vatheon | 06: Why do you live your life in someone else's shadow?

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06: Why do you live your life in someone else's shadow?

Who: Nanaki and Davesprite
When: June 13th
Where: Over the network -> Nanaki's place
Style: action
Status: Closed

[It's been a few days since the fair, and Nanaki has spent most of it relaxing and recharging her 'interacting with people' batteries. Even though she likes hanging out with people, she does need her alone time.

But by Thursday her batteries are recharged and she's ready to talk to people again. She actually considers an open invitation for a hangout, but before she can send out the invitation to the network she remembers how hectic the whole 'help me clean up my apartment and I'll feed you' thing got. Maybe instead of an open invitation, she should just invite one or two people over for a small hangout.

Oddly enough, Davesprite is the first person that comes to mind. He's only one of her many friends, but for some reason she's found herself thinking about him first when she says 'friends' nowadays. Admittedly, he does know how to have fun, so he would be the perfect person to ask over for a movie and game night.

So while she thinks about who else to invite over (if anyone else, Davesprite seems to open up more when it's one-on-one with him), she pushes at a few buttons on her SFC and calls him.]

Hey, you busy tonight?

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I wasn't always like this. 'Sides, it would've been like comparing a master to an apprentice. Bro taught me all I know.

[Davesprite snatches some popcorn while he's at it.]

It sounds like you look up to him.

[Which is good, everyone needs someone to look up to. But then she gets stuck on the name for a moment, and she frowns thoughtfully.]

You know, I think I met someone named Bro who looks like you.

[Oh God.]

Baseball cap? Pointy shades? Spiky hair? That's basically him.

[Davesprite's quiet for a moment.]

I did look up to him, though. Still do, actually, but...it's complicated.

[She nods.]

Yeah, that's him. But why is it complicated? It seemed like he really cared about you, when I talked to him.

[Davesprite shifts a little uncomfortably. The only people he's sort of shared these 'talks' with are Bro and Dirk, and that might as well just count as one person technically. Still...he trusts Nanaki. A lot, if he's honest with himself.]

He's dead, in my world. I was there when he died. Hell, I almost died, and in some ways that would've been preferable. My existence also complicates it a bit. I'm not the same as Dave, just kind of a copy or spare or whatever.

[He manages to keep his poker face and his tone even. How, he's not even all that sure.]

[Nanaki's face falls when she hears that. Of all the things it could have been, death was the one she had been least expecting.]

I'm sorry, I didn't know...

[But the rest of what Davesprite says sounds like it could be just as bad.]

What do you mean, a copy? You're different people.

It's fine. I didn't expect you to know, since we don't really talk about that.

[He's being too casual about this and he kind of knows it, but he's not really in a mood to care.]

Sorta. It's true that I've been through different things he has, but we're still the same person at the core of it all. My best friend kinda had an...issue with that.

[Nanaki frowns. She knows all too well that guys sometimes have trouble talking about their feelings, and that 'my friend' is often code-talk for 'me.']

How do you feel about it?

[How fitting that he means both the code and the real deal. Davesprite just shrugs.]

Bitter. [And it's not easy to get the word out, but after all that Nanaki's shared with him...well, he feels he owes her.] Weak. And I don't think I deserve to have the last name of Strider.

That's not true.

[She knows she shouldn't speak out, that she should be supportive and listen, but she can't stand seeing Davesprite talk about himself that way.]

I don't know your Bro or the other Daves nearly as well as I know you, but I know you're a great guy. It's okay to feel like you're bitter or weak, we're all critical of ourselves. But feeling bitter and weak doesn't mean you're any less of a person.

[Davesprite's a little surprised by this. It's also strangely different hearing this same sentiment from someone outside of his own universe.]

Maybe so, but I feel I failed, and that I'm just a reminder of that failure. Plus...well. I'm not the person my best friend wishes I am, especially the past three years on the golden party boat. The topic of whether I'm 'real' or not hasn't come up, and I haven't gotten the guts to actually bring it up with him and lay it to rest with a two-by-four.

[There's a brief expression of annoyance on his face, but it's gone as quick as a gasp.]

Jesus, I'm just laying the heavy shit on you tonight, huh?

[Heavy or not, it's things that need to be said. And it's probably good that it's being said to Nanaki, she knows exactly what it feels like to be inadequate.

When Davesprite is done speaking, Nanaki sets down the remote and reaches over to grab his hand, taking one of his in both of hers. Then she squeezes it firmly, not trying to hurt him, but trying to make sure it's enough that he can actually feel it.]

Do you feel that?

[Okay now he's openly surprised because this completely catches him off-guard. Davesprite doesn't pull it away, at least.]

...Yeah.

Then you're real. You're not any other Dave, or Bro, or anyone else. You're you, and that's all you can be. You're not a failure because you're not like Dave, and even trying to compare yourself to him is unfair to you. All you can do is be yourself, and remember that this-

[She squeezes his hand again.]

-is the proof of who you are, not what anyone else thinks.

Your friend might have trouble seeing that, and he might need some help realizing it, but before you can help him you have to realize that yourself.

[Davesprite is silent as he listens, glancing down at their hands for a split second. After a moment, he squeezes her hand back.]

It'll take some time before it gets through my hard head. Somehow, I don't think that'll stop you, which probably isn't a bad thing.

[He can at least start to try.]

I'm way too stubborn to give up so easily.

[She gives Davesprite a smile, and then she lets go of his hand.]

I know it was a little straightforward, but I had to say it.

That's not a bad thing. ...Thanks.

[There might be a very light blush. He will, of course, claim that it's a trick of the light.]

Ready to watch Atlantis?

[Of course, that's what it always is.

Also Nanaki totally forgot about the movie until Davesprite said something.]

Oh right, the movie!

[She grabs the remote and hits 'play,' so it can get started.]

[Davesprite raises an eyebrow at that, amused. He turns his attention to the movie, though, surprisingly content after that discussion.]

[Nanaki goes a while without saying anything. She's watching the movie and munching on popcorn every now and then. But when it gets to the part with the flying car-things, she suddenly speaks up.]

I don't get it: how can an ancient civilization have flying cars, while we still haven't managed to figure it out?

[He can't help chuckling a little at that.]

Ancient Atlantian secret. Granted, I think Bro made a rocket skateboard, so my universe might have a one-up on that.

A rocket skateboard?

[Whoops guess who thinks that would be pretty cool to try.]

Like, it flies around and stuff?

Yep. Dirk's got one, too, but he found his in Nostalgia Nook. He might be able to build you one, though, if you're interested.

Oh man, could you? That would be the best thing-

[Wait, no. Being so excited makes her look silly.

She stops there and turns a bit pink before recovering and speaking more normally.]

I-I mean, yeah, that would be cool, if you could.

[She really wants to fly. Holy shit that shouldn't be as adorable as it is.]

I'll put a word in and see what he can do. We can go flying at some point.

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