vatheon | things that can only end well: THIS

The moment Monsieur Plush Rump is set down, Bro grins widely and shoots him an ironic little wink from behind his shades. He loves free advertising. At the mention of "friends", though, that grin fades away again.

"Uh, no. Just me, back in Texas. Can't have too many loud drinking binges when you've got a kid in the apartment, you know. Gotta be responsible and set the right example and all that shit." He's totally not using Dave as an excuse for his lack of a social life. Nope.

"Ah." Poor Bro! Sufferer didn't have a lot of interaction during the first part of his life, but he more than made up for it later on. He's beginning to think these Striders have a lot more going on beneath the surface than they show the world. He lifts his beer glass in a salute. "Well, if you want to drink here, you can always call me, all right?"

Counting the Summoner, that makes two drinking buddies Bro has already. Which is... two more than he had back home. He'd count Lil Cal too, but let's face it, Cal can't handle his beer.

He nods his head with a grin, lifting his glass as well. "You got it, man. Here's to many more nights of boozing."

Sufferer and Summoner make the best drinking buddies, true story.

Sufferer smiles at that and drinks deep, draining the rest of his beer. He sets the glass on the bar with a clunk, and then raises an eyebrow at Bro. "Want to do some shots?"

He didn't help Psii throw up in twenty two little bushes by sticking to beer, that's for sure.

"Are you serious?" Sure, Sufferer just drained his beer in one go, but to picture this guy doing shots? Seems like a recipe for alcohol poisoning to Bro.

He chugs his own beer before responding. "I mean, I ain't against it, but don't come crying to me if you get so wasted you end up crapping yourself."

"Totally serious." Sufferer might be little, but he's all muscle. All lean, alcohol-absorbing muscle.

He laughs a little at Bro's dire prediction and flags down the bartender to order two shots of schnapps. Peach schnapps. Hey, he never said he had good taste! "Yeah, we'll see who ends up crapping his pants by the end of the night." He raises one tiny glass in another salute. "Cheers."

Ugh, peach schnapps. If Bro does end up crapping his pants, it's only because he had to gulp down vile pussy liquor. In a way, though, that makes the shots more challenging.

"Cheers, man." He doesn't even bother to raise the glass this time. He just throws it all back in one go and makes a bit of a face as it rushes down his esophagus.

Maybe drinking gross liqueur was Sufferer's plan all along.

Okay no, no it wasn't, he just likes sweet, fruity drinks and makes no apologies for it. He notices Bro's reaction though. "Why don't you pick the next one?" Already starting to get a pleasant buzz over here as the alcohol warms his stomach.

Sour expression on his face or not, he shakes his head fervently. He can do this, man. He's got this.

"Naw, man. Keep the sugary sweet shit coming. The bad taste in my mouth makes for a good challenge."

Oh, it is on. Sufferer flags down the bartender again, and this time, it's strawberry Pucker. "I'm going to make you eat those words."

And down the hatch it goes!

Strawberry pucker? More like strawberry puker. But not before Bro's beaten the Sufferer at this little game. Victory first, puking later. He picks up the shotglass, eyes the pinkish color for a few seconds, then downs it in one go.

"Is that the worst you can do? I've had onions that tasted sweeter than this crap."

Haha, nice. The problem here, of course, is that Sufferer actually likes the syrupy sweet taste of Pucker, he can drink this shit all night.

Which he is clearly prepared to do, as he has the bartender line up a row of brightly colored shot glasses for each of them. "It's like the hemospectrum!" He points at the glass of lime Pucker, starting to feel a little woozy already. "That's the one I would be if I wasn't a mutant!" And down the hatch the lime shot goes.

Even though Bro doesn't like the taste, he can keep drinking all night too. ... Probably. He knows his stomach's been through worse, but he never tried shots. Nobody to compete with, after all. The way he feels now, he figures he can go on for a while without any problems. His stomach's hardly objecting.

"Man. Looks like we're gonna taste the fucking rainbow and run the risk of diabetes." He gulps down a lime shot and reaches straight for the next one. He's not sure what this red shot is. Cherry, maybe? Cranberry? Whatever it is, it's going in.

Sufferer laughs a little too hard at the taste the rainbow comment, and follows Bro's lead, gulping down the cherry shot. The stomach might be fine, but who knows how the head is doing? "This one is the color of Dualscar!" Grape it is.

"It's also the color of the Grimace." He's not sure how his mind got to obscure McDonalds characters, but he's rolling with it. Down the chute and on to this orange one. He's always had a fondness for orange.

"What's a Grimace?" Aw yeah, orange now. Summoner colored!

"I dunno. It's purple and uh... Kinda a square." He pauses to gulp down the orange shot, then waves the empty glass idly. "It used to have four arms, I think? Way back before they made it a dorky sidekick to the burger clown."

"You have burger clowns on Earth?" That sounds vaguely terrifying, and Sufferer pauses in his shot taking, the orange shot still in his hand.

"Yeah. Dude's real powerful. He's got major influence all over the world, that douche. And his burgers taste like shit." With that, he sets the empty shotglass down and reaches for the next one. Careful Sufferer, you're falling behind.

"But is he a clown, or is he a burger?" Important questions! Sufferer sees he's falling behind though, and quickly quaffs the orange shot and reaches for the next one. "I thought Earth wasn't as dangerous as Alternia."

"What?" He pauses for a second, frowning. Then he shakes his head. "No, man. He's a clown selling burgers. Burgers can't be clowns. Clowns can be burgers, I guess, but only after they're dead."

Morbid? Nah. Funny is the word that applies here.

Sufferer laughs at that, and it makes his head spin. He doesn't pick up another shot, instead opting for some peanuts. Maaaaaybe it's time to tone it down a little. "That's gross. Clown burgers." Giggle. "I bet they'd taste funny."

Ohoh, Sufferer's seeking protection from the peanuts. Bro's got this shot contest in the bag, now. He just needs to... Which shot was he gonna go for again? His hand hovers indecisively in front of the remaining spectrum, his brain struggling to stick with the program. Come on, now. ...Light blue. Yes. Going with light blue.

... Oh right. They were talking about clown burgers. "Bet they'd taste like cream pies, balloons and foam. With some colorful wig hair sprayed all over it, maybe."

Sufferer has to put his head down on the table for a minute, but that doesn't mean he can't still eat peanuts and go for the next shot. He'll just get peanut shells on the floor and slop pucker on the bar. Yeah, Bro might have him beaten in the drinking contest.

"I don't think those tastes would go well together...." And now pouring a shot into the side of his mouth.

He pauses, the light blue shot halfway to his mouth, to watch the Sufferer. He's pretty sure it doesn't count if it doesn't get swallowed and with the way it's being poured, half of the troll's shot is going straight to the floor. There's a nasty taste brooding in the back of his mouth, but if he manages to down this blue bugger, he's practically the winner.

Okay, don't barf. Don't think about that ominous feeling of nausea. Don't think about burgers with colorful clown pubes sprinkled all over- oh goddammit now he's thinking about it. His eyes close and he draws a deep breath through his nose. Just give him a second, he's got this.

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for the record, Grimace was always my favorite

Hamburglar ftw

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