Guy Cecil ☼ [Gᴀɪʟᴀʀᴅɪᴀ•Gᴀʟᴀɴ•Gᴀʀᴅɪᴏs] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
relinquishing) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
vatheon2012-08-27 11:10 pm
relinquishing) wrote in vatheon2012-08-27 11:10 pm
Entry tags:
Is there something different?
Who: Guy Cecil and Luke fon Fabre
Where: Yutopil 1-5
When: Early morning of the 27th
Style: Brackets everywhere!
Status: Closed
[At this very moment, Guy just assumed that the curse had skipped him over. He was awake late enough to see the glow of the symbol on his right hand. He knew enough that he was expecting disaster. At least something.. awkward.
But no, it seemed like a perfectly normal morning. Luke was still around, although very much asleep. As far as he can tell from the SFC broadcasts, there isn't much that stands out.
Hmm.
Well, might as well stay optimistic until he knows what's going on. Still, the blonde doesn't seem to notice the extra spring in his step as he works around the apartment, poking his head every once in a while to check up on Luke. He's... certainly taking his time making sure that breakfast is alright.
This is completely normal, though!
...right?]
Where: Yutopil 1-5
When: Early morning of the 27th
Style: Brackets everywhere!
Status: Closed
[At this very moment, Guy just assumed that the curse had skipped him over. He was awake late enough to see the glow of the symbol on his right hand. He knew enough that he was expecting disaster. At least something.. awkward.
But no, it seemed like a perfectly normal morning. Luke was still around, although very much asleep. As far as he can tell from the SFC broadcasts, there isn't much that stands out.
Hmm.
Well, might as well stay optimistic until he knows what's going on. Still, the blonde doesn't seem to notice the extra spring in his step as he works around the apartment, poking his head every once in a while to check up on Luke. He's... certainly taking his time making sure that breakfast is alright.
This is completely normal, though!
...right?]
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But there's something wrong about being asleep, too. Ever since he killed his first human being, Luke had never been able to sleep well. The Akzeriuth disaster only made it worse. Every night seemed to be filled with screaming and accusations and absolute horror. Every night Luke woke up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, the little itches on his body or noises in the night always translating in his mind as a decaying hand grabbing at him, or the apartment about to break apart, or something worse.
This was no different. He'd finally gone to sleep, but the nightmares plagued him once again. A small child was grabbing at him, begging to be saved, dragging him into the sea of violet mud with him, and Luke could only claw at the ground, the covers, and let out a scream, a groan, and fight, twist, unable to save himself -
Every night. Every night.]
no subject
Luke...? You awake?
[The only response he gets is a quiet, pained groan.
Well.
The blonde is up the stairs in an instant, hovering over Luke with an aura of extreme concern. It only takes a minute to realize that Luke is still very asleep - a restless, fitful, violent sleep, but asleep nonetheless.
A hand gently rests against one of Luke's clenched fists, the other up against his hair, the blonde keeping his voice low and surprisingly gentle as he leans over the bed.]
Luke.
Shhhh, Luke, it's alright.
Wake up.
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OF COURSE IT'S YOUR FAULT
A MERE REPLICA
I'M GOING TO BE SICK
DIE
WAKE UP
Despite Guy's best efforts, Luke doesn't wake up gently. His eyes snap open, and he snaps to a sitting position in the bed - ]
Aah! [He cries out as he flings his hand from Guy's hold and stares ahead with wide eyes, the dream still clinging tight to his thoughts and memories for that instant. Even though he's awake, he still sees that face, hears that voice, feels the freezing sea all around him, choking him.]
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Guy starts at the cry, stepping back from the bed as Luke flings himself up. It's only for a moment, though - as soon as he's gathered his composure, Guy is slipping back onto the covers, gingerly moving to rest a hand against Luke's shoulder. He's not moving any further - not until he knows that the redhead won't push him away.]
Luke... Luke, hey, it's alright. It's just me.
Just breathe.
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Wha...
[And then clarity settles in. The person beside him is Guy, there are blankets in his bed rather than sea and mud, and nothing is trying to get him. To persecute him. To murder him.
He lets out a long sigh, and his posture seems to relax as he leans forward and presses his palm against his forehead.]
Guy...
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Looked like you were having one hell of a dream, huh?
[Normally, Guy would cut himself off there - leave the room, or change the subject. Bring Luke to the breakfast table. Get him to focus on something that wasn't whatever was going on in his head.
But today, he stays. That gentle concern seeps onto his face - a compassion he doesn't normally rely on.
Not that he notices... or seems to care either way. He wasn't the one needing help right now.]
Are you alright?
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It's a good change, though. So, Luke just lowers his head again and lets his hand drop to his lap, then just stares down at the blankets.]
Yeah... yeah. I'm fine. I'll be fine. I just... need to get my head sorted out or something, I guess.
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Fingers move from shoulder to hair, gently ruffling rather than a distracting, playful motion - another gesture that was similar, and yet... different.]
Do you want to talk about it?
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... Do you want to hear about it?
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[It's an honest question. He wouldn't have asked otherwise, right?]
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I keep dreaming about... what I did.
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...With Akzeriuth?
[Luke had alluded to it a while back, right after he had first arrived in the city. Nightmares that kept him awake, constantly distracted him. It made enough sense, with everything that had been thrown at Luke that day even without the enormous bloodshed. Guy had just never voiced it. It was late at night, Luke had already looked upset enough to cry over it.
He wasn't going to pretend it wasn't a painful topic. But--]
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[He lowers his head now, to rest his forehead against his knees. It's easier to talk when his head is down.]
I dream about everyone who died. Not just the ones I kill, even... even though I see them a lot. Every time I start dreaming... I dream about blood. I see the faces of the people we killed, and the monsters are huge and ugly and - they're there, but they don't attack or anything, but they... they've got wounds all over them, like when we killed them.
Sometimes it's a hallway with blood all over the door, sometimes it's the deck of the Tartarus... lately, though, it's been this sea of miasma. All these dead people either keep looking at me like I did something wrong, or they're all in the miasma, and they're trying to drag me in with them.
[His voice is quiet, bordering on shaking. It's hard to talk about this.]
And - sometimes you guys are there. You're all... leaving me. You say I don't deserve to be saved, you all go with... with Asch. Asch says stuff to me too... about being a replica. About being sick of me. Then all of you turn and walk away while -
[He cuts himself off there.]
hi have some keywords
To have nightmares about death, about destruction.... yeah, it happened. He had ones of his own. Sometimes about his family. The night they died. Of the first people he ever killed. Of Akzeriuth crumbling, watching thousands of people die in front of his eyes. They could be gruesome, leaving one in a cold sweat, heart pounding.
But what Luke was describing was a horror that Guy felt he couldn't really understand. He could try. On any other day, he probably would have tried. Attempted an empathy he probably had no right in aiming for.
But this was Luke's nightmare. What he feared the most, what weighed on his heart, haunting him.
Even the moment on the Tartarus, the abandonment of Yulia City - something Guy hadn't ever thought about. He wasn't aware Luke was watching then. But if he had been...
...]
...How often do you dream like this...?
aaaaah ;~;
He stays silent for a moment, his hands grip into his legs; he wants to speak, but it's hard when he feels like his voice will crack or choke up or something else that's stupid. It's only after a long moment that he finally does, and as he thought, his stupid voice is choked up.]
Every night. Sometimes several times a night.
no subject
Every night.
Every night, playing a horror of blood, poison, death...
How--]
...and nothing helps them go away? Nothing at all?
[...No wonder the boy looked exhausted every morning.]
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He's been able to go back to sleep easier because of all the advice he got. But actually sleeping soundly, peacefully? He's yet to achieve that.]
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But he couldn't.
He couldn't, he couldn't, what could he even say or do to make this better?
Right now... nothing. He hates it - hates this, to be in a position of the guardian with no way to help the one he oversaw. But there was nothing he could do.
So he doesn't.
He lets the silence stay put for a long while, simply keeping his hold on the redhead and gently stroking his hair. It's only after the silence becomes uncomfortable that he finally speaks, quietly and... almost apologetically.]
...
...I'm sorry, Luke.
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So when Guy speaks up, Luke's able to lift his head just slightly in acknowledgement and finally talk again.]
Sorry? [For the dreams he's having? Ha... but he sure deserves all these dreams.]
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For being ignorant, I guess.
That you've had to do something like this alone.
That no one listened back then, when it mattered more than we thought... That no one's really listened now. [That he hasn't bothered to listen, even when he had the faith that Luke could make it through his mistakes.
His voice drops in volume, gaze glazing over.]
I don't care what it is a person might have done, what they're guilty or innocent of... No one deserves any of that.
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Then comes that last part, and Luke turns his head away and rests his cheek against his knee instead of his chin. He mumbles at first, realizes that he's being too quiet, then shuts his eyes and speaks up.]
I deserve it.
[He does. He's absolutely sure. It's why, in a sense, Luke doesn't want to get help for this. Not when he'd done such horrible things, not when he has no other way to make up for them.
Saving St. Binah was not only something to focus on, not only a quest to save everyone as well as to stop the world from destroying itself further by his hand, but also a small form of atonement. Of course, he knew he could never fully make up for what he did. The weight of thousands of lives would bear down on his shoulders for as long as he lived. But if he could save this one city...]
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[The protest is immediate, desperate and a little angry - the first sharp comment to leave his mouth the entire night. He winces against Luke's shoulder, swallowing his words and letting the silence hang awkwardly.
He doesn't seem to realize how tightly his fingers are gripping into Luke's shirt.]
No.
No, you don't. You never did.
[Pained. Vulnerable. But earnest. More earnest than he's ever sounded in his life, let alone around Luke.]
It may have been your body that was used. But that doesn't mean it's your fault, or that you deserve any of this.
You deserve to learn. You deserve just as much as much happiness as anyone else. You deserve a second chance without having the weight of the world on your shoulders.
That's.... That's why I came back for you...
[The words trickle to a halt, his grip finally easing up.
He knew Luke was capable of more. He always knew. Even when it looked like Luke had made the worst of mistakes - even when he assumed the absolute worst of his young master's character - he never thought the boy was any less deserving of a chance. As painful as it was to admit, Van had toyed with the boy far more than Guy could ever find comfortable now. It may have been Luke's hyperresonance and questionable dedication that destroyed the Sephiroth. But it was Van's intentions. Van's plan. Van's words. Van's subtle hins and tricks and abilities to take a clean slate and use it to his advantage.
A clean slate that Guy had a part in.
His spoiling.
His softness.
His apathy to letting Luke learn anything but the basics. The less you teach a foe, the easier they are to defeat.
He was the one who looked out for Luke. He was the one that was ultimately responsible for Luke's behavior and actions. Why he didn't know as much as he could have. Why he never questioned Van.
It wasn't Luke's fault. At that moment, all he was worth was a... weapon. A completely oblivious and willing toy. And the toy doesn't get to choose how it's used when someone decides to play around with it, does it?
Guy can't quite get the pit out of his stomach at the thought.]
no subject
It... wasn't his fault. He didn't deserve this. Lloyd was the first person to say that, even without knowing the details. Now Guy's saying it. Guy, who was there, who saw how Luke acted. Who thought little of him when Luke was panicked and in utter denial and fear.
And that's why he came back? Because he didn't deserve it?
...
Then why...
Then why did everyone else back home act like he did?
Suddenly, Luke feels like he needs to explain himself. Tell him just how helpless he was, now that Guy's not dismissing him and the situation entirely. It just... It seems like, to him, that it'll be the only chance he gets.
And when he speaks, his voice shakes.]
I didn't mean to... I didn't mean to. I couldn't control it. When... When Master Van called me foolish replica Luke, my body just - I couldn't even feel what I was doing anymore. Suddenly - It was like - like all of the fonslots in my body opened up by themselves, and there was this power rising up and there was nothing I could do about it - I couldn't even stop it -
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[The description hardly settles well with him, although he isn't about to let that show on his features. His gut reaction wants to chide Luke for not making any more excuses than he has to, that it isn't going to help what happened. But that isn't what he chooses. That isn't what Luke needs right now - he needs to be listened to, to be heard out completely and understood. Guy can easily hear that tremor in the redhead's voice, like he was on the verge of crying but forcing himself to choke it back.
It wasn't the flustered tears of a spoiled child grasping at straws to make himself feel better. It was honest hurt. Confusion. And something else Guy couldn't really pinpoint.
...
He gives Luke a moment of silence, rubbing a palm against his back and letting him breath, before gently prodding with his own question.]
...What do you mean, they opened by themselves? Did he do something to you?
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I don't... When we were on that ferry heading back to Baticul, I - I don't know. Something happened and - I blacked out. I thought I heard Master Van saying something to me, like "listen to my voice and relax", but I don't... I don't remember.
[One hand slides up to grip hard into his hair. How could that have happened? Why couldn't he control himself? He was trying to do what Van told him to on the ferry, to relax and focus on his fingertips, but it wasn't working and - ]
When it... When it was over, in Akzeriuth, I... before I passed out, Master Van, he... he said...
[The memory flashes through his head as he speaks.] "You've finally proven useful, replica."