Nananana na na na na...

[toheirishuman]

Who: John Egbert and you!
Where: The Plaza and/or the grocery store that I'm assuming Vatheon has
When: 10/17/12
Status: Open
Style: Going action because I'm feeling lazy but I'll follow whatever.

A: Plaza
[If you happen to be out at the plaza today, you may come across something small, black, and furry flapping through the air and squeaking loudly. Occasionally, it bumps into a wall or a person (perhaps even you!), almost as though it doesn't quite have the hang of this flying thing down just yet.]

[Upon closer inspection, one would discover that it's a fruit bat wearing a blue bandana. Around its eyes are square, grey markings and it...appears to have buckteeth. Somehow. Yeah, if you know him then it's pretty obvious who this little guy is.]

B: Grocery Store
[Eventually, John manages to find his way to his goal: the grocery store. Why? Because it's lunchtime, he's starving, and that totally fruit aisle has his name on it. While it doesn't take him much effort to locate the fresh fruit, he does manage to knock quite a few things over on his way there. Definitely going to need a clean up on aisle four. But does John care?]

[Nope.]

[Nor does he seem to care how potentially unsanitary it is for him to be eating an apple right in the middle of the display...]

Comments

[bethehugejerk]

--So you can't talk either. Just look, dude--are you a dude?--I'm sorry, okay? You try dealing with weird impulses that make you want to climb things or pounce relatively small, fast-moving objects. At least I stopped.

[He sits down now, tail curling around 'til the tip covers his front paws.]

Look, can we at least clear up whether I know you? You look familiar, but neither speaking weird flapbeast squeak lingo nor being a mindreader, the best I can make is guesses if you don't give me a better hint than "hmm, this bat looks vaguely familiar."

[toheirishuman]

[He shakes his head in response to Karkat's first statement, then falls silent to listen to the rest of it. Okay, he guesses he can forgive the former-troll. At least he was kind enough not to eat him or anything.]

[He nods and squeaks to confirm that, yes, Karkat does indeed know him. Then his brow furrows as he tries to think of a way to convey 'It's me! John!' through batly pantomime. Note to self: have Rose write his name on the kerchief or something whenever he finds her again. Why didn't they think of something like that earlier?]

[Hmm...a-ha! Lightbulb! He squeaks and sort of gestures at Karkat to stay put and then quickly flits into a nearby shop (though not without accidentally hitting a woman in the shoulder on his way in). After a few moments, he reappears, dragging a single, blue sock in his claws.]

[Just the one sock, won't that be obnoxious for somebody in the future? He glides back over to Karkat, drops the sock, and then lands 'on all fours' and starts trying to wriggle his head inside the sock.]

[He wastes exactly two minutes on this tomfoolery, then sits up and throws his wings in the air with a triumphant squeak. Ta-da! Sock head!]

(1/3)

[bethehugejerk]

[Things would be so much easier if John was the kind of god from Amaterasu's world. Ever since being turned into a god himself, however temporarily, Karkat has had a natural (if semi-vague) understanding of her meaning via having experienced a godly mindset. It's weird, sure, but it's undeniably helpful; and it means that talking to regular, speechless animals this week is that much more of a pain.]

[Karkat waits, frowning and impatient, as this bat sorts out how to make it clear. That he does know him is perhaps the only reason he bothers to give him the time of day at all, particularly when he rushes off to the nearby shop. (It's hard not to try to swat him out of the air again.) It's hard too not to wander back over to that enticing arrangement of coral branches and get back to climbing, according to his feline brain. But he stays there, still, and eventually the bat returns.]

(2/3)

[bethehugejerk]

[What the shit is he even doing.]

(3/3)

[bethehugejerk]

[Ultimately, it's not even the sock that clues him in so much as how can one person spend so long trying to wedge his skull into a sock. When the bat squeaks, Karkat reaches out, and goes to tip him over with a prod of his paw.]

John Egbert, you are the most colossal dumbfuck I have ever had the misfortune of knowing. Why are you a bat?

[toheirishuman]

[Skreeee!! Down goes the bat! The flailing is even worse this time since John's new fashion statement prevents him from seeing anything. But eventually he manages to right himself, sock still firmly on his head. He shrugs. To answer your question, Karkat, he has no idea why he's a bat. He certainly didn't ask for it and it wouldn't have been his first choice. But them's the breaks.]

[bethehugejerk]

[He... he still has the sock on.]

Listen, we're not going to have a conversation while you have that stupid thing on. Can you even breathe like that? You look dumb enough with your ungainly flapping without cutting your vision via ugly ill-advised accessory.

[He steps closer, ducks his head, and goes to pull the sock off him - namely by biting onto the end and tugging.]

[toheirishuman]

[Well, Karkat, he doesn't exactly have thumbs or any other conceivable way of getting his head out of this sock on his own. He didn't really think this through all the way to everyone's surprise, just that he needed to prove who he was without being able to speak or write.]

[That being said, help is very much appreciated, thank you! With Karkat pulling the sock one way, he pulls his head the opposite way and is free in mere seconds.]

[bethehugejerk]

[And now he... has a sock in his mouth. If Vatheon had its own YouTube (GlubTube?), this would be perfect for it.]

[He drops the sock.]

A part of me will never in all your sordid existence find it to forgive you for involving me in this. Thank you, you shitweasel, for making me a part of your stupidity.

Where were you going, anyway? Unless you really flapping around like a dope for no good reason.

[toheirishuman]

[That or someone could screencap it and add some silly captions. I HAZ A SAWCK. The possibilities are endless, really. Good thing there's nobody around to go through with it.]

[John blinks a few times then points in the direction of the grocery store with a squeak. He was working on lunch, Karkat. That's what he was doing.]

[bethehugejerk]

[Karkat can at least recognize the direction, or else that would have been a meaningless gesture. You luck out for the moment, John.]

Do you want a ride, or do you want to flap your way there in the must ungainly way you can? Ten points for each person you hit, and you couldn't even make it to the store you got the sock from without hitting one.

[toheirishuman]

[He scowls and gives a short, offended screech before holding his wing up in front of him in the closest approximation of a middle finger he can manage. Which isn't really much of a bird flip at all since he doesn't actually have fingers.]

[But hopefully the message got through.]

[Without warning, he pushes himself from the ground and flaps over to sit down on Karkat's back. You offered, dude. It's happening. Beep beep, meow, let's live up to both parts of your name simultaneously now.]

[bethehugejerk]

You know hand gestures mean nothing from that wing you've got, right?

[Mostly he's being disingenuous. He got the meaning, more or less.]

[Either way, he soon has a bat seated on his back. He shifts a bit, gauging the weight and feel of him there.]

Hold on, and I mean it, because if you fall off I'm carrying you by the scruff the rest of the way.

[Pause.]

If bats even have scruffs. The point is, either stay on me or you get to go the stupidest way I can find to carry you.

[toheirishuman]

[What about sticking his tongue out? Does that have a meaning? Oh wait...he can't see that when John's on his back whoops.]

[He squeaks in acknowledgement and then kinda...]

[Uh...]

[Wow how to do this. Okay...what if he just kinda of puts his wings around Karkat's neck in an awkwardly positioned hug-type deal? This will work, right?]

[Yeah, he's probably going to fall.]

[bethehugejerk]

[This is weird. It's like having a particularly ridiculous collar stuck around his neck. That, and there's the warmth and presence of a bat body against his back.]

I feel like we belong in one of those stupid GrubTube videos that morons wind up watching for hours because they have nothing better to do with their lives. But whatever, let's just get to the store and forget this ever happened.

[And for the moment, he sets off at a trot - better than a slow journey of walking with his short little cat legs, without the risk of jostling him loose by running.]

[toheirishuman]

[John "giggles" and squeaks in agreement. Yeah, this is basically a dumb youtube video in the making right here. Or at least it would be if there were anyone around to film it.]

[He slips and slides a little, but thanks to the reasonable pace, manages to stay clinging to Karkat's neck.]

[bethehugejerk]

[So long as John keeps hold like that, and if no big conversation comes up along the way, it should only be so long before they get to the grocery store. Granted, it certainly takes longer than if they were their normal sizes, but Karkat mitigates that by taking the most direct route he can.]

[So. Doors. Karkat sits down a space away from the entrance.]

Fly your graceless mammalian behind up there and make the motion sensor work. The only other option is me jumping around like an idiot and hoping I leap high enough to catch its metaphorical attention, and we are not going this route when I already carried you across town. You owe me, by the way.