black_dogstar: (Default)
Sirius Black ([personal profile] black_dogstar) wrote in [community profile] vatheon2012-01-24 12:17 pm
Entry tags:

Balance is something fragile

Who: Shin and Sirius
Where: Marauder Mansion
When: Afternoon
Style: Whatever you want, bb~
Status: Clooooosed


[A part of him really didn't want to have this discussion or to even think about what had happened ever again while he could avoid it. However, he also knew that he owed it to Shin to tell him what had happened. No matter what consequences that brought.

Telling Shin about what had gone on back home would bring up a lot of bad things: war, Lily and James' deaths, and the fact that Sirius had gone a little crazy and tried to murder someone and was now in jail and hadn't even succeeded in his 'mission.'

He had a feeling he knew what Shin's response would be to the first two...but that other part...the part Sirius wished he could bury and never bring back up, that one he couldn't guess.

But...after his conversations with Shin and what had happened with Snape...well, what if Peter showed up here one day? Sirius wasn't certain he'd be able to control himself and, by that point, it'd be too late to try and explain.

No...even if Shin was disgusted and pushed him away, he'd rather be open about what he'd done than let it be a snake-in-the-grass at some later point. So, he left a message written out where he knew Shin would find it, a simple 'I need to talk to you whe you have a chance' and then disappeared into their room to wait.
shounenphelps: (another curious case of sirius black)

[personal profile] shounenphelps 2012-01-24 07:15 pm (UTC)(link)
[Shin found the note and pretty much dropped what he was doing, after cleaning up. After reaching their room, he stood in the doorway a moment, just looking at Sirius - there was something in the air that Shin never liked. Now, his expression was just as tense as Sirius's, so he moved into the room and shut the door behind him.]

What's wrong?
Edited 2012-01-24 20:28 (UTC)
shounenphelps: (contemplating and concerned)

[personal profile] shounenphelps 2012-01-25 12:33 am (UTC)(link)
[Shin approached, trying to look as reassuring as he could.]

I meant what I said, Syr - if all it's going to do is upset you by talking about it... It doesn't matter if I should know, or if you think it's not fair, I don't need to unless you're really ready.

['Not fair' was his armor controlling who he chose to fight against and when; 'not fair' was having to re-take his armor just to help his friends. To Shin, having not a clue what Sirius had went through, it was a much smaller issue. Ignorance is indeed bliss.]

I trust you.
shounenphelps: (resolve crumbling)

[personal profile] shounenphelps 2012-01-25 07:21 am (UTC)(link)
[Shin sighed heavily, still in the dark about what could possibly have been so disturbing that Sirius would act this way. He sat down on the bed.]

... Parts. I'm getting the impression I'll have questions along the way.

[Shin was worried, for sure, but trying not to sound despondent, for Sirius's sake. This was clearly important to him - to share it with Shin. Maybe that would make the pain easier to bear? Shin certainly knew that from experience with the Troopers.

Was this unknown trauma due to something in Western society? Was it due to his magical society? Was it his family, whom he'd alluded to exactly once in the months Shin had known him? Was it just... some event unique to Sirius? Shin had no idea, but he assumed the issue would be convoluted, whatever it was.]


I'll try not to drag it out any longer than necessary, though, for your sake.
Edited 2012-01-25 07:21 (UTC)
shounenphelps: (grave considerations)

Bawl...

[personal profile] shounenphelps 2012-01-25 08:14 pm (UTC)(link)
[Shin listened quietly, nodding as was courteous. It reminded him all too much of not only World War II history, but of Arago's arbitrary decision that the Human World should feed the Nether World's needs, simply because he had the power to dominate them using the Armors.]

Lily told me about that in passing. It's not easy... fighting based on a hope that things will get better.

[One thing certainly made sense.] I can see why you're not keen on bloodlines now. [His tone wasn't judgmental; purely an observation. Sirius's opinion was a product of a seriously divisive circumstance, same as Shin's.]
shounenphelps: (sympathy and sadness)

Of course ;;

[personal profile] shounenphelps 2012-01-26 06:21 am (UTC)(link)
[Shin's expression shifted from concerned to downright heartbroken - yeah, he hadn't known or cared about James and Lily all that long, but he knew perfectly well how much they meant to Sirius.]

Oh Syr...

[So that was how Lily and James came to die. To be betrayed like that... it was nothing compared to Shin's running away. And how he'd felt when he realized he'd nearly killed his friends - the shame, the remorse, the worthlessness... He could only imagine how much worse it'd been for Sirius. It must've felt like when they'd all struck Ryou - as if he'd been the one to strike them down.]

And you blame yourself... don't you?

[So far, that was the only reason Shin could see for Sirius to feel so 'dirty' that he wouldn't come near Shin when he'd first returned.]

Or, wait... I don't know much about Peter - I don't blame you after what you just said - but why not tell Remus? I thought you... [Loved him? Maybe even back then? At least cared about him as much as James, surely. It made Shin's heart ache to think of it at all, but... that part he really wanted to know.]
Edited 2012-01-26 06:35 (UTC)
shounenphelps: (☯ like i always do)

[personal profile] shounenphelps 2012-01-26 07:46 am (UTC)(link)
Abandoned him.

[Shin sighed and folded his hands under his chin. He wanted nothing more than to comfort Sirius, but he knew that wasn't what Sirius needed right now. This was about coming to terms with this part of his past.]

You made a choice; you did what you thought was best. [He cocked his head toward Sirius for a brief look at his back, then returned it to his own lap.] And sometimes what you think is best... isn't. There's no apology that can rewrite history when human lives are at stake.

For my part, I can't think less of you for facing it head on like that, regardless of the outcome. You couldn't see the whole picture, had no idea what this powerful wizard was planning, and still you fought. That takes courage, Sirius, and selflessness.
shounenphelps: (baww worried)

[personal profile] shounenphelps 2012-02-01 06:41 am (UTC)(link)
[It darn near broke Shin's heart to hear that from Sirius and not for the reasons Sirius was expecting. Shin went right up to Syr's back and put his hands there, then leaned his forehead against Syr's spine.]

Please, don't do this again - don't think of yourself that way. [It made sense in retrospect how Sirius had acted, but that didn't make Shin feel any better. Sirius was still in pain.] It's disgusting what Peter caused to happen - truly disgusting - but when evil people set their minds to such deeds... What would be truly horrible is if you were proud of those acts, if you had no remorse.

Anta, I'm... [He clenched his fists.] I'm no better. Do you really think anyone who's been in battle has no blood on their soul?
shounenphelps: (☯ like i always do)

[personal profile] shounenphelps 2012-02-06 04:49 pm (UTC)(link)
Remember what I told you... [He was still speaking at Sirius's back.] About why I don't use my armor needlessly? I wanted to believe we could control the battlelust inherent in them, that we could shape our own destinies and... and that it was humans against evil spirits. Not other humans. When that reality faced me, I...

I threw it all away.

And because of me... because I couldn't bear to fight another human with that armor... my closest friends nearly died.

[He gripped Sirius's shirt, as if hoping he wouldn't turn around in that moment, and quickly said what was on his mind before his voice broke completely.] You didn't make Peter do any of those things; you weren't responsible for his actions. On the other hand, I'm- I'm responsible for mine.
shounenphelps: (confused and questioning)

[personal profile] shounenphelps 2012-02-16 07:04 pm (UTC)(link)
I never even gave that a thought. [He sunk into the hug, head on Sirius's shoulder.]

I'm not proud of my choices and neither are you, so they shouldn't define us. I don't want that. War is just... a horrible thing. [He sighed, almost grumbling.] I still wish I didn't have this armor, but at this point - [His voice got softer.] I wouldn't want anyone else to have to bear it.

... And at least this is a pain we both know.
shounenphelps: (wistful smile)

[personal profile] shounenphelps 2012-02-21 03:24 am (UTC)(link)
No, thank you- [Shin pulled back just enough to reach up with his hands to where Sirius's neck met his nape.] For telling me what was bothering you, at last.

[He smiled.] Just because I was a virgin doesn't mean I was - or still am - naïve, Syr.