vatheon | Mood(ier) Than Usual

Who: Squall Leonhart and the bubble
Where: A coffee shop in the plaza
When: Morning
Style: Starting in action, feel free to change
Status: Open

[He could not get over it. Squall simply could not get over it. This murder fiasco left him with overwhelming guilt and a feeling of uselessness.

Squall hates feeling useless. And when he tried owning up to his failure, people kept trying to comfort and coddle him. And he couldn't understand why people wouldn't just accept his apologies.

Why is this so much harder than it should be?

Eventually, he stopped trying, needing some time to cool off and feel miserable in peace, so he headed for a coffee shop he visited fairly frequently. Unfortunately for him, the only available seating was outside. The shop had started serving a seasonal blend with pumpkin and spice, business was booming.

And as such, Squall is currently seated at an outdoor table with a pumpkin spice coffee in hand, and he is positively radiating negativity.

Talk to him? Or just ask how that coffee tastes, that's good too.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Serph had been to see Rinoa, so now it's time to see Squall. Admittedly, he should have talked to Squall sooner, but their duties kept that from happening. Well, Serph isn't one to dwell on what he should have done, especially when there's still so much to do. So when he sees Squall, Serph signals his approach by keeping his footsteps audible and takes a seat opposite Squall.]

How are you?

[Squall's original intent was to just be alone, and really, he should know by now that just never happens. Ever. After the line of visitors he's had today, he's not surprised at all to see Serph. At this point, he would have been surprised if he didn't show up.]

Fine.

[Of course. Under other circumstances, there'd be a good chance he'd leave it at that, despite knowing that Squall wasn't fine. But he has a fairly good idea what's wrong in this case and it's definitely not a good idea to let this fester.]

I can listen.

[Or he can, you know, wait here in silence until Squall can't take it any more. Because he'll do that, too.]

[Squall doesn't recall saying that he wanted to say anything. In fact, he's pretty sure that he has given the indication that he does not want to talk about anything that's bothering him.

But if Serph wants to sit there and stare for a while, then he's welcome to. Squall is just going to sit here and drink his coffee.]

...

[SIIIIIIIIP.]

[...shit, that stare is actually kind of unnerving.]

[...goddammit.]

I feel like a failure.

[Serph has absolutely no problem riding out the silence like a pro. So when Squall's silence finally cracks, Serph nods; he understands that feeling. Squall has every right to feel that way. That's the feeling of every leader who cares for the people they lead and protect. Serph isn't about to tell Squall the way things turned out isn't his fault. As leaders of the Defense Force, some of the responsibility lies of them.

...But he doesn't interrupt, allowing Squall to talk freely before he says anything.]

Everyone keeps brushing me off.

[Honestly, he's pretty insulted about it.]

I want them to tell me I screwed up. I want them to get mad. I don't want their lies and pity.

[Serph nods, agreeing with those statements. Yes, Squall screwed up. Serph screwed up. But he follows Squall's statement with...]

What do you intend to do now?

Edited 2012-10-14 02:11 (UTC)

[Do? What can he do? Does Vatheon even want to let him do anything now that he made the screw up of the century?]

Maybe I should resign.

[Sorry Squall, did you say something? Because Serph just reached over and slapped you.]

[WHAT

He's just going to...stare at Serph a little bit.

Good thing he wasn't holding his coffee when you hit him.]

[Serph is polite enough to make sure Squall hadn't been holding the coffee, see. Imagine if Serph still wore his Tag Ring and had slapped Squall with his left hand. Things could have been so much worse.

Serph's expression looks a lot like his usual neutral one, but his mouth is a flat line.]

Why did you become a leader of the Defense Force?

Edited 2012-10-14 08:53 (UTC)

[Why? Squall used to never think of himself as a leader type. But he was always thrust into the role ever since graduating his training. He was the leader of the group sent to Timber, continued to be leader once the group grew and objectives changed, and Cid forced him to become Garden's leader.]

I wanted to help.

[Help Vatheon. Help Minato. Help himself.]

[Squall wanted people to get mad? Well... Serph isn't mad -- people die when he's truly angry -- but right now he's speaking slightly slower than usual, his words more articulated.]

Are you going to stop helping because it's become difficult?

[It's not that Squall wants to stop. But...]

Do people even still want me?

[He thinks back to what he told Heat: a leader is only as good as his followers.]

[It's not really like Squall to presume others' thoughts. And really, it's not really about what other people think about Squall, but what Squall thinks they think, which is really just a manifestation of his own failure.]

That isn't something you decide on your own.

[Because it's Squall's telling himself they don't want him. No one else. Serph continues.]

Leaders sometimes make mistakes. [Serph glances away briefly.] There are always consequences.

[He knows it all too well. What happened the past month is small stuff to Serph. He turns his attention back to Squall, expression set.]

But leaders keep going.

[These are things that Squall should know. But the truth is, he's not that experienced of a leader. He came into the role back in his world because he was forced to. And being a leader of mercenaries was different from being a leader of a group of volunteers that protect those who need it.

He almost wants to just slink away from Serph, just to get away from that gaze.

He still has a way to go.]

I understand.

[Good.

Serph nods and rises from his seat.]

I expect to see you tomorrow when we trade shifts.

Mood(ier) Than Usual

MUFUFUFU~ [the last visitor]

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protagonisting protagonists in under 10 comments