vatheon | (no subject)

The Dolorosa had been nervous too, when this meeting had been proposed. She had never thought of meeting someone so directly descended from her, and indeed had always thought that the Empress had things in place to prevent such a thing. Surely it would have been repulsive to her.

Yet, here she was, about to meet the young female that until now she had only communicated with via the written word - and that in itself had been a strange thing, to see that their styles of expression were so similar. A Rainbow Drinker herself by her death she had found herself wondering if her descendent had followed the same path.

It was impossible to miss her. Horns of the same shape, facial features reminding her of her own youth... She approached, clasping her hands together.

"Kanaya Maryam?"

Edited 2012-12-28 18:54 (UTC)

There's no mistake that can be made here. The glow, the tell tale signs of jade blood, and the horns... Anybody familiar with the deal between troll ancestors and descendants would identify the relationship between these two in an instant.

Kanaya responds to her name by standing, and taking a few steps towards the older troll before she realizes what she's doing and stops. "Yes. It is a pleasure to meet you, Dolorosa. I've already taken the liberty of getting us a table, as you can see." Kanaya turns to pull out a chair for her guest, before returning to her own seat.

She nearly ran up to this woman and gave her a hug... something that probably won't be out of the question for very long, but not something she would do for a complete stranger. The uncanny resemblance has the effect of making the Dolorosa seem like a trusted friend... After all, she's not so different from the face Kanaya sees in the mirror every day.

Had Kanaya lost her restraint and run to her she would have found the Dolorosa just as willing for such a gesture. A stranger she may have been but already she felt as if she knew this young troll.

"Ah.. thank you." As of yet she wasn't used to this kind of scenario. From a world so filled with violence and conflict, to being able to sit in a quiet room with someone she had never thought to meet.. it was enough to set her mind spinning. She kept most of her confusion and wonderment under control, however, though it was clear enough in her expression as she looked over Kanaya's face.

She smiled and rested her hands on the table, flat for a moment before she clasped them together. "You must tell me about yourself, my dear. You and your friends seem to know much of us, yet we know nothing of you."

"Well... to be honest I don't know very much about you either. I know that Disciple and Signless think the world of you... and I certainly trust them." In fact, while Kanaya has only met with Signless a few times, he was the first adult troll she felt she could trust here. Disciple, on the other had, has gotten beyond just a level of trust, and is now a close friend of the young jade blood.

"If we're going to trade life stories though, I can go first. I don't know how much you know about how Alternia changed by the time I and my friends were around... or if you've heard of Sgrub at all... Hmm. I guess I should just start with the basics... and the first big point of interest. My lusus was a virgin Mother Grub."

A smile touched her lips at the mention of Disciple and Signless - as it often would when those names were brought up to her. She couldn't measure the joy she felt at knowing they were here, and safe. Her interest was immediately caught when Kanaya spoke of Alternia, and a brief expression of surprise crossed her face.

"Your lusus.. I see." It was almost on a kind of instinct that she reached out to touch Kanaya's wrist, but she fell short and curled her fingers back. "Then you were blessed. She must have seen something very special in you."

Had the Dolorosa lost her restraint she would have found Kanaya to be entirely receptive to the gesture. As it is Kanaya's not sure what to do with her hands, feeling incredibly awkward in front of this bastion of controlled serenity. She takes a sip of her tea, and while she looks to be equally calm, inside she's sure she must be so obviously shaken. Talking about Mother though... She can do that.

"She did... and I think she knew more of what was going to happen than she let on. I used to have dreams... and in them I would be on a golden moon called Prospit. I could see bits and pieces of the future there, and that was how I learned Mother was going to die. We both came to terms with that long before the day came, and I made her a Promise that I would assure her of progeny. I think she knew that her death would only shortly precede the near extinction of our race. After my friends and I escaped Alternia, there were only twelve trolls left."

With that, Kanaya pauses. It's not a particularly painful memory for her... She knew what would happen, and that mother would live on in that strange way. No, she's stopping for the Dolorosa's sake. She doesn't know if her ancestor has been told that the descending trolls all come from after the end of the world, and she's certain that the whole story is a lot to take in all at once.

Edited 2013-01-02 14:02 (UTC)

This was a part of troll life that the Dolorosa had never experienced. While she had spent her life tending to the Mother Grub, to be raised by one was something utterly alien to her. There was a strange parallel there - the abandonment of duty for the raising of a young troll - but she did not mention that.

Instead, when Kanaya paused, she gave in to her urge and slid her hand across the table, gently curling her fingers around the young troll's. There was a strange flutter in her chest at that moment, and the smile that touched her lips was warm, almost tentative as she met the eyes of her descendant. It was strange, that need for contact, but the moment she touched her she knew that they were more closely related than any two trolls should ever be.

"Karkat has told me a little of the.. game that you were required to defeat," she said, giving the other female's hand a brief squeeze, as if in reassurance. "It cannot have been easy."

Kanaya had watched the other trolls interact with their ancestors, but it wasn't until now that she realized just why they all seemed to connect so well. The physical touch intensified the feeling they were sharing, this deep attachment between two people who had never met before, and yet, were already so very close. A warm smile crosses Kanaya's face in response to the Dolorosa's. This connection between them helped... it gave her the strength she needed to cover the next portion of the story.

"It was difficult at times, but we prevailed. The worst did not happen until after we had won. The Ultimate Reward for beating the game was a whole new world that we created, one we were supposed to take and use to continue our species. I took the Matriorb from my mother after her death, and brought it with us through the game... but before we could claim our prize, we were attacked by a demon. The twelve of us hid... and while we were waiting for the demon to find and kill us, we... the higher blooded members of our group turned on us. By the time we managed to come up with a plan for escaping the demon, half of us were dead. Myself included, in fact, though I did not stay that way. "

As much as it helped Kanaya in the telling, it helped the Dolorosa in the listening. Hearing such a thing from any troll wouldn't have been easy, but from this one in particular it hit her especially hard. This was one who understood far more than others the trials a Jadeblood might go through and the older troll knew very well what risks had been taken and what it might have meant. The extinction of their species was a somewhat shocking fact to be presented with.

"Ah.. of course you did not." A soft glow suffused her skin at that, only faintly, and only for a moment. Solidarity in these kinds of situations was important, and she had a pressing need to have this young Rainbow Drinker know that she was not alone. "You do not need to tell me any more, if you do not wish to. I believe I understand."

She wouldn't say she wasn't interested in the nature of this demon. They had their own in her time, though the stories surrounding her were varied and conflicting. Some said she was a troll yet others said she could not possibly be. The Dolorosa had never known, she had simply used stories of her to frighten Signless into doing as he was told when he misbehaved.

Interestingly enough, that demon, the handmaid, was the first troll Kanaya encountered after arriving in Vatheon. She made a veiled threat to kill Kanaya, Kanaya may have had a little bit of a crush on her, Karkat was pissed off in all regards... but that's a story for another time.

Kanaya notes the glow of her ancestor with a bit of shock, though she manages to keep it from being noticeable. She had wondered for ages if her ancestor had ever become a Rainbow Drinker like herself, and here was her answer... and another question. It will wait for now, but Kanaya makes a mental note to ask before this meeting is through.

"I.. think I'd like to tell the rest all the same. It's important... at least, it's important that I put everything out on the table at once. The royalblood that killed me... he also destroyed the Matriorb. I came back, but there was no way for me to recover mother's legacy. The troll race is, at the time I came from, functionally extinct." Kanaya paused again, for another sip of her tea... and to think about what else to say. Should she tell the Dolorosa who killed her, who doomed their species? Perhaps...

"We managed to get in contact with some humans that were playing their own version of the game we had gone through. The demon was actually created in their session, and we worked out a plan of mutual benefit. We escaped together, and shortly after meeting those aliens for the first time I was brought to Vatheon. Those humans are here as well."

Now that she thinks a little more on it, she really should bring up Eridan. The Dolorosa isn't stupid, there's only two younger trolls here that could be called 'royal', and she's pretty sure her ancestor talked with him on the network...

Karkat had told her about this 'reality altering game' but it had been far too much for her to take in at the time. She had thought about it since, what it might mean for her own existence - had she been a part of it, too, if an inactive one? The Ancestors could have never been Guardians as the humans had been able to be but they had laid the path for their descendants in a way that they had never truly understood, even in the doing. Signless had always known that another would come after him, another who was like him, and he hadn't wanted that young troll to have the same life he had.. He had made preparations for that, she knew.

Kanaya was correct, though in thinking that the Dolorosa would quickly put two and two together and come up with Violet.

"Eridan," she murmured, taking a thoughtful sip of her tea. She had always thought of the Purplebloods as the most likely to be so blindly genocidal, but.. she'd spoken with Gamzee already. "Blood always tells, in the end," she added with a quiet sigh. As much as they'd fought for equality, the Highbloods would have always had their violent tendencies. There was no way to change that.

"I believe I have met one of the humans that you speak of. Her name is Jade."

"Oh, Jade..." Another relationship she found odd at times. They were friendly acquaintances before she came to Vatheon, and would have been out of touch for three years... the time of which she was about to spend with Jade's friends, Dave and... Rose. However, fate landed her here, where Kanaya and jade became fast friends, close enough that Jade calls her 'sister', a relationship that Kanaya is starting to understand now.

"She is possibly my closest human friend... and closer to me than most trolls. She's wonderfully kind, and I'm glad you've gotten the chance to meet her. She and I have started a little garden down here."

"I think, though, that I need to explain the situation with Eridan. I didn't have much control when I came back... rising as a rainbow drinker was not something any of us really anticipated. A lot of things happened in those first moments, all as a blur... but I killed him, preventing him from leaving to betray us to the demon. The Eridan that's here now, in Vatheon... he was brought here after he killed me, yet before I killed him. He knows what's waiting for him if he gets sent back. He's changed here. I know I can't really forgive him for his crimes... but I'm not holding them against him either. He's repentant... Don't think too badly of him as he is now." Kanaya's tone turns desperate for a moment, almost pleading. As far as she's concerned, she killed one Eridan back on the meteor, and this one is a different creature altogether... one she's begun to consider a friend again.

"She seems to be very kind... she was one of the first to offer help when I arrived here." That alone had created a good impression, once she'd looked past the odd appearance of the human female. As of yet, the Dolorosa didn't understand how human families worked, but it was something she would find interesting, once she did. Quadrants and the subtleties of how troll relationships functioned didn't cover the emotions that she felt towards ones like Signless.

There was a subtle shift in her expression when the topic turned back to Eridan, but she listened quietly, giving a small nod now and then. It had been so long ago now that her own transition to becoming a Rainbow Drinker was but a distant memory, but she remembered that it had been difficult, even if the details were still hazy. For it to happen in the middle of the situation that Kanaya had already described could have only added to the problem.

"I have no quarrel with Eridan," she reassured her gently, taking both of the younger troll's hands in hers and giving a brief squeeze. "In comparison to the seadwellers I have met before he is even.. polite. If you vouch for him, then I will judge him on the merits of his future actions here, not what he may have done or will do in this game that you will play."

Her words were kind but the implication was still clear - should there ever come a time when Kanaya would not vouch for Eridan's actions, he would not be spared the Dolorosa's anger.

Kanaya actually laughs a little at that, and squeezes the Dolorosa's hands back as she does. "I think that's the first time anybody has accused Eridan of politeness. Even before, when we were close friends he was always a little rude... but in a friendly sort of way."

It felt good though, to have something to laugh about considering the topic at hand. Time to turn the tables. "That's it for my story, though I could tell you what's happened since I came here but I'm afraid its mostly uninteresting. How about you? Disciple and Signless told me about you, but always as a description."

"I have met many trolls who have been far more indelicate," she replied with an amused smile, not bringing up just yet that she did, after all, know Orphaner Dualscar before she came here and found him so vastly changed. That.. was still something of a point of contention for her, but she was finding herself strangely willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

When the conversation turned to her, she found a strange kind of discomfort curling in her gut. It had been so long since she'd really talked about herself - her mind and interests were always focused outwards, on the people around her, first on their revolution, then, when it failed, simply on doing what she could to keep herself alive. The constant intrusion into her thoughts by Mindfang had left little time for introspection.

"I cannot imagine that they would have represented me poorly," she said, then let out a little sigh. "I was hatched to the same duty as any jadeblood, but it was always.. unsatisfactory. I wanted something more, but I did not know how to go about achieving such a thing. So.. I went about my duty, tending to the Mother Grub, keeping the caverns clear of failed hatchlings.. and that was where I found him." The Dolorosa smiled, soft and lost in memories as she spoke. "He was.. different. I knew that immediately. Lost and alone and still clinging so hard to life despite the odds, unknowingly clawing his way into a society that would never accept him. Something about that called to me, and it was like waking from a lifelong sleep. I should have culled him then, but instead.. I lifted him into my arms and held him, and he looked up at me with such fear and trust and I knew then that I was his as much as he was mine. I had purpose then.. and something beyond what any troll had experienced before touched something deep inside me. I think that the humans call it a mother's love, but I had no words for it then. I only knew that I had to protect him."

It had to be a lot to take it at once, but now she'd begun she found that she couldn't stop. Everything was pouring out of her, every minute detail blooming in brilliant colour in her mind. Things she hadn't thought about for so long because it hurt to remember.

"And, I did. I raised him in secret, knowing that a single glimpse of his blood colour would mean his death. I wish that I could take full credit for his nature but.. he was always so kind and accepting. I did not have to teach him that, but I encouraged it. It was difficult, especially when he began to show more interest in the world, but I showed him, and I explained to him the way of things, and.. I cannot explain how my heart broke the day that he told me he would be the one to change the world." Again, she smiled, but it was sadder this time. "I believed in him. I still believe in him, and I will never say that he failed. Alternia simply was not ready for one such as him. After.. his execution, I was sold into slavery, to a violetblood who went by the name Orphaner Dualscar. Strange, but I was not terribly mistreated by him. A jadeblooded slave was a rare thing, after all. I do not know how many sweeps I spent under his ownership until I was taken by another, a female. Marquise Spinneret Mindfang. Her title is not unwarranted. She.."

The Dolorosa faltered, then. That part of her life was so shrouded in darkness and shadows and it was an effort to probe into it, to draw details from the sketchy memories. She trailed off and stopped, flashing Kanaya an apologetic expression. ".. My apologies."

Edited 2013-01-22 20:30 (UTC)

And now it's Kanaya's turn to squeeze hands in an attempt at providing some comfort. "None needed. I can't imagine what it must have been like for you after you lost Him... though I've met Dualscar. You say he didn't mistreat you too much but I can't imagine he treated you kindly. He's caused some problems for Disciple and myself." Kanaya trails off with that. It's not a story she particularly wants to bring up right now, and she'd rather focus on her own ancestor. She knew the general outline of the story, knew how brave her ancestor must have been to abandon her duty for a mutated grub, and now that she was allowed to hear the whole tale she feels proud to know her. Proud to share this connection with such a remarkable person.

The mention of Mindfang though... there must be something there. So many aspects of their lives seem to be connected, she can't help but wonder what her time with the Marquise was like.

"Disciple and Signless... they represented you well enough, but I don't think they did you a full justice. You're... amazing. The strength it must have taken to raise him, to watch him when he decided he wanted to begin his preaching in the open..." She takes a sip of tea before curiosity got the best of her. "What was it like when you were with Mindfang?"

"The life of a slave is not one which predisposes itself to kindness," she said quietly, looking away, unable to take that curious searching gaze as she drew her thoughts together. The question would have been difficult enough from anyone, but from Kanaya, she found that she couldn't refuse her an answer. How would that have been fair?

"... The Marquise showed special interest in me," she began after a few steadying breaths. "I do not know why that was. Perhaps that a slave of my caste was so rare, perhaps my appearance was pleasing to her, but she.. used me, in order to fuel Dualscar's jealousy. It was a ploy which would eventually result in my death."

She freed one hand to rub the heel of it up against her cheek, wiping at a tear that was yet to fall as she pushed herself to remember. It needed telling, and she felt that Kanaya was the best person to speak of it to. "Mindfang gained that name for a reason. She is very skilled in the manipulation of the minds of others. In my time with her I was forced to.. feel things, and even now I remain unsure as to how many of my emotions were real, and which were planted there by her."

Kanaya couldn't take it anymore. Once she saw that tear getting gently wiped away she had to do something more than just hold on hand for her ancestor. Wordlessly she stands, grabbing her chair and swinging it around the table. Once positioned, she takes the seat right next to the Dolorosa, and wraps her arms around her ancestor in a hug.
"I'm so sorry. I've seen what that can do to a troll... I was the moirail of Mindfang's descendant, Vriska."

The sudden movement came as a surprise, and it showed more than she meant it to than she flinched, however slight the movement was. However, the contact was in no way unwanted and after a moment, she wrapped her arms gently around Kanaya in return, resting her chin lightly against the top of her head.

"I can only hope that your relationship was more beneficial than mine."

She buries her face into her ancestor for a moment, the physical proximity drawing them closer together emotionally than they already were. "I..."

She pulls back a little, arms still holding tight to the Dolorosa before speaking further, "I wouldn't do you the indignity of comparing it to what you went through... but she was a terrible moirail. She took the relationship as if it was a one way street, and even as I tried to hold her back she would regard my warnings and complaints as suggestions to be ignored. I guess sit was partly my fault though... I only kept with her for so long because I was hoping to turn the situation into something more red... It was a mess. She ignored me more, and tried to force someone else to love her, even using her powers to compel him. She killed him later, when things were getting out of hand... around when I was killed. She was going to go confront the demon, and she was killed in the attempt."

"Ah.. peace save us from the persistent madness of ceruleanbloods," the Dolorosa murmured, not for a moment letting go of her young descendant. Her life had been difficult, but that had been a path she had chosen for herself. She had known, the moment she abandoned her duty and scooped Signless up from the cavern floor, what Fate may have in store for her.

Kanaya, though.. what had Kanaya done to bring it all of that on herself, save for playing a game? The Dolorosa cupped one hand against Kanaya's cheek and shook her head, sighing gently.

"It saddens me how much the lives of our descendants so clearly mirrored our own."

They had both been through so much. The events of their lives would be hard for anyone to talk this much about, even trolls with how habituated they are to hardship and violence. Talking with her ancestor though... it's all fine. She doesn't feel haunted by the past, and it's not actually hard for her to discuss it with the Dolorosa at all. The connection between them is not entirely some strange mystical thing after all. It is, in part, the bond between those that have been through great pain together... even if they were separated by untold sweeps.

"It's not all sad that our lives are reflected like this. Karkat, Signless's descendant is my best friend. We've always been close, and it helped a lot to know him. Likewise, I am grateful to have had the help of my mother, unprecedented as it was for her to leave the caverns. Our lives sometimes seem to copy each other, like our deaths at the hands of a certain violet blood, or his ancestor... but sometimes it really is a reflection. My failed moirallegance to Vriska for example, compared to... yeah. I guess the connections fall apart when you get to Vatheon. Vriska and I were matesprits here, for a short while before she was taken back. Unless the reflection completes and you become a successful moirail to Mindfang, I think the symmetry is out of bounds here."

"I would never say that anything is impossible," the Dolorosa replied. The idea of becoming a moirail to Mindfang was a curious one, and undoubtedly the ceruleanblood needed such a balancing influence, particularly in the face of being rejected by the troll she was flushed for, but she didn't know if she could be the one to give it. Could she feel that kind of pity for her? It was a possibility.

There was a kind of comfort in talking to Kanaya. Despite their difference in age and how their lives had been so separated, there was so much connecting them. It was so strange how their lives were so similar, even down to the manner of their deaths.

"Karkat was lucky to have someone such as you in his life," she said, smiling at the younger troll and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "And now I am equally as privileged to have you in mine."

A kiss like that is an odd gesture to receive from someone you've just met... and yet like the rest of this meeting it seems only natural. Kanaya hasn't felt this close connection of caring and love in quite a while... not since her lusus died. She's not yet ready to call the Dolorosa her adoptive parent, not in the way many others have with Darkleer or Signless... but she could see it how such a thing could happen. She rests her head against the Dolorosa's shoulder. "The feeling is again, mutual. I'm glad that you're here."

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I apologize for nothing

No apologies needed :B

:U