vatheon | (no subject)

Wandering through the marketplace did well to keep her mind off of more aggravating matters. It had been nothing but rocky roads since this bubble appeared and she was hardly appreciative of its presence. Being around anyone she knew only made things worse for her and with that she decided that she just needed to keep her distance from everyone until this curse blew over. She'd take a cold over this any day.

During her travels in the marketplace she had sneaked away an apple a ways back from a fruit vendor and was now happily munching away on it as she turned a corner.

Right straight into Tavros. The apple fell from her hand as she stumbled back, wings fluttering in surprise.

"Hey watch it- Pupa?"

Tavros practically hit her at full force, not noticing he was even near someone until he was practically on top of her. He fumbled to keep his books in arm, but they get away from him before he can get a good hold. "Oh! I, uh.. I'm sorry. I wasn't-"

Oh. It's her. "Looking where... I was going."

Well. Humph. He wasn't actually sure how to handle facing off with the girl that killed him. Almost killed him. What ever. Granted he did attack her and as trolls go she was in her right, but that didn't make it any better. Dying wasn't heroic or glorious, it was pathetic and terrifying and nothing was going to wipe that memory away.

So he just knelt to pick up his books, intending to just take them and leave. His bubble had more to say about it though, mostly an image of her cackling gleefully at the edge of the platform she'd dropped him from like his death had been the highlight of her evening.

Before he manages to grab all of his books she snatches one away and begins to flip through it. She catches sight of his bubble and the image of herself from his point of view- her stomach makes a funny twist.

"Chocobos and You? What the hell is this shit, Pupa? Don't tell me you're getting into this featherbeast crap too!" Her bubble didn't do her any favors in showing off a particular scene where she had to battle off a few large chocobos away from her wings before she forced herself to think of spiders crawling.

He actually maybe smirked a little when he saw her bubble, and his filled with chocobos prancing around. "It's not crap. " Tav said as he reached to snatch the book away from her. "They are, uh... actually very beautiful creatures, and would make valiant steeds."

She moves the book away from his reach again, smirking. "Yeah and I bet they'd make a pretty good sandwich too! Maybe I should start raising these stupid things, yeah? I'll never run out of food!" She cackled, still running her nails through the book's pages.

"I'm sure your little flushcrush Leijon would share my sentiments."

Tavros went after the book again, giving her the grumpiest face he could muster. He had legs and can actually dart around again. "She's... not just a crush! Nepeta is my matesprit now and, uh... she would never, eat an animal that is a friend too!"

At his declaration she frowns briefly and tsks before throwing the book roughly at him. "Whatever! You two are disgusting enough for each other so I guuuuuuuuess it makes sense!"

She pushes back some of her hair, wings stiff behind her.

"Hey!" He scrambled to try and grab the book without dropping the ones he was already holding on to. "We are not disgusting! And, I don't want you saying bad things, about Nepeta ever again! She is everything good, that you have never been!"

Her eyes snap to him then, teeth gritting together. She could feel her stomach churn and if this were sweeps ago should have been excited to see Tavros so... so confident.

But now it just made her sick and furious.

"Are you fucking kidding me? You're joking, right? You're joking!" She suddenly advanced on him, eyes ablaze with fury. "How fucking dare you! After everything I did to help you- and this is what you say to me? I ought to rip your tongue out right now!"

"So, uhhh... taking my brain, and jumping me off a cliff, and making me so I could not walk was being helpful?"

Tavros was clutching his books to his chest like some sort of shield, and he remembered what Signless had said about it being okay to be scared. So he fixed her with a stern look, even if he couldn't help but think about the lance in his chest again. It's something that was going to stick with him, especially facing her again. "All you did, was boss me around. Even when I thought, we were actually being friends again."

His bubble switched from the lance in his chest to when they were together in her world, then they actually seemed like they were having fun, the image periodically flashing to scenes of her dying and being forced to scrawl words on the walls in blood.

Her bubble was flashing blue and brown and then to her dying slowly in her dream bubble, blue on yellow. It was really fucking painful, but she was so sure he could do it.

You can do this you can do this you c8n do th8s you c8n

"If it weren't for me looking out for you all those sweeps you would have been culled long ago! Who would want a weak lowblood like you around if you couldn't at least stand up for yourself against other trolls!" By the time he was ready to face her she was at the end of her patience. Admittedly, lancing him wasn't one of her proudest moments... The bubble flickers away from her own death to his after he had disappeared down below and her fists clench.

"You can't do anything right!" You can't love me right, you can't kill me right, you can't fight me right, you can't even die right!

Her death came very near to driving him mad, especially when they hit the point where he couldn't tell who she was talking to anymore. It was too much and he broke, and he'd hated himself for it ever since. The amount of guilt was so great that he couldn't stand even being awake anymore. How he managed to make it through the rest of the game after that was anyone's guess. Even if he had managed to hide some of how much of a wreck he'd become after that, the bubble wasn't about to give him any reprieves.

i'M SORRY, i'M SORRY, i'M SORRY, i'M SORRY, i'M SORRY, i'M SORRY, i'M SORRY, i'M SORRY,

"I think that is because I am not you, and doing things your way was very much doing things, the wrong way." He was a lot stronger now, at least he'd like to think so. He finally felt like he was actually worth something. There were hiccups now and again but for the most part he'd been left to grow naturally. "I needed to find the way that is mine and, uh... you kept me from doing that."

Even trying to fight her the way he had was still more 'her' way, and he wasn't going to make the same mistakes again.

She felt cheated. Cheated. What did she expect, anyways? Gratitude for trying to help him? Of course not. Of course... if she really wanted to look in on herself she would realize that he was right. Maybe she really did screw up more than she thought.

But how was she supposed to deal with this? Even if she went about it the wrong way she still tried to help, damn it! Didn't that count for anything? Didn't anything she did count for anything? Or was her entire life just some cruel joke where she was the main punchline? It made her sick inside and at the same time she couldn't outright deny the doubts bubbling in her stomach.

"And what would that be, Nitram?"

He found it hard to see it as a genuine attempt to help, considering her lack of regret and the apparent joy she took in seeing him struggling and hurt. She didn't even seem to understand what she'd done wrong, and in a way that was very sad.

"To, uh... just be me, I guess. I am better, when I do the things that I am good at. And, uh... not caring if anyone thinks they are stupid things." That was the theory anyway, it was hard in practice but he was trying.

Back then she didn't... but now? She could see it. The wounds she left him were obvious to him, but even when she realized this it was still difficult for her shoulder all the blame. He was still at fault- he could have tried harder to fight back.

She wanted to help, but she failed. By this point in her life Vriska realized she had failed a good many things and the reality of that sat heavy on her shoulders. Failure.

"Well... Good for you, then." She could apologize now. She could tell him she felt remorse right here and now and get it over with. Shovel this burden of regret off her back and move on with her life. The words I'm sorry linger in the bubble over her head before she has a chance to try and change the picture to something else- like spiders!

She snaps back her attention to him, teeth bared in frustration. "It looks like you're in good company then, Nitram, seeing that everyone here is just as stupid and useless as you are!" She couldn't deal with him anymore. With a weaker growl than she intended it to be, she turned to storm away from him, her wings spreading blue fairy dust everywhere.

He could have fought harder and he knew it. Now anyway. One of the major problems of depression and low self esteem is that it becomes very hard to accept nice things people do as genuine. There's always an underlaying wonder of why it was happening because clearly you were not worth the time. Sometimes it was easier than others, depending on the people and situation, but having it couched in violence and cruelty made those helpless, self-depreciating feelings that much worse.

He had his own regrets, and a lot of them had to do with her. He let her die alone and in pain, and even if it turned out okay for her in the end it was still something he was ashamed of. Now she just seemed so... tormented? In a way he can tell because he knew exactly what it felt like to be burdened by the breadth of your own inadequacies.

The words in her bubble took him by surprise, part of him always having believed that she never felt guilty about anything and it struck him harder than it had a right for. It was enough to still his tongue as she continued to insult him and the world. It wasn't until she'd turned away that he was able to blurt out, "I'm sorry too."

Even in a crowded street, full of babbling idiots who couldn't seem to keep their flaps shut for more than eight minutes- his voice cut through it all. His annoying, scratchy voice that sometimes hit a pitch too high and it only irked her when it did. His apology stopped her, fingers twisting tightly in the fabric of her shirt. A white fang bit hard into her lower lip and almost drew blood as a traitorous tear slipped down her cheek.

Her hand twisted in the fabric left its place to scrub away the offending tear before it could reach her jawline. She was just tired- that's all. Why else would her eyes be watering and her throat feel tight? Maybe she was sick.

"Go... Go play with your stupid featherbeasts, Pupa." It didn't come out as harsh as she wanted it to. She was vulnerable in front of Tavros and she couldn't even muster enough malice to equip her words with spikes. What was wrong with her?

Without waiting for him to pipe up again she walked away, shoving past a few people as she did so.

In a matter of a few seconds he went from actually maybe wanting to deck her to just wanting to pull her into a hug, even though it was probably the second stupidest thing he'd ever thought to do in his life. Funny how they both involved her.

As she walked away, he couldn't help but feel bad for her. This is the girl that crippled him, stabbed him and left him for dead, and he was the one who felt guilty. It was his fault, and no matter how many times someone had told him otherwise it didn't really change that. It needed to stop.

Before he even realized it himself, he'd gone after her, metal feet sounding on the ground and books hitting the pavement discarded. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms under her wings and around her middle and for a moment he just... held her.

As she was walking away, fist hitting the side of her head like that would stop the bubbling of tears and unclog her throat, she wasn't expecting to see Tavros again for a while. Not if she could help it anyways.

... Of course when a pair of arms wrap around her waist from behind, causing her wings to flutter and shudder off a small wave of glittering dust, she is admittedly stunned. Normally her jerk-reaction to something like this would have been violence but she was so off her guard that it really threw her through a loop. It took her a second to realize it was Tavros holding her. Her bubble was going wild with colors, her own cheeks flushed with blue.

"Tavros, what-" She couldn't move yet, not fully trusting herself. "Are you doing???"

Covered in fairy dust. Oddly appropriate.

"Uhh.... A hug, apparently." Actually, he didn't really have a clue what he was doing. Tavros didn't let go though, not right away, though he was fully expecting some sort of retaliation to happen at any moment. It just felt like something he had to do. He just wanted her to listen.

"I'm tired of fighting and, uhm... hurting each other all the time. I think that, we really need to stop."

Why...

She just breathed, oddly quiet as she listened to him. Her heart thumped against her chest as her eyes fell on the arms wrapped around her waist. What the hell was going on? Why was this happening to her?

"I'm done with you. Isn't that what you wanted all along?"

"N-No?"

Tavros didn't move, though he was becoming more aware of the people passing by giving them odd looks. He didn't care, or at least was trying not to. He didn't actually cry that much when it came down to it, everything was always turned inward on himself. Right now he could feel the bite of tears behind his eyes himself and he closes them tight for a moment. He was done with running away.

"I just... guess I, uh... do not want to leave this, still being bad."

Whatever was keeping Vriska from shoving away the stupid, stuttering troll was beyond her. Maybe she was just morbidly curious to hear what he had to say. Her vision dared to start blurring again and she blinked away the offending wetness. What a fucking mess this was.

"Wow, could you be any more selfish, Pupa? You're just keeping me here so you can sleep better! That's so..." She gave a weak and bitter laugh. "I already apologized- I'm sorry, okay? I really fucked up with you. I didn't actually want that to happen... Tch!" It was then she tried to pull away from Tavros, throat clenching again in warning of what was coming. She stupidly spared him a look.

"You're just so stupid, Tavros!"

Tears were the last thing he'd expected to see, and it made something in his chest clench. She'd always been so strong, so confident, that it came as a shock that something could actually make her cry. His own eyes were ringed with bronze, and for a moment he almost let her go. Almost.

"I know..." Tavros agreed with her, he really was stupid. Stupid and weak but he was trying so hard not to be. He'd thought he'd been trying before, but maybe he'd just been so used to being weak and sad that change itself was scary. It was hard to let go of a comfort zone, no matter how much you pretend otherwise. "But I, uh.. I'm s-sorry too. That I couldn't be, what you wanted. And, uhm... it was my fault, that I died. I just... ended up hurting you again, and not helping anything."

She was still trapped in his arms and she was trembling, pent up with emotions that hadn't been released in who knew how long. It explained the tears at least, not that she was happy about it. She bit into her lip again with a bone white fang and shook her head, hair flying wild around her face.

"Stupid stupid! I killed you! It was my fault!" That earned a few strange looks from passerbys, but she ignored them. "It was my fault and you can't take that blame!" Her lip quivered and she bit down on it again to make it stop, blinking furiously as if that would get her to stop crying.

"So- So deal with it."

"No!"

The word was relatively calm, save for the faint tremble in his voice. No. She was wrong. It wasn't her fault, not completely. "Attacking you was, u-uhm... a very stupid thing to do, like that. We both made, stupid mistakes and uh... it's not, all your fault."

He swallowed thickly, reeling from the things she'd admitted and how it was all making him feel. God, he was bad at this. Tavros didn't actually know what he was doing, He just wanted all this hurt to stop, some how be able to fix everything like the hero he knew he'd never actually be.

She shook her head again, frustrated beyond belief at him. "You're such a pain in my ass! I can't believe you..." At least she was facing him now, which made it easier to push her face into his shoulders, hands clutching at his ugly shirt tightly. If there was a wetness soaking into his shoulder he would do best to ignore it.

"You're such a fucking pain in my ass..."

He didn't say a thing about her crying. In fact, he didn't say a thing at all. !t just made him feel tired. Everything felt so heavy all of a sudden. It was a good thing though, right? Tears were cleansing or something like that? A few of his own left pale bronze streaks on his face. It was hard not to.

He kept his arms around her, kept holding her. Holding on to Tinkerbull had always made him feel better when he was upset, so maybe he could be the same sort of thing. It helped Nepeta anyway. Tav was harboring thoughts of somehow taking care of her, making his bubble swirl in shades of pink and odd, zoomed in angles.

One hand lifted to rest at the back of her head, patting gently. Petting.

Her bubble could have been described as "one big, blue mess". There wasn't anything definite to what was going on inside it. Deep down, while Vriska loathed the idea of showing her underbelly to anyone in case anyone dared to slice her open, this entire mess was, admittedly, relieving.

It had been a long, long time since she had shed any tears (that weren't a direct result from the pain of bodily harm).

After a few minutes had passed she pulls away from his shoulder, using his shirt to wipe away at her face. Her eyes were still puffy but there was no helping that. A sniff.

"Don't... you dare tell anyone about this." She almost added a threat to the end of her sentence, but chose to bite it off at the last second.

He didn't slice her open, or hurt her, or anything other than hold her while she was vulnerable. If anyone thought that made him weak than they're welcome to their opinions, but maybe ut just meant that he cared. Beyond all sense of reason he cared, and that was actually the much harder path to take.

It would be so easy to just abandon her. Tavros was in every right to do so after everything she'd done, just cut her off and keep living happily like he was before. But for some reason he just couldn't do it, like that would be the wrong choice.

As if he didn't have a history of wrong choices.

"I-I, uh... I won't. I promise."

Her glasses sat a little lopsided on her face as she tried to rub at her eyes to dispel some of the puffiness. It was a good effort at least.

"Good... It's not like anyone would believe you anyways, so you'd just look like an idiot if you tried." No one would believe Tavros if he spoke of this incident? She wasn't so sure, but she didn't know what else to say suddenly feeling awkward and vulnerable. Vriska kept her eyes elsewhere- anywhere but on him.

"Don't you have shit to do?"

Nepeta would believe me, he almost said, but didn't. She would, and Gamzee, Lysunder too. Maybe a couple months ago he would have said something, but now he just didn't want to fight anymore. He was done with fighting that had no purpose. So he just let her be defensive and grumpy. Though saying he was content in the fact that he knew the truth wasn't one hundred percent accurate either, he's just learning to better pick his battles.

"Uhh... not really?" Tavros just stood where he was, forgetting he still had his arms around her in a loose embrace.

Her eyes caught sight of one of the books Tavros had dropped earlier and she stared at the cover, finding it more interesting than the brownblooded troll. It hadn't struck her yet that he still had his arms around her.

"What about those books?"

"Oh, uh..." He peered back over his shoulder at the books for a moment before turning back to her. "I, uh.. did hnot have a designated time, that I was going to be reading them. So, uh... my reply is still true, I guess?"