vatheon | Because we can and stuff

Because we can and stuff

Who: Izaya and Shizuo--weird, I know
When: Later this evening after their little text fest~
Where: The park
Style: Prose
Status: Closed

That was what any one smart individual would know in Ikebukuro. No, correction, any single person with an ounce of self respect or common sense would stay far away from Izaya in general- happy or sad. Izaya was a very dangerous guy. He often portrayed himself in such a way to be gentle, soft, flamboyant, a little flirtatious and easy-going. Of course, plenty of people still got the vibe that he's not the usual sort of guy. Deep down though? He was a lot more cynical than most people realize- unless they have directly experienced what it's like to be on the receiving end of either his frustrations or worse- his social experiments.

Tonight had left a sour taste in his mouth. He was Orihara Izaya, God damn it, and he was the best fucking informant around. He always had been and he liked to think that he always would be. He kept obsessively close details on just about everything that mattered- including Heiwajima Shizuo. He had a thick folder on him back at his home in Shinjuku but that folder had thinned out a bit since Vatheon. The abrupt move to Zelda's instantly rose his suspicions. It had absolutely nothing to do with actual jealousy but it was easier to say that than blatantly tell Shizuo that he knew something was up. Something bigger than just some dumb crush. Izaya knew that their relationship was platonic. He also knew that he could have a real fucking party destroying Zelda's life- or at least making her really miserable. After all, he did have a valuable key of Sola living with him.

He had done that for such an occasion, after all. Izaya was a user, not a friend, and he didn't have a single connection among Vatheonites that couldn't be useful in some way or relation. When it got down to the bare bone of his system- it was shocking to think that he even had the capacity to love or feel warmly towards another living being. Let alone his mortal enemy. But perhaps it was that extremity that allowed him to feel such a passion. That hate ripped through him like a God damn disease and made him foam at the mouth like a rabid animal. Shizuo unleashed him in a way he'd never understand. Just like Shizuo would probably never understand the multiple, intricate layers that made up Orihara Izaya's brain and the extreme thought process that went into anything he did.

Izaya was not very happy.

Izaya had a carnal look on his face that suggested three types of madness worthy of hospitalization.

His eyes were distant and his smile was very, very steady. His fingers tapped delicately over his phone, his smile frozen in place as he did his work.

He was sitting on a bench by himself. Consumed with this gnawing sensation to slam chess pieces together and really give the board a shake. All of the possibilities, the reactions, the complete madness that he could create with just one or two texts....!!

It was so exciting that he barely knew what to do with himself.

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"Shut up!" Izaya yelled over the roof and maybe this was him cracking again but he did want to cut Shizuo. He didn't want to yell at Shizuo about how he had thought he cared and had wanted to make this relationship work because Izaya had known Shizuo didn't really care. This just proved it. Why the hell would he want to fight Izaya? This was an obstacle that they had overcome. And sure, Izaya had been a pain earlier but at the same time, Shizuo had been suspicious and weird with the whole Zelda thing.

"If you want to the beat the shit out of me, then fine, but I'm not going to be the shitty one. I'm going to keep my promise and try to be good. But you're an asshole, you know that?" He was loathing. He walked across the roof to Shizuo and didn't stop once he got to him. He jerked his arm out and with a curled fist, slammed it across Shizuo's face. It was the first time that he had ever hit someone. Punched someone. It was as hard as he could go- which was probably pretty damn hard but he knew Shizuo wouldn't be able to feel a damn thing, which only made him more upset.

Not a moment after he had hit Shizuo, he grabbed him by the front of his shirt and yanked him down so that he could stare up into his eyes. He crushed their foreheads together and like a cruel animal, he curled his lip up in a snarl and huffed.

"If you want to shatter any possibility of anything at all between us, I want you to hit me as hard as you can. Break my jaw, Shizu-chan, because I swear to God, if you don't kill me with one hit, that I will destroy the very fiber of your existence here. I will destroy Zelda's. I will make sure to destroy every single person that you've ever given a shit about. I will dig your grave and I will spit on it because I will hate you so, so much for doing that to me. So hit me, Shizu-chan. Hit me because apparently you want to fight. So let's dance," he said, and pushed himself from Shizuo but stood his ground, eyes just daring Shizuo to hit him. To hurt him.

I know, Shizuo thought to himself, wanted to communicate to Izaya. He was the shitty one, the asshole, the moron who fucked everything up so royally over something that could have been avoided. He had planned this - had orchestrated Izaya into this mess, and it had all gone wrong and even as Izaya punched him in the face and the possibility for a fight was there, Shizuo couldn't find it in him. It was gone. Dead. He hardly felt the punch, but he didn't need his body's physical response for it to sting.

Faced with Izaya, foreheads crushing, Shizuo didn't glare. He did nothing, just passively allowed Izaya to yank him, to yell all those terrible things at him and even as he said Zelda's name and made Shizuo realize that all he had done was make everything far, far worse, Shizuo just stared, pained, as he watched Izaya - what he had done to Izaya.

He couldn't have hit Izaya even if Izaya hadn't threatened him with everything for which Shizuo cared. Those words were just salt in his wounds. In the wounds that he tore open. All him.

He had destroyed his relationship with Izaya, and now he'd be destroyed. And so would Zelda. One monster would eat the other, just like in that stupid story, and it had all been for nothing.

But Shizuo could never kill Izaya before, and couldn't even raise a hand against him now.

When Izaya let him go, Shizuo didn't approach. He didn't say anything. He just dropped to his knees, crumpling, breath coming in shallow, ragged gasps that might as well have been dry sobs. "I - can't," he choked out, putting his face in his shaking hands, unable to even look at Izaya.

His mind was on repeat, and so were his words. He couldn't even process coherent thought, at this point, faced with ruin no matter where he looked, so he kept saying it, over and over again, "I can't. I can't. I can't."

Izaya didn't know how many times that they had seen each other crush and break over the past few days. It was ridiculous. It was almost unbelievable but here it was- happening all over again on both ends. He didn't know why Shizuo had instigated a violent fight with him. He hadn't seemed that angry when he had approached Izaya. Just irritated. That was all and Izaya could handle the anger and irritation. He knew it came with the package and he had accepted that long before they ever exchanged so much as a romantic look. This had been a shock to their already very fragile relationship. A relationship that hardly teetered on a trustworthy playing field and just like that, it had been rammed into.

But was it entirely destroyed? No. Because Izaya watched as Shizuo broke in front of him and he felt his own anger drain out of him. Until the only thing that left was a humming confusion. He looked to his right and then to his left, as if making sure that they were the only ones around. Then he slowly squatted down in front of Shizuo and scooted forward on his feet a few inches until he could reach his hand out. It was timid, cautious, because this was still unusual ground. He still felt that pain from having been attacked.

Izaya also had the common sense to know that something was up.

His hand slid into Shizuo's thick mop of blond hair. It was much softer than it looked and briefly, Izaya wondered if that meant Shizuo conditioned it well. His fingers curled into his hair and he tilted his head at Shizuo, leaning in a little closer.

"Shizu-chan...Calm down." His voice was firm but quiet. He wasn't happy with Shizuo but...Something wasn't right. He removed his hand from his hair and instead lowered that very palm to the floor to keep himself balanced.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he asked seriously, coolly, but altogether calmly as his prior question. "Why in the hell would you do that?"

Shizuo's words died out as Izaya moved toward him, but he didn't look up. He didn't know what to expect now that they had come to this point, but he was resigned. Only when Izaya touched him did he still, body tense and unsure, breath caught. But the touch - and the words - were meant to calm, not push him further over the edge. As Izaya took his hand back, Shizuo took a deep, steadying breath, and forced himself to look up at Izaya.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, feeling even worse than he had during that moment of clarity when he realized he had tried to kill Izaya. He couldn't keep looking at Izaya, though, so he brought his attention back to the ground. "I - need help." That's all this had been about. Maybe, if it weren't for the damage he had caused, it could have been funny - that his alternative to asking a simple request of his boyfriend was to try and rile him into a fight. There was nothing humorous about it, though. He may have felt like a monster before, but he felt it all the more keenly, now.

He stared at the hand Izaya used to balance himself. "I need you to fight with me because if I can't control myself Zelda is going to...get hurt," he said, playing it down because in that moment, he didn't think he could handle picturing exactly what would happen to Zelda. It wasn't exactly a clear explanation, but Shizuo was still reeling, his mind having trouble settling down.

You think? Was what Izaya really wanted to say but he resisted the urge. Right now wasn't the time for his snags on Shizuo. He listened instead. But then his mouth became firm and he pushed himself up so that he could stand.

"You fought me because of Zelda?" he asked, and now he did sound disgusted. "You're more concerned with protecting your stupid friend to the point where you're going to attack someone who you're supposed to have a relationship with? You have some fucked up priorities." He shook his head at Shizuo and now that anger was back. He open and closed a fist, swallowing thickly. "But at least I know where I stand in your life now, hn? Not that it's really surprising but I guess it's more cemented now."

It was hard for him not to be a little emotional right now. He had already been upset when Shizuo came across him. He had already known that Shizuo had been lying to him and now this? It was an extra slap to the face.

"Tch. She can protect herself just as well as I can. So what's the difference?" he demanded, but then shook his head. Because did it matter? No. Shizuo still attacked him. He still wanted to kill him- or so Izaya could only assume. He turned his back on the blond and started to walk towards the edge of the building but then stopped. He looked over his shoulder at Shizuo, his eyes smoldering yet again.

"Say, what do you mean, Shizu-chan? That she's going to get hurt if you can't control yourself?"

Shizuo winced as Izaya spoke so sharply - so disgustedly. He deserved everything that he said, and yeah, maybe Izaya was right. Maybe his priorities were fucked up. Was that such a big surprise? There were a lot of fucked up things about them both and it didn't help that Shizuo didn't have a clue on how to be a proper boyfriend, as Izaya had not-so-kindly pointed out just the other day.

"You don't understand," Shizuo muttered miserably, staring after Izaya. "It's not like...that. She's done a lot for me. She's helped me. It's because of her that I even was able to think about being with you." She had opened Shizuo to the kindness in Izaya. Without her, that may have never happened. "But I care -" he paused, leaving the implied about you silent. "I didn't want this. I screwed up." It was a ramble. Shizuo wasn't necessarily trying to talk Izaya out of his indignation; Izaya deserved to be furious. He just wanted him to understand.

And it wasn't a matter of whether she could protect herself or not.

As Izaya started walking away, Shizuo wondered if that was it. If it was over. If the only relationship of his life had been brought to life violently and emotionally, and then killed in the same manner, just days after.

Shizuo pushed himself off the ground, simply standing in place as Izaya approached the edge of the building.

But Izaya paused.

"That guy I fought told me he'd help me learn to control myself, help train me. And - I want him to. I want the help. But he told me that if I can't control myself more the next time we fight, he'd kill Zelda." Well, the person most precious to him, but this was definitely not the time to have that conversation. "Not just kill her...what he does -" He'd obliterate her. Shizuo shook his head. "He isn't playing around." Shizuo certainly didn't think so.

"Please, Izaya," Shizuo interrupted himself, voice openly begging now. It was too late for any pretenses. "I know you hate me, now, but please, don't say anything about this to anyone." Because there was a chance that Vegeta still didn't know who Zelda was, and if Shizuo did fail, that was the only shred of hope he'd have left.

"How can I understand anything about you when you refuse to share anything with me?" he asked, turning a bit more to look directly at Shizuo but the fire in his voice died out a little bit. He didn't entirely care how much Zelda had helped Shizuo come to whatever realizations he came to. He felt bitter then. Angry. "Care about what." It wasn't a question. It was a quiet mutter because honestly, at this point-

"Vegeta?" he echoed and his eyes sparked in mild interest. It was as if a tape recorder had been turned on. Everything Shizuo said was very interesting. Perhaps if Shizuo had tried to trust him and confide in him, Izaya would have locked away the information under the 'do-not-share' file but now...Now he just simply didn't care. If it was useful, then it was useful. At least that's what Izaya told himself- but deep down, he knew he wouldn't do anything with the information. Maybe.

"Why Zelda?" he asked, brow quirked up in genuine curiosity. That was kind of random. Unless Vegeta had perhaps seen Shizuo with Zelda. "And no offense Shizuo- but you know that's a pretty empty threat. You can't really kill people here. I could jump off this building and land directly on my head and I'd be back in five or so days. Just like that," he explained, pointing over the edge of the building- of which he had stepped up onto the ledge of.

"So what, you decided to come at me to attack me to see if you could control yourself for your future meeting with Vegeta so that he wouldn't kill Zelda?" he rattled off, pretty sure that he had the whole story. He spun around on the ledge and stared at Shizuo. "Why the hell did you not just say that? That you needed help?" he asked because they could have avoided all of this. But now it was too late and Izaya felt cautious still. He believed Shizuo but the fact that he had so carelessly risked their relationship...Well.

There was being a crappy boyfriend but then there was this.

"Mmm," Izaya shrugged and held his hands up. "Can't make any promises, sorry Shizuo. Promises clearly are not very stable commodities between us since they can obviously be so easily broken," he said, examining his nails as though they were just talking about the weather. "I don't really see why I shouldn't go to Vegeta and tell him about Zelda. I mean. You were so willing to destroy our relationship. Why shouldn't I be willing to destroy Zelda?" he asked and though he wasn't serious, he couldn't help himself from shoving this into Shizuo.

He deserved it.

"How am I supposed to share things with you when I'm used to you trying to fuck everything up?" It was an argument, but there was something hopeless in it, too. "We've only been doing this for days. We hated each other for years."

But when Izaya mentioned Vegeta's name he could feel the color draining from his face. Because Vegeta and Izaya knowing each other, after all of this, would only mean bad things. And though Shizuo deeply regretted everything he had done, he couldn't help but think that the biggest mistake of all might very well have been the fact that he did tell the truth, in the end.

"Because I care about her. And I know she wouldn't stay dead, Izaya, but do you think it would fun to die? Painless?" And what if he just kept doing it to her. Or worse, what if one day the dead stopped coming back? The fairies died after seeming like they were going to be around forever. Who the hell knew what could happen?

Shizuo listened to taunt him with what he now knew. And yeah, Shizuo knew he deserved it, but he knew something else, too, and that was that he and Izaya were never going to be able to move beyond this because they were both incredibly childish, in incredibly dangerous ways.

"You know," he said when Izaya was done, the hurt still evident in his tone, though his words were firmer. He was getting a grip on himself again. "I don't think either of us can be in a relationship. With anyone. We're both terrible people, Izaya - monsters - and we keep doing the same thing over and over again."

Someone had to hurt the other more, and so it kept going. Even now - even reeled in and trying to be nice to each other. This was Shizuo's fault, yes, but Izaya just had to twist the knife in.

"That's why I don't want to tell you anything." He let out a brief, humorless laugh. "Because I know. You can destroy everything, and there's nothing to hold you back." Limits and morals did not come into play.

"But you're not! You only ever think that I constantly tried to fuck things up. I didn't always, you know, but you kept throwing accusations at me all of the time so what was the point in arguing otherwise? It's not like you gave me a chance. And you still aren't giving me a chance. Yeah, I get you having trouble in telling me something, but you could have asked for help at least. I mean. Jeez. I already know you want to get in control of yourself so why not just ask? It's not like I would have asked what brought on the sudden urge since you've always had it," he said a bit hurriedly but then he stopped.

Izaya watched Shizuo intently but his face remained carefully blank. They were very destructive people. There was no way for them to be healthy with anyone in this world. Not in a normal, functional romantic relationship. Izaya knew that. But he had had hope with Shizuo- at least for those brief few days.

Yet Shizuo had to rip that away from him. That brief taste of heaven. Of obtaining the one thing that Izaya had always really wanted. He looked down and he just felt...empty. Hollow. Shizuo didn't even want to try and fix this. He didn't want to bother. Izaya knew he should walk away because he wasn't even a main priority to Shizuo. So what did it really matter?

"You still won't give me a chance," he muttered lowly. He shook his head and turned back around. "I gave you the benefit of the doubt. But I don't think for one moment you've even tried for me. I can destroy everything, Shizuo. But you constantly forget the one fact where I never fucking have. I could have obliterated your life plenty of times but I never have and I never will. And you should know that. You know exactly why I will never destroy your life and you know exactly why I do not give information regarding you to people and you know exactly why I cannot kill you."

So in that way. Shizuo was wrong. Izaya did have limits. When it came to the other.

Izaya shook his head and patted a hand down the front of his chest. He just felt tired.

"I'm not fighting for you anymore, Shizuo. You attacked me tonight. You think I'm an atrocious person fixated in one position with no way else to exist. I don't really know what to do to prove to you that I love you except maybe blow my brains out. Then maybe it'll be this sacrificial tribute to you and your life and maybe then you can smile happily. So. Fine. You don't think we can be in a relationship? Good for you. I disagree but I'm sick of being one-sided in this." He stepped back off the ledge and began to walk alongside the roof, looking for one of the fire escapes.

As far as Izaya was concerned, this conversation was done.

Shizuo knew he was right. He hadn't given him a chance - not really. Shizuo was too ready to believe that Izaya was ready to fuck him over at the second he had the opportunity, too invested in looking for all the signs that would point to Izaya being terrible, so he could shut down completely. And maybe it wasn't so much that he was scared of Izaya than it was that Shizuo couldn't even fathom that someone might actually - truly - love him, and say it candidly.

But that's exactly what Izaya was doing.

...to prove to you that I love you...

Those were painful words - painful, because of what Shizuo had done, because of what they meant, and because Shizuo had spent so long believing that he wouldn't hear them. And now he was hearing them, not in an atmosphere conducive of love, but one that existed in the aftermath of Shizuo essentially trying to destroy everything.

He turned away from Izaya, listening to his footsteps as he tried to find a way down.

"I screwed up," he said. "And I'm going to keep screwing up whether I'm with you or not. But I'd rather be with you, Izaya. I really would," he added wearily. "I'll try again. And maybe I'll do better this time."

He started walking to the opposite end of the roof, pulling out a cigarette - this time with intent to smoke.

"But even if I'm a shitty boyfriend who can't treat you right or charm you or give you a chance when you should be given a chance, you still have my fucking heart, and it's still yours to do whatever you want with it. Even if you want to keep it in a jar to rot on your desk."

Really, Izaya didn't expect anything. He figured that this was it. This was all he would have to remember of Shizuo in something that was less of a fantasy and more of a reality. Even as he found the fire exit, he wasn't entirely paying attention when Shizuo began to speak. But just as he swung his leg over, he stopped.

He hesitated for a long time. He didn't know if he should go on as though he hadn't heard Shizuo. He knew it might be for the best if he just stopped it all here and now. But he stared out at Shizuo and he knew that this man would always be a consistent thing in his life. He'd be this ghost of his past, a man of his dreams, the demon that chased him, the monster he tried to kill, and everything in between. It would be impossible for Izaya to exist without Shizuo.

And that was where their relationship folded together neatly. As if it were meant to be. Izaya required Shizuo and he knew that Shizuo needed him right back. Maybe it was in different ways now but the game hadn't changed as much as they had thought.

Izaya didn't really process anything in the next few seconds. All he knew was that suddenly he was right behind Shizuo and that he had slid his arms around Shizuo's waist and hugged himself tightly to Shizuo's body. It was a solid grip that was binding Shizuo to where he stood. Izaya pressed his face between Shizuo's shoulder blades and closed his eyes.

He didn't respond but he didn't think he had to. It was a physical acceptance of Shizuo. Izaya loved him more than he could ever hate him. He was the one person that threw him off balance and constantly shocked him. He was the one person who ever truly caught Izaya's interest in all ways. He was the one man that he'd lusted over, the one man that he'd felt shy around (during high school) and he was the one man he felt devoted to in ways that would put 50 year marriages to shame.

"That statement's useless until I feel like I have your heart," he mumbled into his back, but there was no viciousness there.

"But if you're going to try, then I'm going to stay. Because I want this. A lot. And you're blond, Shizu-chan, but you're not that blond. Just think a little more. I'll try to be a better person- for you anyway. I'm not making promises about towards other people." He had to be honest anyway. He squeezed Shizuo tightly then- and then- he just smiled.

During Izaya's hesitation, Shizuo stopped and just stood in place, without turning around, waiting to see if there'd be any reaction. If Izaya would decide to just leave, or if he'd still be open to trying again. Shizuo retrieved a cigarette and lit it, inhaling deeply. He may have made a bunch of stupid decisions that night, but he wasn't thick enough to not realize that this wasn't something that could just go away. Even if Izaya decided to accept his words, damage had been done, and that wasn't something that could easily be forgotten.

Shizuo didn't think of love when he thought of Izaya - not yet - but he did think of need. Of how this budding relationship was something he did want to keep trying at, because he felt for Izaya. He had always had strong feelings whenever it involved the informant, and through this rough transition, that hadn't changed. He was still slower, still confused, but he knew that something in him had always - and would always - respond to Izaya. And a small glimpse into how that could be positive made Shizuo want to try. Again.

He hadn't expected the hug from behind, even as he heard Izaya approach. Shizuo flicked his cigarette away without a second thought, and brought his arms on top of Izaya's, returning the hug as best he could in his position. It felt - good. Important. After the emotional roller coaster of the past argument, it was, in a way, exactly what Shizuo needed. Reassurance. Acceptance. Love.

And he knew that he needed to somehow make Izaya feel that from him. He had to try harder.

"I will," he promised both himself and Izaya. More thought, more trust. "I'm sorry," he apologized again, because he knew that even if Izaya was choosing to stay invested in this, he had still been hurt.

A simple apology wouldn't be enough, but it was something.

"Hnn." That was Izaya's only reply to the apology. He didn't forgive Shizuo but he was just going to accept it for now. There were also plenty of things that Shizuo had yet to forgive Izaya for. Maybe it was because he didn't expect that kind of betrayal from Shizuo. Maybe it's because he had hoped he valued this crazy relationship enough to not just throw it away.

"If you attack me again or do something else that's blatantly pissing on all of this, I'm killing you. No questions asked," he promised but he squeezed Shizuo tightly just a moment after the statement. It wasn't spiteful or too harsh because he honestly wasn't trying to start a fight. And he obviously wouldn't kill Shizuo but it'd all be over. Just like Izaya knew perfectly well that if he were to betray Shizuo that their relationship would have another massive crack among all the already-present cracks.

He didn't let go. Because maybe he couldn't. And Shizuo sort of smelled good too. He wasn't very used to physical affection but maybe he could if this was how it was going to be. He let go of Shizuo eventually but only in favor of sliding around in front of Shizuo and looked up at him, his mouth curved up.

"Is there anything else that you've been keeping from me that you'd like to share or are we okay now?" he asked. He wasn't accusing Shizuo. He was speaking light and easy. He rose a hand up, touching his fingers just against Shizuo's jaw and for the first time, Izaya felt a dull spark of luck and pride. Shizuo might be down on himself but Izaya couldn't help but feel good to be with him. Plus, it did make him giddy to know that he could tell people that Shizuo was his. Not that Izaya was actually the type of person to exploit his private life like that but still.

Shizuo gave Izaya a brief nod, to show he had registered the threat. They had both established that neither could kill the other, but Shizuo understood what he was saying. He understood that he deserved the threat, too. Maybe it should have been strange, being hugged as Izaya delivered the warning, but in a way, it seemed appropriate. That's what their relationship had been based on for years.

When Izaya slid around to face Shizuo, Shizuo leaned in, just a little, until his forehead very lightly touched Izaya's. He wasn't used to physical affection, either, but they had been tender like this before, so it felt like a safe, comfortable thing to do.

At the question, he responded with a, "No," because what else was there to tell Izaya? Izaya knew just about everything about him, given his role as an informant - and apparent affections - and Shizuo wasn't a secretive person. Obviously, he was bad at keeping secrets.

Then he thought of something, and it seemed small and stupid, but he was supposed to be trying to be better at this whole thing, so he pulled back, just enough to allow himself a little, minor discomfort as he looked away for a moment.

"I...kissed some other guy. During the curse. I thought he was sleeping beauty or something." It was kind of embarrassing to openly state something like that, and it was before he and Izaya began anything, but Izaya deserved to know he hadn't been his first kiss.

Or maybe that was stupid.

Shizuo really didn't know.

It was a little surprising for Shizuo to initiate an intimate gesture. Even one as simple as their foreheads touching in something that wasn't violence and anger. His eyes shut shortly after that and he smiled genuinely. This wasn't as difficult to get used to as he had thought. He could handle Shizuo. They were touching and it weirdly didn't strike him as weird.

It was true. Izaya could find anything out about Shizuo if he really wanted to. Although he had already promised himself that he would try not to dig into Shizuo's personal life too much. He was going to try and not stalk Shizuo as intently as he stalked everyone else. Unless, of course, something came up that ate at Izaya and then he simply wouldn't be able to help himself. And surely Shizuo would understand that.

As for now though...

He looked up when Shizuo began to confess something. He blinked a few times when the confession sank in and then-

Izaya laughed.

It wasn't mocking. It was just an easy laugh and he reeled back from Shizuo, rocking back onto his heels.

"Shizu-chan. That's okay," he said, touching his hand back to his face, cupping his palm against his cheek, "It wasn't while we were together. And I get it. Curses make you do really weird things. You don't really seem like the unfaithful type. I'm not really concerned with that kind of thing. Anyway, I've kissed someone else here before too anyway. Two guys- actually- but a while ago. It was nothing serious."

Izaya dropped his hand from Shizuo's face and backed up toward the railing on the building's ledge and leaned back against it, an elbow on either side of him.

"You're still a virgin, right?" he asked and perhaps he looked a bit coy. Hey. He reserved the right to be able to tease Shizuo a little. Or at least make him flustered.

"And I mean a virgin. You've only ever kissed someone?"

Even though he didn't interpret the laugh as malicious, that didn't mean Shizuo thought his confession was funny. He gave Izaya a small, though not very serious, glare, but it softened as Izaya touched his face.

And of course, Izaya was right. He wasn't the unfaithful type. He couldn't even think of touching anyone else, and it was still strange to be touching Izaya tenderly, too.

He wasn't bothered by Izaya's admission. They were more or less on even ground. He did wonder - just a little, faintly and in the back of his mind - if it went beyond that, but he wasn't going to ask.

Then Izaya asked him, shamelessly, and that did fluster Shizuo. Izaya had given him space as he did so; Shizuo took advantage of it by turning away and folding his arms.

"What do you think?" he asked rather gruffly, not really wanting to answer directly, and not wanting to turn the question back around, either. This wasn't exactly a subject he discussed - and yeah, maybe it was Izaya's prerogative now, but that didn't make it easy to discuss.

Oh Shizuo. Izaya was a guy. Of course he was interested in this kind of thing. Sure he probably wasn't about to go down on Shizuo right then and there. Probably. But he was pretty curious about what Shizuo had to say about it. So the moment that Shizuo turned away from him, obviously embarrassed, Izaya instantly started to laugh. He bent right on over, an arm around his waist as he giggled his head off. It was cute if anything.

"Well from that reaction, I'm going to guess that yes- you are." Finally, Izaya settled down a bit and straightened out his posture, leaping off of the ledge to stroll up behind Shizuo, leaning out from the side to peer around at Shizuo's face- or what he could see of it anyway.

"I'd be really surprised if you weren't. You seem both like someone who doesn't know how to pick up even a prostitute. You don't seem like the type to touch a prostitute. I think you have morals that go against that kinda thing. That and something tells me that you haven't had a whole lot of romantic experience. Let alone enough style to pick up a girl- or a guy- for the night. You don't seem the slutty type. You don't seem like the prude type entirely. Maybe a little bit but you're easily flustered in general..."

He was just banging on Shizuo a bit but he was being honest. He didn't think Shizuo was the type to sleep around. If he did...Well. Izaya wouldn't be entirely impressed. Shockingly enough, much to everyone's disbelief, Izaya had some morals. One of them had to do with sex.

"It's okay really. That you're a virgin," he added and hopped around to stand in front of Shizuo, now smirking a bit darkly.

He wasn't done yet.

"What about me? Do you think I'm a virgin?"

Of course he wasn't the prude type entirely. It wasn't as though Shizuo didn't have thoughts or desires, he was still (more or less) human and male at that, but it wasn't casual conversation for him. Or it hadn't been, until now. He didn't appreciate the laughter - it irritated him, because he did not find it amusing - but he wasn't pissed off. Just annoyed, because it was easier to be annoyed than so open about something like this.

And the subsequent analysis of his character irked him further. "Shut up," he muttered. Izaya was right about all of it - unsurprisingly. Shizuo would never pick up a prostitute. For one, he did have morals. For two, he respected women enough not to objectify them like that. Male prostitutes would probably just piss him off unnecessarily. And, finally, he'd probably break a prostitute if he even tried something like that. It was out of the question entirely. In fact, it had never once been a consideration.

He was easy to fluster. Shizuo wasn't exactly an non-reactive person.

He said none of this though, and just waited until Izaya was done having his fun.

"I don't know Izaya," Shizuo replied impatiently, still refusing to look at him. But then he thought about a little seriously. Izaya wasn't exactly reeled in, and he obviously had no shame in bringing the topic up. Shizuo finally turned his attention to Izaya, considering it in earnest. And he came to the conclusion that Izaya probably wouldn't give up something like that freely. He liked himself too much, and didn't sex give someone an advantage over a person? Based on what Shizuo knew about Izaya from their constant confrontations, he didn't think Izaya would do something like that haphazardly, even if he wasn't a virgin.

"Yeah," he finally said, though it was quiet.

When he was told to shut up, Izaya knew that he was right. A part of him felt a sick happiness over that though. That meant that Shizuo was all his to enjoy. He could care less that Shizuo had kissed some guy under a curse. It wasn't as though Shizuo was in the right state of mind. After all, he had kissed Izaya too. Another part of him just felt a little excited at the very prospect of being able to claim Shizuo--

But he really had to not think like that.

It would become distracting. Izaya may not be the most sexually active person but he had never been that prude about it or anything. He didn't care about talking about it. He wouldn't bring it up usually but hey. He was a twenty three year old man.

"Mmm?" He waited for Shizuo and he could actually see that Shizuo was seriously considering. He was curious as to what Shizuo thought.

And he was pleasantly surprised.

"That's right. I am. Completely. No one's good enough to touch me," he said, throwing his arms above his head as though to present himself and then he lowered his arms and pointed both index fingers at Shizuo.

"Except for you. You can handle it. But that's neither here or there. It was cute though. When I was in high school, I made a promise to myself that if I didn't sleep with you, I wouldn't sleep with anyone. Looks like I get to keep that dumb promise," he revealed but he didn't seem embarrassed. He had been fourteen at the time and despite being a punk then- he had still just been a normal fourteen year old boy with a pretty big crush.

"Say, do you want to walk me home, Shizu-chan?"

At that, Shizuo smiled.

A small, almost undetectable smile, but it was a smile nonetheless. In part, because he was right. And also because there was this faint part of him that decided if he and Izaya were going to do this, Izaya should be his and his alone. It was subtle, nothing something he really consciously recognized, but it was there. And it was natural. Izaya had always been his to chase, his to (try to) beat up, and his to hate. So Shizuo felt that Izaya should be his in this too.

"Don't talk about embarrassing things like that," he said, but by the tone of his voice, it was very clear he didn't mean that. It was kind of nice, being wanted like that. It wasn't something he was used to hearing, at all. Even though Shizuo hadn't known it back then, he could enjoy it now.

"Okay," he said with a nod. Though it was more than an acquiesce. He wanted to.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Because we can and stuff

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last post for the night. this log gdifjgkdgf

I know ahhh

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