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Who:Nepeta Leijon and Equius Zahhak
Where: Casa de Highbloods
When: During the unable to lie curse
Status: Closed
Style: Third person

The effects of the current curse are well-known by now, and have led to some very interesting happenings over the network for Nepeta to follow and giggle over. As for herself, she doesn't exactly make a habit of hiding anything, so it's hardly been the calamity some other people were treating it as. If anything, Tavros was getting complimented and fussed over and told how cute he is even more than usual, but after a day or two of this she realizes she shouldn't leave her other quadrant out of all of the fun.

She needed to go visit Equius!

She was pretty sure she'd find him in his hive, possibly still working on fixing the damage done by the flood, or else buried in one of his projects. Either way, he was sure to be fully focused on it and ripe for a good old pouncegreet! Now where could her meowrail be...

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Nefur! she's about to say, but of course the curse won't allow that. "Heehee, of course I am! And I know you do! Equius cuddles are pawesome and one of my favourite things in the world!" She beams at him while pretending to throw her arm across her forehead dramatically. "Ooh, would you really do that fur little old me?"

"Nepeta cuddles are one of my favorite things too," he tells her, smiling down at her dramatics. "You know I would. I would do anything for you, ever since I failed the one time it really counted." Whoops, got a little dark there for a moment, abort, abort! "Do you have any new ships on the wall?"

"I'm glad," she tells him. "Because you will be getting lots and lots of them. Tons of them!" She starts as she means to go on, snuggling even harder - until he mentions that, and she falters, mouth twisting up a little. She doesn't even answer his question about new ships. She's kind of busy trying really hard not to blurt something out.

Any time when Nepeta doesn't jump at a chance to talk about her shipping wall, and Equius knows things just got serious. "Nepeta... if you want to say something, I wish you would."

She squirms about, looking uncomfortable. "Which one time did you mean?" she finally says, only partly to avoid explaining herself. His answer would influence hers, after all.

"There was more than one?!" He is such a shit moirail, he knew it!

"That's not what I meant!" she says very quickly, trying to cut off the thoughts she knew he'd have about himself. "I just want to know when you mean. When you felt that you'd failed me."

"Oh. You know... back in the Veil." He hopes he doesn't have to be any more specific than that.

"You didn't fail me there, Equius," she tells him, looking up quite seriously and touching his shoulder. "It's just...if there was one time...sometimes I'm still afraid of losing you because you won't want me again, like when I got here." That had hurt her a lot more than dying could.

"Nepeta..." Seeing her like this is like a punch to the bulge, and Equius rearranges his arms so they're a little tighter around her before continuing. "I'm sorry. I was wrong when that happened. It was a stupid mistake, and not one I'm going to repeat. If I could take it back, I would."

She lets him hold her tighter, appreciating the reassurance. She kind of needs it right now, because even if most of the time she feels secure in their moirallegiance - sometimes she can't help but remember Equius telling her they're not moirails any more. It had shaken the foundations of everything she believed in.

She's not answering. That is not good. Equius sighs, and lets the truth, courtesy of the curse, flow out of him.

"Not having you here was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. Forgiving Gamzee after... after I went back to the Veil... that was easier than being here without you. The problem was that I'm dangerous without you, Nepeta. When you were here before and then left, I almost culled Sollux when I found out. I might have tried to punch a hole in the bubble if I hadn't been stopped, and Darkleer wasn't even here yet to hold me down if I got completely out of control." Pause for a breath. "I scare myself when I'm like that. I didn't know if you'd ever show up, and I didn't want to hurt anyone, so I... I did what I had to do."

"I understand," she finally says. "I know all of that, I really do! And I'd never want you to end up in danger because of not having someone there to hold you back." She rocks herself a little bit in his arms, going quiet for a moment. "I just didn't know what to do without you. I felt like I lost a part of me, even more than I did when I died."

"That's how I felt without you around, too." Sigh. "Feferi tried, but... it just wasn't the same."

She looks up at him at that, her gaze tentative but...not exactly curious. Needing to know, more like. They've never really discussed what happened in detail, not with how painful it had all been. "It wasn't?"

"No. We spent a lot more time yelling at each other than anything else." Which was okay, it was what he needed at the time, but it just wasn't the same. "I wasn't nearly as calm as I am with you. I put myself in more dangerous situations." He shrugs. "Highbloods don't make very good conciliatory moirails, you know that."

"Oh..." Even though that does make complete sense, somehow Nepeta is surprised, and looks it. Feferi can be a little infuriating sometimes, she knows, but the two of them usually get along so well that she can't imagine her and Equius yelling at each other.

"I do know," she says slowly. "But I didn't think it was like that between you..."

He shrugs. "It was productive yelling, I guess, but... it never lasted very long. I'd get worked up about something again, or she would, and I'd still be worked up from before, and... it wasn't going to last."

"I wish you'd told me all this before," she says, looking down at her hands. "I wouldn't have felt so bad about it maybe."

"You never asked. And I never brought it up, because it's not an easy thing to talk about." He looks off to the side, but doesn't loosen his grip on her at all. "I know I broke your heart, and I would do anything to have never done that. The best I can tell you now is that I would die... again... before I would let that happen a second time. You're going to be my moirail for the rest of our lives, whether you're here or not."

"I thought it would hurt too much to talk about it. But I'm glad that we have now." She's also very glad he's not letting go of her at all. Nothing is more reassuring than her moirail holding her. "I'll pity you for ever and ever, Equius...and even if it hurts a lot to think about, I still know you did the right thing. I wouldn't be a good moirail if I didn't want what's best for you."

"No, the right thing to do would have been to wait for you." He turns his head back around and blows softly into her hair, a very horsey way to show affection and something Aurthor used to do to him. "And I'm going to do the right thing from now on."

"Shh, it's okay now. What's done is done." She giggles a little as he does that, recognizing the gesture for what it is and licking his cheek in response. "I pity you the mostest furever!"

Equius smiles a little when he hears her giggle, and blows more air into her hair. "No, that's impossible, because I already pity you the most forever."

"Noooo," she objects, laughing and wriggling about in his arms. "I do! I insist!"

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I like how this conversation keeps cycling from adorable to serious and back again

it is very like them

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