It's a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake

[420]

Who: 420 & bethehugejerk
When: January 30th
Where: Gamzee's kitchen
Style: Action
Status: Closed

[So, it had taken about two ingredient-gathering trips, --two-and-a-half if you counted Gamzee taking a wrong turn and having to have his ass gathered from the pet food isle-- but finally everything they were going to need was set out on Gamzee's kitchen table. It's all there: the ingredients, the kitchen equipment, the tiny ass moirail sure to help Gamzee turn all this shit into the ballest of birthday cakes ever to be constructed by two aliens for their human big-not-sister who happened to be a witch.

Grinning, Gamzee claps his hands, glancing at Karkat for a moment.]

Aight. Lets fuckin' do this shit.

Comments

blame Poppy for this

[bethehugejerk]

[Cake has meaning. Cake is special. Cake is art.]

[Or, you know, it's a form of dessert, and baking is something Karkat doesn't entirely fail at. That's part of why when the approach of Lily's birthday became a thing, and the idea came up between him and Gamzee, he jumped on the opportunity. She is, first off, his weird adoptive pseudo-sister thing whom he has come to honestly appreciate quite a bit. Beyond that, she's a friend he's had for some months now, and while they have disagreed on things in the past, she has also shown him great kindnesses. She helped him with his snowlusus - something he still has a recording of, saved on his SFC - and more recently, she gave him those twenty vials of strengthening potion, one of which has already been tested to great effect. More dangerous incidents have given other opportunities for her to show her worth: fighting against the Kraken, concentrating the sopor they used against the Grand Highblood. Hell, there's that time he got to try some of her euphoria potion, and hardly ever does Karkat get the chance to feel that level of happiness. And she is useful in the mundane sense, having explained various human customs and social constructs to him, particularly in terms of romance and family. This cake now, while it can't convey everything, is an act of gratitude that she has very-well earned.]

[Gathering ingredients was a job perhaps more difficult than it should be, but with a constantly high moirail (no matter how competent a baker he may be) and an unflagging determination to do this right, two-and-a-half ingredient-gathering trips were well worth the effort. Particularly with the recipe they selected: something not too simple, but not impossible, and distinct enough to reflect them. Or maybe more Gamzee; Karkat's never been the rainbow type. Then the job was to set everything out, along with all equipment required for the task of making it. Bowls, spoons, spatulas, and so on, all of it is neatly set on the table.]

[And last, aprons for the both of them.]

[Gamzee's aprons, really, but who's counting.]

[So Karkat's basically drowning in fabric, neck strings hanging halfway down his back if not more, and the waist ones looped a second time to the front to hold down an extra fold of material caused by height disparities. It still works, and he refuses to be defeated by oversized kitchenwear.]

[When his moirail claps, he looks back with the eyes of someone entering into battle. Kitchen battle. Cakeageddon.]

Right. The convection device--[A glance back to double check.]--is already preheating. Dry ingredients first. Hand me the measuring cups, grab the flour, and we'll put that in.

[420]

[Where is Troll Chairman Koga to judge the results of this kitchen battle when you need him?

Gamzee does as instructed, so easily falling into the subordinate role to Karkat's leaderly one, even if he is the one with the most experience baking here. It doesn't matter. Karkat like being a big badass leader, and Gamzee is happy enough to let him be.

He hands the demanded requested things to Karkat, flour first, then the measuring cups, holding up one.]

You mean motherfuckers really up and fuckin' use these lil' bros?

[He doesn't.]

sorry, could not resist the correction

[bethehugejerk]

[Problem number one: it's Troll Chairman Kaga who presides over kitchen stadium. Though it's probably more like a colosseum for trolls, death and all.]

[For all Gamzee has the most experience, though, Karkat is determined to show he's not ignorant in the art of cake-making. This he can actually do! No fires or anything! He will lead the shit out of this baking expedition. He takes the flour and measuring cups as they're handed over, but pauses before any measuring happens.]

You mean you don't? How do you not screw up the recipe?

[420]

[Listen, some people watch this show for the recipes and may or may not be pretty high as a kite while doing so. No judging please.

He shrugs at the question.]

Naw. You just kinda all get your ganderbulbs on for that fuckin' shit. and fuck, if it don't all be turning out right, you can just done bake a new one, yeah? No fuckin' biggie.

[bethehugejerk]

[Fair enough. Not like Karkat watches cooking shows, in truth.]

Gamzee, if we mess up this time we're going to have to go shopping again, and it took long enough to get the stuff this time. We're going to do this right, and that means measuring.

[So! He measures out the suitable number of cups for the flour, making sure to level off each with exacting precision.]

[420]

[Gamzee watches them all. Except Troll Paula Deen. That is too much butter.]

Aight, aight. What ever the fuck gets your chill on, brother. I'm motherfuckin' cool with it.

[He is not going to argue about the correct way to prepare a cake! Any troll should all be preparing a cake like it suited them best. Also, cooking with Karkat is pretty much bitching.]

[bethehugejerk]

[Into the bowl they go. He looks to Gamzee then, and taps a finger at the recipe.]

Then you be sure to actually measure shit properly, too. You see this part about the sugar and wet ingredients? You do that while I'm getting this, and it'll save time.

[420]

I can do that.

[And he can! He really can. He hums a little idly under his breath as he grabs the measuring cup and the sugar, pouring out the needed amount. It might not be as exactly on the line as Karkat is pouring ingredients, but it is close enough to save him from bitching.

Hopefully.]

[bethehugejerk]

[Karkat peers over, fussy and circumspect, frowning a little at Gamzee's inexactitude. But at least his moirail actually knows the art at hand, knew it first in fact, and is using the cup at all. He snorts in begrudging approval, then measures out precise spoon- and half-spoonfuls of baking powder, then salt.]

[A glance to the recipe again, then a motion sideways.]

Give me the whisk.

[420]

[Gamzee notices the fussy look sent in his direction, smiling.]

Chill, brother. Us motherfuckers, we are gonna get this shit done, aight? Gonna all be the best motherfuckin' pie she ever done see.

[He tosses over the whisk.]

[bethehugejerk]

[He catches the whisk, but his fussy look goes nowhere.]

It's a cake, Gamzee. A cake. A motherfucking miracle ass bitchtits rainbow special stardust earth human birthday cake, or whatever convoluted chain of adjectives and descriptors you would piles onto the thing.

[420]

Ain't no matter if you done name it a pie or a cake, brother. Still all me us brothers getting in on your mad appreciating for what our best motherfuckin' sister did done for us.

[He wouldn't be your moirail if he wasn't capable of completely ignoring those fussy looks when desired. He's pretty sure his face just got stuck that way somewhere along the line.]

[bethehugejerk]

[He can make other faces! He just... doesn't, usually.]

At least you've got that part right.

[Carefully and slowly, he starts to mix the dry ingredients together with the whisk. While he can totally murder anything he needs to stir if he wants, whisking powdery things together is definitely not the occasion for it.]

That was pretty awesome, though. I seriously wasn't expecting a gift like that.

[420]

[Gamzee plants his elbows on the table, his expression dreamy as he sighs softly.]

Yeah, that were... fuck, can't even all get my explain on for what a bitchtits miracle that all were.

[bethehugejerk]

[Karkat's whisking slows in a strange approximation of Gamzee's own wistfulness, if one where to change the context entirely. Leave it to trolls to get sappy about black romance.]

I can't believe how much more I hate him when he can actually hurt me without breaking me. I had bruises, Gamzee. Bruises. All kinds of them, that he gave me.

It was amazing.

[420]

[Blackrom still isn't his thing, but he can roll with it.]

Saw what fuckin' bruises you all left on his husk too. Think he were real happy with them. Uh. Unhappy. Some shit like that.

[He gestures vaguely. Whatever the right word is with blackrom.]

[bethehugejerk]

Damn right I did. That corruption of trollhood deserved them for daring to exist in the same reality as me.

[He gets what he means just fine. Back to whisking.]

In short, Lily deserves the best cake we can make for her.

[420]

She really does, our motherfuckin' miracle-working sister.

[He smiles, leaning against the table, waiting for more instructions from Karkat. He knows how to do this, of course, but hey, if Karkat wants to play cake-leader, he is 0k with that in ways dead Aradia would be jealous of.]

[bethehugejerk]

[Karkat checks his bowl, and... yeah, that looks mixed well enough. Another check to the recipe to see what's next.]

Okay. I have to put some of this in, then some of the milk, then the rest of this, and then the milk again. You mix while I do that, got it?

[He scoots over, holding his bowl carefully. If Gamzee's got it, then he'll start adding the first bit.]

[420]

Got it.

[He holds his bowl to his stomach, whisking with expert flicks of the wrist as he waits for Karkat to add his part of the mixture, then the milk, then the rest, and then more milk. Yes. They are totally making this happen.]

[bethehugejerk]

[Karkat continues that careful attitude now, adding each part with a steady hand to keep from spilling it. Flour mixture, milk, flour, milk again. And with Gamzee's good mixing, they should all add just fine.]

[420]

[Gamzee keeps up with the mixing until everything is mixed into a smooth, nice looking mixture. Then he pauses his whisking for a moment to pop a finger into the bowl, licking the batter off of his finger. Okay. That tastes nice.]

[bethehugejerk]

[Pap!]

No putting your fingers in it, we need that. Now, we need to divide it into... [Check.] Six bowls, it says. Evenly.

[Which he goes to get, setting them out in a row so that Gamzee can do that part.]

[420]

Gotta fuckin' get your taste on, bro. How else are you all gonna be in the motherfuckin' know if this shit will up and be turning into a real good miracle?

[He'll get to dumping the batter into the bowls though. It is... more or less evenly.]

[bethehugejerk]

[Eyeroll.] No more than that, alright?

[He checks the bowls after him, sometimes adding from one to another until he is personally satisfied with their evenness.]

Now we need to add the coloring to each. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, in that order.

[420]

[He can't promise that. He loves putting his fingers into things.

Gamzee picks through their ingredients, finally unearthing the food dye, staring at it as if he is amazed.]

Fuck, man. You know I weren't even all in the fuckin' know for miracles like this all getting their exist on.


[Alternia is not much known for dying its food happy cheerful colours.]

[bethehugejerk]

[Unless it's made from dead grubs, but that's more by nature than design.]

Humans are rainbowphiles or something. I don't know why they thought of it and I don't really care, either.

[He motions at the first bowl.]

I'm not sure how much to add, so put in a little and stir, then keep going until it looks right. And hand me some of those, it'll go faster if we both work at it.

[420]

Aight.

[He snags up the red to get down to business here. Gonna make it the best motherfuckin' red too. Karkat red! Which... well, is the best motherfuckin' red.]

[bethehugejerk]

[It's a bit strange watching Gamzee go and make food that exact shade of red. A bit unnerving, really. But it's food, just food, a cake, no blood or anything in it, all celebration. With that in mind he takes up the last bowl, picking out the right colors to mix in. Something purplish, but... he adds some blue, and before long the batter is looking distinctly indigo.]

[420]

[Gamzee totally notices that indigo shade there, bro. His arms still full of batter bowl and mixing equipment, he instead opts for lowering his head enough to give Karkat an affectionate head bump, before he focused on his red mixture again. Eventually, once he is certain it is in fact the best shade of Karkat-red, he sets it aside for a new bowl and a fresh colour. Time to mix some awesome Nepeta green if he can manage it.]

[bethehugejerk]

[For the head bump, Karkat sticks out his tongue. You can't say it's not appropriate for the top and bottom layers to be their colors, if they're the ones making this cake for Lily. But when Gamzee goes to make one of the bowls the same green as Nepeta, he comes up with another shade, himself. He takes another bowl (once the indigo is evenly mixed) and sets to making it Sollux yellow.]

[420]

[Which, all in all, leaves only blue and orange to cover. Gamzee grabs one of the two remaining bowls and the blue food colour, going to town with it, obviously aiming for a nice dark shade of Equius b100 blue.

When they will be finished this cake will be like eating a rainbow of friends.

Freaky.

Yet delicious.]

[bethehugejerk]

[That leaves the orange for him to mix. He takes up the bowl and thinks... And well. Not much other option. After some experimenting with colors, it becomes clear that this one will be Tavros's shade, which is a bit more peanut butter- or chocolate-hued than orange. Considering the other option was Vriska's god tier sweatsuit, something more drab isn't such a loss.]

There. Now we need to get the pans ready, then we can pour these in and bake them.