vatheon | [Day 152]

Entry tags:

[Day 152]

Who: Roxas and you~
Where: Sora's room --> Yutopil Apartments
When: Daytime
Style: I'll match
Status: Open!

Roxas was a jealous person. Most of the time he chose to keep quiet about it or even ignore it because it wasn't supposed to matter anymore, not here. He had every opportunity here to get what he wanted.

But today he couldn't ignore it. It kept eating at him until he did something he'd been avoiding since he'd first figured out why he hadn't seen the guy around: he went to see Sora.

The idea of being around his Other while he was asleep had made him uneasy before. Not now. He stood over Sora's bed and looked down at him and felt that surge of envy. Roxas had been made to give up everything he had, everything he was, for this guy. And however nice he was, Sora had no idea what that was like. To have to give up existing because you were the inferior person. Not even that, you were the unworthy half of a person.

He could never make Sora feel that either. He couldn't even shout at him for it, with him just passed out like this. Roxas looked around the room. Sora wasn't someone who strongly valued material possessions, but that was all Roxas had in his power to take away from him. So that was what he did, grabbing whatever he could--that dumb short-sleeved hoodie, a toy sword, what looked like a seashell collection, anything.

He'd arrived by portal, but he didn't leave that way. He walked back out of the house and towards his apartment with a defiance in his step. Go ahead, ask him why he's stealing his Other's belongings.

((This is a sanctioned theft, and he'll be giving it all back later anyway. Probably.))

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She silent for a moment. It's a question she's had far longer to contemplate, and while she thinks he might understand if he were acting normally, right now is not the time to be careless with words.

"Well, I... I guess I was, once."

"But you got over it?" Right now, he doesn't think he can understand that at all. "You had to give up everything for him."

It's her turn to look away from him. "The alternative was worse by that point."

"What alternative? Letting Sora keep sleeping?" Sure, he didn't deserve to be stuck that way, but they didn't deserve to disappear either.

"There was that, yes," as if Riku hadn't pressed what could happen if he were left asleep, "but it was the Organization's plans for us that really made me decide."

She's always tentative in bringing up his involvement in her situation. Whatever happened between him and Sora was clearly enough to deal with and she didn't want him blaming himself on top of that for anything she chose to do.

Roxas doesn't understand what she means. Of course he knows the Organization was using him; he didn't know exactly why or how at the time, and maybe he still doesn't, but it was one of the reasons he left.

He shakes his head slowly. "There's no reason to do that just so they couldn't use you. You didn't- need to let Sora take over."

"It was more important to me than Sora, Roxas. They--" She cuts herself off, stopping to breathe.

"They decided they only wanted one of us. I was getting stronger while you were getting weaker, and... I know was never anything but a puppet to them, but I wasn't about to let them use me to get rid of you."

she still isn't looking directly at him. Now that that is out in the open she almost feels afraid of what he'll say.

Roxas stares at her.

She'd decided to disappear... for his sake?

He'd envied her a little before, for getting to make the decision for herself. Not that it was a choice anyone would want to make, but it wasn't made for her.

But now... That feeling at least is gone. No one could envy having that choice.

"You..." He drops his gaze, and presses his lips together. "...you're a better person than I am."

He doesn't think he would've made the same decision, if he'd been in her position.

"Don't say that. I didn't have to let it be that kind of choice, but I did anyway."

She hates that it took her so long, that she ran away or wasted time sulking instead of letting her friends help; everything could have ended so much better for everyone involved if she had.

She lapses into an awkward silence, taking a look back towards the stuff he's carrying. She's notably still avoiding looking at him directly.

"So... what are you going to do with all that? Now that you've got it."

He doesn't know enough to argue with what she says, and though on another day he might have tried anyway, today he just mumbles, "I'm sorry."

Whatever happened, it was still a choice she made and she made it for him.. He feels like she should resent him for that.

"I dunno. I just- I can't stand it. I don't want him to get everything."

"...You don't have to apologize." She's trying not to be too insistent on it but fact of the matter is she still refuses to let him take responsibility for any of it.

She isn't sure that she's in the best position to give advice on anything, but she's starting to really wonder what kind of fate she left him to after disappearing.

"I know how that feels, but taking a buch of stuff from him isn't going to help, I think."

"I did anyway." Not that it was much of an apology, but... He can't think he had nothing to do with it.

He draws his collection of junk a little closer. "What else is there? He's asleep. I can't get a rematch, I can't even talk to him."

"He's not going to sleep forever." Assuming he doesn't just disappear first, which is wont to happen to people in comas, she's noticed, but she isn't about to bring that up.

Stopping to think for a second, she says, "Besides, he's kind of... super nice, too. I'm sure he'd be willing to talk if you just asked."

Roxas lets out a frustrated breath. "I know he's super nice. So what... What would I even say to him? I think he's great, but I hate that I had to be him. I hate that everyone thinks he's worth more than me, and I don't even think they're wrong."

The emotions flashing across her face are mixed, cycling through sympathy and chagrin with each word. when she made her decision it was the last thing she could do to protect him, the only thing right from the start if she's honest. To see how torn up he is over his Other nearly breaks her heart.

This is not what she'd wanted to leave him with. At all.

"...Not everyone."

"...everyone but a friend I couldn't even remember."

He still doesn't remember her. Not from before. She disappeared for him and he couldn't even do that much in return?

"We really got screwed over."

"That's still not your fault."

It seems like barely a second passes before she's giving him what is probably the most awkward hug ever with that armful of stuff between them. She can't really find it in her to care, though.

"...I know."

He gives a start at the hug, however awkward, and something from that armful tumbles to the floor.

"Xion..."

It actually does make him feel a little better, and though he can't exactly hug back without dropping everything, he leans forward to bump his head softly against hers.

The headbump coaxes a little smile out of her.

"Everything will be okay, though." she says, and she doesn't mind saying it because for once it doesn't feel like it's a lie to. No matter what happened before, here they've got the time they need to work through everything.

"...maybe." Normally he'd be a little more optimistic about it, but a maybe is the best he can do right now. A few minutes ago it felt pretty unlikely that anything would be okay.

"I guess... I just had more time to work through everything. But that's time you've got now too."

Pulling away and picking up whatever dropped on the floor, she looks at him, small smile still in place.

"If you're going to keep his stuff, let's at least try and take good care of it."

"...yeah." He considers for a moment, fidgets, and then offers, "I- might give it back later."

After Sora's had time to miss it and this has accomplished something.

She still is under the impression it won't accomplish anything; chances of him even getting really upset over it are slim. Still, she'll step off the issue for now since he seems to have some inclination of returning it.

"A long as you do give it back."

And she's probably right, but he's quite obviously not thinking clearly right now, and he wants to think Sora will be upset. At least a little bit.

He gives a non-committal nod, and heads for the stairs.

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[Day 152]

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