vatheon | What is there to say? (backdated)

Entry tags:

What is there to say? (backdated)

Who: Sol and Ky
When: Backdated to Saturday of the curse
Where: Up on the island
Style: Prose
Status: Closed

This place really was just one pain in the ass inconvenience after another.

The last thing Sol remembered before waking up (other than the world suddenly blurring, rushing at him from below) were things here and there about Vatheon's barrier. He'd been up on the island because like Hell he trusted the bubble itself. Shit like that had a limit. Met it, obviously. No details attained yet, though he should probably look into that.

Should also look into kicking the ass of whoever kept fucking knocking him out like this. Really didn't like this whole "let's put people under on a whim" bullshit, if that's what it was. Sure as Hell seemed like it. Theories--introduction of chemicals to the system via magic, disconnection from original world--but nothing solid really made any sense. Getting that answer might be nice.

Getting the fuck out would be better.

But some things never changed. Like the boy (always a boy, no matter how much he'd harp or argue against it) approaching. Sol felt the usual annoyance settle in the back of his head ahead of time, waiting to flare the moment Ky opened his mouth with some idiot question or demand or other.

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Dizzy was gone.

Back to their world, back to some place where Ky can't protect her, and it isn't like Ky's going to Sol for reassuring or anything like that -- even he knows that would be fruitless, and besides, Ky's always prided himself on his ability to find productive methods of coping -- but he's trying to find Sol anyway. Maybe a fight would keep his mind off of things, and help him keep his skills developing as well.

That demand would be fast coming, then, Sol, but Ky's mouth shuts as soon as it opens, before he retries.

Sol deserves to know, at least.

"Dizzy's gone again."

Little things tend to say a lot, even if they're soundless. Seem meaningless. Ky's mannerisms are things Sol's unfortunately too familiar with.

Of course that's the case.

"Yeah?" It's gruff, a bit quiet--whether from understanding what that means or lack of care, hard to say. The girl would do well to stay here, somewhere without the fear of someone coming after her, but she'd do just as well back on Earth with those people.

There's an unspoken and? that fits in there, because he knows Ky has more to say than that. Wouldn't be Ky, otherwise.

Ky huffs at Sol's response. He might not expect Sol to be sympathetic, but that doesn't mean that he's not disappointed when he's not. "Yes. Would you even have noticed if I hadn't told you?" Ky can't think of any real reason that Sol should care about Dizzy -- he knows how Sol feels generally about other Gears -- but that she's Dizzy, and that she's such a good person.

She deserves better than what she's going to get back home, and it worries him that he won't be there to help protect her.

"Do you even care about anyone other than yourself?"

Kid just has to immediately take everything in the negative in a situation like this. It's happened once already, and Sol's already made his position known about it: she'll be fine, and she's somewhere with people who care about her and will protect her if she needs it.

He could snap at Ky, point out that there are a few tricks Gears have that humans don't, but he doesn't. He'd have noticed. It still wouldn't concern him.

There's that old part of him that thinks it recognizes little cues in the way Ky reacts, and maybe he finds that a bit more amusing than he really should. It doesn't show. The idea, though... That in addition to "typical Ky" would make a lot of sense.

"Gettin' worked up over nothin'." And then, even though he wasn't going to: "But yeah, would've noticed."

There's a lot to how Sol viewed people, Gears, and the world that Ky doesn't know and has no right to assume. That is something Sol doesn't care about.

But truth be told, Sol does care about Dizzy in a way that he has no intention of sharing with anyone. She tugs on his guilt and lays out his flaws far too easily, too keenly, as-is. And what makes it worse is he's still sure that none of this should have ever happened. Dizzy can't justify what that man did, no matter how good a person she is. It will always be the Project that never should have been.

He can handle her being here or "home" just as easily as he could handle Ky being here or "home". Ultimately, time picks up where it left off. Dizzy'd proven that when she'd gotten back, in fact.

Normally, he wouldn't have given those questions the time of day. Just ignored them like everything else, but... Even that second one, he can't stop himself with.

"Yeah. Do." Lips curl high, and Sol grits his teeth. "Even when I don' wanna." There's a growl in his throat and he twists to glare roughly in the direction of the bubble--more importantly, the coral. "Pain in the ass..." He's really not a fan of not being able to keep to himself what he prefers. It's the only logical explanation, even if he's still pretty sure it sounds like bullshit.

Edited 2013-06-08 18:26 (UTC)

"Her leaving isn't nothing. It matters, because she matters, and because I'll miss her." And that's certainly more than Ky was expecting to say, enough that his jaw goes tight and he glances away, to study the hilt of Fuuraiken.

If Sol hadn't answered his question that might be reason enough for Ky to draw on him, to try to make Sol fight him, but even Ky can't find an excuse to take offense to Sol's answer, although he has to wonder who Sol does care about. Or did? Kliff? Axl?

Better not to ask that question, there's a part of Ky that's convinced it's none of his business, or that he doesn't want to know what that answer might be.

Better to stick to what he does know.

"I'd offer to spar, but you never seem to want to, and even when you do, you hold back."

Sure, Ky has an idea of Sol's power, having been in his body, but this is his chance to make Sol say it.

It's an adrenaline rush, to be certain.

"Why is that?"

"Never said it was nothin', jus' nothin' t'get worked up over." But Ky confirms what he suspected, and Sol shakes his head. Explains everything from the first time this happened to the dreamwalking curse to now.

As for Ky not asking the obvious question? Sol'd probably appreciate that in retrospect. Axl's maybe a friend, more often a nuisance; Kliff had been something close to family, in a way. Had called Sol as much upon his departure from the Order, anyway. Dizzy is a glimmer of light, terribly precious for all the guilt she could pull out of him.

Ky reminded him of too damn much, and he'd made too many hurried runs to make sure the kid wasn't about to get himself killed. Something he'd never be able to forgive himself for if it'd come to pass.

And of course, this is the road they start down. Sol swears he can see the petulance in it, too, or maybe he's just projecting.

"Offer? More like demand. An'--" You know damn well why I hold back, but that's not what forms, what's said, for all that he wants to leave it at that. "'Cause I'd rather you keep livin', an' there's no way you'd survive if I went full out."

"At some point, I might have to face something as powerful as you," Ky says. War might be over, but the battle isn't, and all that other fun stuff. Ky's seen plenty of reasons to need to keep his skills improving, both in his own world and in Vatheon. "If you did more than you do know I could learn more, instead of it just being a formality of sorts..."

"You going on easy doesn't do me any favors, and pretending that that's the case, instead of it just being laziness--!" Here's where he really should trail off, should stop talking. "It's frustrating. Don't the last twelve years that I've spent learning mean anything at all for you? And if I'm supposed to be so useless compared to you, then why aren't you out there, doing more?"

Not that that would stop Ky from doing everything he can, but there are surely better causes that Sol can be serving than bounty hunting. (Just another aspect of Sol that frustrates Ky.)

"Not likely." Sure, they've dealt with one part of the whole, but it's not likely that Ky'll have to face something at Sol's level. Sol, sure. But Ky's place isn't out there, doing that. It's closer to home, being the symbol and the open mind people need. And he listens, shaking his head because Ky knows so little about what the "formality" is, what he's asking.

But then Ky's on about favours and laziness--and yeah, it's laziness in part, and in part not completely decimating Ky's spirit during the war and not breaking him when he's needed elsewhere--and Sol just rolls his neck, letting it pop in a few places.

He lets his jaw work, knowing that avoiding the question isn't going to work with the way things seem to be going right now.

"Mean yer a persistent kid with a lotta potential. Just got a lot more on my plate'n teachin' you or breakin' y'down that much." And he wants to stop there, wants to just... have that be the end of it because that's more than he wants to say already. But there's more because Ky just has to ask more than one question. "With this place, what I could do ain't anythin' more'r less 'an what anyone else can: y'got it covered. An' I don't remember ever sayin' y'were useless, boy. I ain't doin' more 'cause I got a reason t'not. Y'know why I was able t'take out Justice?"

If a symbol is just a symbol, then it's not going to last for very long as a symbol, in Ky's opinion. He needs to fight as well, he can't be any kind of hope at all if he's sheltered, if he doesn't understand what he's up against. And even beyond his use as a symbol, Ky is a person, and he's one who feels a need to make whatever difference he can in the world, not to step back and be ignorant of everything that's wrong.

If he lets the PWAB do what they want...!

That's no solution at all.

Part of him wants to just appreciate the fact that Sol is saying all this without requiring all the pushing from Ky that never works anyway, but there's too much of Ky that has an emotional reaction to every single word, that can't step back and appreciate it.

"Because you're more powerful than her, or smarter." Ky feels a little like he's back when he first joined the Order, being asked to prove his head for strategy and being certain he'll fail because he doesn't know all the variables that everyone else has learned with experience. "But what reason could you have for not contributing?"

Not just the symbol. The mind--the direction, the force that's needed, the one willing to look into everything and guide people. Ky can deal with the PWAB, but that's something fundamentally different from Sol's pursuits, and it should be a good deal safer for Ky, just knowing what he's seen so far. If Sol wanders into the Bureau's territory, then so be it. But he's all physical solutions, destruction and living barriers, ripping things apart from the inside out, while Ky's role... Damnit, kid just needs to haul ass off the field and stay out of the lime light, so to speak. Understanding and investigating aren't the same as throwing yourself headlong into something when you need to come out alive.

That is a solution. It's just not the one Ky wants.

Sol flashes teeth with Ky's answer, but his mouth's set in an unpleasant curve. No. No, that's not why. And Ky not knowing is exactly why he wants to avoid saying what he already knows he will, because Vatheon's got it in for him this time around.

"No." It's already more than he wants to say, doesn't want to point out how much of an oversimplification that is, but that's exactly it. "'S'cause I had a lifetime t'get ready for it, an' I still couldn't beat'er on my own. Needed th' Fireseal an' t'lose it b'fore I could." Lose himself, if only for a time. As for not contributing? That's simpler. "'n I don't 'contribute' 'cause I ain't int'rested in it an' your little team doesn' need me to." He'd be wasting his time either way. "Need'a get more data on this place, how it's set up 'n connected t'ev'rythin', 'n maybe I'll contribute that way." He already knows Ky's side, because they've talked about it before. Sol was able to keep his thoughts mostly to himself at that point, though: didn't have something compelling him to answer honestly. Tch.

"Th' Hell you keep gettin' so bent outta shape over this for, anyway?" Or maybe he shouldn't have asked.

Definitely shouldn't have asked that question, particularly given the way it makes Ky's shoulders go tight, the way he fights with himself and the coral to try not to answer it.

It's a losing battle, of course it is.

"I--It matters. I want to know you. So I can know how to earn your respect, how to make you think of me as something other than a kid still wet behind the ears. I'd think I should have earned more than that, particularly if you're holding me to some sort of impossible standard, just because you're stronger, just because you're a...Gear!"

Ky shakes his head, then fixes blue-green eyes onto Sol. He's too fed up with this situation, with the way the coral and Sol are both pushing him, constantly, to be ashamed of his emotions right now. "Maybe you don't think of me except for when I'm directly in front of you, but you're one of those people who's been there, whose opinion matters to me, and it matters a lot. If you can't accept that, then at least accept that when I'm fighting you I feel like I have some purpose, when we talk it...it counts for something."

He's lonely, Sol, but even with the truth curse he doesn't have the context to put that into words, not even to himself. Doesn't have the necessary understanding that wanting someone is an okay thing.

"You can't ask me to give it up. Not and expect me to listen."

Sol notes with silence the way Ky's shoulders tense, faintly cocks his head. Waits for it to break into voice, and...

...Of course.

"Kid--" But Ky keeps going, and Sol has to wait because he knows the kid won't stop until he's done. Teeth grit with Ky throwing out that word, like it's Sol's excuse--and it's not really why. He never lets people in but shallowly. They usually get in the way, and he's fairly sure that Ky's earnestness and need to do everything as best he can could only ever get in the way. Axl and Kliff both had figured out the process. Ky...

Ky has to get his nose into everything, and he's positive that if it keeps up, the kid'll get himself killed.

Sol reaches back to rub the back of his neck, annoyed. Yeah, he shouldn't have asked.

What a pain.

"Y'put too much meaning in other people, boy." Way too much. "An' I got other things on my mind." He barks a laugh. "No room for anyone else. An' sure, call it 'cause I'm a Gear if y'want. I don't want anyone gettin' in my way, 'cause the shit I have left t'do'll get your ass killed, an' y'got too much left you need t'do. Y'want my respect? Y'wanna be treated like'n adult? Then you better grow up first, boy, 'cause I don' give that shit out for free." As he goes on, Sol doesn't notice how he advances, using bulk and height to his advantage, to corner Ky where he stands. There's a snarl on his lips and something like rage behind his eyes. "I've been in this since th'beginning, an' I will see it t'the end. I don't need your ass gettin' in my way, and I'm not gonna be responsible for one'a the only competent people left'n th'world gettin' killed. You got your path, I got mine. Y'figure this out eventually, but it's a fuckin' shame y'ain't learned that yet. Maybe once y'figure that one out, y'can revisit this mess, but not b'fore."

"Not people, Sol. You." It isn't as though anyone else's approval, except Kliff's, has ever meant so much, and if Sol wants to try telling Ky that he's doing this wrong, then Ky's not terribly inclined to listen to him. He hasn't seen any particular evidence -- and seen plenty of the opposite -- that Sol is better with people than Ky is.

"But that's what I don't understand! I have grown up." Ky stands his ground in front of Sol. Maybe he can't make himself any taller, can't change the fact that even as an adult Sol can tower over him, but he can refuse to back down, has to refuse to back down in order to have any hope of making an impression on Sol.

"Maybe I was a boy when we met," and it's a little hard to deny that now, no matter how much the term had grated on him like it does now when he was fourteen and fifteen, when he was trying to prove himself in front of an army and hadn't known how to handle having his authority constantly challenged, the way Sol had done it. "I'm not one anymore. I've been growing up, but because you're so stuck where you are I don't even think you know how to recognize change in anyone else!"

Ky huffs, skin crackling a little with lightning with his temper, something he usually has control enough to prevent, but this curse is pushing him too strongly, and maybe it's better that usually Sol would prefer to grunt over answering questions like this. This conversation doesn't really seem to be helping either one, although it has rather thoroughly gotten Ky's mind off of Dizzy. (Or maybe it's also that he's feeling threatened, but Ky can only consider that and dismiss it. Despite Sol's current position and his rage, Ky is certain that he can trust him to hold back, can't really imagine Sol truly attacking him out of rage.)

"But what, you're really saying that the only way you'll recognize me as an adult is if I leave you alone? That's not going to be a sign of maturity, Sol, that's going to be a sign of you getting what you want, and it's not exactly fair to link them. Not that I should expect you to be fair."

Sol snarls, all teeth and a jump in surrounding temperature before it starts to ease away; why the fuck would Ky want his approval so much? There's nothing in it. It's not like it'd amount to anything. The only approval one ever needs in life is their own. That's actually half of where his claims towards Ky's immaturity come from. It's mind-boggling how dependent on other people Ky is, how dependent on some kind of structure he is (it's why the "theft" of the Fireseal had remained largely between Sol and Kliff, because Ky wouldn't have understood).

"Could'a fooled me." And that's all he says at first, just to point out that no, Ky really hasn't. Maybe physically, but not in any other sense. "Y've gotten better in combat, in managin' yer shit." Sol reaches to grab Ky by the back of his head, by the hair, knowing he's tempting electrocution with the way they're both halfway to shouting at each other but he doesn't care. "But yer head ain't caught up yet. Yer still in yer tiny little bubble, thinkin' things're all one way and missin' every goddamned thing 'cause it don't fit the definition y'think it's got. Y'don't need anyone's approval, much less mine." Which is frustrating because before Vatheon, he'd last seen Ky finally slide the rest of the way out of that line of thinking, finally found reason to see him as an adult--or at least begin to. Normally, Sol wouldn't have given a rat's ass, but Ky's enough of a would-be constant in his life that it matters. Or at least, it matters here. It won't as soon as he gets out, and he won't remember any of this. "S'why y'keep pissin' me off with this bullshit. It's empty." There's so much more he's compelled to say with the way Vatheon works, too, with whatever's forcing all of this out when normally he'd just make a face, call Ky an idiot, and walk off. There's no point in fighting it too hard, though, not when most of this is just annoyance and anger, not anything really substantial that he wants or needs to keep to himself.

But what really gets him is the accusation Ky's thrown out. That he's stuck.

"Y'don't think you are?" Saying this, saying any of this, makes the physical so much easier, and there's no space left when Sol does more than just crowd Ky's personal space, takes all of it up and gets right up in his face. "I know where I'm goin', know what it is I need t'do, and I've been followin' that for long enough t'have an idea of what t'expect an' how t'handle it. You? Can't quit thinkin' like a soldier, can't even give life half a chance. Learn t'fuckin' move on, Ky. You have a life t'live, so live it."

~~There is probably merit in what Sol is saying.~~

There is almost certainly merit in what Sol is saying, but it's not the sort of thing that Ky's in a position to appreciate right now. He's not used to being lectured, not used to Sol having anything to say at all, and certainly not used to him saying anything where the intention is to do something other than wind him up.

So it really shouldn't be any surprise that right here, right now, that's all this reads as.

It's more effective than usual (and Sol's always been effective against Ky, much to the blond's dismay), the words overwhelming the meaning that Sol might mean for them to have, Ky unable to handle this much truth from a man that's always been stingy with it.

What Ky gets out of it (right now, although he's registering all the words, cataloging them for his brain to circle around once he's calmed down, once he's no longer standing in front of the man) is the fact that Sol's grabbed his hair -- very obviously not a sign of respect -- and that he's denying what Ky is saying in favor of launching a personal assault on things that are none of his business, things like how Ky chooses to relate to other people and the purpose which he's desperately latched onto now that he's here in Vatheon. It's surely better than simply floundering, than sitting back and waiting for things to happen to him, the way Sol seems so insistent on.

The punch is just a natural reaction to that, Ky tired of words that he can't really control and that seem to escalate to more and more words and thoughts well past the point at which he thinks he's done.

It's really just a matter of luck that it's a punch, rather than an electric bolt, but Ky doesn't hold back on it at all, fist held tight as he draws his other hand back to slam his hand into Sol's face. Sort of the opposite of maturity, but there's the fact that he's never really learned to process emotions getting the better of him.

The fact that Sol's finally, finally, called him by his name instead of just calling him 'kid' or anything else in that sort of category doesn't even register.

The problem lies in the way Ky handles things, the way he handles criticisms, and most of all: the way he handles Sol. It's not all that surprising, then, that it's more of a deluge than it is an argument, considering Sol's usual lack of verbosity and the fact that he's being completely honest and apparently trying to drive a point home instead of pissing Ky off enough to come at him, blow off steam with something that won't leave him dead in a ditch.

Funny. Didn't know I cared that much.

There comes a time where you keep quiet long enough and you forget things. He so frequently sorts things in and out as being important or worthless that sometimes the things that did matter are discarded, too. He knows during the war he kept at Ky to make sure the kid stayed alive, stayed on his toes, wasn't constantly wound up and likely to blow up at the drop of a hat. Annoying, but better than the alternative. That and it'd turned into a game--their fights sometimes still were. This one? Is different. Will be different, especially now that Ky's thrown the first punch.

Literally.

He shouldn't be surprised, and he really isn't about this. This, he expected--for Ky to be the one to snap, because he usually is. Kid hasn't learned to reel in his emotions, still constantly losing it when things go wrong as far as he's concerned. Like the kid Sol still accuses him of being, he throws what look like tantrums speckled with blue and white lightning and citations of law or moral code.

Sol follows the punch, lets it direct his weight, twists with it, only to hurl himself back in to grab Ky by the front of his uniform (old regalia from a war that's over, symbol of the knighthood Ky refuses to let go of), follow his own momentum to drag them both around, and throw him down to the sand. Any harder surface and Ky'd probably bounce with the force behind it--has in the past, but the sand absorbs the momentum and displaces instead.

In the end, they handle their stay here differently: Sol with pent up frustration and wanting to find the best way to address the problem without spending the energy, without getting attached (no matter how bored he might really be, and he'll find something to do if necessary, will probably start up something soon), and Ky by flinging himself at it all and running himself ragged for a duty he doesn't have here.

Perhaps if Sol had given more indication of his feelings, that he even had them, when Ky was first getting to know him, when he was first faced with the overwhelming force that was the Order, and only beginning to be able to pick out the individual people who made it up. Perhaps then Ky wouldn't be stuck trying to make an impression in any way that worked, or seemed like it was worth a try.

Just because Ky still has emotions, still lets them out occasionally instead of locking them up and trying to be dead to the world, doesn't mean he's throwing a tantrum. Although this one is close enough to that to have little enough difference, filling up his head with things that he doesn't know how to process and isn't sure he wants to think through the implications of. In some ways, this is just another attempt to try out repression, just another attempt to avoid dealing with things that he doesn't know how to deal with.

In some ways, Ky cares too much, he couldn't be hope if he didn't. Still, there's no way to handle it except to stuff everything down and hope it doesn't erupt too often.

Ky stares up Sol from the position he's been tossed down in for a moment, trying to make sense of how he's ended up here, trying to figure out if he should let his body flow with electricity or if this is the sort of thing that can be talked through.

Then again, Sol's said plenty already.

Charge starts to build on Ky's body, and the air around him ionizes, fingers digging into the sand as Ky looks for his emotional center and fails to find it. "Back off," he orders, still trying to pull rank on Sol, despite the fact that that's never worked.

At the time, there'd been no need. No reason to let the kid think he cared. Better to be a punching bag than someone who got attached to the little boy who'd been sent to lead them. He'd not expected much from the seemingly frail blond: too young and too idealistic and too easily wound up to last long, he'd thought. Had acted as something for Ky to take everything out on so he wouldn't end up too fragmented during battle. Sol holds so little value for impressions because no one is stagnant, no one is static--not even Ky, as much as he tries to continue fighting a war that's already over.

He'd call it Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, but that's never been his field. He never liked the squishier areas of science, the ones where data and testing don't factor in as succinctly. Still doesn't. Which is why he calls what Ky's doing "throwing a tantrum". It's an unleashing of frustration and emotion that serves no purpose other than to be destructive and wild. There's no "what he should have done" answer, though. Sol knows that, but it doesn't change things.

Ky doesn't need to be hope. Doesn't need to be anything more than human; the world's taken enough from the kid already--they've taken enough from him already. All three of them. He with his failure, she with her vengeance, and that man with his ideas that Sol still couldn't get his head around. It's alright to let things flow, expected and natural to have bouts of high emotion after so much stress for so many years on a mind so young.

Sol doesn't let anything show as he stares down at Ky, waiting for him to pick himself up so they can keep going. Same way they've always done this. There's no reason for this to be any different.

He doesn't have to say anything.

Sol just smirks.

He can smell the changes in the air as much as feel the gathering of magic, mentally calculating just how heavy a hit Ky'll dish out. How much he'd have to push back for the clash to effectively cancel it. How much space he has before something decides it's exploding.

"Y'want me t'back off? There's a new one."

Yeah, right.

Sol's helped make Ky who he is, in part by just being one of the many people to whom it mattered more what Ky could do, rather than who he was, who he is. Not that having someone care would have changed that much, but there's a distance Ky's always kept between himself and other people, and a distance he keeps inside of himself.

If he can be hope, that's so much better, so much more noble, than anything else he could be. Certainly much better than anything he can do for his own sake. That much should be obvious even to Sol.

But that's not important right now. Not important in general in Vatheon. Ky's duty here is separate, something much more temporary, but Ky will do his best at it anyway. He can't imagine doing any less than that.

He picks himself up off the ground, the electricity flowing back into him and then into Fuuraiken as he draws it. "As much as I want this, it isn't going to solve anything," he answers, but that's close to enough talking, and he settles into a ready stance.

How proud to take on the weight of "hope". He isn't the fucking messiah, isn't anything more than human. You're human, and that's all you need to be. Who the fuck cared about nobility when war was life and death? Think too much about the people around you and what they think and you stop living your own life. You can live for yourself and still support the people around you.

But the war's over. They've gone their separate ways as far as "duty" goes, though Sol doesn't see it as duty so much as recompense. If Ky fought for himself as much as he fights for others, Sol could see the worth in it. As it stands, he thinks it's childish. Idealistic. He isn't sure Ky's really got his hands around it.

You can't do jack shit if you don't pay attention to yourself. If you don't try living, you don't know what you're fighting for.

"S'solved a lotta shit before." Sol reaches up, braces the back of his neck as he rolls his head from shoulder to shoulder, vertebrae popping into place.

Edited 2013-06-26 23:30 (UTC)

They had to have nobility, had to have something worth fighting for. They're human, yes, but humanity alone isn't enough.

Beyond that, Ky has the power to inspire, has the ability to be more for other people than just another soldier. Given all the times that they've been desperate, all the times that one more push of energy has made a difference, Ky can't understand holding back, can't imagine giving less than he can. There are ideals more important than his life in the line, and if Sol will not agree to that much then he's either valuing Ky too much, or those ideals too little.

Ky knows what he's doing, or thinks he does.

To live for himself seems selfish, and difficult besides: he has a hard enough time taking an afternoon off, and the idea of giving up the duty resting on his shoulders, the thing that makes sure he keeps his back straight... Ky doesn't know how to live without it.

"As you wish." Ky settles through his own pre-fight ritual, dropping his eyes as he goes through the motions before he resumes his stance, lightning building up in preparation.

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