vatheon | [Day 74]

Entry tags:

roxas

[Day 74]

Who: Roxas and anyone~
Where: Island beach
When: Afternoon
Style: I'll match.
Status: Open!

Losing his heart this time is nothing like before.

The first time, he hadn't remembered a thing. Being a Nobody was the only thing he'd known, so he hadn't known what he'd lost. Then, when he'd come here, he'd been so relieved at being himself again that he had scarcely thought about it. Anyway the feelings he'd lost had been Sora's.

But now...

He hasn't really seen anyone since the curse ended. Part of him isn't sure he wants to, as if it'll preserve what he felt about his friends the last time he saw them.

There aren't usually too many people up on the island, so he's come up to sit at the edge of the water and watch the waves come in. Not that he's really hiding. Those who know him might think to look for him here.

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He had been missing in action as well. Mostly because of how embarrassing it was being a fire breathing mutt. He had gone out for a swim, and when he saw Roxas he had a moment of wanting to head back for the elevator. However something was seriously wrong with his buddy.

If Roxas was paying attention he might hear the crunch of sand from beneath his camo slip-on shoes. Hayner helped himself to sitting behind his friend in order to invade his space. He leaned until their backs touched.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" If not, he was content with just sitting there until Roxas felt better. He could also help Roxas in to the water.

Lost in thought, Roxas didn't notice Hayner until he felt the other boy sit down behind him. He gave a start but Hayner spoke up before he could twist to see who it was.

He settled back down and for a moment said nothing. Then he shook his head. "I wouldn't even know where to start."

There was so much Hayner didn't even know about him, never mind the whole heart issue.

There was a whole month of Roxas being at this place before Hayner. It was still pretty messed up. He wasn't even sure where to begin. The best he can piece together is there were other worlds and some ran at different speeds than others. Part of him wondered if they would both be older than everyone at Twilight Town if they manage to get back.

"I do have ears, you know. Whatever you need to get off your chest, man. I'm here." For a moment, he thought about the black coat. It wasn't anything to worry about, right? Brows were drawn as he thought. "And if you can't tell me...I'm sure there is someone here you can relate too." It wouldn't make him happy being left out though, but he would have to deal with it if it came to that.

Roxas was used to Hayner being kind of a bulldozer about things. Sometimes he forgot there were times he could manage to settle down and listen, too.

Not that he really knew Hayner that well. All those made-up memories just told him that he did. Was it really that wrong to rely on them? This Hayner must have had the same ones, after all.

"I- just don't want to freak you out."

"The only thing that could freak me out is if you tell me Seifer is actually a cross-dressing circus performer." There was a considerate pause. "Actually I would pay to see that."

Hayner might initially freak out though, but he will give his best not to? He nudged Roxas gently with an elbow. "C'mon, what are friends for? I promise I won't freak out or anything."

Roxas gave a half-hearted laugh, but his expression soon lapsed into thoughtfulness again. Maybe he didn't have to get into everything.

"Well... Hayner, how do you remember us meeting?"

Score! Roxas was laughing and that put him at ease for the moment. The next question caught him by surprised.

"You should know Rox, you were there. I was at school." A pause. "It's been a long time, man."

"...I've never been to school."

It was hard enough to get that out that he was tempted to leave it at that, but he knew it wouldn't explain anything, so he swallowed and went on.

"There's- people who can mess with memories. We haven't really known each other that long."

“Of course you’ve been to school, I was- “ They both went to school together, right? There were tons of photos from their school year and the last summer vacation.

“Can they mess with pictures too? I know what I remember, and you were definitely there.” He was up on his feet now as he planted his hands on his hips. Could pictures be faked as well? Can these people mess with what they see and don’t see? This was crazy. Very crazy. It reminded him of all the weird chain of events just before he arrived to the bubble. Like Roxas seeing things and nearly walking on to the train rails just before a train came. He really didn’t like where this was going and what it could possibly make Roxas do.

Hands were balled up in fists and he let out a grunt as he jammed them in to his pocket. He promised not to flip out. C’mon and keep calm, man. Hayner let out a deep breath as he willed himself to stay settled.
"How long have we known each other then?"

Roxas heard Hayner get up, but he stayed where he was, gaze fixed on the ocean. Honestly he was taking it better than he'd expected, so far.

"I'm... not sure exactly. Less than a year. I used to go to Twilight Town a lot and- I'd see you guys around." If there was one thing to be said for losing his heart again, it was that it was probably making this easier. He couldn't really feel that sense of dread he'd had about this conversation, and he hadn't completely fallen back on his memories to fake the sensation.

"It was sometime in the summer they made us think we were friends. I only know it was real from- when that weird stuff started happening." If a simulated town was 'real.' But Hayner was here. And that time wasn't just memories; he'd acted and experienced it for himself.

He doesn’t remember the meeting a year ago. He does remember teaching Roxas how to play Grandstander, but he knew him forever before that. Right? Right?

This was Roxas though. They may joke and tease one another, but this was beyond joking. He sounded serious about it. His tone and how he kept rooted to the spot spoke volumes for his blond buddy. That the fake memories and being made to think they were friends was true for Roxas.

Hayner kept searching his own memory for discrepancies or any thing that could indicate it was true on his end and came up with nothing. Going to class, sleepovers, monster movie marathons, games, Struggle and the whole shebang was there in his head.

The most Roxas will get at the moment was a grunt as he paced back and forth. Really, this was all a load of crap in his head. Not Roxas, but just the whole…
IF someone really was messed up enough to plant a bunch of fake memories in his-their heads about being friends…
He let out a frustrated growl as he stopped.
“Why would anyone even do that? What do they get from it?!”

"They didn't want me running away."

That was the reason he knew. But now that he thought about it...

"But that's stupid, isn't it? They could've just- put me to sleep or something." Like they'd done with Sora. He felt an echo of anger, remembering DiZ again, and the pseudo-feeling worked its way into his voice. "Did they think they were doing me some kind of favor?"

He'd envied the life that Hayner and his friends had. They'd seemed so simple and carefree. But he hadn't wanted that forced on him.

”How did that even make any sense? It is stupid! That is-arg.” Frustrated? Very. He ducked his head low as both hands were placed on his hips. “That is seriously messed up. Who are they, Rox?”

Huffing and then he dropped down to his hunches. Really, he couldn’t be that pissed at them. Yeah it was really freaking messed up. The most messed up thing ever! He did sort of gain a best friend out of it though. It was just difficult to feel appreciative at this moment.
“Man, it’s like something out of one of Pence’s books or something.”

He needed to go blow steam big time. Only after he was sure Roxas was…well done with what he needed to say.

"They're not here," he said, a little frustration in his own statement. It wasn't exactly true, of course. Riku was here, but Roxas just didn't want anything to do with him. Or at least, he didn't want to hurt Sora by attacking his best friend. "So it doesn't matter."

Cautiously Roxas peered around at Hayner. "...you're not mad I- kept it from you?" He'd basically been lying to Hayner since he'd arrived, after all. Playing along with their made-up friendship.

Do not ever tell Hayner that Riku was involved. He would probably deck him in an instant. Doesn’t matter if it all was for a friend. Nu-uh.

He snapped his gaze over to Roxas. “Are you kidding? I am furious.” Hayner shook his head. “Not at you, but at the ones who did that to you. I mean yeah, you should have told me, but could you imagine how that would go? Especially when I just arrived? I would think you drank the sea water.” A thumb was jerked towards the direction of the water. “Look, even if none of it really happened, it’s still real to me, you know? You’re still my best friend. And that time over summer was real, right?”

Hayner was right; it probably wouldn't have gone over so well after the disorientation of arriving here. But, it had been a while since then. He'd had time to speak up about it... But then, Hayner didn't really seem bothered by it.

"...yeah, I guess it was." Finally Roxas managed a little smile. "I'm... I guess I'm glad you feel that way. I'd like to be friends. For real and all."

Sora was walking along the beach with a small smile on his face. He'd left his shoes behind and was letting the waves lap at his feet. It was warmer now, but still too cold to actually swim. He hadn't really been expecting to find Roxas out here. Sora himself was rather enjoying having a heart again, and in his typical naive self he hadn't really thought about the fact that while he had his heart back, Roxas may have lost his.

He stopped short though when he saw a familiar shock of blonde hair. He frowned a bit, and perhaps just a bit more prudently than normal, walked slowly up to him.

"Hey, Roxas."

Roxas hadn't bothered taking his shoes off, even though the tide had shifted enough since he had sat down that the water was starting to lap at the toes. It didn't matter.

He glanced up at the voice. "Hey, Sora." His own response was mechanical, and there was no smile to accompany it.

Probably he could have managed a smile if he'd wanted to, but the first emotion he could think to feel was envy. If Roxas had lost his heart again, then that meant Sora was back to normal, too. This emptiness had been just a passing thing for him.

It was the tone of Roxas's voice that made something click for Sora. He frowned and looked honestly and genuinely sad for the first time in a week.

"Roxas...your heart..." He looked down at the sand and watched as the water came up and lapped at his toes. "I'm sorry."

The emotion was definitely back in Sora's eyes. Roxas looked back out at the water.

"It's okay. This is just how I am, so... I'll get used to it again." Having a heart of his own wasn't something that was ever supposed to have happened. It was something to be grateful for, though he didn't feel very grateful right now.

Which made Sora feel all the worse. He kneeled down beside Roxas.

"Roxas..." Sora reached out to him and placed his hand over his others. "If I knew how to give you a heart and keep it I would. I don't deserve to be like this."

Roxas blinked and looked down at the hand. It was funny; people seemed so much more sympathetic about it all here than they had back home.

"Nobody does, right?" he said with a wry smile. Then he thought for a moment. "You think if that coral thing can do it at random, then- maybe it's possible?"

"I don't know, maybe. It'd be worth a shot." Not that Sora has any idea how you'd go about praying to that thing and getting it to give a Nobody a heart but...well there had to be some way to do it right? Maybe?

Roxas wasn't exactly thinking about prayer, though he wasn't sure how anyone would go about it either. "Here I've been thinking- it was just the way home, and it didn't matter to me what it could do."

It did seem kind of cruel for the coral to give Roxas a heart only to take it away again, but maybe it had also been a bit of a blessing?

"Hey, you know even though you don't have a heart anymore, at least now you know what it feels like to have emotions of your own right? That has to count for something."

"Yeah..." Roxas laid a hand over his chest, where he should have felt his heart. "I'm gonna hold onto those memories." At least he knew for certain how he felt about some things, instead of just guessing.

Sora nodded. What more could Roxas really do? At least until they could figure out how to get him a heart of his own.

He puts a hand on Roxas's shoulder, and smiles.

Roxas glanced over at him, and managed a small smile.

"...thanks for worrying about me. I- never really thought you would, before."

"Why would you think that?" Sora smiled and actually moved to sit beside Roxas.

"You're...You're kind of like a brother to me Roxas. Even after I found out you were a part of my heart, I still thought of you as a separate person. You could make your own friends, live your own life. I...I felt kind of bad for taking that away from you."

"...I dunno." It wasn't something he had really thought about, because if he had he would have realized that, with Sora being the person he was, it was obvious he'd care. Sora's life had just been so different and distant from his own, that he'd had this feeling it would always be that way.

A brother? He liked the sound of that. Certainly better than 'Sora's Nobody.' "You shouldn't feel bad about it. You're not the one who took it away."

"Yeah, but..." Sora frowned. "If I hadn't actually turned myself into a Heartless..." Granted it had been to save Kairi, so it wasn't as if he'd done it for nothing, but still he'd made so many other problems when he'd done that that Sora couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty for it.

"If you hadn't done that, then I wouldn't even be here," Roxas said, holding up his hands. "And I- like being here."

Sora smiled softly and leaned against Roxas. "Yeah, I like you being here too."

After a beat, Roxas leaned back against Sora, too. Somehow, he felt less empty. Sora's smiles tended to be infectious; maybe his feelings were, too?

"...so, brothers, huh?"

Sora smiled and looked over at Roxas. "Yeah, brothers." He nudged softly against Roxas's shoulder.

"I always thought it'd be cool to have one." He laughed. "But I was always an only kid."

"Well... now you're not." In a way they had grown up together. If they were separate people now, why couldn't they be brothers if they wanted to?

Sora's face split into a wide grin. "Yeah, you're right." He linked arms with Roxas and pulled him closer before laughing and letting him go.

Roxas flailed a bit, not having expected the tug when they were already sitting so close and thrown off balance, but he managed not to fall over into Sora.

"Y-yeah. 'course I am."

Sora laughed again. That smile was never going to come off of Sora's face. It felt good to have Roxas agree to being his brother. A part of him had still been worried that Roxas secretly hated Sora for being who he was, but if they were brothers that couldn't be the case.

No, that was one of the things Roxas had confirmed that last week: he didn't bear Sora any ill will. What had happened to Roxas wasn't his fault. No one could help being what they were, and in fact, if Roxas had to be someone else, he didn't think he could do much better than Sora.

Of course, he was still glad he didn't have to be anyone else.

Once he regained his balance, he gave Sora a good bump with his shoulder, his own small smile broadening until it really did seem like it reached his eyes.

That smile was something Sora couldn't help but notice. It was good to see it on Roxas's face and it made his own heat soar.

Once he righted himself he leaned back against Roxas, and stared out across the water.

"Too bad I didn't bring any ice cream up here."

It would be a good time for ice cream, but...

"It's okay. I'm pretty sure you don't have to have ice cream to hang out with friends."

Not that he would have been able to come to that conclusion in his early days with the Organization.

Sora laughed. "Yeah, I guess not."

He watched the water quietly then, just letting his thoughts drift in and out with the waves. It was nice being like this with Roxas. It did suck that they weren't home, but where else could they both be like this? Sora hoped it would never end.

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[Day 74]

/bothers some more

:D

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:D

<3

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