Karkat Vantas ♋ carcinoGeneticist (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bethehugejerk) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
vatheon2012-03-14 02:29 pm
bethehugejerk) wrote in vatheon2012-03-14 02:29 pm
Entry tags:
♋ shoosh ♑
Who: Karkat and Gamzee
Where: Gamzee, Equius, and Darkleer's hive, presently absent the latter two.
When: March 14th, starting around midnight, continuing into whenever.
Style: Action
Status: Closed
[The latter hours of the 13th have been a process. Everything is preparation, first in the act of gathering. Karkat has raided pillows from most places, foremost his own room, and any in other places that he has found particular fondness for. Nothing more Eridan's, or nothing equally favored: they would be out of place. And blankets, too, though he has already lost the one from his own bed on Monday to the act of covering his thought bubble, for however long that venture lasted. Hint: not very. After that is a bottle of Faygo, purchased specially for this night in remembrance of the April night they mended their friendship. Last, the Regisickle. That much never leaves him willingly, nor the other bits of his strife deck, but checking it carries a weight beyond the physical.]
[Second, and starting with the gathering, has been the act of scrubbing down down. Each object picked up is like a piece of himself picked away: not in loss, but in opening, letting memories and feelings well under the surface for the jam to come. A shower serves as culmination, each brush of soap like cleaning away doubt and hesitance, rubbing raw his mind that his moirail may yet sooth it.]
[The actual trip there after is uneventful, and too short for any meaningful thought along the way. When he reaches the door a few houses down, he knocks and waits.]
Where: Gamzee, Equius, and Darkleer's hive, presently absent the latter two.
When: March 14th, starting around midnight, continuing into whenever.
Style: Action
Status: Closed
[The latter hours of the 13th have been a process. Everything is preparation, first in the act of gathering. Karkat has raided pillows from most places, foremost his own room, and any in other places that he has found particular fondness for. Nothing more Eridan's, or nothing equally favored: they would be out of place. And blankets, too, though he has already lost the one from his own bed on Monday to the act of covering his thought bubble, for however long that venture lasted. Hint: not very. After that is a bottle of Faygo, purchased specially for this night in remembrance of the April night they mended their friendship. Last, the Regisickle. That much never leaves him willingly, nor the other bits of his strife deck, but checking it carries a weight beyond the physical.]
[Second, and starting with the gathering, has been the act of scrubbing down down. Each object picked up is like a piece of himself picked away: not in loss, but in opening, letting memories and feelings well under the surface for the jam to come. A shower serves as culmination, each brush of soap like cleaning away doubt and hesitance, rubbing raw his mind that his moirail may yet sooth it.]
[The actual trip there after is uneventful, and too short for any meaningful thought along the way. When he reaches the door a few houses down, he knocks and waits.]
no subject
[He squeezes Karkat's hand.]
And sometimes I ain't even all sure if I did get any fuckin' better than that.
no subject
[His other hand come up, papping soft and slow at his cheek. The first stays with his hand.]
I'm not going to spew out a bunch of lies saying that wasn't you, because it was. It was something you did and it's as terrible as it sounds. If it wasn't, you never would have had Wataru there for like you did, and me after him. It's never going to be great that it happened, not for you or me or anyone who knows, but the thing is, that's not all there is to you.
Past me may have made countless mistakes on every scale, but--you told me I need to keep going anyway, didn't you? Not to forget, not to just ignore it, not to refuse to learn from that shit, but to try again anyhow. You said you'll be there for me even while I'm still learning to do that. I'm there for you while you learn, too.
You're just... just because you did all that, you haven't thrown yourself off some metaphorical cliff of salvageability to wreck yourself against the rocks below. I know it's not how you want to be, and you've learned. You eat your slime and I help you, and even when you can't do that I find you, and I'm there for you. You are a big, dumb, forgetful clown most of the time, this doofus who loves miracles and special stardust and has a crippling Faygo addiction that makes me wonder how you still have fangs in your mouth. You're a laidback moron who cares a metric assload about his friends--and before you were ever my moirail, even with how much your quirk and your horns and everything made me question the logic in your pan, you were my best friend.
I already told you how I felt about what I did here. But in the Veil, even if I was more scared than I knew I had ever felt in my life, when I saw you, I knew it had to be like this. That if you can't stop yourself, then I have to be there for you. So remember that, damnit--even if it's not easy, even if you don't think you can get better, I know you're not just the sum of your screw ups. When you can't do everything on your own, I am the asshole who will come and shooshpap you even in the middle of your most reckless rampage and remind you that you're not just that.
[He paps again, firmer.]
Shoosh. I'm here for you, okay? You're better than you think.
no subject
If I were really any motherfuckin' better, Eridan's eye would still be fuckin' fine.
I know. I know you are like always fuckin' there for me, bro. I'm just real motherfuckin' frightened of the motherfucker I get to being when you can't fuckin' be.
no subject
Shhhshhhshh. That was a mistake, I'm not saying it wasn't. But I had--had died, and that psychopatch Yuno framed him to make it look like it he did it. If it were who had died, I wouldn't exactly be in the best state of mind to think it over rationally either.
I can't make Eridan forgive you or feel one way or another after what you did, but don't you dare go and think you're irredeemable or can't be helped because of what happened. We're lucky enough this place revived me.
no subject
[He just misses having Eridan as a friend. That and the guilt.]
Just... Just freaks at me sometimes, the way what I can just all fuckin' snap like that.
no subject
[The hand at his face moves, going now to pap at his shoulder.]
I wouldn't doubt it. I get freaked out enough sometimes about other things, and I don't even have your... highblood rage stuff to deal with. But I'm here for you. I sure as hell don't ever want to die again, not like that, and I am being careful. I want to defend myself, and keep myself and--and everyone safe. And part of that is staying alive so I can help you when you can't handle it all on your own.