奥村 燐 | Okumura Rin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
keepsthefire) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
vatheon2012-10-08 05:45 pm
keepsthefire) wrote in vatheon2012-10-08 05:45 pm
Entry tags:
Plant your hope with good seeds, don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds...
Who: The Derpiest of DerpCouples
Where: Da Villa~
When: After this conversation
Style: Actioooon~
Status: Closed
[Maka had every right to yell at him. Rin didn't know just what had come over him, but thinking on it now, it scared him. He knew he was angry but he had been painfully unaware that he had lost so much faith in humanity during the weeks that the murders and other incidents were taking place. Each one had chipped away at him, riling him more and more until--...
He had snapped.
That was all there was to it.
He couldn't sleep, even after she had told him to. He just stared at the wall, arms hugged around his body, feeling cold even though the Villa was plenty warm inside.
What if she hadn't stopped him? What if he had gone after Riff like he had gone after Vanitas?
What if what if what if all all fucking what ifs.
How much longer would it be before he lost it again, became the monster he was trying so hard not to? How much longer until he hurt his friends again?
Maka?
His brother?
Questions he couldn't answer.
And neither could the wall he was staring at.]
Where: Da Villa~
When: After this conversation
Style: Actioooon~
Status: Closed
[Maka had every right to yell at him. Rin didn't know just what had come over him, but thinking on it now, it scared him. He knew he was angry but he had been painfully unaware that he had lost so much faith in humanity during the weeks that the murders and other incidents were taking place. Each one had chipped away at him, riling him more and more until--...
He had snapped.
That was all there was to it.
He couldn't sleep, even after she had told him to. He just stared at the wall, arms hugged around his body, feeling cold even though the Villa was plenty warm inside.
What if she hadn't stopped him? What if he had gone after Riff like he had gone after Vanitas?
What if what if what if all all fucking what ifs.
How much longer would it be before he lost it again, became the monster he was trying so hard not to? How much longer until he hurt his friends again?
Maka?
His brother?
Questions he couldn't answer.
And neither could the wall he was staring at.]
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She doesn't outright settle down on the bed with him at first, but with how quiet it is in the room he more than likely heard her coming in. She's turning things over in her mind, what he said and even what she said. Revenge certainly wouldn't have made her own death any better for her, yes, but...it wasn't a stranger that killed her. And he wasn't intending to do it. She believed that the man Rin threatened was just as out of control of himself as Kid had been, but...certainly for different reasons.
But still, revenge is a double edged sword.
There's a small sigh before she finally sits down on the bed.]
Rin.
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He rolled over away from the silent wall, though he didn't sit up, simply blinking his blue eyes at her in the dimness of the unlit room.]
... hey.
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[She considers making a joke about Rin befriending the wall, but levity isn't really going to help anything in this situation.]
You're thinking about it again, aren't you? Losing control.
[Blunt, sure, but nobody ever said Maka had tact.]
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Sometimes, it's actually better than some one trying to dance around the issue.]
... yeah.
[He doesn't say anything more. The strain in his voice speaks volumes to how he's feeling right then.]
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What you said isn't so different than anything a regular person would say, you know. People speak out of anger all the time. It's a human thing.
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[He goes quiet, lips pressing tight together before he speaks again.]
It was what I was thinkin'...
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[Reading minds is not an ability she has acquired yet from her experiences, sadly.]
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[He says it slowly, calmly, but his voice still trembles at saying the words out loud. He realizes how awful it sounds, coming from some one who has tried so hard to good with the power he has.]
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I can't pretend that criminals and bad people don't exist. Even without the kishin and infections of insanity in my world, there are murderers and robbers and rapists and all sorts of terrible humans...but...for every bad human, there are a handful of good ones that are their victims. I was born to protect them; my upbringing, my abilities, my training, it's all meant for me to do good and protect people.
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[Bitter as the words sound, the way he speaks them only makes him sound sad... and maybe a touch envious. Difficult as her life has been, at least Maka knew from the get-go what she was going to be and what she was.
Rin wasn't so lucky. Fifteen years just to find out it was all a lie...
It still stings, to know that, and to know what he could very easily become just by slipping a little bit.]
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[She's heard about enough, scooting in closer for the cuddling now.]
You were born with hope. Even if you were from a union between a human and a demon, it was because your mother wanted to show Satan what life with humans was really like wasn't it? That humans and demons can live together after all...they don't have to be enemies.
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But he knows better than that. She ran to him when he was out of his mind before, and showed no fear in taking him in to her arms to calm him down. She didn't stop then, and she obviously wasn't about to now, even if he said something about it.
His head moves, pressing against her shoulder as he closes his eyes.]
I'm still afraid of it... I always thought I could overcome everything by willpower alone... but it barely took anythin' to make me slip...
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[Give herself time to stew in resentment about her own failures.
No, she can't say that.]
I don't worry as much as I used to.
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[He knows it shouldn't surprise him, but it does. Maybe it's because he's actually hearing it now - like some part of him needed verbal confirmation to know that he was actually doing something right in his life after so many screw ups.]
I wanna rely on other people, but... I'm scared of losin' 'em, too...
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Mrs. Brisby lost her husband, you know. She had to raise her children alone and they're not even here in Vatheon. But she told me that even with loss, you can't stop. You always have to be strong. Even if you lose one person, there's always someone else that's relying on you. I've lost a lot of people that matter to me since I've been here, but she's right. I can't stop. She's relying on me to be strong and stay healthy, John and Rose are relying on me, you're relying on me...
Even if you don't realize it, there's always someone whose connection to you matters.
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[A tired sigh escapes. He's been running himself ragged. Again. For Alister's sake as well as so many others.
He's still not sure if sleep is going to come any time soon, though.]
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[And this is accompanied with some aggressive snugging, dammit.]
I think if you do the most good that you can, spread the most love and cheer that you can, be strong and happy...only good things can follow that. I don't think you necessarily CAN'T protect everyone, just that you shouldn't wear yourself out doing it, that would make them unhappy too.
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[Though he's not entirely sure how to accomplish both - protect everyone and not wear himself out in the meantime.]
... are you unhappy?
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Yup. That makes him happy.]
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...At least you're my dork.
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Or don't, that would wake him up again and it will be awful.
So she just gently presses a kiss to his forehead and lies back to wait for inevitable nap times.]
You're the strongest and kindest person I know, Rin. Remember that.
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[Yup. He's getting there. Eyes closing, breathing evening out... he might finally sleep well for the first time in weeks.
Although, sorry Maka. You might be pinned for the foreseeable future.]
I will... thank you, Maka...