vatheon | (no subject)

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Who: Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo
Location: Throughout Vatheon
Time: Sometime just after the curse comes into effect
Style: Prose
Status: Closed though feel free to have your characters hear their fight going on while it's violent.

It had been a perfectly typical day. Izaya had taken his usual bath, eaten his healthy breakfast, he harassed Laharl a little and then went out and about Vatheon to poke at the residents and snoop around. It wasn't until much later in the day that his day became more usual than one person might suspect.

This normalcy came in the shape of a flying lamp post and a raging blond.

Izaya had spotted Shizuo and he didn't want Shizuo to think things were different. He realized that their last meeting had been unusual and he wanted to clear the air up by reminding Shizuo of how much he truly hated him. So, their fight began as usual. It was really a good one. Izaya didn't lead Shizuo into any traps so they managed to trample throughout all of Vatheon, knocking down lamps, tearing up trees, park benches, street signs, and just about anything else that was unfortunate enough to get in the way.

Oddly enough- it was not just Shizuo who destroyed public property. Occasionally Izaya would leap up high and cut down a metal post with his knives to try and hit Shizuo. At times he even managed to and would run along the post and skip off before Shizuo could catch him. Always skipping and running off. He was exerting his body at full force, occasionally whipping around to try and cut Shizuo with his knives and continuously supplying jeers that only proved to feed into Shizuo's immense anger.

In other words- it was a typical night for Izaya and Shizuo. Hell, it was refreshing and exhilarating even. Izaya would never use the word fun to describe it but it was in a way- just that.

Until of course....Izaya turned around mid-run, so to insult Shizuo further, and instead blurted out (see: yelled) something entirely unexpected: "This kinda turns me on!!"

And just like that, his feet caught under him and he went tumbling across the pavement and skidded a few feet away. He had been sprinting full speed so naturally the landing was horrifically painful. Izaya hissed through his teeth, already knowing that he had probably lost half the skin on his leg, ass, and his elbow.

But more importantly- where did that come from? He didn't know whether to feel humiliated or completely stunned.

He was the latter. And as he writhed on the pavement, bleeding on the inside of his clothes, he also came to the quicker conclusion that he was fucked. For a variety of reasons.

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Izaya had to ground himself. Except he had never been very talented at remaining calm and poised as he could be around Shizuo. He blamed it entirely on Shizuo. If he weren't so unpredictable and so screamingly loud about it, Izaya would never have this problem. Ever since that one, fateful day that he had seen Shizuo as he walked onto school grounds, a head above all of his other classmates, Izaya knew that this was a kid who was going to be a sonic boom in his life. He hated it and loathed it and now was no different.

He was better than Shizuo. He was more stabilized and civilized.

"No, I'm not," he argued, "I'm asking you to murder me because for some reason you can't. And I hate that. I want you to want to kill me. I don't want you to just say that you want to kill me but when push comes to shove you can't..." Because that would mean Shizuo doesn't hate him as much as Izaya had convinced himself he had for all of these years.

That hate- that hate was all Izaya had from Shizuo. It was the only thing he consistently knew to be true from the blond. His eyes harden and he stares steadily at Shizuo, a slow smile morphing onto his face. It's not crazed, it's subdued and understanding.

"You're so smart, Shizu-chan. You think you know so much, don't you? Well you don't. You'd kill me and no one in this city would care. You know that as much as I do. Maybe some would think it's unfortunate but most people would agree that I had it coming to me, don't you think? You can't be called a monster for...killing a monster." It was the first time he had ever openly referred to himself as a monster. It was an unusual sensation but at the same time, he knew it was the truth. Only a monster like himself could fight against a monster like Shizuo and live to tell the tale.

His eyes widened and became brightened, almost red, and his smile cracked open wider into something unstable when Shizuo released him.

"It's not over, no," he refused instantly, stumbling but catching himself. "You can't just tell me that it's over. That's not your choice to make, Shizu-chan. This isn't over. You like to think it is. That you can just walk away and never see me again? Yeah, that's hilarious, and you know it's false hope. You can walk away. And maybe we won't talk for a week...Maybe we won't talk for two or three or five...But one day, you'll come across me or I'll come across you and you know just what will happen because it's bound to happen. You want to ignore me, Shizu-chan. Truth is, you can't. Don't you get it?" he asked, and took a step towards Shizuo.

"Or are you really still such an idiot?" he asked, reaching a hand up to hook his finger up through that stupid bow tie around Shizuo's neck, glaring up at him all the while.

"We need each other," he said, partially shouted- the confession slipping up more appropriately and a part of him wondered if that hadn't just been a subconscious excuse to say something like that. He let go of that bow tie and straightened up, seemingly himself as he put his hands into his pockets.

"I've seen how you get when I'm not around for months. You get irritated and pent up and pissy. More than usual anyway. It's kinda funny actually!"

He couldn't.

It didn't matter how much he thought about, how close he had come, how that mantra of kill, kill, kill would reign in his mind, consuming everything as Shizuo chased Izaya down time and time again. It didn't matter that Shizuo couldn't contain his rage, that he was a monster. It didn't matter that long ago, he had accepted that he would never be able to hold any of it back, despite the toll it took on his body, despite the destruction it caused. All of that was null and void, because he couldn't. He couldn't kill Izaya.

He didn't want to kill Izaya, but at the same time, he did - two conflicting desires cancelling each other out and leaving nothing in their wake. He didn't want to become a murderer, more of a monster, but at the same time, he wanted to hate Izaya as much as Izaya wanted him to. It was necessary, important - everything they did, every interaction, was based entirely on hate - from that first moment that Shizuo saw Izaya. Mindless and perfect hate -

But it wasn't. It was imperfect, limited, and it refused to expand beyond poorly contrived plans and empty wishes into reality. Shizuo wouldn't stain his hands with Izaya's blood...anymore than Izaya would stain his own.

"You can't kill me either, can you? You said it when you broke into my place. You can't kill me." They couldn't kill each other. They were stuck in between humanity and monstrosity, but belonged to neither side - too terrible to be considered humans, but unable to fully cross over the threshold into being complete monsters. They were both failures.

"What does that say about you?" he pressed, trying to follow Izaya's logic. Shizuo had never been nearly as well-spoken as Izaya, his advantage being more in his strength than words, but he wasn't going to let this go.

But when Izaya referred to himself as a monster, so openly, the comparison was unsettling enough to shut Shizuo up. Because they were so similar, weren't they? So disgustingly well-matched, balanced, a pair of ugly excuses for humans who did terrible things. They thrived on hating each other because somehow - somehow they needed that balance.

And that stupid confession - that ridiculous confession that Shizuo wanted to deny or punch Izaya for uttering - it was true. Horribly and depressingly true. They needed each other.

Shizuo wanted to hate. He tried so hard to rekindle that mantra, that desire to rampage, but he couldn't lift himself beyond defeat. Somehow, he had lost - again. Somehow catching Izaya had resulted in a disadvantage. Izaya was always so damn right about everything.

Shizuo wouldn't be able to go without him, not forever. Once again, Izaya had called his bluff. But it wasn't just about him and his inability.

"What about you? What about you and sneaking into my apartment and always coming around to bother me? It goes both ways, Izaya," and he spat that name out with utter disgust - he had to. Izaya had let go of his bow tie but Shizuo advanced on him, feeling angrier - more like himself. "You can't either, can you?"

He grabbed Izaya by the shirt and pulled him forward, glaring but wearing that familiar, enraged smile. "Tell me. Tell me you can ignore me, that you hate me more than I hate you. Where's your knife? Why aren't you slitting my throat, Izaya? Why can't you?"

The one thing he truly hated about Shizuo, absolutely loathed about him, was that uncanny way Shizuo was able to see right through him. It wasn't too uncommon for people to see holes in the system that was Orihara Izaya, but only Shizuo had ever been the one person to see through him each and every time. He could slam together Izaya like a puzzle without even trying. It astounded Izaya that such an idiotic person could be so incredibly smart.

Shizuo truly was created to be his perfect enemy.

Izaya looked away, his face twisted into an expression of blatant distaste. No, he couldn't kill Shizuo and he had hoped that Shizuo had forgotten about that night. That one pathetic night where Izaya thought that he could be the more atrocious of the two and murder Shizuo. He had never killed anyone before and as much as Izaya has done horrible things in the past- taking a knife to someone or actually murdering someone...Taking the life of one of his beloved humans...No.

The funny thing was that he could do that just fine.

It was killing this one significant creature that proved to be a situation that Izaya couldn't entirely understand. Why was it that Shizuo was so much harder to kill? Izaya understood why. Deep down, anyway.

He didn't answer Shizuo. He, for once, had nothing to say. He couldn't think of anything to say. He glared at the ground between them and wished that he could drive a knife between Shizuo's eyes but the ex-bartender was right- he truly couldn't.

"Shizu-chan..." he started, his voice threatening and dark as Shizuo continued to talk. They were entering dangerous grounds now. They were talking about the unmentionables.

"Ah- ah! But I've never denied that I can't ignore you. Granted my life would be so much easier if I could but I really can't. Trust me, Shizu-chan, I've tried really hard to ignore you. I've tried to erase your stupid face out from my mind," he spat in Shizuo's face, sounding crazed or mad or a little both. He didn't even flinch as he was grabbed. No, no, he didn't even care.

"I do hate you more! I do, I do, I do," he said, excitedly now as he grabbed a hold of Shizuo's wrist with both of his hands and he pulled himself close to Shizuo. "Trust me, I loathe your existence from head to toe. I hate you so much that it practically makes me delirious when I think about it."

Izaya's body trembled and he hung his head, shoulders shaking. For a moment, it appeared as though Izaya had finally broken down. But then his head snapped up and he was laughing God, how he laughed, loudly and jubilant and positively out of his own mind.

"I can't kill you- because-," Izaya started, choking through his own laughter, "B-e-cause I I haaa-...can't...handle that. You're the only person...that I have...that can handle me. You're the only person who- is annoyingly there and you're the only person who can see through me. A-ahahe you're my king, Shizu-chaaaan. My white king and I'm not much of a black king if there's no white king, ne? I want to kill you- heh- but it's not the end of the world yet so let's post pone our murder of each other because I'm not ready to die yet and I'm not ready to cut your head off," he said, growing still as the last of his laughter left him. He chuckled lowly and shook his head.

"I can't believe this, I can't. But - I'm all you have too. I'm not afraid of you. You can't hurt me," he said and shot his head up to glare at Shizuo, "I'm the only God damn person in existence that can handle your idiotic rage."

Shizuo didn't know what he expected to hear. His words and accusations had been chosen in the moment, a direct response to what he had heard from Izaya. Forethought had never been his strength, governed as he was by that rash, irrational rage, and this was hardly a situation in which he was thinking clearly.

He and Izaya were close - too close. The physical proximity seemed suffocating as Izaya grabbed him - laughed in his face in that maniacal way. Shizuo clenched his fists even tighter around the fabric of Izaya's shirt, not out of anger but as a tense reaction to Izaya's rambles - about kings and needs and symbolism that Shizuo understood more than he wanted to admit.

It was all true. Shizuo knew it - had always known, in a way, but now there was no more room for denying. They'd never kill each other because they existed to balance each other out - to be there to even everything out when no one else could.

But it didn't matter.

Those last words - those last terrible words about Shizuo only having Izaya - reinvigorated disgust, anger, even a little fear at the thought of finality of it all. All Shizuo could think about, triggered as he was by those words, was shutting Izaya up. It clouded everything else in his mind.

Denial. More than anything, he wanted the ability to discount everything that had been said, and for a brilliant moment controlled only by impulse alone, it seemed to Shizuo that he could accomplish that feat by making Izaya shut up. It didn't matter that the barrier had already been broken - that he had no choice to accept it, now that it was out in the open.

"Shut up!" he yelled. "Shut up, shut up, shut up! Get off of me -" and he shoved Izaya away yet again, disgusted, so utterly disgusted. He sounded like a broken record, like something damaged and doomed to repeat the same cycle over and over again. It was almost befitting, the great motif of going in circles, of the same cat-and-mouse routine.

But they had shattered it. Shizuo couldn't call upon death threats anymore than he could actually kill Izaya, now that everything had been laid out in the open, exposed. Shizuo had nothing.

Except for Izaya. And that - that was a horrible revelation.

"Don't - don't you come near me again." He was already backing up, wanting to be the one to get away, this time around - to be the one to run instead of the one to pursue.

Izaya grunted as he was roughly shoved away from Shizuo and he stumbled over his own feet yet again. Before he could fall though he slid his foot out and caught his balance. He didn't want to be knocked down and made to look like some pathetic basket case. He wasn't. He hated what Shizuo had the potential to reduce him to. It disgusted him and made his skin burn with the agony of being in this frustrating trap of their bizarre relationship.

"You were the one who grabbed me first," he muttered hotly, glaring at Shizuo from under his bangs. He flicked his head up, eyes widened for a moment when he was told not to near Shizuo again, and then he smiled. That easy, almost gentle smile with his eyes perfectly empty. He straightened up and slid his hands into his pockets, retaining a calm poise.

"Shizu-chan," he said quietly, smoothly, coaxingly-, "I'll do what I want. And to be honest, you know this isn't the last of us. Not even remotely. You'll run away and I'll run away and we'll heat up over this for a few days, maybe even a few weeks, but we'll stumble into each other again and the whole cycle will go on. Now, this isn't Tokyo or Japan. You can't stay away from me forever. It's not a big city and you're an easy target."

He shrugged and spun around on heel in a full circle before he hopped towards Shizuo a few steps. He felt assured of himself again. He didn't feel so much on the brink of insanity anymore now that there had been some distance between them. He felt more in control. That was something he wanted.

"In high school I always---grhh-" He shoved his fingers into his mouth at once- muffling this confession instantly. He pushed his fingers into the back of his throat and clamped down on them. He did not need to say that. There was already a crack in their system. He didn't need to make it worse. He backed away from Shizuo, his eyes slitted and he pulled his fingers slowly out of his own mouth. Before he could say anymore, he turned around and sprinted away, leaving Shizuo alone.

Edited 2012-01-11 20:24 (UTC)

Of course it wasn't the end. Izaya would piss him off as usual, and the whole cycle would start all over again. But that didn't change the fact that Shizuo had been slapped by Izaya's mortality, that they had both acknowledged out loud the inability to kill each other - the subdued need that laced throughout their interactions. They couldn't stay away - not forever - and Shizuo had no choice but to face that, now. He had no choice but to hear Izaya's words for what they were, rather than a game he was trying to play.

It also didn't change the fact that Shizuo wanted nothing more than to get away, as though putting distance between them could somehow dull everything that had been pulled out into the open. It was an irrational need, and Shizuo might have punched Izaya for approaching yet again, had the informant not been arrested by yet another need to confess.

And that confession - whatever it was that was bad enough, after everything that had been exposed already, for Izaya to essentially choke himself - Shizuo wanted nothing to do with it. He didn't want to hear it or know anything about it. All he felt was relief as Izaya backed and then sprinted away.

He couldn't avoid Izaya forever, but he could damn well try.

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