn't even dare to use his own swords for this, and he'd left them back in his apartment. What if he breaks them, too? Dropping the sticks, he growls - yes, growls, no one's here, he doesn't care if he's losing his temper now - and to anyone sensitive to ki or mana, his uncontrolled emotions send his power level rising. A scouter would read his power at nine thousand and one.

~~Yes, it's over nine thousaaaaand!~~

But Lloyd doesn't know that. Still frustrated, he turns and kicks a convenient rock. It goes flying, disappearing from sight in a blink. He moodily watches where it went for a moment, then plunks himself on the ground.

Sitting on his tail. Oh yes, let's not forget the other thing that he'd gained besides super strength. Pain lances through his body, toppling him to his side - and mercifully off of the fuzzy brown appendage. Tears prickle in his eyes anyway.]

Ow ow ow ow ow! Augh, I hate this curse!

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Yes, I suppose you could be considered as such. I would be happy to teach you about an angel's abilities if you desired. That way, you would be able to tell if they begin to manifest in you.

[Truthfully, he'd be happy to return to training Lloyd again, just as he had before being forced to separate from the group at the Tower of Salvation. He wants to protect Lloyd, and teaching him to protect himself is perhaps the best way of doing that.]

[The offer tugs at Lloyd. He'd be lying if he didn't admit that part of him he misses training with Kratos. Not that that hasn't kept him from ignoring or denying it ever since the Tower of Salvation, but that doesn't change the fact that it's there. But that betrayal still hurts, topped with Kratos's earlier rejection. Does he really want to set himself up for that again?

But why would Kratos be offering to teach him if he didn't want Lloyd as a son? If he really had nothing to gain, what did he want?

He wants to be suspicious. He wants to push Kratos away. But despite everything there's still a small idealistic voice that wonders...

What if...?

He shifts uncomfortably again. He doesn't know what to do. So, he stalls.]

I already know what an angel's abilities are like. I know you and Colette, don't I? I know you can fly, and you have good hearing and sight, and you can't taste or feel anything. You're stronger and you can use magic, and you don't sleep.

[He still doesn't think the trade is worth it.]

With a key crest, the matter of taste and feeling is not quite so severe. It sounds as if you have the general idea, though.

[He sounds... disappointed, perhaps. It's difficult to say. Kratos turns to go up the stairs again. It's better this way, surely it is. Lloyd had grown into an amazing boy - man, really, at this stage - without his guidance. It's likely that it's because Kratos wasn't there that Lloyd became the person he is today. Prolonged contact might dim the light that he has, and that's the last thing Kratos wants. He knows he's not the best of influences, and he's a terrible example to follow after.

Even so, like with Mithos and later Anna, Kratos finds himself wanting to be near that light.]

Yeah...

[Really, Kratos should have known that Lloyd knew all that already. He'd been at Colette's side from the beginning.

An awkward silence settles in as Lloyd follows him up the stairs. Trying to stall hadn't helped at all, and now it sounds like Kratos is retracting the offer. After all, why bother if Lloyd doesn't need it? He shouldn't feel so disappointed.

But he does.

He doesn't speak again until they reach the fifth floor.]

What... What was my mom like?

[Kratos's hand raises to the locket he always wears underneath his shirt.]

She was an incredibly strong woman. She never wavered in her beliefs, and she never once gave in to despair. She was kind, and always tried to empathize with others...

[He lets out a small laugh thinking of it.]

Perhaps a bit stubborn. She did not give up on people even when they had given up on themselves. You are very much like her in that way.

[He aches to hear more. The only things he's ever known about his mother are what Dirk was able to tell him of her final moments at the cliff. Just a few words, and the love she clearly spoke with - and, later, the fact that she was killed by Desians.

Killed by his father because of what Kvar did to her.

Killed by Kratos. Who'd all but said he didn't regret Anna's death.

But that doesn't make sense either, with the way he's talking about her now. It makes his head hurt trying to figure the man out. He presses a the heel of his hand to his head as he fishes the key to his room out.]

Dammit, I don't understand you.

What do you not understand?

[He can't even guess at the things running through Lloyd's mind. The idea that Lloyd thought he didn't regret Anna's death, or that he didn't want Lloyd as a son - neither would ever occur to him for even a moment, since neither could be further from the truth. Kratos knows the reasons behind his actions, and so he has trouble understanding the way Lloyd takes them.

He simply thinks that Lloyd dislikes him, and rightfully so.]

[His fingers tighten angrily around the doorknob, and the metal crumples a little bit as he opens the door to his room. Damn it, he's going to have to replace that.]

How can you not feel things? And don't give me that crap about being an angel, because I know that that's a lie! Colette's an angel and she can still feel bad if something she did hurt someone.

[He steps over the threshold, pursing his lips. Is there even a good way to explain this?]

Do you recall being a child, Lloyd? To children, falling down and scraping their knees or losing a favorite toy is unbearably painful. As we become older, we learn to manage that pain and internalize it. I don't "not feel" things.

[Kratos sighs quietly.]

I am simply very old.

[How tired he sounds when he says that is a little alarming. But he is tired. He's lived far longer than any human should.]

[Lloyd erupts, only barely keeping from trying to slam his fist into Kratos again. Mana (or ki) flares out visibly, a burning red that mirrors his temper.]

So killing mom was like losing a toy?!

Edited 2012-06-19 03:30 (UTC)

[Kratos snaps just a little and lashes out in an emotional tone that Lloyd would have heard him use only once before - when he faced Kvar.]

I would never think of her that way!

[It's only after the words are out of his mouth that he realizes just how loudly he yelled, but he doesn't care. Kratos grits his teeth. Usually he doesn't bother to justify himself to Lloyd, thinking that he deserves to have the boy angry with him. But this... no. He takes a couple deep breaths before continuing.]

What I meant was that after continued loss, people adjust to it and can withold their reactions if they so choose.

Edited 2012-06-19 03:41 (UTC)

[Kratos never yells. It's only happened once before that Lloyd can ever remember - and that had happened when Kvar had insulted his mom. That memory surfaces now in the back of Lloyd's startled mind.

Feel the pain of those inferior beings as you burn in hell!

He'd... forgotten all about that.

Of course, that doesn't keep him from glaring back at Kratos. But his anger has faltered. Faltered in the face of evidence that Kratos does feel things. Triggered by the subject of Lloyd's mom.

It's hard to give ground, though. Hard to back down to this man. Hunching his shoulders, Lloyd drops his eyes.]

Then why...? Why did you want her dead?

[The moment of his anger has passed, and Kratos can answer calmly again. The memory of Anna's death is still all too vivid.]

I did not want her to die. She was a host body for the Angelus Project. Like anyone else at a human ranch, she lacked a key crest. I helped her to escape that place and severed ties with Cruxis for a time. I had heard of a dwarf in Iselia that was willing to interact with humans, so we set out to travel there...

[They had been close. So close... his throat constricts slightly as he continues.]

But we were pursued. There had been a lot of time and resources poured into the Angelus Project, and they didn't want to let it go. As they tried to remove the exsphere from her body, Anna began transforming into a monster. She nearly killed you. I had no choice. Unfortunately, both of you fell off the side of a cliff while I was fighting the remaining retrieval forces.

[He never found their bodies, only smears of blood at the bottom of the cliff. How could he have known that Dirk was so close, that he'd carried Anna and Lloyd away in the interim? He thought they'd been dragged off by wild animals. He couldn't bear to see their bodies mangled, he didn't want to feel anything at all.

And so he returned to Cruxis.]

[Despite having heard part of this story from Zelos already, Lloyd stiffens at hearing it again. He doesn't want to hear it. He wants to tell Kratos to shut up! He doesn't want to think of his mom trying to attack him, no matter what she was. His hands clench into fists and he screws his eyes shut, but the words still pound into his ears.]

That's enough!

[He breathes, and it's so hard to keep his body from trembling. He wants to say it's anger, but it isn't. It's something more than that.]

Don't talk about us like... like you cared! You didn't come looking for us!

[And there it is, the thing that's eaten at him for years. It hadn't been so bad as a kid. Maybe his dad just hadn't been there. Maybe he didn't know where to look. Maybe he was already dead. There were plenty of excuses to help push away the doubt and pretend it didn't exist. Now, though, those excuses are gone.

Kratos had been right there.]

I didn't -

[Kratos grits his teeth. Lloyd was right, he didn't look as hard as he should have. But how could he? He'd already had the image of Anna as a monster burned into his memory, he didn't want the last image of his son to be that of his broken body.]

The fight took some time. When I reached the bottom of the cliff, you were both gone. All that was there was blood... I thought that animals had taken your bodies.

[There was no way they could have survived the fall, after all. He can work out what must have happened now - surely Anna shielded Lloyd as they fell, and Dirk must have found them shortly after. It's even possible it was the noise of the fight that brought him there in the first place.]

[He's been sitting on these emotions for way too long, and now they come spilling out. Everything he felt was rejection, abandonment. He couldn't hold the words back now even if he wanted.]

But you didn't check. You didn't make sure, you just gave up! If there was even a chance that one of us was still alive, you should have looked for us! If animals had taken us, we would have needed you even more!

You are right. I should have. I was a coward.

[His voice is so soft it's a wonder that Lloyd is able to hear it - Saiyans do have slightly improved hearing over humans, though. He stands at the entrance of the room, unmoving. How many times has he told himself this since discovering that Lloyd was alive? He can't even count them anymore.]

[He hears, but he doesn't understand how there's cowardice involved. He has to swallow back a lump in his throat.]

Did you just... not want us anymore?

[Why else would Kratos just give up?]

[Not want...? His head snaps up at that before he settles into a quiet expression of pain again.]

Quite the opposite. But I was afraid - afraid of seeing your bodies, twisted and mangled... I didn't want -

[He pauses, forcing himself to keep his composure.]

I didn't want to remember you that way.

[Quite the opposite. Some part of Lloyd that feels like it's six wants to latch onto those words. The rest of him, though, struggles with the rest of what Kratos just said. It is a struggle to accept that Kratos can be human, too, that he isn't perfect, he doesn't know everything, that he can make mistakes. Stoic angels are above things like that.

And so is a three-year-old's daddy.

More as something to do than anything else while he fumbles for what to say, Lloyd turns away and starts to search through drawers for the gels he'd promised Kratos. He's slowly collected a few from the Nook after doing odd jobs to collect tokens. He just hasn't needed them so far, and they're easy to misplace in his apartment's clutter.

When he speaks, his voice is low.]

But I wasn't dead. If you'd looked...

[It's so tempting to stick to that point and repeat it, to throw all his hurt feelings in Kratos's face. But there's pain in the older man's eyes, pain and guilt too real to be faked. Lloyd lets the accusation trail off. He can't. It's not worth it anymore.]

...so what happens now?

[He hears the half of an accusation. Oh, how many times he'd punished himself with that very statement. But without Anna, he'd felt dead himself, unable to keep moving. It was no excuse. He should have looked harder. He should have.

What do they do now? He'd like to say that he'll be there starting this moment, but he doesn't even know if Lloyd would want that. Perhaps he should just be clear.]

That is up to you. I will not force anything on you; I was gone for far too long. You deserve better than that.

[Up to him? He isn't ready to decide what he wants. Everything is still too raw. What does he want from Kratos anyway that Kratos would be willing to give? Kratos still works for Yggdrasill...

Mithos...

He... They... Even with that odd comment Kratos made when he first arrived, about how he'd thought that Lloyd would win, he was still on Mithos's side. And Mithos has to be stopped. They're... both his enemies.

Lloyd's fingers brush across a familiar gummy substance, and he blinks down at the drawer. Taking the lemon gel out, he hands it to Kratos.]

I don't care what I deserve, Kratos. I can't just deserve or not deserve to... to have a father. If you're my father, then you are. But I... I don't know what I want.

[Kratos eats the gel as he listens, freezing. The words spark his memory of the other Lloyd, the one in the strange dream world. It had faded somewhat, become almost unreal to him. He draws in a breath as he remembers the rest of the conversation.

"I always wanted to know about my father."

"I waited for him to come find me."

"That didn't hurt as much as thinking as maybe he didn't want to find me."

Finally, Lloyd's reactions were making sense. The thought that Kratos didn't want him wasn't something that had just occurred to him today in the heat of an argument, it was something that had probably been eating at him since the moment he found out that Kratos was his father. He won't force Lloyd to accept him. He won't even speak with Lloyd if that's what he wants. But maybe... maybe it would help him to know...]

Lloyd...

[He shakes his head.]

I will not ask you to make a decision so quickly. Regardless of your choice, I will always think of you as my son.

Edited 2012-06-20 20:26 (UTC)

[He didn't know what he'd wanted to hear, but hearing those words makes something seize inside of Lloyd's chest. He doesn't know how to handle it.

His son.

Before, Kratos had just shown him that picture and said that the woman in it was his mother. He hadn't actually called himself Lloyd's father out loud, letting Lloyd make that connection himself. He hadn't objected to Lloyd denying him, either. It was like he didn't care enough about his own claim to put it into words or defend it.

But now it's there, stated plain and clear. His son. His son no matter what Lloyd says.

Lloyd's eyes sting and he turns away. What does he say?]

I need to... I need to think about it.

[It doesn't occur to him how Kratos might take his reaction or his words.]

Edited 2012-06-21 18:00 (UTC)

[He'd be lying to himself if he tried to deny that Lloyd's reaction stings, but it could have been far worse. Kratos simply nods, rolling his sleeves back down now that the swelling has subsided.]

Very well. Take care, Lloyd.

[He only glances back once before leaving the apartment and shutting the door behind him quietly.]

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