vatheon | My dragon is still angry

Entry tags:

My dragon is still angry

Who: Jade Curtiss and Peony Malkuth
Where: The Apartment
When: February 28, evening
Style: Prose or action. Whichever!
Status: Closed!

Funny things, those near-death, almost-took-three-others-out-with-you experiences; they got to you. They got to you in a way that maybe you didn't think possible. Maybe because there you are, living life, and then suddenly, you're swept into a bubble under the sea and your best friend is there too, and there's a lot of cognac in your system.

He rarely drank. Honestly, it was a matter of self-control and availability rather than anything else. He had no addictive personality to worry about or social pressures to concern himself with. No, drinking was something he did when he wanted to be left alone and with his thoughts, oddly enough; and boy did Jade have a lot to think about.

He'd been avoiding Peony, that was for sure. He didn't want the man involved in the first place, and yet, that had been all he could remember when he came to. Peony's worried expression and the part about kicking his ass or something equally Peony-esque. He resented him a bit for not having this problem, not having to be in control all the time.

How many glasses was that? What ever.

But no, Jade had put this all on himself. The eyes, the spear, the replicas, the guilt; everything was his fault somehow. Maybe he should drink more often.

After being accused of drinking Vatheon itself, Jade left the bar and decided to head home. He hoped Peony was off doing some Host Club thing because he was certainly not as steady as he would have liked nor in a perfect modd to see the other just yet. His vision is doing somersaults with his stomach, and his legs feel like lead weights and balloons at the same time. His head is spinning like a top and the hands in his pockets can't stay still.

He worried about Peony. About his stress, about his life, about both of their lives. Peony with his decrees and needing a baby, and then all the council hopping on him (that was a funny mental image. Jade snickered to himself). And then Jade who had to run those stupid errands. 'Go save the world from destroying itself Jade' 'go kidnap the Fon master Jade" OKay... The Fon master was his idea, but what was he supposed to do? Finding Luke was luck and...

When did he get to that tangent?

Well, he was here and the main point was that he didn't even want to see Peony. He didn't want to man up and admit that he had done wrong. He should have communicated, he should have spoken up, mentioned the danger. He should have relied on someone else.

Jade broke into raucous laughter as he opened the door to the apartment. Leaning on someone. What a silly notion. Peony was a friend, a comrade in arms, hardly a step stool or a cane. He stumbled into the first part of the living space and there was a jumbled mess of words before he finally spat out the other's name with markedly less confidence and more fervor than necessary.

"Pe'ny!" he's trying to focus and find Peony's room. it's going better than expected, considering he didn't want to be there. He didn't want to admit his wrong. He didn't want to lean on Peony for moral support every time he stumped his toe. He didn't even remember of the last few weeks how much he'd seen the Emperor, if at all.

Jade was finally at Peony's door.

"I did some'hing wrong..." Step one down, the rest to go. But he's not mentioning them yet and just leaning haphazardly on the doorframe.

"Cognac is the window to the soul, but I don't feel like lookin' righ' now."

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It was understandable to want to avoid Peony at this point, Peony had figured, but that didn't really make it sting any less. Really, he respected Jade's need for space, he did! But sometimes... Sometimes, like after what'd just happned, Peony'd have much preferred Jade to not want his space so they could de-stress like that, instead. Talking through it, much as he was sure Jade hated that, would have served them both good. Peony'd flitted around the clinic, but there really hadn't been much to want to talk about, yet, and he had to admit he'd done a bad job at really being there for Jade at that point. Concerns had been more related to Jade healing up, making sure things worked right... and he'd still been upset. Jade hadn't needed Peony's emotions on top of the state he'd been in.

So Jade coming home after a bit of drinking was a little surprising. Jade coming home drunk as a skunk? Most definitely did. Unfortunately for the part of Jade that had hoped for an empty apartment, Peony was definitely home and definitely in his room and sprawled out in a chair with a book over his face (he'd given up on reading it a little while ago and had only just started to doze).

Jade really didn't need to worry about Peony so much, though; he could do all that worrying on his own! ...when he thought about it enough to worry, anyway. Maybe one of them needed to pay attention to those things more frequently, after all. But just as Jade had a tendency to worry over Peony, Peony had that same tendency to worry over Jade (at least where the heart was concerned; Jade was just awful at that part. Not romance, really, just... anything that didn't follow intellectual rationality). It was alright to rely on each other, and it didn't make Peony any such tool; really, it was just another dimension of their friendship, and one day he'd drill that into that thick skull of Jade's. It was alright to rely on Peony now and again for things like that.

But yes, Jade definitely should have said something from the start. The very reason Peony had mentioned his plan to kick Jade's ass tied into that. And he'd... get around to that eventually. Probably. He'd had more time to calm down after the event than the time he'd slugged Jade in the jaw, and this had been... much more frightening. The chance that Jade could have died from that was still very real to him, even if he didn't have the math for it. But that... That'd been an accident, not an intentional experiment, as far as Peony could figure, so fear outweighed the anger.

Damn if he wasn't still mad at Jade on some level, though.

Not mad enough to blow up as soon as he was startled out of his nap, though. But yeah, Jade, y'kinda did do something wrong. Peony was up and at the door, pulling it open with something sympathetic and somewhat amused on his face--all warmth, despite things.

"Yeah? Want me to look, instead?"

He wasn't really thinking now. His head was swimming an maybe yelling for Peony wasn't the best idea, all things considered. After all, getting the man's attention was a bad idea, right? Didn't Peony want to hit him?

Too late now, Peony had opened the door and Jade was startled enough to kick backwards, stumbling so he landed haphazardly against the wall behind him. He stared at Peony, apparently trying to figure out who or what he was and what he wanted. When it was sorted out that he was indeed Peony, Jade's best friend, Jade stood up more and made a face at the Emperor.

"You're... No." He clacked his jaw for no discernible reason. "I don' want an'one t' look." He shook his head and managed to get his arms crossed after three tries like a petulant child. He blinked- something that seemed to last forever to him - and opened his eyes again with a huff.

"I don't think its' good sight." He rubbed his head and tried to spit out the words. He wanted Peony to understand somehow. To know he was-

"Sorry."

A word he seemed to use less than Luke, at least in a sincere way. Now, even despite the alcohol, Jade was sincere and earnest in his apology. His head swam more and he tilted it to the side.

Sorry that he was a bad friend, sorry he hadn't talked to the others about his condition, sorry he had messed up again. How was it Peony seemed to mess up so little in comparison?

Sometimes, it was alright not to think. Give the brain a break and everything; have a chance to just go with instinct over measured calculation. And Peony wanted to do a lot of things, but he could hold off on hitting Jade for when he was sober and would understand it.

Watching Jade stumble back drew Peony forward and out of the room, expression unchanging. Jade... Jade, man, what are you doing? But that declaration made, Peony shook his head in turn. He cut off the teasing remark that came automatically at the apology, though. Jaw a bit slack and eyes wide, Peony shook the surprise off and rubbed the back of his neck.

Be gentle since the guy's drunk, or be hard since he's open to hearing?

"Good." Somewhere between the two, but more towards stern than actually angry. Peony dropped his hand to set both on his hips after closing the bedroom door behind him and leaning at a slight angle up against it, not quite looking at Jade at first, like the lack of eye contact meant something--and it did. Peony always made eye contact, not just out of confidence. It meant something--recognition, attention. "You should be sorry. What you did scared a lot of people, including me." Probably mostly Peony. He was quiet for a moment, then: "I think it scared you, too." His gaze returned to Jade.

But Peony screwed up plenty. He was just better at covering it up. He'd screwed up pretty bad if Jade had felt like he couldn't tell Peony something was wrong, hadn't he?

At Peony's word, Jade made a noise. For some reason, it was more affirming to Jade that Peony didn't try to make excuses for Jade or try to say it wasn't his fault. At least he could count on the Emperor for that. Honesty and kindness were two traits Peony possessed that never seemed to go away, no matter how strict he was.

He seemed to slowly slide down to sit, his knees out in front of him like a block and his arms resting on top so Peony could only see the top of his head and his glasses-framed eyes. They were half-lidded and glazed and Jade was quiet for a bit. He didn't want to admit it but he had been- was still... scared. It seemed so poetic that one of the few things that scared the mighty Jade Curtiss was himself. He was an enemy as much as he was a hero- and even so, Jade didn't really believe in the second part. His eyes moved to look at Peony briefly before they rolled down to stare more at the ground.

"Maybe.." He figured it believable. He was scared of the potential of the last encounter- almost killing himself and others because he hadn't put more into his efforts. Letting it get that bad before anyone found out. Part of him wondered what Peony could have done if Jade had warned him, but he'd omitted it from His Majesty- for what?

Namely because he was used to omitting details of war and battles from the sometimes childish Emperor, and somewhat because... Well...

"'F I can't help myself, how c'n I do th' same for you..?" it was his job to keep Peony protected, to keep him from harm. To advise and to teach; to help him grow and to give insight into areas Peony was separate from. He was the right hand and black shadow of the Emperor of light; Grand Chokmah and Malkuth's guide. If he couldn't take care of himself, keep himself in control, how could he expect himself to do his job for Peony? Certain levels of professionalism and skill were needed for his job, and if Jade slacked on them, wasn't he unfit? Was he unfit now? He curled his toes in his boots and contemplated his arm, brows furrowed.

While Jade slid down, Peony lowered himself a little less gracefully--planting himself down with feet to either side of Jade, knees bent, and his palms on the floor. Surrounding, but open. Peony wouldn't blame Jade if the man was afraid of himself at any point; Jade could be terrifying. Peony believed in and trusted Jade with all of himself, but that didn't really change the fact that Jade Curtiss had every reason for his reputation. A different kind of menace than Peony. But Jade was also a hero, had also done a lot for the sake of king and country, but also for the world. Maybe he didn't see it like that, but Peony did.

At Jade's words, Peony felt the smile come unbidden, and he leaned forward to rest a tan hand over Jade's wrist, in part to call attention to himself and in part to give Jade a solid declaration of Peony's presence--that he was still there, still alive, and still well.

"Because I'm way easier to figure out than you are." The blond leaned forward on his thighs to keep the distance short. "That was also kind of a tricky situation. You should have told me, but that was a judgement call I don't know if even I'd be able to make in your position. And I'd have been running around like an idiot, flipping out, if it'd been me." Alright, so maybe he wouldn't have, but he wouldn't have been able to maintain silence the way Jade had. "And I'm not letting some stuffy old fart take your position just because of a mishap, if that's what you're thinking about in that head of yours. Especially since I'm not too worried about it, here." Sometimes, Jade was transparent. Sometimes, he was as opaque as the stones used to support Grand Chokmah. Sometimes, Peony wasn't sure what to tell him. Right now...

"We're always going to have times where we have to balance judgement with wants and desires. We've both seen that happen, already. This was another one of those times, and you made the call you thought was appropriate, right? Was safest?"

Peony's actions for the most part seemed to go unnoticed, Jade's eyes remaining on some fleck he saw on his arm that required more attention than that of the Emperor. Though, at the physical touch, Jade seemed to be surprised as he stared at Peony for a long moment, listening. He blew a breath out from his nose and leaned his forehead partially on Peony's hand. Whether it was just a movement of exasperation or Jade appreciating his friend's companionship was up to how Peony interpreted it.

Yes, here. Here in this bubble under some unknown sea on some unknown planet where there were trolls that gave you chocolate and aliens that gave you handcrafted metal flowers and you were occasionally cursed for kicks and giggles. Vatheon was a curiosity as well as a curse in itself. He was appreciative of the anonymity, though. No one knew who the Necromancer was, or of either of their importance back home. Here, it was just Jade and Peony, two men with no real significance in the long run. That was nice, sometimes.

"Wan'ed to keep you fr'm gedding hurt." more of those slow, fatigued blinks as Jade moved to look up at Peony, finally meeting his eyes. "Should be prodecting you."

It was rare that Jade ever mentioned any of his protectiveness for Peony. After all, having care for someone meant there was a weak point someone could exploit. Peony was a paragon, a man of strength and abundant kindness to even the least of people. Jade was there to make sure the man never fell. It was duty to Emperor and country, but one as well to Peony as his friend. Even when the two were at odds, Peony had been a kind, warm light in the cold existence of Jade Curtiss' clinical life. He'd pulled Jade up by the skin of his fingertips and he'd kept pulling even when Jade pulled back. Now, Jade felt like he had a debt to be repaid, in a sense. His life, which he surely would have lost if he had continued with fomicry as it had been, had been saved by a simple punch to the face and a scolding no one else had the courage to give to him.

Peony salvaged and cultivated the small speck of humanity Nebilim had instilled in him. Jade was no man of the people, but he was a man of some people. He still had that detached aura, that feeling of refusal to connect himself, and sometimes a disregard for normal feelings but that was Jade; that was how Jade felt comfortable, and it was an expectation.

Jade seemed to come from a reverie once again and looked at Peony for a moment before he rubbed an eye with the back of his fist, fatigue from the alcohol finally beginning to settle in. His glasses settled somewhat haphazardly back onto his nose and Jade didn't bother to fix them yet.

"'M hardly a safe person sometimes."

"And you did: I'm still in one piece and totally unscathed, here. Even though you made me worry."

It was a strange thing, floating around a place like this--because "floating" really was the appropriate word, considering there was nothing truly binding them to Vatheon or to their posts back home. Just details of little import. It gave Peony the freedom to do much of what he could only daydream about on Auldrant, or pine for days past before ascending the throne, or plot behind everyone's backs to sneak out and flit around the city. Invariably, either Jade or the council would catch him and he'd get some variation of an earful or other, but that was fine by him. But here? Here, he didn't even need to worry about that. It was the curses to worry about, and sometimes those were bad enough that he reconsidered being here.

Despite all his freedoms here, too, he had a duty to his citizens. It was a circle of thoughts, because while Peony valued the well-being of his people and knew that there weren't many who could do what he did with the same measure of success, time wasn't going anywhere at home while he spent his days free in Vatheon. Which really should, just by the nature of the situation, trump that feeling of need to return home, and it usually did, but some days he wondered a little more than others. But here, Jade, too, was freer. That wasn't something he was too sure about being able to find at home. At home, Jade bound himself to his work and pressed beyond the moniker people still used.

And so maybe he had grabbed Jade by the metaphorical scruff of the neck and kept him from sinking into too much crazy and kicked his ass out of it as much as possible, but come on! That's what friends were for, and Peony had certainly gained prominent possession of that title. Whatever debt Jade thought he owed was something Peony didn't figure to exist. He didn't do these things for equivalent exchange, he did them because he'd wanted to. Peony had protected Jade in that sense a few times, but Jade served to protect Peony constantly. If Jade really hoped for some kind of equivocal protection debt, he'd paid it several times over, already.

"And I dunno; you helped save a planet, you tried to keep people at a safe distance while you were dealing with something that left you out of control. You serve Malkuth to protect it, and you do it well." Peony scooted closer, though lack of flexibility meant he had to curve forward after a point, and he set his chin on Jade's arms. "And you're still the person I feel safest around, even when you threaten my adorable rappigs or suffer temporary crazy--which, I can argue those are one and the same, honestly."

He puffed out his cheeks before releasing the air with a sigh.

"It's not the end of the world, and you're still capable of doing your job. Tough calls happen--we both know that. You should have told me, in my opinion, but in yours you wanted to keep me safe which meant not telling me. There is no static right or wrong answer, here." Because hearing Jade like this... Man, it made it hard to stay mad!

Being a certain level of a control freak, the environment did nothing for Jade's occasional neurotic tendencies. The most it really showed was if anyone saw his office or room in its normal state. At this point, the room he slept in and the apartment on a certain level were two things he preferred to be around because the Coral didn't seem to randomly change those. It might annoy Peony that Jade was more or less a neat freak and the little things could cause him to intervene in the smallest matters (Like a chair that had been moved out of place or Peony moving anything in Jade's room).

It had taken a bit to adjust, in the first place, and the added issue of his eyes had compounded that. Honestly, Jade had entertained the idea of picking up and leaving to go to the Island, just to be farther away from the damned thing.

But it could be said Vatheon was nice. Jade felt the same push an pull of the want to stay where he was anonymous and wanting to return to a far more stable life. Sure, he had issues at home, but the issues never included Peony knowing anything about the Shade or what would happen to him without his glasses. No, some things were supposed to be kept away from people and Jade was happy Peony didn't bother him for more information because Jade himself only had theories on some things that happened to him. In his defense, he would only say he was a very unlucky man.

Peony's closeness meant Jade was staying behind the barrier of his arms and just looking up at Peony with eyes that were red from an arte as well as intoxication. It created an odd effect that made him almost look like he was wearing scolera contacts. His baleful expression likely didn't help matters.

"'S..." Whatever he was going to say, he seemed to lose for a moment before it picked back up. "Don' think." Nope. It's gone again. Instead of trying to find what he was going to say again, Jade just rested his forehead against his arms and, consequently, Peony's chin. The puff of air Peony released made Jade jump a bit, but remained as he was. It felt childish, somewhere in the back of his head, pouting as he seemed to be. But the rest of his mind was too loud and too far gone to really consider the implications and later consequences of anything he was tripping over his own mouth to say.

"Shouldn' happened in th' firs' place." Of course not, his mind was able to garble out. "Might've been better to..." Kill him? Let him kill himself? He wasn't sure where that train of thought was going. Sure, he'd entertained the thought of death before, but in a sense, Jade found himself untempted by the idea. To him, suicide or just allowing himself to die was cowardly. He had done so much and the consequences were so far-reaching that dying would just be a sense of avoiding the situation and letting others pay for his mistakes and selfish behavior.

It was a difficult situation. Honestly, Jade didn't know if he would change what he did next time in regards to Peony. Cutting him off and estranging himself was the first thing that he thought of, and he certainly thought it better to keep his distance from people if he was going to go haywire again. Yes, there were things he would change about the situation itself, but letting Peony know he was about to go off the deep end and possibly die wasn't really an option in his mind.

"Mm." Jade gives another huff of air and he remains curled up. He feels warmed by Peony's presence and attempts to console him in his own way; the fact that he's had enough alcohol to drown the entirely of the Cheagle race might also be a contributing factor.

Nah, with a brain like Jade's, you learned to expect certain things. Peony was aware of those tendencies to keep things as orderly as possible, and while it might cramp Peony's lifestyle of chaos a bit, it didn't bother him to the point of being annoyed. Peony was lazy with a penchant for forgetting to pick up after himself because he'd either be too absorbed in what he was suddenly doing, or he'd just idle off to do something else and completely forget what he should have been doing. It used to also involve business and potentially hiding from it, but that wasn't really an issue in Vatheon.

What was apparently involved Peony learning more than Jade wanted him to know--the extent of the arte's repercussions, Jade's fears... But Peony would argue that now that he knew, there were fewer things Jade needed to keep to himself which meant less pressure on him. They weighed on Peony from time to time, but he knew how to set things in his head to their proper places and times. He couldn't worry about one or two things incessantly, so he didn't. They surfaced against his will, sometimes, but he wasn't a slave to them. Though Peony would agree that Jade had the worst luck, sometimes. What happened to people didn't always have a logical or readily identifiable reason. Life was unpredictable in that way.

Peony didn't shy from the strange sight in front of him, even if most others would. Instead, he lifted a hand to gently squeeze Jade's shoulder; pretty sure he knew what Jade was trying to say (or at least one thing Jade could have been trying to say), but it didn't really matter much. Not until Jade found it solidly enough to communicate it. What he did communicate had Peony shift so he could rest his temple instead against Jade's arms.

"Shit happens, Jade." And that was all to be said to that. His tone wasn't necessarily sharp, said with a sigh and a shrug as it was, but it carried an undertone of finality. It happened and it's over. Whatever Jade might've been implying--something Peony was unwilling to presently humour--there was no point in it. The matter had been dealt with, and they were dealing with the aftermath. But Peony kept the anger that implication (because sadly, there weren't too many ways it could go and even if Peony didn't want to think about it, some still were immediately clear) started to create, and looked it in the face.

"And don't you ever..." Peony sat up to pull at Jade's arms in an attempt to break part of the barrier he'd established. "Ever think that's the better solution when there are others available. It doesn't matter if the coral would have brought you back, it's not acceptable." Homing in on the most upsetting possible suggestion? Yep. Knowing Jade, it was also the "most efficient" possible course of action. Efficiency was all well and good, but it really wasn't the most efficient. It was just the "easiest".

Frankly, Peony doubted it was any easier than trying to get the glasses on him.

Peony halted his efforts in trying to get Jade to physically open up irrespective of how successful they were or weren't, letting the ugly knot in his chest start to untangle after making it known. Jade was drunk, he reminded himself. If Jade was sober, this would have been an entirely different argument with a lot more pushing and pulling and probably Jade getting punched would have been a thing that happened.

Instead, here he was, back and forthing with being angry and compassionate and worried and more relieved than really should be acceptable in this kind of situation. Damnit, Jade.

Jade preferred his life to be predictable. Something he could plan out and have no errors in. Part of him would always take a certain liking to those errors and unexpected happenings. They led to interesting situations, and new people. Granted, a time ago, he might object to new people, but now..? He liked them, liked company, liked companionship. People were a source of detriment, normally; made him tired like nothing else. He was an introvert, fueled by isolation, but these days... He was something of a concentrated extrovert. It took him a bit to socialize, but he was getting better in smaller situations. He wasn't perfect, and he never would get completely comfortable with people. But Peony and Luke and everyone had changed his initial issues with socialization.

Contact was another thing. Even from Peony, he din't like it. He had issues with people touching him, hugging him, grabbing him. It was uncomfortable in a way Jade couldn't always explain. Some times, it was unfamiliarity with people, others, it was a refusal to be close to someone. With Peony, he could never truly explain. What was it that made Jade squirm and want to move when the Emperor touched him? Why Jade couldn't figure it out might be why he didn't move now. That, or Jade wanted the warmth of someone else, to remind him he wasn't currently alone.

Peony was there. He was always there. Even when he wasn't at Jade's side, he was there. A reminder that Jade wasn't who he was; that Jade was a man changed and would ever remain his Emperor's vassal, friend, and defender. He wouldn't pick up a damning cause for the past ever again. He must live in the here and now, where the living resided. He was here because of a punch to the face, because of a man who hadn't given up on Jade, because of a man who cared and had no issue reminding him of that care.

So now, with Peony holding his shoulder and resting against him, Jade's attention is on the Emperor. Peony grabbing his arms and pulling them apart meets no resistance and Jade keeps his eyes down for a moment. When he speaks in that tone, Jade knows it means that there is no other option. There is no resurrection of Nebilim, there is no grasping at the past, and there is no allowing himself to die. His courtship with death ended those years ago and Jade could not pick it up, not when his courtship of the living was so intricately complex. It was unstated that Jade would have allowed his demise, just an understood option. Something that Jade would have accepted and dealt with the consequences of later.

When Peony seemed to 'calm' (not that he was particularly riled up in the first place), Jade finally looked up at the Emperor and seemed to have hit a moment of 'clarity'. He was still quiet, still thinking through things didn't stick together as well as he'd like to. The part of him that was still logical told him to stay quiet, let Peony fume and sleep on the words, even if he didn't remember them. The other part of him wanted to explain everything, but... what would he explain? His mind was running in circles, trying to answer questions that didn't exist, and ask questions he didn't know.

"I..." might throw up. He's really leaning towards that. "Need'a'v'mit."

Yep, sorry Peony. Jade's moving from his spot on the floor to his feet and towards the bathroom in a few seconds' time. Luckily, he can make it in time and Peony can probably hear the lovely sound of probably hundreds of galds' worth of alcohol being drowned in the toilet. He'll get to pontificating on your words more in a bit. Maybe a reply if he can articulate. He'll at least be somewhat more sober after this.

It was sometimes difficult to remember that, because Peony thrived on being around other people. It was why he'd sneaked out of the palace now and again, why he'd been so insistent on getting outside during that fiasco with the false heir (and also because he'd thought investigating it would be fun, but yanno!), why he was enjoying Vatheon. But when such a vital part of your life was the opposite? It shouldn't be as hard to pick out the signs as it could be. But then, Jade was making that effort, wasn't he? Or maybe it was an evolution. He didn't need to draw on that isolation, so maybe that meant he could adjust. Whatever the reasoning behind those changes, Peony knew well enough that Jade would still need time to himself, and he would never try to change that. They all needed what they needed, and there was nothing wrong with that.

Kind of like there being nothing wrong with not enjoying physical contact, but Peony still time and again and again found himself turning to that as a means of expression. He knew Jade didn't like it (and sometimes that was exactly why he did it), but it was also the most direct line, he thought. Some of it he knew was related to that introversion, but... Well, Jade seemed comfortable with it at night, at least. One of the few things Peony occasionally dwelt on was this, whether or not he ought to give Jade more space. He usually wound up dismissing that line of thought before too long, because it was just as easy to figure it out through interaction as assumption.

Jade made too many assumptions, sometimes. Like this entire mess. But Peony'd already gone off as much as he could at a drunk bum of a soldier, and there wasn't too much point in continuing. Because the bum was his friend, and drunks don't take in a lot of information necessarily. But Peony hoped what he'd said sunk in, hoped that what gestures and touches he'd given cemented it and Jade at least had it to ruminate on later. If not, Peony'd just harass him with it again, because of course he couldn't leave Jade alone. Not if he could help it.

For all that Peony figured about his friend's state of being, though, he could see the awareness there--or he thought he could. Maybe it was hope that led him to believe he wouldn't have to say any of that again, wouldn't need to point out that there were other options and that sacrifice wasn't acceptable. Wouldn't need to raise his voice and shout things that should have been obvious. He loved Jade--Jade was his best friend, and there would be nothing more frustrating than having to explain any of that again. What would they do?

But Jade's continued silence offers two explanations: either it'd really sunk in, or... Yep. Peony grins, teasing and good-natured if gentle, and trails after Jade to make sure nothing happened on the way to the toilet. While Jade emptied his stomach of basically everything he'd probably consumed that day that hadn't already been digested, Peony gathers Jade's hair to keep it well out of the way.

"They say that only a real friend'll hold your hair back when you're puking your guts out," he remarks conversationally, half to continue the teasing and half to let things shift back to their kind of normal. "Man, you better appreciate this kind of love. Gross. How much did you drink?"

Jade's chin is on his arms when he's done, half sitting on his knees and half leaning on the toilet bowl. His glasses have found themselves on the floor for the time being, forgotten for the moment. Done with his less than attractive puking, Jade remained silent and still for a moment, either contemplating Peony's earlier words, or thinking about how much he'd drank.

"Don' 'member," This time the slurring was not wanting to open his mouth for fear of anything else coming up rather than intoxication. But now that that was out of his system, Jade rose one hand to his forehead, mind now infinitely more clear and far more aware of the conversations and how he'd acted. He mumbled something that sounded like 'my apologies' and rested his hand under his chin again.

"In a sense..." Jade wiped his mouth with a glove, then tossed the article of clothing aside, deeming the other in need of being removed a second later. "I s'ppose I saw your reaction coming, I just didn't want to think about it."

It was that selfish side of Jade again; the one that said that he didn't care what other people said or did, he was going to go through with what he wanted to do anyways. It'd shown up so many times on the journey and the kids had just accepted it; accepted that maybe Jade knew better. Sometimes he didn't, but he carried himself in a way that said that even if he didn't, what he was doing would work. They didn't question him most of the time because Jade was older, and far more knowledgeable about things than they would be for a while yet. And still.. Again, Peony questioned, Peony challenged, Peony scolded. A part of him dreaded Peony's words because he didn't want to be reprimanded in a childish sense, and part of him dreaded it because Peony's words were undeniably true. Jade couldn't argue with him sometimes because Peony was childish, and sometimes because Peony was smarter in some senses than Jade would ever be.

And that was one thing that drew Jade's loyalty. Peony passed himself for a fun-loving git, and sometimes, that was what he was. But in reality, Peony's mind was sharper than a sword and he did not fear going against allies if he thought the cause worthy. He was young, but showed intelligence Jade had not seen even in Ingobert. He balanced his love for his people and his need to put his foot down so equally, it had stunned Jade at times though he would never admit it.

But that was who Peony was. A man who was fiercely loyal and independent and smarter than Jade in some areas Jade hated. He despised politics, and Peony did not enjoy them either, so it seemed, but in the end, Peony was better and handling the Council than Jade would ever be. People were illogical, erring beings with far too many variables, too unpredictable. Jade liked to settle himself in the sciences and books, places where he could rely on there being an answer. It wasn't to say all people weren't worth his time (Some certainly were not), but they were difficult.

But to Peony, that was what he relished in, enjoyed, and that was fascinating to Jade. It probably would be so until the day either of them died.

"Though you are right." Jade's eyes shifted to look in Peony's direction, face still turned toward the white back of the toilet seat. He needed some water right about now.

Peony stayed with Jade, crouching after a point, idly braiding the fonist's hair to better ensure it kept out of the way should Jade suddenly find himself in need of further digestive upheaval. It was pretty gross, honestly, but he couldn't bring himself to move Jade just yet in order to flush the toilet. Really, he didn't want to be what caused Jade to start puking again.

The slurred answer didn't surprise him in the least, though; no, with how the consequences turned out? Made perfect sense that Jade couldn't remember. Peony sighed theatrically. ...And tickled Jade's cheek with the end of his braid at the mumbled apology, that serving as his point that there really weren't any apologies required for that. Things went as they went, and that was fine.

The confession met similar; of course Jade wanted to avoid it in some manner or other. It was an emotional response--both Peony's reaction and whatever would have swept over Jade at the thought of causing it. Avoidance in that regard was one of Jade's specialities, and Peony'd never really understood it. The fear or the need to keep emotions at bay. He understood a little, how overwhelming they could be conflicting with Jade's need for order and academic logic, but not really beyond that. It wasn't any way to live, frankly, completely at odds with a good half of your brain.

But emotions weren't something to constantly run away from. Weren't something to avoid and dodge and hope to get by just fine without them. That impacted more than the individual, and Jade knew it. Had seen it happen to Nephry, to Gailardia and the kids. Peony had to question, had to challenge, because no one else would and heavens knew Jade wouldn't challenge himself or question himself in that area. Which was, at times, a challenge for Peony, too. Sometimes he just didn't know how to phrase things to get through to Jade, and sometimes it just didn't work in the end. But he'd keep trying. It wasn't that Jade needed to change because that was up to Jade and no one else, but it was that Jade needed to expand. Sounded similar while being fundamentally different.

Being utterly ridiculous at times helped, too. That was already such a stark contrast to Jade's serious edges that it was sometimes easier to find a way in through that than through scolding and being the "adult" between them. Peony would just joke that opposites attract and that's how he got through to Jade: by being his opposite. Needing each other also played a fair role in it. Jade needed Peony for moral direction while Peony needed Jade for disciplinary direction, one just as frequently as the other.

Which probably most benefited the citizens of Malkuth, in the end, though they seemed plenty fond of Peony's style of ruling: laid back with encouraged dialogue. Still, if he didn't have Jade to push him back in line, how much of that would end up getting done in a timely manner? Suffice to say, Peony's concept of "pace" had a habit of being more variable than his people were.

"Always am." But it was with a fond tone that he spoke those words, rubbing Jade's back before drawing himself up. Usually after this point in the "drunk shenanigans" process--usually after throwing up at all--water really was the best idea, wasn't it? "Gonna be okay if I grab something from the kitchen, Jade?"

"Mmmhm." It was a bit of a tired noise, and Jade didn't move from his spot once throughout the idling talk and peony messing with his hair. It was always relaxing, that. He'd never admit it, since it required someone putting hands in his hair and on his head, but for some reason, he could never fight the cat-like urge to lean into the attention.

There was a small noise as Peony went to go get whatever it was from the kitchen before Jade was getting up from the toilet and Peony could hear the contents swirling away a moment later. He leaned on the counter and contemplated himself in the mirror a moment. He was a disheveled mess. More sober now, he could notice the way his eyes sagged and his mouth hung open dumbly, the way his hair stuck out and he could even notice the small, barely noticeable slivers or silver that dared to poke out every once in a while. 35 is too young to be graying he told himself, but at the same time... Well, his life was stressful, what with Peony and the kids and the council.

Something like that. But the person in the mirror annoyed him. No sense of order with his shirt hanging someone open and the blue uniform hanging off him before he chucked it to join his gloves. He was better now, but still rather hot and clammy. He sighed and ran the sink before he splashed water on his face a few times and rubbed at his eyes. He needed sleep, and he needed Peony to leave him alone.

Being more clear-minded meant you had a better idea of what you've been talking about. Yulia's foot he was in any capacity to grasp proper emotions and he was certainly not going to start spilling them out to Peony and sobbing like a wreck. He missed Luke, he missed everyone, he'd gone insane, it was time to move past things. After trying to take care of himself, he looked in the mirror. He looked a bit better. His hair was a bit more appropriate and he seemed more awake.

When he moved, however, that seemed to fail. His knees knocked once or twice and he was hanging onto the counter again. Either his center of gravity shifted or his inner ear was still being tossed around by the last vestiges of alcohol. How much had he downed? 'Filling your belly with enough to fill the sea' he remembered the bartender putting it. He certainly felt it in his stomach. The nausea rose and fell again and Jade simply rested against the counter, sighing. Oh, hell.

What a night.

When peony returns, Jade is attempting to recover his dignity with his arms crossed defensively in front of him and assuming a somewhat nonchalant pose as he wrestled with nausea and vertigo.

"My apologies for my condition, Your Majesty." Peony could likely still hear the slur in Jade's voice, though his words were intelligible and not so dumbly spoken.

Peony winced a bit at the answer; man, Jade sounded beat. Not that he really blamed him. Puking could really take it out of you! Lotta muscle contraction and working against the way things are supposed to work. Not to mention just the general effects of the alcohol already in Jade's system. It made him a bit wary of leaving Jade's side, but he'd be fine, right?

He chirped a bright "Be right back" before standing, half-jogging to the kitchen to fetch a plastic cup to fill. Setting it and the water pitcher down and bracing himself with palms on the counter, Peony stared at it as if to divine some greater meaning from the mould of the plastic base. Jade... This whole thing had been a real trip. But they'd talked about what they could for now, and there wasn't much else to be said until Jade was completely sober. He wouldn't take advantage of Jade being a little loose-lipped because of booze, tempting as it was. Sometimes, there really was no other way, but this... The idea hadn't sat well with him from the first glimmer that'd popped into his head, close to the start of their conversation. And now, staring at the bottom of a bright blue frosted plastic cup, it still didn't.

He sighed, elbows bending before he pushed off the edge of the counter; no use thinking on it too much. It was an idea, nothing more. This was a brand of ridiculous he wasn't entirely fond of, this whole... "ruminating on something not worth thinking too much about" kind of thing. Filling the cup about half-way (and bringing the pitcher with because why not?), Peony started back towards the bathroom. Really, no sense dwelling when he wasn't going to follow through.

Also, there was just a rule somewhere in the metaphorical rulebook to best friends thing about not taking advantage of them when they're drunk. Or Peony was pretty sure there was. Or maybe it was to take advantage of them. If so, only for goofy things or minor pranks. Best when done in groups, not so cool when just the pair of you or something. Yeah, that sounded about right. Though anything pulled on Jade would probably be something only Jade could appreciate, so... Huh. Have to revisit that one, some time.

Getting back to the bathroom, Peony set the pitcher on the counter and held the cup out to Jade, brow quirked with how he found the man. Really, Jade? No. Nononono. Worst disguise. Don't do that. Also no with the formalities for once, jeez. Even if Peony was more used to hearing them than not, both sincere and mocking, it'd be nice to just be "Peony" sometimes. Outside of a life or death situation. His shoulders drooped and a small smile worked its way across his lips, brows knitting upward some. What am I going to do with you, Jade?

"Why are you standing up? You were clinging to the toilet a minute ago and I'm pretty sure you're not up for bein' too high off the ground, right now." Not even going to worry about the apology Jade doesn't owe. Being drunk happens. It's not like he just projectile vomited across the audience chamber. "C'mon. You're allowed to look how you feel."

Jade is leaning on the counter still and his head is swimming. He's closed his eyes for a moment as he hears the sounds of footsteps, echoing far louder than they should have. He's rubbing at his temple and then pressing his palm into his eye harshly.

There's a muttered thanks and Jade takes a good mouthful of water before swilling it around in his mouth and spitting it back out to get the rest of the taste of pure alcohol off his tongue somehow. A few times later and Jade is rubbing at his face again. He returns to his previous position with his arms crossed in front and now leaning his hips on the counter and his shoulder on the door jamb.

"I feel... fine." Even he only partially believed that. He felt fatigued and still drunk and defensive and part of him wanted to hug Peony and the other part wanted Peony to find a hole to crawl into until Jade was through the rest of his drunkenness and resulting hangover. Then, he wanted the Emperor to never speak of this again. Ever.

Whatever Peony was thinking of doing, saying, or sharing, Jade wasn't aware of it and didn't want to be. He prided himself on reading Peony, knowing what he wanted or what he was going to say or do, and yet, when drunk, Jade didn't even recognize himself as a cognizant human being, much less what anyone else was thinking. And he didn't worry, for once. Usually he was gauging people, trying to read their moves and words before they said or did them, but... When drunk, he didn't give a damn what anyone did and he didn't give a damn how it affected him. Even now, when a good portion of the alcohol had exited his system, he just gave out a low hum of what seemed to be thought.

But he just ended up leaning forward and bumping his forehead onto Peony's shoulder. A second later, he popped back up, looking at Peony blearily. He blinked and sighed.

"S'ppose I feel 'bit out of it." He was getting a second wind of just past tipsy, it seemed. If anything, he wasn't full blown drunk, but he wasn't entirely aware of himself.

Edited 2013-07-02 04:00 (UTC)

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My dragon is still angry

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