vatheon | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Zelos and whoever finds him
Where: On the island at the beach, waaaaaay far down the beach, trying to avoid sharing his thoughts
When: All day and well into the evening
Style: Any is fine
Status: Open!

[This month was already shaping up to be Zelos's worst yet here in Vatheon. Not only had that illness curse knocked him out for way too long, his own stupidity had lead to not only him making an idiot of himself - that he could handle and often did on purpose - but brought to light some things he was not prepared to deal with, so when this curse displayed every single morbid thought or memory that crossed his mind, he decided to do just as his roommate had done and get the hell out of dodge.

Unfortunately, Vatheon is a small enough bubble that the Chosen had a hard time actually getting away from people. The furthest cranny he could find, and thus where he'd rooted himself, was the beach up on the island and so the day finds him pacing the beach, having discarded his shoes in favor of walking barefoot on the sand and idly picking up shells, trying to clear his mind of anything in particular. He's managed to keep his thoughts on the sand and the surf so far, with the occasional thought of Altamira's warm sun or brilliant fireworks.

We'll see how long that'll last.]

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[Lloyd had heard about the island from Vegeta. An island, not a bubble under the water. Vatheon isn't so bad, but the teen's always been a child of the outdoors. The idea of being under the open sky again was bound to draw him up to the surface at some point.

His own thought bubble follows him, mostly ignored at this point. A happy little music note fills it up right now as he kicks sand barefoot along the shore. It almost feels like Altamira. Man, if only he had swim trunks.

Then he spots familiar head of red hair. Grinning, he lifts his hand and waves.]

Hey Zelos!

[Oh damnit. It figured that Lloyd would be up here when he needed some privacy! The whole situation with Tsubaki and all the parental issues Zelda had dredged up were weighing on him and he'd finally managed to clear his mind when he heard the kid yell to him, sending a cascade of all the exact images he didn't want Lloyd seeing racing through his little thought bubble in a blur that simply resolved itself into a big, black squiggle.

And yet Zelos is still smiling broadly when he waves back at Lloyd.]

Hey Bud! What brings you up here?

[The squiggle draws Lloyd's attention when he gets a little closer to his friend, but it's far too jumbled to pull any meaning from it. Not really interested in bothering, not when Zelos is right here, he looks away from it and smiles back.]

I heard there was an island and I wanted to see it. You know, get out of the city and explore. Then I found the beach here!

[His thought bubble shifts into an image of the beach at Altamira, sand castles and swimsuits and playing in the water.

And look, Zelos getting chased by an angry Sheena~]

What about you? Is that why you're here, too?

Edited 2012-03-14 11:19 (UTC)

[Sheena. Woah boy.

Zelos's bubble fills with memories of her, not just from their journey, but also from before, from their very first meeting onward. He remembers everything, every time they'd ever spoken, every time he'd said something mean or stupid and she'd hit him saying she never wanted to see him again, and every time after when they'd invariably cross paths again. For someone who professed to hate him so much, she certainly couldn't keep away...]

Sort of. Mostly I'm just here because it's not exactly nice to read other people's thoughts, y'know? I also thought I might collect some shells to make jewelry out of. You were going to teach me some metalwork, remember?

[Zelos thought bubble wavers, as if being forced from Sheena to something else, and then shows a simple necklace with a pendant in the form of a cut-out pink shell set in gold.]

[Rude or not, it's hard not to watch Zelos's thoughts. He only catches flickers and pieces of Zelos's memories of Sheena, but they're pieces he's never seen before.]

I think they're neat! There's things you just can't say with words, and it's easier to see what people really mean. Well, usually. It's sometimes still confusing.

[He watches the redhead's though bubble shift, then studies the necklace it's showing.]

See? Like that. You could try to describe that necklace to me, but this way is much easier.

[An exclamation point appears as an idea lights up in his mind.]

It might even be easier to teach you with these thought bubble things! I can really show you what to do! Have you found the shell you want to use?

Edited 2012-03-14 23:16 (UTC)

[He's not sure he trusts his thought bubble not to betray him, but Lloyd does have a point. It would be much easier.]

Sure, we can try that.

[He holds up a particularly nice spiral shell and draws his sword to cut it in half, exposing an interesting cross section of whirls and leaving a nice flat piece perfect for a pendant. His bubble is focused on what he's doing and the effect is much like a department store security camera, with the point of view in the bubble being Zelos'. He holds up the sliced shell when he's done, picturing the necklace again.]

How's this?

[Looking at the sliced piece of shell, Lloyd mentally compares it to the pendant Zelos wants to make. The two images overlap in his bubble until Lloyd holds up a finger.]

I think it's perfect. So, do you want that lesson now? We'd need some materials, but I could teach you how to pick out what kinds of metal and things you need. That's just as important as the work itself.

Would we have to go back down to the city?

[He asks the question nonchalantly but his thought bubble roils with a tumult of faces of various people who he'd rather not see his thoughts; Lloyd himself, Colette, Zelda, and several others Lloyd likely doesn't recognize, causing Zelos to glare at his bubble with obvious irritation.]

Well, yeah... Unless there are shops up here?

[Lloyd doesn't get the significance of the chain of images he just saw. He eyes the thought bubble for a moment, then shrugs it off.]

[He was certain Lloyd would say something about that. He's actually fairly confused he doesn't. Enough that he blurts out the question before thinking.]

You're not curious what that was? I mean... this curse is pretty uncomfortable, y'know.

[His bubble betrays him again, showing several scenes of Lloyd, some of which haven't happened yet but all of him smiling or looking mildly confused yet happy. He's the same now. He's just the same even after all that. How Lloyd can still have not a care in the world after, well, everything... it's completely beyond Zelos.]

Of course I'm curious.

[Lloyd's eyes stray to Zelos's bubble again, underscoring that curiosity.]

But you just said it's not nice to read someone else's thoughts. I figure, I can't help what I see, but if you don't want me to, I don't have to ask. You'd do the same for me if I didn't want you to ask about something, right?

[The happy feel of his thought bubble wavers, question marks of curiosity fading into arguments with Dirk. The life in Colette's eyes fading into blank soullessness. A monster lying dead as a village around him burns. Lloyd's lips form a thin line as he tries not to think about those things.]

Edited 2012-03-15 00:28 (UTC)

[He wants to ask Lloyd how he does it. How he manages to remain so optimistic, so positive, even now but he won't ask, not after Lloyd had expressed the faith that he wouldn't, and it would be too telling in any case, too obvious that his own thoughts are nearly always the opposite; pessimistic and negative, always expecting the worst or trying to work any angle to his advantage.

He'd rather Lloyd keep believing the lie, and so he keeps his thoughts carefully blank, his bubble forced to morph back to the image of that necklace.]

Right! You're a sharp kid, Lloyd~ We can head down if you want.

[He still runs the risk of running into someone like Tsubaki or Zelda, but if Lloyd can act normally during a curse like this, then he should at least give it a try.]

Great! But let's go back this way a bit first. I need to go get my boots.

[They're not that far away. He'd only been walking in the sand for a few minutes before he'd spotted Zelos. His thought bubble dissolves back into a single musical note...

...but after a few moments of walking, he glances to the side at Zelos. He's not exactly sure what it is, whether it's something he picked up from the images in Zelos's thoughts, or just something about the way the redhead is acting, but it prompts him to ask-]

You all right?

[This curse officially sucks worse than all the rest. If he can't keep Lloyd from seeing how black hearted and cowardly he really is, then what's even the point?

He'd kept the bubble clear of all but the necklace he'd intended to make, but at Lloyd's question it shifts through a slideshow of everything he'd been trying to forget. Tsubaki's desperate face on the SFC, kissing Zelda in a drunken misunderstanding stupor, Selphie's upset face, Sola's body, Estelle's guilty expression, Shizuo talking with Zelda and the princess making that same face, that same exact resigned, painful face and suddenly it's not Zelda anymore but the woman from the portrait in Zelos's house and then she's not there at all. It's just snow. Cold, white snow and a pair of childen's sized brown boots, splattered with red and Zelos isn't sure if he hates himself or Vatheon more in that moment.

He can't deny it now, not after that, and simply shakes his head.]

Maybe we should do this lesson another time.

[He'd meant what he said to Zelos. He didn't want to pry into thoughts he shouldn't know at all. It doesn't help that he doesn't know the story behind all those thoughts. There's too many of them, and too many pieces that are missing. Some of those people he doesn't know. Why are they so upset? Snow and blood and Zelos kissing Zelda. It doesn't make sense.

It doesn't have to make sense. There's a common thread between all those images, the thread that Zelos is upset. Upset and that this is something very serious. Lloyd stops and turns to face his friend fully, his expression just as serious and concerned. His voice is quiet.]

Do you want to talk about it?

Not really!

[His tone is suddenly light again. He feels backed into a corner, knowing putting on a smile now is just going to obviously be fake but not knowing what else to do. He can't dump it all on Lloyd, he just can't. He'd rather die then get him mixed up in the black hole that was his life and mistakes. Sure he'd told him about his mother before, but that was when he'd thought he was going to die, when he couldn't bear for the one person who maybe thought well of him to think he'd really betray him like that.

And he couldn't do it, either. He'd seen the look on Lloyd's face and he just couldn't go through with fighting and burdening someone that...

that...

good.

Lloyd had lost his parents too, had been left alone in the world, and yet somehow he's the opposite of Zelos. The light side of the two-toned coin, always looking towards the light while Zelos slowly spiraled into darkness and it was never more prevalent than in moments like this, moments when Zelos had the overwhelming urge to protect that light, protect Lloyd from everything, up to and including himself.

The damnable bubble reflects all these things as best it can; light and dark, Lloyd and Zelos back to back, Lloyd with his head held high towards the light and Zelos staring blankly into nothing. The Chosen makes a grab for the bubble but it jerks out of the way and despite his obvious frustration, Zelos shrugs again.]

You're supposed to just pretend you never saw it, right?

[There's an edge to his voice, something hopeless and taut and he knows as soon as the words are past his lips that Lloyd isn't going to let it go.]

[No. After seeing all that, hearing that edge in the other's voice, there's no way Lloyd can just let it rest like this. He said he wouldn't ask, but that doesn't mean he'll go along with it and make believe that everything's all right.

Dwarven vow number two: Never abandon someone in need.

The words are written as clear as writing on a scroll, held in the hands of a dwarf who is explaining it very seriously. Lloyd isn't paying attention to his own thought bubble, though. He's watching Zelos's thoughts. When Zelos speaks, he looks up to meet his eyes.]

You know what the thing about being friends with me is?

[Dirk fades into darkness, replaced by the image of Zelos and Lloyd back to back. There's something different about the image, though. The Lloyd in the image reaches back to grab onto Zelos's hands, pulling him, tugging him, along with him. Two sides of a coin are stuck together, right?

I don't give up on my friends, even when they tell me that's what they want. Zelos, talk to me.

[Zelos stares at Lloyd's bubble, and then looks to Lloyd himself, defenses crumbling. He strains valiantly to keep it all locked up, to keep himself from burdening his friend with everything he knew could hurt him and bring him down just like it had done to Zelos but it's bubbling just under the surface now and he just can't keep it there. Can't contain it.

He's a deer in the headlights, unable to move, his tongue leaden in his mouth as he just stares at Lloyd. He can't, he doesn't want to, certain that anything he says will ruin everything, will make Lloyd hate him. Like he deserves.]

D-don't..

[He stutters, stepping back as if Lloyd is reaching for him as he is in the bubble, Zelos's own thoughts showing the same image but dimming, growing black, until Lloyd is partially obscured by the darkness along with Zelos and the brunette leans over the redhead and says something to make Zelos collapse in shame.

The real Zelos licks his lips nervously, flicking his eyes this way and that, anything for an escape, but where would he run? Vatheon is a small place, they'd cross paths again, and while Zelos can easily pretend to hate others, he can't fathom doing so to Lloyd, not again. It was hard enough keeping up the charade the first time. But he can't tell him. He can't. His shoulders sag and he looks away from Lloyd.]

I don't want you to hate me.

All right, then. I promise not to hate you if you tell me.

[From anyone else, that might have sounded flippant, but Lloyd really does feel it's just as simple as that.]

But if you don't ever get it off your chest, the more you add, the worse it gets.

[Dwarven vow number five.]

What are friends for if you can't trust them to help you?

[The Lloyd in his thoughts holds out his hand, ready to help lift Zelos up.]

[It's ridiculous, completely ridiculous, but Zelos has to laugh. It's not that simple, it's never that simple, but coming from Lloyd he thinks that maybe there's a world somewhere where it is. The world Lloyd wants to build out of the ruins of Sylvarant and Tethe'alla.

Maybe they can get there.

His laugh sounds thin to his own ears, with a note of desperation, of needing something to cling to, some solace from everything. And Lloyd was it, standing there, telling him to trust him.

He can't turn it away. He'd never forgive himself if he did, knowing how Lloyd would feel.]

I don't- [He pauses, wets his lips nervously, and starts again.] I don't know if you can help me, but I do trust you, Lloyd.

[I've never trusted anyone, but I trust you. The words echo as if from a loudspeaker and it takes a harried moment before Zelos looks up and realizes it came from the bubble and he hadn't cracked and said it aloud.

He turns red, damning the whole of Vatheon right to Hell, down to the last cobblestone.]

[Lloyd blinks at Zelos in surprise. It's not the confirmation that Zelos does trust him, but the fact that Zelos hasn't trusted anyone else before. A small, tentative smile touches the corners of his mouth. That... that really means something, then. The fact that Zelos trusts him.]

Come on, then. Let's sit down.

[He takes Zelos's hand in his thoughts so that he can stand solidly at his side. Zelos can't fall so long as he's holding him up.

Without waiting for a response, the redclad teen plunks himself onto the sand. For serious conversations like this, it's better to be comfortable, and it never hurts to be closer to things you can fidget with in your hands. Grass, rock, sand, shells - it doesn't really matter what, just that you have something to do while you try to work with your thoughts.]

So...? Where do you want to start?

[Where to start.

It's a simple enough question but there're just so many things. He has to run down the list mentally as he plunks down in the sand next to Lloyd. He can't tell him about Tsubaki. That would be a breech of confidence and reveal more about himself and just how much he hides than Zelos is comfortable with. Zelda can't be shared either; it's tied too much up in sex and everything horrible he wants Lloyd never to have to learn. His mother... no. It's something he'd told Lloyd about already and reliving that conversation is simply too much, especially given the timing of when he'd told him originally, right before...

Did that really still weigh on him? He'd betrayed them to Cruxis, he would have made them kill him if Lloyd hadn't spoken with him in Flanoir and changed his mind about taking the easier path. Something about Lloyd not knowing that, not having forgiven him, it bothers him. He knows it hasn't happened yet for Lloyd, he still has many things to overcome when Vatheon finally decides to spit him back out, but maybe he should bring it up. And who knows, maybe Lloyd won't forgive him, this time. Maybe he'll spare Zelos the trouble of wondering when he'll leave too, save him from progressively pushing the kid away for his own good and let it happen all at once.

It's better that way, anyway.

His tone is even, sounding uncaring, when he speaks again.]

Y'know, when you go back, you shouldn't trust me. I'm just leading you all into trap after trap for Cruxis.

[Whatever Lloyd had been expecting him to say, that wasn't it at all. Nothing of what he'd seen in Zelos's thoughts had seemed connected to Lloyd or any of their friends back home. It leaves him unprepared to let that sink in, to just believe it at face value. He stares at his friend, somewhat nonplussed.]

What?

[He hesitates. Surely Zelos didn't mean it like that. He was misinterpreting, right? He tries to smile.]

You mean you didn't spot the traps when you were leading us somewhere? Don't worry about it, Zelos. We've been running into Cruxis's traps since before we even met you. If I got mad at you for that, I'd have to get mad at myself, too.

N-no, Lloyd, just... Just listen, okay?

[He takes a deep breath and let's it out slowly.]

I was working for Cruxis and the Renegades practically the whole time. I told Pronyma when you'd be in the Fooji Mountains, and I was Yuan's contact, too. I just wanted everything to be destroyed. It would be easier, but I kept playing both sides anyway. You convinced me otherwise, in the end, but...

[He keeps looking out at the ocean, idly picking up a handful of sand and letting it pour through his fingers without looking. His bubble fills again with snow, but this time it's a courtyard in Flanoir, Lloyd and Zelos talking though the words are inaudible.]

That's why I'm dangerous, and why I'm a burden on you and everyone else.

Edited 2012-03-16 05:01 (UTC)

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Short tag is short, but fff