vatheon | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo
Location: Throughout Vatheon
Time: Sometime just after the curse comes into effect
Style: Prose
Status: Closed though feel free to have your characters hear their fight going on while it's violent.

It had been a perfectly typical day. Izaya had taken his usual bath, eaten his healthy breakfast, he harassed Laharl a little and then went out and about Vatheon to poke at the residents and snoop around. It wasn't until much later in the day that his day became more usual than one person might suspect.

This normalcy came in the shape of a flying lamp post and a raging blond.

Izaya had spotted Shizuo and he didn't want Shizuo to think things were different. He realized that their last meeting had been unusual and he wanted to clear the air up by reminding Shizuo of how much he truly hated him. So, their fight began as usual. It was really a good one. Izaya didn't lead Shizuo into any traps so they managed to trample throughout all of Vatheon, knocking down lamps, tearing up trees, park benches, street signs, and just about anything else that was unfortunate enough to get in the way.

Oddly enough- it was not just Shizuo who destroyed public property. Occasionally Izaya would leap up high and cut down a metal post with his knives to try and hit Shizuo. At times he even managed to and would run along the post and skip off before Shizuo could catch him. Always skipping and running off. He was exerting his body at full force, occasionally whipping around to try and cut Shizuo with his knives and continuously supplying jeers that only proved to feed into Shizuo's immense anger.

In other words- it was a typical night for Izaya and Shizuo. Hell, it was refreshing and exhilarating even. Izaya would never use the word fun to describe it but it was in a way- just that.

Until of course....Izaya turned around mid-run, so to insult Shizuo further, and instead blurted out (see: yelled) something entirely unexpected: "This kinda turns me on!!"

And just like that, his feet caught under him and he went tumbling across the pavement and skidded a few feet away. He had been sprinting full speed so naturally the landing was horrifically painful. Izaya hissed through his teeth, already knowing that he had probably lost half the skin on his leg, ass, and his elbow.

But more importantly- where did that come from? He didn't know whether to feel humiliated or completely stunned.

He was the latter. And as he writhed on the pavement, bleeding on the inside of his clothes, he also came to the quicker conclusion that he was fucked. For a variety of reasons.

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Shizuo was having a decent day. If anything, it was once of his better days since arriving in Vatheon. He hadn't seen Izaya in a few days - which was a welcome break, considering the fact that Shizuo had woken up to find Izaya rambling strange things in his room the last time he had seen the informant - and he also felt better about the situation with Zelda after receiving her delivery.

All in all, things were going well. At the same time, however, Shizuo had a lot of pent up energy. Living relatively peacefully had its drawbacks, and this time, it was in the form of excess energy. It was almost as though Shizuo needed someone to piss him off so that he could have that release - but he didn't want to think of it that way, didn't want to admit that in a way, his raging rampages were almost necessary.

So he went for a walk to try and vent some of that excess frustration, and it turns out he was in luck. Izaya found him, and immediately instigated a fight. Unlike the one that took place on New Years Eve, this chase spanned the length of Vatheon, leaving destruction in its wake. Shizuo's rage, as usual, verged on being blind, and the more Izaya fed it, the more destructive it became.

Izaya managed to catch him a few times with the metal posts, but Shizuo was an unstoppable force, continuing to chase Izaya down despite any wounds he received in the process.

It was a great fight, and though Shizuo hated violence and hated Izaya, he would have been lying if he didn't admit that it was just what he needed to get rid of the anger that haunted him.

Of course, he couldn't catch Izaya, but that was nothing out of the norm.

Until Izaya turned around and yelled and wound up tumbling down the pavement.

At first, the words didn't register with Shizuo. He was too caught up in the chase, too angry, moving at too fast of a speed. He saw Izaya fall and all he could think about was punching him and sending him halfway across Vatheon. And so Shizuo charged on ahead to Izaya's fallen form, grabbed his arm, and hoisted him up. His grip was tight and all Shizuo could think was, finally, finally, finally. Grinning and ready and then -

Everything caught up.

It dawned on Shizuo that he had caught Izaya, that Izaya was in his grip, and as he came to that realization momentary confusion passed across his features, as though he was at a loss as to what to do. Then, his brain mentally retraced how exactly this unusual victory came to be...

"What the hell?"

Shizuo probably should have felt disturbed or disgusted, but the absurdity of the situation was so damn unsettling that he just kept a grip on Izaya and shook him a little and demanded, "What did you just say?" His anger was momentarily stifled by surprise and disbelief and the fact that Izaya was finally in his grip and really, he should just smash him into ground but it was as though he couldn't, caught up in trying to make sense of everything as he was.

Izaya, honestly, was too dazed to even properly respond to this horrific moment of Shizuo finally catching him. Shizuo had never once caught Izaya with his bare hands. Sure, he had definitely landed hits before with street signs or trash cans or other giant objects. Sure, he had even managed to punch Izaya before a few times but he had never caught him. And honestly? He was so taken aback by the situation that that carnal fear flashed for the briefest second in his eyes. He was like a fox that had finally been caught by the hound. Those jaws were right there around his throat and he had never felt so close to death as he did in this moment.

It felt incredible. His heart was in his throat and he didn't know whether to laugh or cry or both because he never had felt so much before in his life. Only Shizuo. Only Shizuo could make him feel and say such unpredictable things!

"Eheheh," he giggled lowly, anxiously because he did not want to repeat the words he had just yelled. He had no clue why he had yelled them- it had just happened. "Nothing at all Shizu-chan," he said flippantly, flicking his wrist dismissively. His eyes were flicking this way and that as he tried to determine a way out of this situation. Perhaps if he cut his own arm off. That was a risk he was willing to take. Or if he kicked Shizuo in the fact. Yeah, he could try that.

He took a deep breath and started to pull away from Shizuo- or try anyway. It really got him no where considering the vice like grip Shizuo had on him.

"You're perfectly delusional. I'm impressed though. You finally caught me. Granted, it's my own fault and not actually your victor but I WATCH YOU IN YOUR SLEEP SOMETIMES!"

....

Izaya paled a little and stopped struggling, his body having grown stiff. He stared at Shizuo, his mouth parted still and his throat still sore from how loud he had just yelled that - the words ringing in his ears.

Why....why...why had he just....

What was going on?

He forced a smile but...but this wasn't good. No. It couldn't be that time of month- this couldn't be what he thought it was?

"Damn it," he hissed, looking down, "The curse..." But he knew deep down that it was. What else could it be? But seriously? A confession curse? Was Vatheon trying to fuck him over? No, Izaya had to play this off smoothly - but God.

"Why don't you let me go for today, Shizu-chan? I'm feeling a little under the weather, see?"

Seeing fear in Izaya's eyes was simultaneously the most exciting and terrifying sight. It was what he always wanted, wasn't it? To have Izaya in his hands, so easy and fragile, really, once he was finally caught. Shizuo could snap his neck, or step on his face, or hell, just shake him like a rag doll until he stopped moving. It was as though every fight had paid off and now, Shizuo would win.

But it was horrific. It was all so unexpected that Shizuo felt slapped in the face with the potential - with his ability. He had never felt so keenly just how monstrous he was until he saw that brief instance of fear. Izaya - scared of him. Izaya was the only one who could take his rage, he shouldn't be scared.

Everything about this situation was wrong, and what Izaya had said - that disgusting confession that he had yelled out for everyone to hear.

He had to be fucking with him. That was the only excuse. Izaya was trying to catch him off guard, trying to mess with his head, saying stupid things that made no sense, and while Izaya denied it and tried to get out of his grip Shizuo had just about convinced himself that Izaya was just playing head games.

Then he did it again, and it was obvious by Izaya's reaction that he was saying things he didn't want to say...and judging by the fact that Shizuo had woken up to Izaya the other night, this one wasn't nearly as shocking. It was believable...not a game.

Shizuo tightened his grip even more, subconsciously, frustrated and confused, but the last thing on his mind was letting Izaya go. He had never had Izaya like this before, he couldn't let him go, couldn't give it up - even if he had no idea how to follow up.

"No!" he yelled, rekindling some of his anger because he had to, it was the only thing that made sense anymore.

Izaya had muttered something about the curse - that made sense too, maybe - maybe it wasn't true...Shizuo had heard plenty about the curses...

But Izaya had been in his room, had seen him sleep.

"You're sick, flea, you know that?" And whether it was the adrenaline or the horrific thrill of holding Izaya or the effect of uncomfortable words that Izaya exclaimed, Shizuo kept talking instead of doing. "You're always doing stupid things and playing stupid games and running your mouth just to start shit. I'm not letting you go! I'm going to keep holding you and you're going to keep talking and then I am going to bash your face into the ground over and over again - one for each stupid thing you say."

"Tch, that's funny Shizu-chan because I've already said two stupid things and you haven't hit me for either one of them yet," he said arrogantly, turning his head away from Shizuo to look elsewhere. What had he been afraid of exactly? He had taken a convenient store trash can to the head before at the rate of a speeding car. It was amazing that he was even still standing. Then again, he had always tried to tell people not to underestimate him and for good reason. That was one of those reasons.

Pain. Pain was temporary and an irrelevant catch of being a human. Really, Izaya could tune it out for the most part. The fear came in being caught. But why? He didn't care too much about the philosophy. For once in Izaya's life- he shut up. He knew he had to shut up. He bit down on his tongue and held his tone.

He even closed his eyes believing that perhaps that would work. He took in a deep breath and forced himself to grow limp in Shizuo's hold, practically hanging from his grip on his arm. He was not going to submit to this curse. He could respond to Shizuo. He could chide him and mock him but he did not want to risk opening his mouth and letting another idiotic thing slip up.

The thing that bothered him most was that ....they were true. They were these little parts of him that he had never really wanted to be exploited. Granted, he'd never hidden the fact that he watched Shizuo in his sleep before but still.

But then his lips began to tremble and his eyes shot open. Like an itch, he could feel it crawling up his throat. It was like a cough. Something that had to come out. He tried to hold it down but he started to choke it out- the words sputtered. Then finally: "I- cried - through - the Notebook!"

He grunted in annoyance and squirmed in Shizuo's grip. That one was just stupid. Yes, he had gotten emotionally touched by the film but nothing made him cry, damn it! "I didn't- I didn't really. It was sad but it didn't make me cry. God damn it this is stupid. Let me go you monster. Get your filthy hand off of me before I cut it off."

Shizuo really didn't want to let go.

This was his chance, his opportunity, the golden moment. He needed to follow through with every threat he had ever said, or, hell, just punching Izaya would have been better than standing there doing nothing while Izaya called his bluff.

Shizuo willed himself to do it, thought about everything that he hated about Izaya and tried to get angrier so he could do as promised and capitalize on the moment he had been waiting for ever since he first saw Izaya's face. Izaya went limp, but still Shizuo held on because he needed to. He needed to keep holding him because if he let go, it would be over and Shizuo would have missed his opportunity.

And then another confession. Shizuo agreed - this one was stupid.

"I don't think you can cry, you -"

But he cut himself off, because it occurred to him: "That's the one you say isn't true? That one?" Did that mean that first confession - no. Shizuo couldn't. Wouldn't. That was. No.

He wanted Izaya to deny it. He wanted to reinforce Izaya's hate against him - not...that. Not something that would taint what they did - what they were doing.

Then Shizuo remembered, and it was like a sick joke, really - all of it, but especially the question that came to his mind. It was as though if Shizuo could be reminded of Izaya's absolute hate, then they could erase all of this and maybe even pretend it never happened.

"Hey," he said, squeezing and trying to get Izaya to stop squirming. "Remember what you asked me? What I hated most about you? It's your turn, now that you really can't seem to shut up. What do you hate about me, huh? I want you to say it."

He wanted Izaya to hate him. To restore balance.

"I can't. I haven't really tried but y'know..."

Why were they even having this conversation? It didn't matter whether or not he was capable of crying. He couldn't remember the last time he cried. He might have almost when he was a teenager but he even doubted that and blamed it on exhaust and potential nightmares so that was out of the question.

"I'll let you suffer the other two since they're more personal. Maybe they are true, maybe they aren't. What do I care if you know the truth? You wouldn't believe me either way anyway so it's pointless. I could tell you that no, Shizu-chan, they aren't true. You'd accuse me of lying. Or I could say, yes Shizu-chan, they're true. And then you'd accuse me of mind games. See how that works? It's pretty pathetic, if you think about it, how impossible it is for you to trust me. A double-edged blade. So why do you even bother asking?" he asked, speaking smoothly as ever before.

Okay, Vatheon, if you really wanted to throw this curse at him then fine. He could handle it just fine. Vatheon didn't realize how much he could work himself out of a situation just through words. He relaxed once he felt in control again. Then- then Shizuo asked him a question and Izaya could not help but laugh- laugh right in Shizuo's face.

"Do you really think it works like that, you idiot!" he snorted, "I don't feel compelled to answer your stupid questions," he said, trying to ignore the sensation of Shizuo squeezing his arm. It damn near broke it but he didn't show any signs of pain. No, never.

"As much as I enjoy this sentimental conversation, I don't feel very prone to answering you. But since you asked..." He sighed heavily and held up a hand.

"It's obvious, isn't it? I hate your unpredictability. I hate that I never can understand what runs through your mind. It's irritable and it's irritable that you're the only Goddamn person who sees nearly every side of me and right through me. Of course you don't see everything because you try to see too much so you're just a real idiot sometimes. I hate you above all else because you're a monster. You're a monster that consumes my life and I hate that. I love humans, Shizu-chan, I really, really love humans and you give them a bad name by existing. I love how predictable they are. Granted, that also makes them recyclable and relatively boring but I try to fix that for them- ahh- ahh- Shizu-chan irritates me with his stupidity. And- I like men in uniform!"

God damn it.

Izaya was running his mouth again. It helped. It felt normal. Izaya prattling on like he usually did, using too many words in the way that grated on Shizuo's nerves. The worst part was always that he was right, it did make sense, and Izaya lived to be one great mindfuck. Shizuo decided to just forget the things he had said because puzzling through it was too much. Either way, he wouldn't know the truth, and Izaya was giving him a headache, anyway.

Then Izaya laughed, and Shizuo's anger flared in response. Exactly what he needed - Izaya's spite to fuel his rage, to kick-start the whole mess all over again. Izaya - mocking him, pissing him off, acting like the flea he was. It was perfectly enraging.

So many words - Shizuo hated it, the way Izaya would just talk and talk. Couldn't he just say something simple, and let it be? Always talking in circles -

It helped. It helped make him angry.

He listened, though, and heard it all. It wasn't exactly what he expected to hear - consumes my life, what did that even mean? - but it was enough. The reaffirmation that Izaya thought of him as a monster - that he thought of him as stupid, as a disgrace to humanity.

He laughed. Not a normal, pleasant kind of laugh - but harsh, angry. Almost forced. He brought his free hand to Izaya's throat and thought about crushing it, finally putting an end to that voice with it's words and taunts. Part of him wanted to see that fear again, remind himself that he was the one in control, here, that he still had Izaya at his whims, that he really could do it.

But he couldn't. Anger and rage and violence, and everything else that made up the monster that he was, Shizuo was not a murderer. This wasn't how it worked, how it ever had worked before. Even the feeling of palm against trachea was enough to make Shizuo sick with the absolute wrongness of what he was doing, of what he was, of every truth that Izaya actually managed to spit out.

It scared him.

Instead, he shoved Izaya away, at once disgusted and fearful, weighed down by the knowledge that even if Izaya had been caught off guard, even if it was the result of the curse, Izaya had been vulnerable. It was entirely possible that, had Shizuo not been equally caught off guard, he could have ended everything.

"Stay away from me," he said, tone angry but nothing like it had been earlier, before Izaya stumbled and screwed everything up. He turned. He needed to get away.

Shizuo's temper was like a balloon. You could see it swell up and up until you started to wonder when it was going to pop and just like that, you could see it fizzle out just as easily. Shizuo's temper, to Izaya, had always been that easy to read. As much as Izaya forced the title of 'unpredictable' on Shizuo, there were certain parts of him and their relationship that was predictable.

And that was always Shizuo's anger. He knew that no matter what he did, that anger would always be present as long as Izaya existed.

When Shizuo's hand made contact with Izaya's throat, Izaya laughed. Again. His own matched Shizuo's oddly well, as though made to synchronize alongside with it. His own was harsh, but somewhat crazed instead of angry. That hand was around his throat again. This situation felt so familiar and Izaya's eyes lit up like little candles and he grabbed a hold of that wrist with his other hand but didn't bother to try and pry Shizuo's hand away.

Yes, yes, yes, do it...!

He needed this confirmation. The one thing about Shizuo that had kept him awake for nights and the one thing that had sincerely bothered him....was when Shizuo did not kill him before when he was in Vatheon. Even if he were to die, Izaya would want that solidified hate. He wanted Shizuo to crush his throat because it gave him something concrete that he could focus on. Something that would obliterate anything else.

Then horror began to chill at the very core of his being when suddenly Shizuo shoved him away. He tripped over his own feet and the force of the shove and landed right on his ass. He didn't even notice the soreness but instead stared wide-eyed after Shizuo. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, God damn it no!

"No, Shizuo, no! You can't walk away from me. God damn it. Stop it!" he shouted, moving to get onto his feet at once. "You can't just throw me aside. You finally caught me you son of a bitch! Why the hell aren't you killing me? Damn it, Shizuo, you're supposed to crush my throat. What the hell is wrong with you? Don't you hate me? You can't just turn your God damn back on me like that! The last time you pulled this bullshit- what. What the hell is with this game, you protoz- no!"

He finally caught up to Shizuo and grabbed him by the arm and wrenched the blond around to face him.

"I want you to kill me like I know you want to. Kill me in cold blood because you hate me and that is what you're supposed to do," he hissed, his voice angrier than he had ever recalled hearing it himself. It was still composed but there was something cold and bitter about it. Something spiteful. He grabbed Shizuo's hand and put it right over his heart.

"Go ahead. Puncture it. I bet one punch will do it. Or choke me. I don't care. You could try at least. Don't just walk away like some fucking- when is the next time you think you'll catch me?" He took a deep breath and focused his eyes on Shizuo's bow tie. He knew that he looked crazy. When did he not? But this. He needed this. He needed that confirmation.

"Why won't you kill me?"

Shizuo didn't want to stop. He wanted to walk away and put as much distance between Izaya and himself as was possible in the hub of Vatheon. He never wanted to see Izaya again, ever - wanted him banished from his life. But like the flea that he was, Izaya popped back up and would not go away.

It was different, still so wrong, the way this scenario was playing out. And Izaya - Izaya was using his full name, and there was something about the way he said it that made everything seem even more horrific. Shizuo hated the way Izaya teased him with his Shizu-chan, but this - this was far worse. It proved that they had upset their boundaries, that suddenly everything was different.

He needed to get away.

But Izaya wouldn't let him, was yelling and pulling and forcing Shizuo to face him, to face the fact that he had been so close. Izaya was so angry that it could have been fascinating, under different circumstances, to see that kind of anger reflected in someone else. Shizuo shook his head, wanting Izaya to shut up, to let him be, to stop being so damn crazy.

Hand over heart, and Shizuo made a fist, grabbing the fabric there, tightly in his hand.

"You're sick - you're really fucking sick," and there was a tremor in his voice, sick anger mixed with fear. "You think I'm the stupid one, and you're standing here asking me to murder you." He tightened that hold on Izaya's shirt.

"I'm not going to let you do this. I'm not going to let you make me into something worse, something even more terrible. You think you're clever - because you can't really die here? Because it'd be worth seeing me made into the monster you want me to be? I'm not going to give that to you - I don't want anything to do with you." The anger was still there, but subdued by something unsteady.

It was as though Shizuo couldn't become wholly filled with rage when Izaya was already filling that role, facing him with anger and bitterness.

He laughed again, pressing his fist into Izaya's chest, adding pressure. "You weren't supposed to ever get caught, don't you get it? You ruined it. It's over." A small shove, and Shizuo let go.

Izaya had to ground himself. Except he had never been very talented at remaining calm and poised as he could be around Shizuo. He blamed it entirely on Shizuo. If he weren't so unpredictable and so screamingly loud about it, Izaya would never have this problem. Ever since that one, fateful day that he had seen Shizuo as he walked onto school grounds, a head above all of his other classmates, Izaya knew that this was a kid who was going to be a sonic boom in his life. He hated it and loathed it and now was no different.

He was better than Shizuo. He was more stabilized and civilized.

"No, I'm not," he argued, "I'm asking you to murder me because for some reason you can't. And I hate that. I want you to want to kill me. I don't want you to just say that you want to kill me but when push comes to shove you can't..." Because that would mean Shizuo doesn't hate him as much as Izaya had convinced himself he had for all of these years.

That hate- that hate was all Izaya had from Shizuo. It was the only thing he consistently knew to be true from the blond. His eyes harden and he stares steadily at Shizuo, a slow smile morphing onto his face. It's not crazed, it's subdued and understanding.

"You're so smart, Shizu-chan. You think you know so much, don't you? Well you don't. You'd kill me and no one in this city would care. You know that as much as I do. Maybe some would think it's unfortunate but most people would agree that I had it coming to me, don't you think? You can't be called a monster for...killing a monster." It was the first time he had ever openly referred to himself as a monster. It was an unusual sensation but at the same time, he knew it was the truth. Only a monster like himself could fight against a monster like Shizuo and live to tell the tale.

His eyes widened and became brightened, almost red, and his smile cracked open wider into something unstable when Shizuo released him.

"It's not over, no," he refused instantly, stumbling but catching himself. "You can't just tell me that it's over. That's not your choice to make, Shizu-chan. This isn't over. You like to think it is. That you can just walk away and never see me again? Yeah, that's hilarious, and you know it's false hope. You can walk away. And maybe we won't talk for a week...Maybe we won't talk for two or three or five...But one day, you'll come across me or I'll come across you and you know just what will happen because it's bound to happen. You want to ignore me, Shizu-chan. Truth is, you can't. Don't you get it?" he asked, and took a step towards Shizuo.

"Or are you really still such an idiot?" he asked, reaching a hand up to hook his finger up through that stupid bow tie around Shizuo's neck, glaring up at him all the while.

"We need each other," he said, partially shouted- the confession slipping up more appropriately and a part of him wondered if that hadn't just been a subconscious excuse to say something like that. He let go of that bow tie and straightened up, seemingly himself as he put his hands into his pockets.

"I've seen how you get when I'm not around for months. You get irritated and pent up and pissy. More than usual anyway. It's kinda funny actually!"

He couldn't.

It didn't matter how much he thought about, how close he had come, how that mantra of kill, kill, kill would reign in his mind, consuming everything as Shizuo chased Izaya down time and time again. It didn't matter that Shizuo couldn't contain his rage, that he was a monster. It didn't matter that long ago, he had accepted that he would never be able to hold any of it back, despite the toll it took on his body, despite the destruction it caused. All of that was null and void, because he couldn't. He couldn't kill Izaya.

He didn't want to kill Izaya, but at the same time, he did - two conflicting desires cancelling each other out and leaving nothing in their wake. He didn't want to become a murderer, more of a monster, but at the same time, he wanted to hate Izaya as much as Izaya wanted him to. It was necessary, important - everything they did, every interaction, was based entirely on hate - from that first moment that Shizuo saw Izaya. Mindless and perfect hate -

But it wasn't. It was imperfect, limited, and it refused to expand beyond poorly contrived plans and empty wishes into reality. Shizuo wouldn't stain his hands with Izaya's blood...anymore than Izaya would stain his own.

"You can't kill me either, can you? You said it when you broke into my place. You can't kill me." They couldn't kill each other. They were stuck in between humanity and monstrosity, but belonged to neither side - too terrible to be considered humans, but unable to fully cross over the threshold into being complete monsters. They were both failures.

"What does that say about you?" he pressed, trying to follow Izaya's logic. Shizuo had never been nearly as well-spoken as Izaya, his advantage being more in his strength than words, but he wasn't going to let this go.

But when Izaya referred to himself as a monster, so openly, the comparison was unsettling enough to shut Shizuo up. Because they were so similar, weren't they? So disgustingly well-matched, balanced, a pair of ugly excuses for humans who did terrible things. They thrived on hating each other because somehow - somehow they needed that balance.

And that stupid confession - that ridiculous confession that Shizuo wanted to deny or punch Izaya for uttering - it was true. Horribly and depressingly true. They needed each other.

Shizuo wanted to hate. He tried so hard to rekindle that mantra, that desire to rampage, but he couldn't lift himself beyond defeat. Somehow, he had lost - again. Somehow catching Izaya had resulted in a disadvantage. Izaya was always so damn right about everything.

Shizuo wouldn't be able to go without him, not forever. Once again, Izaya had called his bluff. But it wasn't just about him and his inability.

"What about you? What about you and sneaking into my apartment and always coming around to bother me? It goes both ways, Izaya," and he spat that name out with utter disgust - he had to. Izaya had let go of his bow tie but Shizuo advanced on him, feeling angrier - more like himself. "You can't either, can you?"

He grabbed Izaya by the shirt and pulled him forward, glaring but wearing that familiar, enraged smile. "Tell me. Tell me you can ignore me, that you hate me more than I hate you. Where's your knife? Why aren't you slitting my throat, Izaya? Why can't you?"

Zelda simply stared with her mouth agape as the force of nature that was Shizuo chased Izaya down, leaving destruction in his wake. For a moment she considered trying to stop them, but somehow they both seemed... happy. She had read about black romance, Karkat's explanation had been very clear - but she didn't think that humans could experience it.

And yet she had the distinct impression that was exactly what she was looking at. They continued on down the road and she didn't follow. It seemed like something that she shouldn't interrupt.

Edited 2012-01-10 07:38 (UTC)

The one thing he truly hated about Shizuo, absolutely loathed about him, was that uncanny way Shizuo was able to see right through him. It wasn't too uncommon for people to see holes in the system that was Orihara Izaya, but only Shizuo had ever been the one person to see through him each and every time. He could slam together Izaya like a puzzle without even trying. It astounded Izaya that such an idiotic person could be so incredibly smart.

Shizuo truly was created to be his perfect enemy.

Izaya looked away, his face twisted into an expression of blatant distaste. No, he couldn't kill Shizuo and he had hoped that Shizuo had forgotten about that night. That one pathetic night where Izaya thought that he could be the more atrocious of the two and murder Shizuo. He had never killed anyone before and as much as Izaya has done horrible things in the past- taking a knife to someone or actually murdering someone...Taking the life of one of his beloved humans...No.

The funny thing was that he could do that just fine.

It was killing this one significant creature that proved to be a situation that Izaya couldn't entirely understand. Why was it that Shizuo was so much harder to kill? Izaya understood why. Deep down, anyway.

He didn't answer Shizuo. He, for once, had nothing to say. He couldn't think of anything to say. He glared at the ground between them and wished that he could drive a knife between Shizuo's eyes but the ex-bartender was right- he truly couldn't.

"Shizu-chan..." he started, his voice threatening and dark as Shizuo continued to talk. They were entering dangerous grounds now. They were talking about the unmentionables.

"Ah- ah! But I've never denied that I can't ignore you. Granted my life would be so much easier if I could but I really can't. Trust me, Shizu-chan, I've tried really hard to ignore you. I've tried to erase your stupid face out from my mind," he spat in Shizuo's face, sounding crazed or mad or a little both. He didn't even flinch as he was grabbed. No, no, he didn't even care.

"I do hate you more! I do, I do, I do," he said, excitedly now as he grabbed a hold of Shizuo's wrist with both of his hands and he pulled himself close to Shizuo. "Trust me, I loathe your existence from head to toe. I hate you so much that it practically makes me delirious when I think about it."

Izaya's body trembled and he hung his head, shoulders shaking. For a moment, it appeared as though Izaya had finally broken down. But then his head snapped up and he was laughing God, how he laughed, loudly and jubilant and positively out of his own mind.

"I can't kill you- because-," Izaya started, choking through his own laughter, "B-e-cause I I haaa-...can't...handle that. You're the only person...that I have...that can handle me. You're the only person who- is annoyingly there and you're the only person who can see through me. A-ahahe you're my king, Shizu-chaaaan. My white king and I'm not much of a black king if there's no white king, ne? I want to kill you- heh- but it's not the end of the world yet so let's post pone our murder of each other because I'm not ready to die yet and I'm not ready to cut your head off," he said, growing still as the last of his laughter left him. He chuckled lowly and shook his head.

"I can't believe this, I can't. But - I'm all you have too. I'm not afraid of you. You can't hurt me," he said and shot his head up to glare at Shizuo, "I'm the only God damn person in existence that can handle your idiotic rage."

Shizuo didn't know what he expected to hear. His words and accusations had been chosen in the moment, a direct response to what he had heard from Izaya. Forethought had never been his strength, governed as he was by that rash, irrational rage, and this was hardly a situation in which he was thinking clearly.

He and Izaya were close - too close. The physical proximity seemed suffocating as Izaya grabbed him - laughed in his face in that maniacal way. Shizuo clenched his fists even tighter around the fabric of Izaya's shirt, not out of anger but as a tense reaction to Izaya's rambles - about kings and needs and symbolism that Shizuo understood more than he wanted to admit.

It was all true. Shizuo knew it - had always known, in a way, but now there was no more room for denying. They'd never kill each other because they existed to balance each other out - to be there to even everything out when no one else could.

But it didn't matter.

Those last words - those last terrible words about Shizuo only having Izaya - reinvigorated disgust, anger, even a little fear at the thought of finality of it all. All Shizuo could think about, triggered as he was by those words, was shutting Izaya up. It clouded everything else in his mind.

Denial. More than anything, he wanted the ability to discount everything that had been said, and for a brilliant moment controlled only by impulse alone, it seemed to Shizuo that he could accomplish that feat by making Izaya shut up. It didn't matter that the barrier had already been broken - that he had no choice to accept it, now that it was out in the open.

"Shut up!" he yelled. "Shut up, shut up, shut up! Get off of me -" and he shoved Izaya away yet again, disgusted, so utterly disgusted. He sounded like a broken record, like something damaged and doomed to repeat the same cycle over and over again. It was almost befitting, the great motif of going in circles, of the same cat-and-mouse routine.

But they had shattered it. Shizuo couldn't call upon death threats anymore than he could actually kill Izaya, now that everything had been laid out in the open, exposed. Shizuo had nothing.

Except for Izaya. And that - that was a horrible revelation.

"Don't - don't you come near me again." He was already backing up, wanting to be the one to get away, this time around - to be the one to run instead of the one to pursue.

Izaya grunted as he was roughly shoved away from Shizuo and he stumbled over his own feet yet again. Before he could fall though he slid his foot out and caught his balance. He didn't want to be knocked down and made to look like some pathetic basket case. He wasn't. He hated what Shizuo had the potential to reduce him to. It disgusted him and made his skin burn with the agony of being in this frustrating trap of their bizarre relationship.

"You were the one who grabbed me first," he muttered hotly, glaring at Shizuo from under his bangs. He flicked his head up, eyes widened for a moment when he was told not to near Shizuo again, and then he smiled. That easy, almost gentle smile with his eyes perfectly empty. He straightened up and slid his hands into his pockets, retaining a calm poise.

"Shizu-chan," he said quietly, smoothly, coaxingly-, "I'll do what I want. And to be honest, you know this isn't the last of us. Not even remotely. You'll run away and I'll run away and we'll heat up over this for a few days, maybe even a few weeks, but we'll stumble into each other again and the whole cycle will go on. Now, this isn't Tokyo or Japan. You can't stay away from me forever. It's not a big city and you're an easy target."

He shrugged and spun around on heel in a full circle before he hopped towards Shizuo a few steps. He felt assured of himself again. He didn't feel so much on the brink of insanity anymore now that there had been some distance between them. He felt more in control. That was something he wanted.

"In high school I always---grhh-" He shoved his fingers into his mouth at once- muffling this confession instantly. He pushed his fingers into the back of his throat and clamped down on them. He did not need to say that. There was already a crack in their system. He didn't need to make it worse. He backed away from Shizuo, his eyes slitted and he pulled his fingers slowly out of his own mouth. Before he could say anymore, he turned around and sprinted away, leaving Shizuo alone.

Edited 2012-01-11 20:24 (UTC)

Of course it wasn't the end. Izaya would piss him off as usual, and the whole cycle would start all over again. But that didn't change the fact that Shizuo had been slapped by Izaya's mortality, that they had both acknowledged out loud the inability to kill each other - the subdued need that laced throughout their interactions. They couldn't stay away - not forever - and Shizuo had no choice but to face that, now. He had no choice but to hear Izaya's words for what they were, rather than a game he was trying to play.

It also didn't change the fact that Shizuo wanted nothing more than to get away, as though putting distance between them could somehow dull everything that had been pulled out into the open. It was an irrational need, and Shizuo might have punched Izaya for approaching yet again, had the informant not been arrested by yet another need to confess.

And that confession - whatever it was that was bad enough, after everything that had been exposed already, for Izaya to essentially choke himself - Shizuo wanted nothing to do with it. He didn't want to hear it or know anything about it. All he felt was relief as Izaya backed and then sprinted away.

He couldn't avoid Izaya forever, but he could damn well try.

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